Horror Movie Talk

• The Conjuring: Last Rites Review

  Synopsis Paranormal Investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren played by Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga think they are retired from ghost busting, but just when you think you’re out, the demons pull you back in. The Smurl family in Pennsylvania start experiencing malevolent supernatural happenings after the grandfather gives a terrible birthday gift to the second oldest daughter. A broken mirror. Gee thanks Grandpa. The hauntings ramp up and soon it is apparent that a demon is infesting the house. The Warrens reluctantly engage with the Smurls and soon find out that the demon has actually lured them into a trap.  Review of The Conjuring: Last Rights This is the ninth installment in the Conjuring Universe films, 11th if you include Wolves at the Door and Curse of La Llarona. In my opinion, if you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all. That’s not to say that this movie is bad. This movie along with all the other conjuring movies is competently made, maintains a consistent style, and has good acting. My criticism is that like the other films, this one prioritizes atmosphere and technique over substance. A beef I have with these movies is that they all suffer from what I call spooky house syndrome, where every house is dimly lit with 25 watt bulbs, and is suffering from a concerning amount of mold damage and electrical problems. Are they trying to scare us with ghosts or the horrors of home ownership? Similarly, the script is competent, but surface level. I can’t tell you anything about the personalities of any of the characters outside of the tired tropes of “the protective father”, and the “brat sister”.  What the film does well is display some of the most professional turning around acting I’ve ever seen. After four films as Lorraine Warren, Vera Farmiga has perfected the art of slowly turning her head for effect. It works so well at establishing the tension that they do it about 178 times in this film. The film makers know you are coming for tension and jump scares, so that’s what they prioritize here. There are some really great scenes of creepy dolls, whispered voices, and foreboding darkness that are masterclasses in technique. However they are all interchangeable and do little to move the story forward other than just increase the intensity.  Score 6/10

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• Pearl Review

  Synopsis In this prequel to X, we get the origin story of Pearl. Pearl is a young woman who lives on her parents' farm while her husband is away fighting in World War 1. Pearl is miserable on the farm and dreams of running away, and maybe even becoming a famous dancer. But the truth is, life is hard, and Peark quickly learns that it's a dog-eat-dog world and no one seems to care if she ever fulfills her dreams or not. The only thing that matters on the farm in 1918 is survival, and seeking happiness is far down the list of priorities, such as working for the next meal, avoiding the deadly Spanish flu, and taking care of those around you. This slowly drives Pearl into insanity, which I dont count as a spoiler because we already know she is full-blown bananas from the first film. Review of Pearl The full title of the movie is Pearl: and X-traordinary origin story. This is Ti West's second entry into the X series, so if you haven't already seen X, you might want to see that first for context. This is my favorite movie in the X trilogy. While I liked X, this one just feels more fun, and it is leagues better than whatever Maxxine was supposed to be. Pearl is a much more stylized film, calling back to horror films like the Universal monster movies from the early to mid-1900s with its intro, music, and acting style. It's really fun to see this type of movie made in modern times, and I hope that we can see more movies like this in the future. Score 7/10

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• City of the Living Dead (1980) Review

  Synopsis When a small town catholic priest commits suicide, he apparently opens a gate to hell. Elsewhere a young psychic predicts the resulting apocalypse of the dead rising from the grave, and she promptly dies. Did I say she dies? Just kidding, a reporter finds her alive in a graveyard. They travel to the small town she saw in the vision named Dunwich, and team up with another couple and… do things?  Review of City of the Living Dead (1980) What is there to say about City of the Living Dead that hasn’t already been said by wacky mad libs? It feels like someone with attention deficit disorder and short term memory loss was tasked with making a horror movie, and made it up as they went along. Even the title is a misnomer, at most this is a village or hamlet of the living dead. If you find yourself asking what is going on, rest assured that you will not find answers by the end. I’m sure if you asked Lucio Fulci to explain, you’d get some hand wavy explanation that would mention H.P. Lovecraft, the Salem Witch trial, and Heresy against god. The impression is that making sense is not a large concern for this film, this is more of a strap in and enjoy the ride film. Along the way you will be treated by some surprisingly good practical effects including bleeding from the eyes, lots of smashed brains, and a drill press through the jaw.  I can’t say that it held my rapt attention, but it did have some good moments. This is a great movie to watch with friends, preferably under the influence of some kind of substance. In my case sitting alone, sober, watching this movie as an assignment from patrons, It was not super enjoyable. Score 3/10

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• The Hills Have Eyes (1977) Review

  Synopsis When a family takes a road trip looking for a fun and exciting vacation in sunny California, they find themselves off the beaten path and searching for a main road. Things spiral out of control when military jets fly overhead, startling the family and causing the vehicle and the trailer it pulls to crash in the middle of nowhere. As the sun sets, the family splits up to find a way to call for help, but danger may be lurking just around the hills.  Review of The Hills Have Eyes (1977) This was my first time watching the original The Hills Have Eyes. I had already seen the 2006 remake, which surprisingly stays true to the story and content of the original very well. However, it's hard to beat the charm and originality of the 1977 version directed by Wes Craven. This movie is dark, gritty, and tugs at your nerves from almost every conceivable angle. As a father of a one-year-old, the terror felt by the young couple caring for their baby was palpable to me, and it genuinely made me feel ill at times. But you may be saying, “Max, I'm not a young parent to a baby, will this movie still apply to me?” Well, that depends. Do you care about dogs? Cause if the answer is yes, you will probably still feel on the edge of your seat with worry the whole time. This movie pulls no punches, attacking the family dynamic from all sides. No one is safe, and all shots are below the belt.  Score 8/10

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• Weapons Review

  Synopsis When seventeen children from the same classroom run out of their homes in the middle of the night and vanish without a trace, a city is in ruin trying to pick up the pieces and figure out how this happened, where the children have gone to, who could have orchestrated such a thing, and why this occurred.  Review This film is mind blowing. I absolutely loved Cregger’s Barbarian, he did something unique and subverted all expectations in his 2022 horror hit so this film was one of my most anticipated of this year, and it did not let me down. I was deeply moved by the end of it, and if I wasn’t in a full theater, I would have let the tears flow. I loved this film. It made me really sad. The way this story is told through its individual characters’ experiences instead of chronologically works in its favor, and as we get more into the stories of our main characters, the horrors of this story unfold in shocking, brutal, and unexpected ways. I am shook to my core more than I thought I would be. I was almost catatonic leaving the theater, relying on my muscle memory to get me back to my car while I pondered the events of the film. This is a poignant and relevant story about the state of this country, about our lack of community, our lack of care for our children and for each other. It shows us the butterfly effect of thoughtless actions and unwillingness to protect one another and how that leads to the destruction of family, love, and the collective. Our community will fail if we continue to turn a blind eye, if we continue to fail each other, and fail our children. The call is coming from inside the house. As if those themes aren’t horrifying enough, there is one particular jumpscare that got me and my entire theater. There’s great gore, and also some great comic relief in an otherwise melancholy film. The acting is great, especially from Cary Christopher (who played the little kid Alex). I loved this movie. No notes. And if you are struggling with what this movie is truly about, there is quite literally a house-sized AK-47 thirty minutes into the movie to remind you. Score 10/10

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