Talking To Teens: Expert Tips for Parenting Teenagers

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Ep 322: Communication Skills for Parents and Teens
Michael Chad Hoeppner, author of Don't Say Um, joins us to share speaking tips for parents and teens, focusing on effective communication techniques and how delivery can enhance dialogue.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show NotesCrafting the right message for teens is only half the battle when it comes to effective communication. Striking a balance between content and delivery can significantly impact how teens absorb what we’re trying to say. As parents, we often stress over the precise words to use, focused on the content, and inadvertently overlook the power of speech delivery. How we speak, not just what we say, can be critical in ensuring our message resonates and leaves a lasting imprint on our teenagers.For many parents, navigating the conversational minefields of adolescence can be daunting. The fear of being tuned out or misinterpreted adds to the pressure of an already rigorous parenting task. While teenagers are known to push boundaries, leaving us to harp on the things they shouldn’t be doing, there’s a compelling case for focusing less on prohibitions and more on fostering positive dialogue. In today’s fast-paced world, ripe with distractions, honing the art of effective speech can be a game-changer in our interactions.To help us deepen our understanding of this topic, we turn to Michael Chad Hoeppner, author of the new book Don’t Say Um. Michael is an expert in speech coaching, working with high-profile individuals from presidential candidates to CEOs. He aims to transform how we view and execute communication, moving us away from focusing on filler words and towards what he calls "linguistic precision." Throughout his work, he advocates for positive communication strategies that can be transformative in both personal and professional realms, and he’s here to share some of these insights with us.The Mystery of 'Um'Although refraining from using filler words like "um" might seem trivial, Michael shows us how avoiding them can enhance clarity and precision. Instead of harping on the use of such words, the book encourages us to pivot to linguistic accuracy, which means encouraging effective and thoughtful word choices. This approach can empower parents to communicate more efficiently with teenagers, focusing on the richness of content rather than its distractions.Michael emphasizes how vital this strategy is not only in improving parent-teen dialogue but also as a lesson in better communicative habits for teens. As he describes, creating a more positive speech environment can challenge both parents and teens to engage more actively and meaningfully in conversations.Practical Tools for Everyday ConversationsMichael shares a variety of exercises designed to sharpen articulation and delivery, including unexpected but effective techniques such as the "cork exercise." By utilizing methods like these, both parents and teens can learn to articulate better, making each conversation more impactful. Michael and I also delve into how these rituals improve not just speaking habits, but can also inspire personal growth and confidence.He insists that parents—by demonstrating their own willingness to improve communication skills—serve as powerful role models for their teenagers. This leads to an empowering cycle where teens are encouraged to improve their expressiveness and feel more confident in their communication.Raising Confident CommunicatorsAn essential element of effective communication is confidence, but as Michael notes, projecting confidence doesn't always require feeling confident. By addressing the distinction between communication content and delivery, parents and teens can build a foundation of confidence that empowers them in various social situations. Michael stresses the importance of focusing on what you can control—like breathing, posture, and other techniques, which can lend anyone more control over how confident they appear.Communicating with teens isn’t just about delivering information; it’s about creating memorable, impactful interactions. Michael helps illustrate the importance of confronting nervousness in ways that don’t shy away from, but rather embrace the body's natural reactions to stress and excitement. This emphasis not only builds stronger communicators but also fosters important emotional intelligence.In the Episode…Michael shares a wealth of insights on:Exercises to enhance clarity and articulationTechniques for managing vocal tendencies like "vocal fry"Strategies for using physical posture to improve presence and persuasionTactics to encourage authentic self-expression in teenagersIf you’d like to delve deeper into perfecting communication with your teen, this episode is a must-listen. Check out the free chapter on dontsayum.com and don't forget to subscribe to Talking to Teens for more enlightening discussions!Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok
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23:38
Ep 321: Tips for Teenage People Pleasing
Amy Wilson, author of Happy to Help, joins us to discuss the complexities of people pleasing, her personal journey of overcoming it, and strategies for teaching teens to listen to their own voice and set healthy boundaries.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show NotesAs parents, we want to raise teens who are confident, grounded in their values, and capable of standing up for themselves—even when it's difficult. Yet in a world that often rewards people-pleasing behavior, teaching our teens to cultivate authenticity can be a tricky endeavor. From a young age, many individuals are socialized to put others' needs before their own, ignore their inner voice, and aim to please. The challenge for caregivers lies in guiding teenagers to embrace their own desires and make decisions based on their personal truths, even when faced with societal pressures to conform.This is the backdrop of today's discussion, as we delve into the nuances of people pleasing and the importance of empowering teens to connect with their inner voices. Our guest, Amy Wilson, an actor, writer, podcaster, and author of Happy to Help: Adventures of a People Pleaser, shares her journey from an eighth-grade people pleaser to a conscious parent teaching her children the value of self-advocacy. Amy brings a wealth of experience, not only from her own life but from hosting the podcast What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood.Throughout the episode, Amy emphasizes the role of parents in modeling boundary setting and advocating for personal wants and needs. She reflects on the importance of letting kids experience natural consequences and the discomfort of unmet expectations to encourage problem-solving skills and personal growth.The Consequences of Over-RemindingOne common struggle shared by parents is the habitual reminder—a seemingly well-intentioned effort to guide teens through their obligations can sometimes backfire. When reminders become incessant, teenagers may develop resistance or rely on their parents for motivation, detracting from their sense of responsibility and autonomy. Amy openly discusses her own struggles and how she has navigated this territory with her children, offering valuable insights on striking a balance between gentle guidance and fostering independence.Eighth Grade Diaries and Emotional IntensityAmy also takes us on a nostalgic journey through her eighth-grade diary entries, which she uses as a lens to explore adolescent self-awareness and emotional experiences. This segment highlights the significance of strong emotions and first-time experiences during young adolescence, encouraging parents to validate their teens' feelings while providing the perspective that comes with age and maturity.Tackling Perfectionism and Gender ExpectationsA notable theme in Amy's discussion is perfectionism, specifically the concept of socially prescribed perfectionism imposed by societal standards. This pressure is particularly pertinent to the expectations placed on women and girls, and Amy eloquently addresses how parents can combat these external pressures by reinforcing their teens' intrinsic worth and personal boundaries.As we explore these themes, Amy shares anecdotes from her experiences—both personal and as a parent—alongside actionable strategies for helping teenagers honor their authentic selves. In the Episode…Join the conversation as we uncover:The importance of providing teens with space to fail and learn from mistakes.How to identify and combat people-pleasing tendencies in yourself and your teens.Strategies for breaking the cycle of responding to social expectations.Ways to empower teens to articulate and pursue their true desires.Amy Wilson's episode is a deep dive into the realm of people pleasing and the crucial skills parents can foster to help teens lead authentic, self-assured lives. Tune in to share some laughs and gain insights that bridge the gap between generational boundaries. Don't forget to subscribe for more enlightening conversations on Talking to Teens!Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok
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24:28
Ep 320: Lessons in Self-Worth for Teens
Ellen Hendriksen, author of How to Be Enough, delves into the nuances of perfectionism, how it affects teens, and offers guidance on fostering self-acceptance while maintaining drive and ambition.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show NotesIn a world where teens are striving to excel in grades, sports, arts, and social standing, societal pressure and self-imposed standards can frequently lead to a feeling of inadequacy. Many teenagers, despite achieving great things, grapple with the invisible weight of not being "enough." As parents and mentors, it's crucial to comprehend this ongoing "silent epidemic" of perfectionism that threatens to undermine their self-worth.Our guest today, Dr. Ellen Hendriksen, provides an enlightening take on this pervasive issue. A reputable clinical psychologist and author, Ellen's latest book, How to Be Enough, explores the intricate dance between striving for excellence and recognizing innate worth. Whether you identify as a perfectionist or are raising one, this episode is rich with insights that illuminate the road to self-acceptance.Ellen explains how perfectionism, often seen as a quest for flawlessness, is actually a misdirected convincing that one is never truly enough. Yet, it’s not all bad. She points out the positive side of conscientiousness—when drive turns into relentless self-criticism, though, that's when perfectionism becomes unhealthy. In our conversation, we gauge how to identify when this line is crossed.The Perfectionism PendulumPerfectionism doesn’t just show up; it has roots, be it familial, societal, or personal predispositions. The discussion digs into patterns in family dynamics, such as anxious rearing and contingent love that may unknowingly perpetuate high-stakes environments for teens. Ellen unpacks how these environments can entrench the belief that self-worth is earned, not given.For parents of adolescents, recognizing how perfectionism manifests during these formative years can offer insights into what it means to provide unconditional love—emphasizing love independent of achievement.Supporting Exploration Over PerfectionEllen reminds us that adolescence is a time of exploration. Teens can feel trapped in a cycle of sticking only to what they excel at, driven by external praise and a need for validation. This episode emphasizes the importance of supporting your child in breaking free from this mold, encouraging them to try new things without fear of judgment, and valuing the process over the outcome.Using Values to Overcome CriticismShifting focus from labels to values can be a solid strategy for overcoming self-critical thoughts and preserving self-worth. Instead of defining oneself by arbitrary or external standards, teens and adults alike can cultivate a life driven by values. A focus on personal growth and learning rather than fulfilling rigid expectations can pave the way for a healthier mindset.Fostering Warmth and RelationshipsFinally, the episode underscores the significance of warmth and connection over sheer competence. Ellen advises that fostering sincere relationships requires emphasizing kindness and intention over an endless pursuit of correctness, often the hiding place of perfectionism. This principle resounds through both family interactions and broader social connections, fostering a healthier community atmosphere for teens.In the Episode...My discussion with Ellen Hendriksen was as insightful as it was reassuring. Among the fascinating concepts explored in this episode, we also cover:The difference between healthy and unhealthy perfectionismHow gender roles play into adolescent perfectionismStrategies to shift from rigid to flexible thinkingSpecific steps parents can take to support self-acceptance in teensTo delve deeper into these life-changing insights and more, check out How to be Enough and visit Ellen's website at ellenhendriksen.com. Don’t forget to share this episode and subscribe for more thought-provoking discussions. Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok
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23:03
Ep 319: How to Truly Support Your Teen
Chinwe Williams, author of Seen, joins us to discuss how parents can truly connect with and support their teenagers by understanding their emotional needs and fostering a growth mindset.If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Full Show NotesParenting teenagers in today’s world is a challenge that many find daunting. The teenage years are fraught with turbulence, from the storm of emotional changes to academic pressure and growing responsibilities. As parents, it’s easy to feel like we’re navigating deep waters without a map. We want to be there for our teens, guiding them through their struggles and helping them build resilience. But, sometimes our well-intentioned advice seems to miss the mark, leaving both sides frustrated.This episode addresses a core issue that many parents face—making their teens feel truly seen. Adolescents deal with a host of issues that make them feel invisible or misunderstood. They struggle with anxiety, battle societal expectations, and often encounter mixed messages in their environments. By ensuring that they are ‘seen’, parents can provide critical support. Enter Dr. Chinwe Williams, counselor, educator, and author of the book "Seen". Chinwe dives into the pivotal role of meaningful connections between parents and teenagers. During our discussion, Chinwe emphasizes creating an environment where teens feel heard and appreciated—not just for their accomplishments, but for their unique selves. By validating their feelings and fostering an authentic relationship, parents can help teens recognize their self-worth and develop confidence.In this episode, Chinwe shares her own journey into the realm of adolescent counseling and outlines the essence of her book "Seen". She delves into practical strategies for connecting with teenagers, underscoring the importance of fostering a safe space for them to express themselves. We explore various themes including:The Importance of Being SeenChinwe discusses the foundational understanding that young people need someone who knows them beyond their academic or extracurricular accolades. By providing genuine care and displaying interest in their lives, parents and mentors can powerfully impact a teenager's sense of self-worth. Chinwe shares some touching real-life stories, illustrating these concepts.Speaking Life: Encouraging PositivityThe concept of "Speaking Life" involves positively affirming a teen's abilities and potential. Chinwe advises parents to be specific when they praise their children, focusing on authentic character traits, effort, and resilience, rather than empty compliments. Parental Responses that May HarmSometimes, in our attempts to comfort or advise our kids, we inadvertently dismiss their feelings or respond in ways that may increase their distress. Chinwe highlights the importance of avoiding invalidating statements and explains how approaches like shaming, labeling, and dismissing can be detrimental. Instead, she advocates for acknowledging and validating teens' experiences to nurture trust and communication.Understanding and Reshaping Negative ThoughtsThroughout the discussion, we delve into techniques for helping teenagers manage negative thought patterns. Using the THINK methodology, Chinwe outlines how teens can critically examine and reframe their thoughts, promoting healthier mental states and fostering resilience in the face of challenges.Addressing Dark ThoughtsIn her book, Chinwe provides insights on how to tackle one of the most serious issues: suicidal thoughts. This section offers parents critical guidance on responding with empathy and obtaining the right support for their teens.In the Episode...Our conversation with Chinwe is packed with practical advice and heartfelt reflections on supporting teenagers. On top of these topics, we explore: The neuroscience behind why emotional support is crucial Strategies to reduce anxiety and promote a growth mindset How to engage in meaningful conversations with teens The role of non-biological mentors in a teen's lifeIf you’re ready to dive deeper into these concepts and enrich your communication with your teenager, don’t miss this episode. Reach out to Chinwe Williams on her website or Instagram for more valuable insights. Thanks for tuning in! Don’t forget to subscribe, and we’ll see you next week.Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok
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25:48
Ep 318: Empowering Sobriety in Teens
If you've enjoyed Talking to Teens, we'd love if you could leave us a five-star rating, and if you have time, a review! Claudia Black, author of Your Recovery, Your Life for Teens, joins us to discuss emotional literacy, the power of community in recovery, and how parents can break enabling patterns to support their teens' journey to sobriety.Adolescence is a turbulent time, with teens often encountering overwhelming emotions and difficult life choices. For some, substances like alcohol and drugs become a crutch, a misguided attempt to handle the tumultuous world around them. The complexities of addiction at such a young age can be particularly daunting, both for the teens embroiled in substance use and for the parents striving to help them find their way out.The challenges of navigating a teen’s journey from substance use to recovery are multifaceted. At its core, successful recovery involves unraveling the emotions that drive the behavior. Why do teens choose substances? Often it’s a matter of emotional choice; they're seeking belonging, escape from pain, or the comfort of numbness. When parents step back, they might find they are inadvertently enabling these escape routes, rather than challenging their teen to face and manage the real issues.Enter Claudia Black, a seasoned expert in adolescent and family recovery. With a career spanning 45 years in residential treatment and pioneering research on children from addictive family systems, Claudia is the author of Your Recovery, Your Life for Teens. Her book serves as a workbook, filled with exercises that encourage self-discovery and emotional engagement, paving the way for a clean and fulfilling life.Discovering Emotional LiteracyUnderpinning Claudia's approach is the concept of emotional literacy – understanding and processing emotions without resorting to substances. Adolescents often harbor significant shame and secrecy surrounding their behavior, fearing disappointment from their parents. Claudia emphasizes addressing these emotions constructively to cultivate self-worth and align with personal values, a theme we explore in-depth on today’s show.To guide teens through this emotionally-charged landscape, Claudia's exercises encourage them to identify and acknowledge their feelings, breaking down the barriers of shame and secrecy. She introduces techniques for teens to manage their emotions without resorting to substance use—empowering them to transform behavioral patterns fundamentally.Building a Supportive CommunityEssential to recovering from substance use is community. Claudia shares insights on how communal experiences in recovery settings, where young people can meet peers facing similar challenges, help instill a belief that life can indeed be different—and better. These powerful connections often motivate teens to embrace change and build healthier lifestyles.Parental Involvement and EducationParents play a crucial role in their child's recovery journey. Claudia discusses how parents must adopt new strategies, aligning their support with the therapist's guidance and confronting enabling behaviors. Understanding addiction’s impact on the brain, recognizing patterns, and utilizing leverage without resorting to fear-based tactics are keys to breaking destructive cycles and fostering genuine change.Unmasking the True SelfIn her book, Claudia also details how to unmask those secretive layers that often accompany addiction. By discerning the underlying emotions and addressing the shame associated with secrets, teens can learn to navigate life more transparently and authentically, resulting in long-term recovery.In the Episode...Throughout our discussion, Claudia provides a wealth of knowledge for parents and teens alike. She highlights:Methods for teens to connect with their emotions safelyStrategies for parents to support recovery without enablingThe importance of aligning parental roles and understanding individual dynamicsInsights into breaking generational cycles of addictionIf you're confronting the challenges of teen substance use, this conversation offers vital guidance. To learn more about Claudia's work, check out Your Recovery, Your Life for Teens on Amazon, or visit her website at claudiablack.com. Thanks for tuning in—don’t forget to subscribe and share! Follow us on Social Media! We're @talkingtoteens on Instagram and TikTok
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23:14