What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles.

Why do formerly-sunny kids turn overnight into little tornadoes of defiance and aggression? A listener posted this question in our Facebook group:

My four-year-old daughter has recently developed a special, defiant, boundary-testing, aggressive version of herself that she saves only for me. I can’t make sense of it at all. WFH, send help!

In this episode, we explain why

these sudden onsets of periods of dysregulation are completely normal

almost every kid will go through this—and a lot of four-year-olds, although not they do not have exclusive ownership of this sort of behavior

and why most kids alternate between periods of regulation and dysregulation repeatedly as they grow and mature.

These difficult stretches don't mean you're doing anything wrong as a parent. They don't mean you need to lock everything down because your kid will be a tornado forever. But they also don't mean mean you need to become the 24/7 punching bag for your dysregulated kid. Here's what to do instead.

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

Rebecca Onion for Slate: ⁠Why These Child Psych Books From the 1980s Are All Over Parenting Facebook Groups Today⁠

Allana Robinson for Mom Halo: ⁠Here's why your 4 year old's behaviour is out of control⁠

Uncommon Sense Parenting with Allana Robinson: ⁠What Exactly Is Stress?⁠

Louise Bates Ames: ⁠Your Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful⁠

Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year!

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do ordinary sounds like chewing, slurping, or pen-tapping trigger intense averse reactions in some people? And what does a parent do when it's her own kid screaming at her for having a case of the sniffles?

Clinical psychologist Dr. Thomas W. Phelan, author of STOP THAT CHEWING! joins Amy to explain the neurophysiological underpinnings of misophonia, why it can be so difficult for sufferers and their families, and how to stop this involuntary response from completely disrupting your family life.

Dr. Phelan and Amy discuss:

Why anxiety, OCD, ARFID, and other neurological manifestations often accompany misophonia

Why siblings and parents (especially fathers) are most likely to be triggers

The impact of misophonia on relationships, school, work, and social life

Practical ways to manage misophonia triggers and work towards sustainable solutions

Here's where you can find Dr. Phelan:

https://www.123magic.com

https://stopthatchewing.com

Buy STOP THAT CHEWING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798995697824

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why does it feel harder than ever to get together with our friends? Why does every "we should hang out soon!" in a group text feel destined to peter out before it actually happens?

In this episode, we explore the modern “friendship recession" that started during the pandemic and hasn't changed back.

We discuss:

the surprising finding that the quantity of one's friendships matters at least as much as the quality

how to set the bar for in-person gatherings a little lower

why having three old friends is good, but bringing new people in migh be even better

practical ways to build more connection into everyday life

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

Kathleen Walsh for The Cut: "I Should Be Allowed to Cold-Call My Friends”

Erica Pandey for Axios: Americans of all ages are spending less time socializing

Derek Thompson for The Atlantic: The Anti-Social Century

Russell Contreras for Axios: 15,000 churches could close this year amid religious shift in U.S.

Daniel A. Cox for Survey Center on American Life blog: Yes, Having More Friends is Better

Daniel A. Cox for Survey Center on American Life newsletter:
America’s “Friendship Recession” Is Weakening Civic Life

H.K. Collins, et. al. for the Proceedings of the Natural Academy of Sciences: Relational diversity in social portfolios predicts well-being

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables.

Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year!

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles.

SHOULD we yell at our kids? No. Do we? Yes. Some of us perhaps a little too often. Kids are hardwired to push our buttons to get attention, and none of us are saints. But while verbal abuse is definitely horrible, hollering “you are about to miss the bus again” is perhaps a little more forgivable—and fixable, as it turns out. And it is definitely better to yell less, not just because you’ll have a more peaceful home, but because the more yelling your household has in it, the more it is likely to have.

In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss:

Why yelling at your kids might not be as universally toxic as some headlines have claimed

Why yelling is, in the end, ineffective

Why finding workarounds for the sources of tension might be a more effective path to change than berating yourself for (once again) having raised your voice

Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode:

⁠Our Fresh Take with Carla Naumburg⁠

⁠Our Fresh Take with Emily Edlynn⁠

Lisa Belkin for NYT: ⁠Can Yelling at Your Kids Be Good?⁠

Sue Shellenbarger for WSJ: ⁠Talking to Your Kids After You Yell⁠

Ming-Te Wang and Sarah Kenny in the Journal of the Society for Research in Child Development: ⁠Longitudinal Links Between Fathers’ and Mothers’ Harsh Verbal Discipline and Adolescents’ Conduct Problems and Depressive Symptoms⁠

Dr. Emily Edlynn for Psychology Today: ⁠The Truth About Parents Who Yell at Kids⁠

Stephen Marche for NYT: ⁠Why You Should Stop Yelling at Your Kids⁠

Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year!

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠

What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if being a comedian is kind of great for most things, but not so much for parenthood? We talk with Sona Movsesian, co-host of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend and author of the new book THE WORLD'S WORST MOM, about mom guilt, the mental load, and what becoming a mother taught her about her relationship with her own mom.

We discuss:

why Sona calls herself the “World's Worst Mom”

the special fresh hell of twin boys

how you see your mom differently as soon as you become one

Here's where you can find Sona:

@sonamov on IG

Buy THE WORLD'S WORST MOM: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798217046706

Listen to the "Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend" podcast

Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year!

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:

⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices