Football Cliches

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are the coolest way to hold a football, football's ongoing misunderstanding of the "instep", a ubiquitous three-word punditry prefix and having to listen to people describing their Sunday League goals.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel welcome Rodri to the exclusive club of players who have "completed football".

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker, Nick Miller and Jake Farrell. On the agenda: a cultural review of the gruelling watch that was the World Cup final, the merits of Ferran Torres' winning goal, England's absurd third-place playoff glory, Jude Bellingham's niche statistical triumph, Cole Palmer gets on the wrong side of Graeme Souness, one listener's highly unnecessary concept of a secondary World Cup plate competition, Premier League referees spotted at weddings and, to wrap up the tournament summer, the Pure World Cup 2026 XI.

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a cultural review of England 1 Argentina 2, finding anything remotely unfamiliar about England's latest major-tournament exit, gauging the enthusiasm levels for the "FIFA Bronze Final", the valuable freshness of a Spain vs Argentina final, anticipating Tom Cruise's contribution to the half-time show, filthy-sounding World Cup demonym usages, and dinosaur fossil prices finally catch up with football transfer fees.

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: a cultural review of the montage-resistant grind of England 2 Norway 1, Thomas Tuchel vs Gabriel Clarke, the prospect of Vindaloo as the soundtrack to this year's John Lewis Christmas advert, ITV's Mark Pougatch talks tactics, revisiting England 3 Argentina 2 (2005), Joe Cole’s stance on the pyramids of Egypt, and kit-man transfer news.

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Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the enjoyable chaos of Argentina vs Egypt, the exact noise Javier Aguirre made to Anthony Gordon, co-commentators with Alan Shearer's voice, a listener's very niche World Cup spreadsheet, the evergreen haplessness of centre-backs in penalty shootouts, the international managerial merry-go-round and the threshold for a "lungbusting" run.

Play the Happy Hunting Grounds daily quiz at games.footballcliches.com

Sign up for Dreamland, the members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive show and much more: dreamland.footballcliches.com

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