Total Playtime

Total Playtime is now the official Jank podcast, and is produced through the munificence of our paying subscribers (and formerly our backers on Patreon). This week’s episode is free, but subscribers get additional episodes every other week. You may join them by subscribing here, and you can find all previous episodes here. 

This week we started recording mere hours after Xbox started firing people, so we didn’t have the full despair reserves to draw on but we managed to discuss it anyway. We also mourned the loss of the corporeal, as represented by Sony’s announcement they’re ceasing disc production, and celebrated the spiritual, as represented by Alice’s potentially magical waspman. 

There’s also an exclusive tease of an upcoming Jank article, and it’s right at the start so you don’t even have to keep listening – although of course you should because there’s so much to learn here about Nate discovering horny Marvel artwork. Plus: getting vouched for by a non-naughty priest, drinking a pint of wasps, piracy for the greater good, wholesome role models for 40-year-old men having feelings, and giggle-based social deduction. 

Our music is by God Ribbon, our editing is by Alix Attenborough, and our art is by Marsh Davies - and now freshly updated to add a tiny image of Brendy to your pod-listening device. Thanks to our backers on Patreon and Jank for enabling the podcast to exist. You can send feedback and your own preferred social insect suggestions to totalplaytimepod@gmail.com, or simply comment on this article. 

Links!
The 'Physical' edition of GTAVI costs £70 and won't have a disc. Bees are worshipped in Manchester. Schism! Schism! Schism!  Hit Points on GTA 6. Nick Harkway’s Angelmaker.  Sony are discontinuing dics. Unfortunately Sony also want you to know that you don't own digital things. Xbox has the chance to do the funniest thing ever, if they weren't still busy deciding who to fire. What fate our games? Arkane has the benefit of formidablé employment legislation so their future is uncertain. You can’t fire Ted Gill because he quit, and the Subnautica devs are all getting a bonus because the Krafton CEO took legal advice from ChatGPT. When Captain America swings his mighty dick. Brendy reviewed Wall-E (2008). Crate and Crowbar discussed 007 First Light. Here is Nirvana The Band The Show singing game titles to the Wii shop music.

Games!
Hot Wheels Unlimited. 007 First Light. Wall-E. Meccha Chameleon. Prop Hunt. 

Recommendations!
Nirvana The Band The Show The Movie. The Devils. Get a Raspberry Pi. The Drain Unblockers.

Total Playtime is a weekly podcast about PC games, formerly funded by Patreon and now part of Jank. This is a free episode, but premium episodes are published every two weeks and are only available to paying subscribers. You can join them over here.

The prodigal dad returns! Yes, Brendy finally got enough sleep to return to podcasting with his newly minted As A Father Of A Daughter viewpoint, meaning that we are now tied in a dead heat between parents and what I’ll generously call “free spirits”. 

There was too much news this week, to the point where we even snuck in some commentary about Kier Starmer. It’s only brief, though, as we move on to considering the social media ban and the associated elevated risk of teens becoming cool hackers, the head of AI who thinks generative AI is bullshit, and what was at the time the latest bad news for Xbox although characteristically they’ve pulled some more out since. 

Plus: the Steam Machine, Nate’s narc child, and please don’t touch my grass. Please ask your doctor if having a baby is right for you. Thanks to all the Patreon and Jank backers who made this happen, the podcast would not exist without you. Thanks also to Alix Attenborough for the editing, Marsh Davies for the art and God Ribbon for the music. Submit parenting advice of any quality to totalplaytimepod@gmail.com or in the comments below.

Links!

The UK is banning social media for under 16s and the gaming impact is somewhat unclear. Poncle are 'reviewing' their collab with Epic. The former head of Take Two's AI division says it's 'poisoning the well', and a bunch of game devs hate it. Ed Zitron has many thousands of words about why OpenAI is full of shit. Tommy Thonson covers the good AI in games. A superficial level look suggests an AI disclosure on your game means 60% fewer reviews. What happened at State of Unreal. Here’s GI.biz on rising genAI costs and what uses it actually has in game dev. The Steam Machine is pretty pricey but it’s okay, you can’t buy one anyway. Here’s James’ review. Valve probably wanted it to be $750 which it turns out is like £570. Claude Guillemot and Bobby Prince recently died. The Microsoft gaming closure rumours will continue until morale improves. Big John Valorant Pub Pop Up

Games!

Iron Nest and Beware of the Cartographer!

Recommendations!

Gelatelli Mini Sticks Double, The Pitt, The Bells of Westminster, For Whom The Spell Tolls, and Mr Beast’s Beef Lumps.

This week's episode is late, for which we apologise and blame Geoff Keighley because let's face it, he's the one pulling all the strings these days. Jonty was still sat in meeting rooms in LA when this episode was recorded and Brendy is still doing dad things, so it fell to Alice and Nate to judge the output of a week's worth of game showcases despite really wanting to just talk about their dogs instead.
Thankfully they were both able to struggle through in the face of, once again, entirely too many games. Thrill to Alice's judgement of Geoff Keighley's fashion choices, Nate's denunciation of the crippling lack of ambition in aquarium simulation, and collective theorising on gender division in circus skills. Plus: finally getting a plausible dinosaur survival game, Commander Riker Isolation, and collectibles for a WWI Lego game. Shout out the Pope, you da real Warhammer 40,000 (words).
This episode is free to all, but it only exists thanks to the generous backing of our Patreons and our partners on Jank.cool, to whom we are eternally grateful. Thanks also to God Ribbon for the music, Marsh Davies for the artwork and Alix Attenborough for the editing. If you are Games Methusula, present your receipts at totalplaytimepod@gmail.com.

Links!
You can find all the trailers on gamesrecap.io. Nate was referring to PC Gamer's guide to Total Warhammer 40k although if you're clicking that link post-release it'll be the review because of SEO. You can find the playable... experience of 1666: Amsterdam on Steam. Here's the pitch for Magicians: The Devil's Deal. Sega is using AI to make the new Crazy Taxi and they are not particularly bothered about it. She Was Such A Good Horse is a very good studio name, not that fussed about the game though.
Games!
Apple Crumble. 1666: Amsterdam. Star Trek: Shadow Frontier. Total War Warhammer 40,000. Alien Isolation 2. The Lost Wild. Metro 2039. Wife of War. Magicians: The Devil's Deal. Halo: Campaign Evolved. Crazy Taxi: World Tour. Bancho the Chef. Dave The Diver: In The Jungle. Vivarium. Hack '95. Pipes.exe. No Ghosts At The Grand. Dreadmoor. Prove You're Human. Shot One Fighters. The Wolf Among Us 2. Lego Batman: Legacy of the Dark Knight.
Recommendations!
King Arthur: History and Legend. Your Least Favourite Person's Favourite Book.

This week Alice and I gathered in hot rooms to have hot takes on the main news stories of the week, chiefly the end of Destiny (and perhaps the employment of many of its developers) and the start of the Disco Elysium sequels. We also attempted to understand the Warhammer Skulls Showcase without Nate to guide us, which didn't get very far but we are quite taken with playing as Skaven.

We've also been playing some games, reading some books, and watching daft videos on the internet, all of which we have curated for our discerning audience. You can get still more of this rare insight by backing the show on Patreon (or subscribing to Jank) which gets you two extra episodes a month, and means you join the hallowed ranks of those who make this podcast happen. If you're one of them, thanks: we got this hot for you.
Additional thanks to God Ribbon for the music, Marsh Davies for the artwork and Alix Attenborough for the editing. Please send things that aren't Disco Elysium takes to totalplaytimepod@gmail.com.
Links!
Penny Arcade was problematic because of the dickwolves. Bungie had this comic hanging in their lobby when Jonty visited in, god, 2013. Fond Destiny 2 memories by Nathan Brown and Dom Peppiatt. Rob Fahey on service games ending and The Final Shape. People are not okay about Zero Parades. Nic's review on Jank. Nate explained Warhammer for our Patrons last year. The hench chicken is in Project Windless. Brendy's review of My Summer Car. Jonty's Jank post about Mon Bazou.
Games!
Destiny 2, Disco Elysium, Zero Parades: For Dead Spies, Esoteric Ebb, Times and Galaxy. Mon Bazou. My Summer Car.
Recommendations!
The Princess Bride, Yesteryear, Auto Parts City.

I regret to say that we were unable to record a regular news episode this week. Everybody was away or ill or both, with the exception of Brendy who is a new parent and thus is going to be preoccupied, exhausted and/or covered in body excretions for the forseeable future.

To tide our regular listeners over, we are resurrecting a former Patreon-exclusive episode: Episode Q, which previously aired in October 2025. In it, Alice and I are once again bedeviled by Games Satan, and compelled to save a series of well-known videogame franchises from oblivion thanks to financial support driven by product placement. The twist is that Nate Games Satan chose the products, which lead to some previously unforseen partnerships between triple-A videogame brands and small-to-mid-size service companies in the West Midlands.

There is no way this sort of analysis would exist without the backing of our Patreon supporters, to whom we extend our gracious thanks. You can join them over on Patreon to unlock another year's worth of this sort of thing. Further thanks to Marsh Davies for the artwork, God Ribbon for the music and Alix Attenborough for the editing. Comments, questions, branding decks and spicy mashed potato recipes are all welcomed at totalplaytimepod@gmail.com; Alix recommends adding blended curry leaf, garlic, chilli flakes and coriander.

Patreon backers will be blessed with a new episode next week. For everybody else, we'll be back regarding the news on the 28th, shortly before Saint Geoff blesses us all with a bunch of new trailers at not-E3 in June.

Games!
Minecraft, Baldur's Gate 3, Elden Ring, The Witcher 3, Dark Souls, Mass Effect, Yakuza 0, Fallout New Vegas, Team Fortress 2.

Links!
Nate is the Honda City with optional Motocampo and Alice is the Honda Beat.

Recommendations!
The Mitchells Vs The Machines, The Tour De France: A Tale In Hotels, and The Puzzle Wood.
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