3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms

It's easy to notice when your marriage feels disconnected, but it's much harder to know what to actually do about it. And it's even harder to look at your own part in the dynamic instead of just wishing your partner would change.

This Valentine's Week, I'm bringing back one of my favorite conversations with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, a relationship and sexuality coach whose work has profoundly impacted my own marriage. In this encore episode, she shares three concrete, actionable things we can do right now to become better partners and strengthen our marriages.

In this episode, you'll learn:

💜 The one quality Dr. Jennifer looks for in a great partner (most of us avoid it, but it's what makes marriages actually work)

💜 Why how you handle disappointment matters more than compatibility

💜 What's really behind sexual disconnection—and it's not lack of desire

Dr. Jennifer has a gift for helping us see our blind spots without shame, and this conversation gave me concrete things I could actually do instead of just wishing things were different. While this episode won't hand you a perfect marriage, it will show you how to stop waiting for your spouse to change and start working on what you can actually control.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

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Announcements:

Dr. Jennifer's book That We Might Have Joy: Desire, Divinity and Intimate Love is now available. I listened to it on audio and then immediately ordered the paperback so I could mark it up. Grab it here.

I've created an entire playlist of relationship-focused episodes. Access it here.

Related Episodes:

342: Communicating to your Partner that Things Need to Change // Eli Harwood

222: How to Repair after a Fight with your Partner // Jocelyn and Aaron Freeman

223: Sex and Motherhood // Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

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Six weeks before I recorded this episode, I woke up early with my heart pounding so hard I couldn't ignore it. The house was dark, everything was quiet, and as I lay there thinking about the medication I was on, the surgeries I'd been through, the pace I'd been keeping, this thought came to me so clearly: This is my life. No one is going to fix this for me. I am the one who has to change this.

I was dealing with chronic health issues, and my body was forcing me to confront some hard truths about how I was living. That morning, I realized I couldn't keep pushing through and ignoring what my body was trying to tell me. So I did something that terrified me—I took a full month off from my podcast even though I had 40 people waiting to be guests.That was back in 2019, and I'm re-airing this episode now because I'm taking my own advice again. This time it's different—my health issues from 2019 have resolved, and I'm not in crisis mode. I'm pausing this February simply because I need space to breathe, think, and recalibrate. I'm not waiting for the summer chaos or for things to fall apart. I'm choosing rest before I need it desperately, and I want you to know that you can do the same.

In this episode, you'll learn:

🧘🏽‍♀️ Why waiting for the "right time" to rest might be the very thing keeping you stuck

🧘🏽‍♀️ The one realization that shifted everything about how I approach my responsibilities (hint: it starts with "I could...")

🧘🏽‍♀️ The three practical steps to taking a pause that actually restores you instead of just adding to your guilt

If you've been running on empty and telling yourself you'll rest later, this episode is your permission slip. You don't have to wait for a breakdown to take a break.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

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Announcements:

Need help figuring out what actually needs to stay in your life and what you can let go? My Motherhood Decluttered course helps you clear the mental and emotional clutter so you can focus on what truly matters. Learn more by clicking on the link.

Related Episodes:

441: The 4 Types of Self-Care Every Mom Needs // Mia Hemstad

437: Boundaries and Emotional Resilience in Motherhood // Dr. Jen Riday

320: Making Space for Self-Care: It Might Not Be As Hard As You Think // Dr. Nicole Sparks

Episode Sponsors:

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Hand Lettered Design: You can get 10% off your order at Hand Lettered Design with the code Rachel10 at checkout.

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If you have a strong-willed child, you know how much energy they require—and if you have other kids too, you've probably wondered what this dynamic is doing to their siblings. Are they getting lost in the shuffle? Will they resent their brother or sister? Will they resent you?

Many parents worry that their quieter child is fading into the background while the spicy one commands all the attention. And even though you're doing your best, it's hard to know how to protect all your kids when one requires so much more support.

In this week's episode, I talked with Mary Van Geffen, author of the brand new book Parenting A Spicy One: Raising a Strong-Willed Child Without Breaking Their Spirit or Yours. Mary brings both personal experience as a former spicy child herself and professional expertise as a parenting educator, and she teaches us how to navigate sibling relationships in a way that protects everyone—including the child you might not realize needs protecting.

In this episode, you'll learn:

🌶️ Why your "easy" child might be protecting you from their own needs (and what that quietly costs them as they grow up)

🌶️ What your spicy child secretly believes about themselves and their "perfect" sibling—and how it's hurting them both

🌶️ The Home Alone truth about strong-willed kids that changes everything (yes, Kevin McCallister is a spicy one, and we can learn from him)

Whether you have a spicy child or not, this conversation will shift how you think about sibling conflict and what it actually takes to protect the relationships between your kids.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

If you're raising a spicy child and want help finding the joy in those big personalities, the Flecks of Gold Journal helps you notice and celebrate what's going right—even on the hard days. Use code 3in30 for 10% off!

Related Episodes:

440: How to Parent Strong-Willed Children Without Breaking Their Spirit // Mary Van Geffen

452: You Yelled... Now What? How to Repair and Reconnect // Devon Kuntzman

332: How to Delight in Your Difficult Child

Episode Sponsors:

Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first set of sheets plus free shipping at BollAndBranch.com/3IN30.

Laundry Sauce: For a limited time only, my listeners get 20% off your entire order when you use code 3in30 at LaundrySauce.com.

Skylight Calendar: Right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15-inch calendars by going to MySkylight.com/TAKEAWAYS.

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I stood at the stove the other night, and in the span of ten minutes, I was asked where the charger was, where the batteries are kept, and where the headphones went. And I thought, why am I the only person in this house who knows where anything is?

It's not that my kids are incapable. It's that my home isn't set up in a way that lets them help themselves. Everything requires me—finding things, remembering where things are kept, managing everyone's ability to function in our space. And that is exhausting.

But what if your home could actually lighten your load instead of adding to it? What if the setup of your space could reduce the friction, the yelling, the constant need for you to be the only one who knows where things are? That's what today's conversation is about—thinking of your home as your parenting partner.

In this episode, you'll learn:

🏡 Why your home might be working against you (and the small shifts that help it work with you instead)

🏡 The one question to ask during a meltdown that changes everything

🏡 How to identify the hotspot in your home that's draining your energy most (and what to do about it!)If you're heading into this new year wanting to lighten your mental load just a little bit, this episode is a great place to start.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:


Motherhood Decluttered: Today is the last day to get my Motherhood Decluttered audio course for $50 off with code MOREJOY. Get it today for $47 and revisit it anytime to help you lighten your mental load any time you shift into a new season. Learn more at 3in30podcast.com/declutter.


Jan's Interactive Quiz: Download the free checklist, “101-Point Home Stress Diagnostic.” It’s packed with simple, practical shifts moms can start using right away to make their homes work with them instead of against them.

Related Episodes:

411: Decluttering That Sticks: 3 Mindset Changes for Lasting Impact // Erica Layne

268: More Peace, Less Frustration: The Power of Family Systems // Susie Salinas

351: Is Your Messy House Getting You Down? // Carly Thornock

Episode Sponsors:


Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first set of sheets plus free shipping at BollAndBranch.com/3IN30.


AirDoctorPro: Head to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code 3IN30 to get up to $300 off.


BetterHelp: 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com/3in30 to get 10% off your first month of online therapy.


HungryRoot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box PLUS get a free item in every box for life. Go to Hungryroot.com/3IN30 and use code 3IN30.

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I recently sat down to reflect on 2025, and I was honestly shocked by how much lighter my life feels now compared to just a few years ago. I'm not talking about having less to do. I'm talking about releasing the weight of expectations that never fit me in the first place. The guilt over my son's screen time, the pressure to have my spiritual life look a certain way, the belief that I had to maximize my income at all costs. When I started letting those shoulds go, something beautiful happened—I made room for so much more joy.

In this episode, I'm sharing specific examples of how I decluttered my motherhood in 2025 and what shifted when I gave myself permission to stop performing and start living. You'll also hear the first lesson from my Motherhood Decluttered audio course, which walks you through the process I used to create this kind of lightness and freedom in my own life.

In this episode, you'll learn:

✨ The exact shoulds I released in 2025 (and the joy I found when I let them go)

✨ How decluttering your internal "motherhood closet" creates space for what actually matters to you

✨ Why letting go of heavy expectations isn't about doing less but about making room for more of what brings you aliveIf you've been carrying shoulds that don't fit you anymore, this episode will help you see that you don't have to become a "better" mom in 2026. You just need to become a less burdened one.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

Motherhood Decluttered: My Motherhood Decluttered audio course is $50 off through January 19th with code MOREJOY. Get it today for $47 and revisit it anytime you shift into a new season. Learn more at 3in30podcast.com/declutter.Flecks of Gold: Today is the last day of the Flecks of Gold New Year's Sale! Get 10% off with code NEWYEAR.

Related Episodes:

214: Simple Tips to Create New Habits in the New Year // BJ Fogg

411: Decluttering That Sticks: 3 Mindset Changes for Lasting Impact // Erica Layne

462: 3 Questions for the New Year

Episode Sponsors:

Boll & Branch: Get 15% off your first set of sheets plus free shipping at BollAndBranch.com/3IN30.

Wildgrain: Right now, Wildgrain is offering our listeners $30 off your first box—PLUS free Croissants for life—when you go to Wildgrain.com/3IN30 to start your subscription today.

Let's Connect!

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