3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms

A few years ago, I read a book that made me think it was reading my mind. In the introduction, the author asks: Do you ever feel like you're running faster but not moving any closer to your goals? Do you want to make a higher contribution but you lack the energy? Are you teetering right on the edge of burnout?

I wrote, "Yes, yes, yes!" next to each question in the margin of my copy.

The book is Effortless by Greg McKeown, and it's the follow-up to his first book Essentialism, which I talked about in last week's episode. In today's episode, Greg talks about how we can lighten the load of motherhood without burning out.

Greg acknowledges that life is genuinely hard—raising children is hard, paying the bills is hard, strained relationships are hard—and he's not promising to eliminate those hardships. But he does offer tools that can help lighten the load, and that's exactly what we talk about in this episode.

In this episode, you'll learn:

💜 Why striving for 100% effort actually makes you less effective—and the optimal pace that will help you go further without burning out

💜 The question Greg asks when everything feels overwhelming (hint: it's not "what can I cut?" but something far more freeing)

💜 What radical gratitude actually means—and why it's the only thing powerful enough to counter the suffering we all experience in motherhood

If you've been running on empty, if the mental and emotional load feels crushing, or if you're wondering how to keep showing up when everything feels so hard, this conversation will meet you right where you are.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

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Announcements:

My Declutter Your Motherhood audio course walks you through the exact process I use to release the "shoulds" that don't fit me anymore and make room for what actually brings me joy.

Related Episodes:

468: Stop the Runaway Train: How to Get Back to What Actually Matters

412: How to Overcome Overwhelm

401: How Radical Gratitude Can Change Your Life // Dr. Tanmeet Sethi

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Right now I am definitely feeling the pull to simplify things in my life. I even said to my husband the other day, "I feel a bit like I'm on a runaway train!" Luckily, it's not the first time I've felt this way. I now know that this happens sometimes and life will suddenly accelerate faster than I intended.

But here's what I've learned: I'm not actually on a runaway train. I can choose to get off. The harder question is how—and that's exactly what this episode is about.

As I take a break from new episodes this month in an effort to get off the train, it was important to me to re-air this episode that essentially taught me how to figure out what actually needs my energy—and what doesn't. It's based on Greg McKeown's book Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. Greg's work has been part of my mental bookshelf for a decade, and these lessons about becoming an essentialist help me recalibrate whenever I need them.

In this episode, you'll learn:

🚂 Why the word "priority" was originally singular (and stayed that way for 500 years)—and what that means for how we should be living our lives

🚂 The question Greg McKeown asks himself when he's overwhelmed in a hotel room at midnight that helps him figure out what actually matters right now

🚂 How to stop diffusing your energy in a million directions and start making real progress in the areas that matter most

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

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Announcements:

I'm taking a break from airing new episodes during February so I can rest and honor the needs of my body, mind, and spirit. I'm practicing what I preach by sanctifying my soul care this month, and I hope these encore episodes inspire you to do the same. This episode beautifully supports the fourth principle of the Self-Assured Motherhood Framework: Sanctify Your Soul Care.

Related Episodes:

438: How Soul-Care Can Help You Enjoy Motherhood More: Real Stories from Moms Like You // SAM Sisters

441: The 4 Types of Self-Care Every Mom Needs // Mia Hemstad

412: How to Overcome Overwhelm

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It's easy to notice when your marriage feels disconnected, but it's much harder to know what to actually do about it. And it's even harder to look at your own part in the dynamic instead of just wishing your partner would change.

This Valentine's Week, I'm bringing back one of my favorite conversations with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, a relationship and sexuality coach whose work has profoundly impacted my own marriage. In this encore episode, she shares three concrete, actionable things we can do right now to become better partners and strengthen our marriages.

In this episode, you'll learn:

💜 The one quality Dr. Jennifer looks for in a great partner (most of us avoid it, but it's what makes marriages actually work)

💜 Why how you handle disappointment matters more than compatibility

💜 What's really behind sexual disconnection—and it's not lack of desire

Dr. Jennifer has a gift for helping us see our blind spots without shame, and this conversation gave me concrete things I could actually do instead of just wishing things were different. While this episode won't hand you a perfect marriage, it will show you how to stop waiting for your spouse to change and start working on what you can actually control.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

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Announcements:

Dr. Jennifer's book That We Might Have Joy: Desire, Divinity and Intimate Love is now available. I listened to it on audio and then immediately ordered the paperback so I could mark it up. Grab it here.

I've created an entire playlist of relationship-focused episodes. Access it here.

Related Episodes:

342: Communicating to your Partner that Things Need to Change // Eli Harwood

222: How to Repair after a Fight with your Partner // Jocelyn and Aaron Freeman

223: Sex and Motherhood // Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife

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BetterHelp: 3 in 30 Takeaways for Moms is sponsored by BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com/3in30 to get 10% off your first month of online therapy.

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Six weeks before I recorded this episode, I woke up early with my heart pounding so hard I couldn't ignore it. The house was dark, everything was quiet, and as I lay there thinking about the medication I was on, the surgeries I'd been through, the pace I'd been keeping, this thought came to me so clearly: This is my life. No one is going to fix this for me. I am the one who has to change this.

I was dealing with chronic health issues, and my body was forcing me to confront some hard truths about how I was living. That morning, I realized I couldn't keep pushing through and ignoring what my body was trying to tell me. So I did something that terrified me—I took a full month off from my podcast even though I had 40 people waiting to be guests.That was back in 2019, and I'm re-airing this episode now because I'm taking my own advice again. This time it's different—my health issues from 2019 have resolved, and I'm not in crisis mode. I'm pausing this February simply because I need space to breathe, think, and recalibrate. I'm not waiting for the summer chaos or for things to fall apart. I'm choosing rest before I need it desperately, and I want you to know that you can do the same.

In this episode, you'll learn:

🧘🏽‍♀️ Why waiting for the "right time" to rest might be the very thing keeping you stuck

🧘🏽‍♀️ The one realization that shifted everything about how I approach my responsibilities (hint: it starts with "I could...")

🧘🏽‍♀️ The three practical steps to taking a pause that actually restores you instead of just adding to your guilt

If you've been running on empty and telling yourself you'll rest later, this episode is your permission slip. You don't have to wait for a breakdown to take a break.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

Need help figuring out what actually needs to stay in your life and what you can let go? My Motherhood Decluttered course helps you clear the mental and emotional clutter so you can focus on what truly matters. Learn more by clicking on the link.

Related Episodes:

441: The 4 Types of Self-Care Every Mom Needs // Mia Hemstad

437: Boundaries and Emotional Resilience in Motherhood // Dr. Jen Riday

320: Making Space for Self-Care: It Might Not Be As Hard As You Think // Dr. Nicole Sparks

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If you have a strong-willed child, you know how much energy they require—and if you have other kids too, you've probably wondered what this dynamic is doing to their siblings. Are they getting lost in the shuffle? Will they resent their brother or sister? Will they resent you?

Many parents worry that their quieter child is fading into the background while the spicy one commands all the attention. And even though you're doing your best, it's hard to know how to protect all your kids when one requires so much more support.

In this week's episode, I talked with Mary Van Geffen, author of the brand new book Parenting A Spicy One: Raising a Strong-Willed Child Without Breaking Their Spirit or Yours. Mary brings both personal experience as a former spicy child herself and professional expertise as a parenting educator, and she teaches us how to navigate sibling relationships in a way that protects everyone—including the child you might not realize needs protecting.

In this episode, you'll learn:

🌶️ Why your "easy" child might be protecting you from their own needs (and what that quietly costs them as they grow up)

🌶️ What your spicy child secretly believes about themselves and their "perfect" sibling—and how it's hurting them both

🌶️ The Home Alone truth about strong-willed kids that changes everything (yes, Kevin McCallister is a spicy one, and we can learn from him)

Whether you have a spicy child or not, this conversation will shift how you think about sibling conflict and what it actually takes to protect the relationships between your kids.

For full show notes, including takeaways, click here.

***

Announcements:

If you're raising a spicy child and want help finding the joy in those big personalities, the Flecks of Gold Journal helps you notice and celebrate what's going right—even on the hard days. Use code 3in30 for 10% off!

Related Episodes:

440: How to Parent Strong-Willed Children Without Breaking Their Spirit // Mary Van Geffen

452: You Yelled... Now What? How to Repair and Reconnect // Devon Kuntzman

332: How to Delight in Your Difficult Child

Episode Sponsors:

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Laundry Sauce: For a limited time only, my listeners get 20% off your entire order when you use code 3in30 at LaundrySauce.com.

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