Attachment Styles and Compatibility — Who We Click With and Why
Why do some relationships feel easy while others leave us stuck in constant cycles of tension? A lot of the answer lies in attachment styles — the patterns we carry into love, intimacy, and connection.In this episode of Couples in Focus, I’ll break down the four main attachment styles, how they tend to pair up, and why certain combinations spark harmony while others create friction. You’ll hear real-life examples of anxious–avoidant push-pull dynamics, how secure partners bring balance, and what to look for if you want a relationship that feels safe and fulfilling.Whether you’re dating, in a relationship, or reflecting on past connections, this episode will help you recognise your own style and understand how compatibility really works.Learn more about relationships and therapy at coupletherapy.earth.
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27:48
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27:48
The Only Two Questions You Need on a Date
On this episode of Couples in Focus, we cut through the noise of dating advice and boil it down to just two questions:Do I feel safe, relaxed, and like I can be myself?Do I feel accepted and seen?Through real stories, I’ll show how these two simple questions reveal more than any dating script ever could — helping you notice the difference between a date that drains you and one that feels energising and real.If you want to dive deeper into relationships and therapy, visit coupletherapy.earth.
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22:46
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22:46
Navigating Relationship Dynamics
SummaryIn this conversation, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston explore the complexities of relationships, particularly the notion of keeping one's side of the street clean. They discuss the importance of understanding both individual and shared worlds in a relationship, the impact of emotional neglect, and the necessity of co-regulation. The dialogue emphasises that relationships are not merely transactional but require mutual support and emotional engagement. They highlight the significance of emotions as a compass guiding individuals back to their needs and the importance of navigating emotional responsibility without falling into the trap of managing each other's emotions.Check out my website for couples therapyTakeawaysKeeping your side of the street clean is simplistic.Relationships require understanding both individual and shared worlds.Emotional neglect can have lasting impacts.It's not just about doing your part; it's about connection.Co-regulation is essential for emotional health.Good intentions can still cause harm in relationships.Emotions serve as a compass for our needs.Mutual support is crucial in navigating challenges.Relationships are not about 50-50; it's about collective resources.We need to walk hand in hand in our emotional journeys.Chapters00:00 The Concept of Relationship Dynamics02:49 Understanding Individual and Shared Worlds05:31 The Impact of Emotional Neglect08:32 The Complexity of Keeping Your Side Clean11:20 The Role of Systems in Relationships14:11 Navigating Emotional Responsibility16:58 The Importance of Co-Regulation19:56 Mutual Support in Relationships23:03 The Balance of Emotional Engagement25:55 The Role of Emotions as a Compass28:41 Final Thoughts on Relationship Dynamics
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The Complexity of Desire in Long-Term Relationships
SummaryIn this episode, Thomas Westenholz and Michael Preston explore the complexities of desire in long-term relationships, discussing how desire can diminish over time due to various factors such as overwhelm, emotional disconnect, and resentment. They emphasise the importance of maintaining physical touch, open communication, and addressing emotional needs to rebuild intimacy and connection. The conversation highlights the necessity of acknowledging the challenges couples face and the importance of seeking help when needed.Get couples therapy TakeawaysDesire in relationships often shifts and requires effort to maintain.Physical touch is essential for keeping desire alive.Overwhelm and exhaustion can hinder intimacy.Emotional disconnect can lead to resentment and barriers to connection.Regular communication about sex can enhance intimacy.Setting aside dedicated time for touch is crucial.Acknowledging emotional needs is vital for rebuilding trust.Couples may need help to navigate complex emotional dynamics.Good people can unintentionally hurt their partners.Admitting when a relationship is lost is the first step to recovery.Chapters00:00 Introduction to Desire in Relationships00:25 Understanding the Drop in Desire05:32 Overwhelm vs. Emotional Disconnect08:09 The Importance of Physical Touch10:47 Creating Space for Conversations about Sex15:31 Addressing Emotional Blocks to Intimacy22:24 Navigating Trauma in Relationships
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30:08
The Three Pillars of Healthy Relationships
SummaryIn this episode, Michael Preston and Thomas Westenholz discuss the three essential components of a healthy relationship: accessibility, responsiveness, and emotional engagement. They explore how these elements contribute to a secure attachment between partners, emphasizing the importance of being present, attuned, and emotionally connected. The conversation highlights practical examples and insights into how couples can foster these qualities to enhance their relationship dynamics.For more, see the Couples in Focus online course or book a session with Thomas here.TakeawaysHealthy relationships are built on accessibility, responsiveness, and emotional engagement.Accessibility means being there for your partner when they need you.Responsiveness is about attuning to your partner's needs and emotions.Emotional engagement involves sharing and feeling each other's emotional experiences.Predictability in a relationship fosters a sense of security.Attunement allows partners to understand each other's emotional worlds better.Text communication can hinder emotional attunement and understanding.Emotions are crucial for connection and relationship maintenance.Couples can develop a model of each other's needs over time.It's important to feel and express emotions in a relationship.Chapters00:00 Introduction to Healthy Relationships02:59 Accessibility in Relationships05:54 Understanding Responsiveness09:50 The Importance of Emotional Engagement
Couples in Focus is a podcast for anyone wanting to improve their relationships. Hosted by Thomas and Michael, two relationship therapists from https://coupletherapy.earth/ and thesecurecouple.com, it offers expert insights, real-world advice, and answers to audience questions. They cover communication, intimacy, trust, and conflict, providing actionable tools and compassionate guidance. Each episode explores relatable challenges and offers practical strategies to help couples strengthen their connection and thrive in their relationships.
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