Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

You’re not reacting to your child. You’re reacting to your ego.
In this powerful conversation, I sit down with world-renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Shefali Tsabary to unpack the real reason parenting feels so triggering — especially with teens.
If you’ve ever taken your child’s mood personally… spiralled into guilt… or wondered why you “know better” but still lose it — this episode will hit home.
Dr. Shefali shares the truth about conscious parenting, present-moment awareness, boundaries that actually work, and the dangerous misunderstanding of “gentle parenting.”
This one might just change how you show up tomorrow.
KEY POINTS
Why most parenting stress comes from not being present
The real definition of ego (and how it hijacks your reactions)
The subtle difference between validating feelings and condoning behaviour
How to respond to teen attitude without escalating
The two-step boundary framework that actually works
When you need stronger limits — and when you need deeper connection
Why saying “I don’t know what to do right now” is incredibly powerful
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“The answer is found in the honesty of the present moment.”
RESOURCES MENTIONED
Dr. Shefali’s Australian tour – Melbourne (March 11) & Sydney (March 12)
More from Dr. Shefali at: events.drshefali.com/australia
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Pause before reacting. Ask: Is this about my child… or my ego?
Reflect instead of correct. Calmly describe what you see without judgement.
Separate behaviour from identity. Don’t validate harmful behaviour in the name of validation.
Use the two-step boundary rule: Connect first (while regulated).
If needed, architect the boundary yourself.

Say the honest thing. “I don’t know how to respond right now” builds connection, not weakness.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

He’s perfect at school. Polite. Award-winning. Well behaved.
Then he comes home… and explodes.
If your 7–8-year-old is melting down over TV, pushing boundaries, or even getting physical when you say no — this episode will help you understand what’s really going on beneath the surface.
We unpack the hidden developmental shifts happening in boys around this age, why “just turn it off” can feel impossible for them, and practical strategies to reduce the blow-ups — without constant battles.
If you’re exhausted, confused, or questioning yourself… this one’s for you.
KEY POINTS
Why boys around 7–8 experience a surge in emotional intensity (adrenarche)
The surprising reason “good at school” can mean explosions at home
Why turning off TV feels bigger than it looks
How to build emotional regulation before age 10
A powerful way to teach healthy masculinity early
Practical tools: transitions, routines, signals, and collaborative problem-solving
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“A strong, healthy man doesn’t use his strength to dominate. He uses it to help the people around him feel safer and stronger.”
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Pre-plan transitions before TV ends — decide together what happens next.
Use a neutral signal (timer, lights, countdown) to reduce confrontation.
Have calm conversations later, not in the heat of the moment.
Teach emotional strength explicitly — especially for boys.
Stay consistent. Regulation takes repetition, not one perfect talk.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You are pouring yourself out every single day. But into whose cup?
In this powerful conversation inspired by Derek Thompson, Justin and Kylie explore a simple metaphor that will stop you mid-scroll: every morning you wake with a full jug of water. By night, it’s empty. The only question that matters is where it went.
Work. News. Regret. Netflix. Anxiety. Group chats. Your kids. Your marriage.
Attention never lies. It reveals what we truly value.
If you’ve been feeling depleted, resentful, stretched thin — this episode will gently realign you with what actually matters.
Because tomorrow morning?
The jug refills.
KEY POINTS
The “Cup Game” metaphor and why you’re playing it whether you realise it or not
Why attention is your most honest measure of values
The hidden cost of pouring into cups that don’t matter
Why good things can still drain you
A simple end-of-day question that changes everything
How to reset — even if you’ve been “losing” the game for years
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“Attention never lies. It reveals what we truly value.”
RESOURCES MENTIONED
Derek Thompson Substack article: Whose Cup Are You Filling?
Stephen Covey – “The things that matter most should never be at the mercy of the things that matter least.”
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
At the end of today, ask: Whose cup did I fill?
Notice one cup that received too much water.
Choose one relationship that gets first pour tomorrow.
When you feel depleted at 4pm, take one small intentional step toward connection.
Remember: the jug refills in the morning.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What if your child’s resistance isn’t laziness… but fear?
In this heartfelt Friday “I’ll Do Better Tomorrow” episode of the The Happy Families Podcast, Justin and Kylie unpack a powerful parenting moment: an 11-year-old who didn’t want to try the 6am surf class — and the surprising truth behind her pushback.
This episode is about competence, courage, friendship, and why slowing down might be the most important thing we do for our kids (and ourselves).
If you’ve ever pushed, pulled, or panicked when your child resisted something new — this one will land.
KEY POINTS
Why “I don’t want to” often masks “What if I look dumb?”
The hidden power of friendships in building confidence
How to use a “soft entry” instead of forcing commitment
The sweet spot of growth (hello, zone of proximal development)
Why parents need protected, screen-free stillness
The family lesson we forgot after COVID
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“Sometimes our kids’ trepidation is less about the activity… and more about feeling incompetent.”
RESOURCES MENTIONED
Justin’s books and parenting resources at happyfamilies.com.au
Research behind capability, autonomy and competence (Self-Determination Theory)
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Offer a one-time trial instead of a full commitment
Look for the fear underneath the resistance
Pair new challenges with trusted friends
Protect one quiet hour this week — no screens, no rushing
Let your child grow at the edge of their capability, not beyond it
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When your child says “I can’t do this” and wants to quit right now… what do you do?
Whether it’s maths, piano, friendships, or riding a bike, kids hit the wall. They avoid. They melt down. They take their bat and ball and go home.
But what if that uncomfortable moment isn’t failure… it’s the doorway to growth?
In this episode, we unpack the powerful reframe that helps kids push through frustration, build resilience, and experience real progress — without shame, pressure, or lectures.
This one shift changes everything.
KEY POINTS
Why avoidance feels good — and why it holds kids back
The two dimensions of emotion and what they mean for learning
The “Learning Zone” reframe that transforms frustration
Why purpose matters more than pressure
The three drivers of motivation: relationships, choice, and competence
Why discomfort is often the signal that growth is about to happen
When pushing through is healthy — and when it’s not
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE
“Discomfort isn’t the enemy. It’s the signal that growth is about to happen.”
RESOURCES MENTIONED
Man's Search for Meaning – Viktor Frankl
ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS
Check relevance first – Does this challenge actually matter?
Name the Learning Zone – Help your child recognise discomfort as growth.
Strengthen connection – Struggle feels heavier when kids feel alone.
Support competence – Break tasks into smaller wins.
Focus on purpose – A strong “why” makes the “how” bearable.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.