Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

• MPF 323: Desires, Vices, and Holiness for Parents

  Vices are our disordered way of fulfilling our God-given good desires.    Summary So many of us thought we were good people till we had kids, right?  This is because kids expose our weaknesses and we need to be aware of them in order to overcome them.  Listen in as we reveal Satan’s plan for you and lay out God’s great plan of using our rightly ordered desires to develop virtues and live according to His plan.   The desires that God has put in our hearts for dignity, communion, justice, and peace are all good, but when we try to fulfill them on our own, they can lead to vice, or repeated bad habits.  We do this because we are all fallen, wounded people!  But the good news is that we just need to tap into learning how to satisfy those desires in the best way, which is what God intended for us.  This is a snapshot from our video series we are doing for our Cana90 Fellowship this year.  In that series, each vice gets its own video where we break it down and show how we as parents are particularly susceptible to falling into it.  Join the Fellowship here for the rest of the series!    Key Takeaways Vices are our disordered desires.  Every vice has a longing or desire behind it and a corresponding virtue to help overcome it.  Parents struggle with vices in particular ways that may not have been evident before they had kids.   Envy is the longing for Dignity and it comes from the fear that we will not be seen, known, and acknowledged.  We get this from our Heavenly Father!  Sloth is the longing for Peace and it causes us to choose a “fake peace” that comes from ignoring problems instead of working through them.    Couple Discussion Questions Where do I struggle to act?  What situations would I rather ignore than deal with? Write down some ideas.  Try them each day one at a time.  What is one thing I can do to make this room/situation/gathering better? How can I be proactive?  Think of when someone else was kind to you.  How did it make you feel?  List 25 things you can do to make the lives of others around you more pleasant   References Bishop Barron’s series on the Seven Deadly Sins https://www.wofdigital.org/seven-deadly-sins-seven-lively-virtues Broken Gods by Dr. Gregory Popcak https://amazon.com/dp/B00N6PETQ2?ref=KC_GS_GB_US Cana90 Fellowship  https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/

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• MFP 322: Dealing with Mouthy Teens

  A problem with disrespect from a child always goes back to a dysfunction in the parent-child relationship.   Summary When our sweet children enter the teen years and adolescence is upon them, something happens that tends to cause parents stress and dismay - back talk and disrespect.  Some of this is immaturity on the part of the child and some is simply lack of training in relationships.  It is our job as parents to teach our children how to express their feelings, disagree, and even debate while maintaining an attitude of respect towards us and therefore, other people in their lives.  The family is the training ground for life!  In this podcast we will give you some perspective on the struggles teens have, tell you what NOT to do and explain the Three C’s of responding to a mouthy teen.  Listen in!   Key Takeaways A disrespectful child is, simply put, someone no one wants to be around. But the good news is that parents can change this!  We can help our child become someone we not just love, but like.   Yelling, punishing, taking things personally, and debating with your teen does not work.  Avoid these reactions.  Tweens and teens need us to guide them on acceptable ways of speaking to others.  This will help them be successful in many areas of life.  CONTROL YOURSELF - If you are triggered by your teen and fly off the handle, ask yourself why and get your emotional life in order.  CONSEQUENCES - It is our responsibility to help them see what happens when they don’t control their tongue.  The world’s consequences will be much harder than ours!  COACH - We need to point our teens towards adulthood so they can see we are not treating them as a child, we are teaching them how to be an adult.  Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with the way that our children speak to us?  Can we identify areas of difficulty with them?  What would be a quick, acceptable consequence for our child’s disrespect?  Which one of us would be best to talk to them about this?  How can we coach our child to do better?    Links: Link to Cana90 https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/ Link to Beloved Event https://arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved  

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• MFP321: Fifty Years and Going Strong!

  A husband and wife may disagree on many things, but they must absolutely agree on this: to never, ever give up.   Summary When we did our listener survey, you asked for interviews of regular families who have raised children through to adulthood with grace and courage.  Well, we have a treat for you!  A few years ago we met Brian and Joanna Simpson of London ONT who have run the Family Foundations Institute for the past 25  years.  They also have 9 children and over 35 grandchildren and they are a witness to the goodness of God despite difficulty and heartache.  In this episode, they tell some of their story, but also give wisdom to young families on what should be the most important things in your home and how to create a home focused on God and loving each other.  We really enjoyed our time with them and we know you will too!   Key Takeaways Forgiveness in the family is key - modeling it for the children with them and with your spouse.  The husband as the head of the household is the one who carries the responsibility in the family, not only authority.  Wise spouses realize that the best decisions are done together in unity.  When tragedy and suffering happens in the family, as it inevitably will, God can still be present and make something truly beautiful out of it when we trust Him.  Personal prayer and trust in God’s love for you is key to building a family of faith and prayer.   When our conflict stays in the dark, the Evil One has more power. It is best to be honest and vulnerable, even if you don’t do it perfectly, because then you can work to actively build unity.     Couple Discussion Questions What things are important to us in our household and how are we communicating that?   How do we support each other in our roles as husband and wife/mom and dad in the family?    Resources:  Family Foundations Institute https://famfi.ca/ Link to Cana90 https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/ Link to Beloved Event https://arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved  

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• MPF 320: Super Habits for the Family

  Summary Have you ever wanted to stop yelling at your kids?  Be more courteous to your spouse?  Or be more orderly at home?  Enter Super Habits!  These are not just new things for you to learn to do, these are life-changing actions that will make you happier, healthier and more successful in many areas.  In this interview, we spoke to Dr. Andrew Abela, author of the book Super Habits and his wife Kathleen who explained to us how to apply this book to family life.  They gave us some great insights and showed us how Super Habits can be the answer to what we all need in our parenting and marriages.  And the best part is that these habits are already present in us, we just need to activate them.  Listen in!    Key Takeaways Every virtue is a habit anyone can cultivate, not just a characteristic or personality trait.  We can all grow and change.  All new habits create new neurological pathways in our brains, but the advantage of Super Habits is that these are pathways that are native to us already, we already have the “muscles”; we just need to use them.  Super habits do three things - they make us happier, healthier, and they have a positive effect on multiple areas of our lives.    St. Thomas Aquinas has the best system of organizing the virtues! We all need fluency in the language of virtues.  All growth in Super Habits is slow and steady so keep going!  Virtue happens when we channel our desires correctly - not squash them.  Growth in Super Habits is the answer to “helicopter” or “bulldozer” parenting  We need to be aware of the full range of virtues for the full flourishing of the human person.    Couple Discussion Questions In what ways have we already developed some Super Habits?  How did we do that?  What Super Habit will help us in our parenting?  How can we support each other in cultivating it?   Resources Superhabits Book, Sophia Press: sophiainstitute.com/product/super-habits/ Andrew Abela on Linked In: www.linkedin.com/in/deanabela Superhabits on Substack: superhabit.substack.com/ Cana90 - messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/ Beloved Event - arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved

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• MPF 319: How Husbands Lead

  Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Eph 6:4 In this episode of the Messy Family Podcast, hosts Mike and Alicia Hernon celebrate their 10th year of the podcast and introduce the new studio, setting the stage for a discussion on fatherhood and leadership in the home. They emphasize that while fathers are called by God to lead, many struggle to understand what that truly means in a world that often undermines their role. True leadership is not about domination but about serving, sacrificing, and guiding with love, following Christ’s example. A father’s success is measured by the unity in his marriage and family, and when discord arises, it signals a need to recalibrate leadership. Mike and Alicia challenge men to overcome passivity, a struggle rooted in Adam’s sin, and to step up, protect, and guide their families with intentional love. Practical steps for dads include pursuing their wives first, taking initiative in family life, loving sacrificially, and leading with unity in mind. They highlight research showing that a father’s presence has a profound impact on his children’s faith, success, and well-being. While many men feel incompetent in the home, undervalue their influence, or struggle with passivity, Mike and Alicia encourage them to embrace the God-given mission of fatherhood with confidence, knowing that great men and strong fathers are desperately needed today.   Key Takeaways Husbands are called to lead in the home because this is how God is going to make them holy and you were created to give first to be able to receive. You know you are leading when there is unity, when you are challenged, and when your wife feels safe. Men need to go in to battle and fight against the tendency to be passive or to avoid what they do not feel competent at. Never doubt how important you are in the life of your wife and children - they need you!   Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with our roles of leading our family right now? How are we doing? How can I (wife) support you (husband) in leading our family?   For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

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