Today on SelfWork I’m answering questions about narcissism as well as frustration and even hopelessness about ever healing from the wounds that narcissists can cause. We’ll hear from one man whose dad he describes as extremely self-centered and emotionally abusive to both him and his mother. But asks if this is narcissism or not. Then there’s a very poignant voicemail from a woman who talked eloquently about her past relationships with two different types of narcissists, the first what she calls covert, the second malignant. I’ll describe those terms, so you’ll know what we’re talking about. But she described herself as feeling hopeless about her ability to trust anyone again.What brought these stories together in my own mind was not only that the two stories were about narcissism. But how both listeners conveyed a sense of not knowing how to heal or which direction to go where their lives wouldn’t be so painfully affected by their narcissistic parent or ex-partner.Vital Links: Duke Health proposes an acronym - SPECIAL MEArticle with Dr. Margaret's advice on dealing with narcissism:Hormone Replacement Episode with Donna WhiteAdvertisers' Links and Special Offers:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! . Our Sponsors:* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/SELFWORK* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands
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Introducing the Jordan Harbinger Show
Today, I'm excited to introduce SelfWork listeners to The Jordan Harbinger Show, which has become a regular listen on my walks. If you've been looking for another top rated podcast, we hope you'll give Jordan Harbinger a listen.
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466 SelfWork: How Shame Lies to You and How to Stop It
Shame may be one of the most, if not the most, devastating feeling about yourself that you can have. I was interviewed this week by a Swedish journalist who asked me some probing questions about my own history with shame – as she’d read an article I wrote in Psychology Today on just that topic. Here’s the last paragraph of that article: The funny thing that shame does? It lies to you. It tells you that you're so terrible. And that you must be the worst of the worst. So, when you meet someone that you like, trust, or respect, and they tell you they understand and have lived what you're living? Gone through what you're going through?You figure out shame has been lying to you all along.Today we’re going to talk about just that. First how shame talks to you through an inner dialogue that’s always commenting and often criticizing you. Second, how shame lies to you. I’ll tell you the details of my own battle with shame. And how I learned to acknowledge the power of its lies. And third – how you can stop that from happening. Or at least become much more aware of when shame is yapping away at you. You can challenge it and even turn down its volume so you can make decisions free from shame’s voice.Here’s a hint – you want to challenge it. You choose to believe differently about yourself. That becomes your innermost desire – and the freedom you can find is astounding!The Listener VoicemailThe listener voicemail today is from an older mom who says to me, “I just don’t want to carry the pain of disconnection.” She realizes in a very poignant way that her pain and depression has to do with being the youngest child of 12 in her family but now doesn’t feel connected to her grown children “except when they need something.” We’ll tackle what she might can do to feel the connection she yearns for – and my answer may surprise you.Vital Links:My own Psychology Today article on shame's lies to me and how I overcame them.Advertisers Links: Click HERE for the NEXT GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your new subscription!Other offerings from Dr. MargaretYou can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available and you can order here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it’s available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!And send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Our Sponsors:* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/SELFWORK* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands
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Introducing the Jordan Harbinger Show
Today, I'm excited to introduce SelfWork listeners to The Jordan Harbinger Show, which has become a regular listen on my walks. If you've been looking for another top rated podcast, we hope you'll give Jordan Harbinger a listen.
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465 SelfWork: Families and Other Calamities: A Conversation with Leslie Gray Streeter
My guest for this episode of SelfWork is Leslie Gray Streeter, a woman I’ve “known” (or as she explains to me is a parasocial friend of mine) – since 2019 or 2020. Leslie’s first book, Black Widow, was about the death of her husband, Scott – and was told with such biting truth and gritty humor that I knew I wanted to keep up with her.She's now written her second book, Families and Other Calamities. She weaves together her own life with her story line, and I once again found her writing - and the characters in this family - to be fascinating, funny, and very human.Born in hood-adjacent Baltimore City, Leslie is a columnist for the Baltimore Banner, a University of Maryland College Park graduate, and veteran journalist. She's also someone always looking for new ways to tell stories, both her own and those in her communities. She's the co-host of “Fine Beats and Cheeses,” a podcast about pleasure we aren’t guilty about, with her sister Lynne Streeter Childress.Advertisers' Links and Special Offers:Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you! Our Sponsors:* Check out Calm: https://calm.com/SELFWORK* Check out Happy Mammoth and use my code SELFWORK for a great deal: https://happymammoth.comAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands
I'm Dr. Margaret, a psychologist for over 30 years, TEDx speaker, and the author of Perfectly Hidden Depression. I created The SelfWork Podcast in 2016 to explain mental health treatment and to give you the chance to consider therapy without thinking it's weird or that it somehow suggests you can't fix your own problems. My team is very honored that nine years later, SelfWork has earned nearly 5 million downloads! Each episode features the popular listener question as well as interviews with outstanding guests, authors, and experts, adding to the wide diversity of topics listeners so appreciate. Regularly rated as one of the top mental health/depression podcasts out there (ranked as a top .5% internationally) I keep it short, casual, and focused on "what you can do about it." I'd love to hear from you. Please join me.
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