The Humans vs Retirement Podcast

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The Retirement You Didn't See Coming
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Episode Description
You've worked hard to build your nest egg. Now your adult children are struggling in a brutal housing market, drowning in debt, and navigating unstable careers. You want to help—but how much is too much? Will you enable dependence? Rob them of resilience? And what about your own retirement security? This episode tackles the question every parent wrestles with, but nobody wants to say out loud: should you sacrifice your retirement to help your kids? We explore the competing pressures, the frameworks for thinking it through, and the practical questions that will help you find your answer—without the guilt.
Why This Is So Hard
This question sits at the intersection of love, money, values, and generational change. You're feeling competing pressures:
You want to help - They're entering a harder world: housing costs, debt, unstable jobs
You don't want to enable dependence - You want them resilient, not reliant
You've earned this money - You delayed gratification for decades. You want to enjoy it
The inheritance question looms - IHT planning, fairness, timing—give now or later?
Everyone has an opinion. Your friends do it differently. Society sends mixed messages. You're stuck in limbo.
Four Frameworks for Thinking This Through
Framework 1: Support vs. Rescue
Support: House deposit in an impossible market. Health insurance during job transition. Education that opens doors.
Rescue: Repeatedly bailing out credit card debt. Funding an unaffordable lifestyle. Solving problems they need to learn to solve.
Ask: "Is this help moving them toward independence or keeping them stuck?"
Framework 2: Timing—Now vs. Later
Give now: They benefit when they need it most (30s-40s). You see the impact. Potential IHT savings. You can guide usage.
Wait: Maintain security. Unknown future needs (healthcare, care costs). Flexibility if circumstances change.
The truth: Most people never regret helping when they had the means. Many regret waiting too long.
Framework 3: Equity vs. Need
Equal feels fair. Need-based feels compassionate.
One child struggles financially. Another thrives. One chose meaningful but lower-paying work. One has health issues.
Both approaches can work. Transparency tends to avoid resentment.
Framework 4: The Oxygen Mask Principle
Your first obligation: secure your own retirement.
If you give away too much and run out, you become their burden anyway. Most adult children don't want that.
The question isn't "Can we afford to help?" It's "Can we afford to help without jeopardizing our own security?"
Six Practical Questions to Ask Yourself
1. What values do we want to pass on? Independence? Family solidarity? Generosity? Different values = different decisions.
2. What did our parents do, and how do we feel about it? Your experience shapes your instincts—for better or worse. Sometimes we repeat patterns. Sometimes we overcorrect.
3. What do our children actually need vs. want? Have honest conversations. "What are the biggest barriers you're facing?" You might be surprised.
4. What are we comfortable with, emotionally? Forget "should." What can you live with? If helping makes you anxious, that anxiety poisons the gift.
5. What's our plan if they ask for more? Jobs are lost. Relationships end. Health issues arise. Do you have boundaries? Can you say no?
6. How do we communicate this? Clear communication avoids misunderstanding. Tell them your plans. Be honest. Your kids aren't mind readers.
The Bottom Line
There's no perfect answer. No formula. No rulebook.
Some families give generously and strengthen bonds. Some create entitlement. Some don't give at all, and kids thrive. Some kids feel abandoned.
It depends on the people, context, values, and communication.
The worst thing you can do? Avoid the conversation. With your partner. Your planner. Your children.
When money and family mix, silence breeds assumption. Assumption breeds resentment.
Give yourself permission to set boundaries. You're not a bad parent if you say no. You're not selfish if you prioritise your security. You're not weak if you help.
You're just human, navigating a complicated situation with love.
Loving your children and taking care of yourself are not mutually exclusive.
Humans vs Retirement - The messy, emotional, human side of retirement.

Buy My Book
The Retirement You Didn't See Coming
Let's Chat About Your Retirement Plans
Book a time for us to talk
Episode Description
You spent 30-40 years solving major crises. Now you're retired with total freedom, yet you're standing in your kitchen, heart racing, furious because the dishwasher isn't loaded correctly. Why does a misplaced set of keys feel like a military crisis? You have less pressure but feel more wound up than ever. If this sounds familiar, you're not crazy—you're suffering from "Redundant Brain" syndrome. This episode reveals why high-achievers struggle with trivial problems in retirement and gives you a three-step blueprint to fix them.
The Problem: Your Brain Is Redundant
For decades, your brain solved "Capital P" Problems—sales targets, mergers, logistical nightmares. These gave you competence hits and made you feel necessary.
Then you retired. Those big problems vanished overnight.
Your brain won't power down—it goes looking for work. Since the big problems are gone, it magnifies "little p" problems into full-blown crises.
The Three Black Holes
Work filled three massive voids. When you retire, they open up and your brain scrambles to fill them with anxiety.
Void #1: The Structure Void
Your schedule was automated: commute, meeting, lunch, deadline
Now? Infinite empty calendar = decision fatigue
Your brain creates missions from what's in front of it—a bank queue becomes the "Mission of the Day"
Void #2: The Identity Void
"What do you do?" had a clear answer: Director, GP, Engineer
Now you're "Former Someone"
Your brain over-performs on small tasks to prove worth: the barbecue becomes a military operation
Void #3: The Social Connection Void
Work provided effortless connection (even moaning about the boss)
Retirement severs that—you're socially starved
Your threat-detection goes haywire: neighbour doesn't wave = "They hate you"
The Solution: Give Your Brain a New Job Description
Don't tell yourself to "just relax." That's like telling a border collie to chill in a field of sheep—it'll chew the furniture.
Step 1: Design Purposeful Anchors
Schedule non-negotiable appointments with yourself:
Physical Anchor: "I walk at 8 AM, rain or shine"
Mental Anchor: "Tuesday & Thursday mornings: Learn Spanish" (feed the beast)
Social Anchor: "Lunch with John, every Wednesday"
These aren't hobbies—they're the scaffolding of your new life.
Step 2: Shrink the Task
When "Clean the Garage" feels like Everest, your Redundant Brain has turned it into a monster.
Shrink it:
Walk to garage
Set timer for 15 minutes
Pick up ONE item
Reframe the burden into tiny victories. Give your brain the dopamine hit it craves.
Step 3: The Worry Meeting
When a worry pops up at 10 AM: "Good point. We'll discuss at the 4:30 PM meeting." Jot it down.
At 4:30, sit for 15 minutes and catastrophize. When the timer goes off, the meeting is over.
Most "crises" from 10 AM seem silly by 4:30. You're taking back control.
The Bottom Line
That overwhelmed feeling isn't a sign you're failing at retirement. It's a sign you have a high-performance engine that's just idling.
You spent a career honing discipline, resilience, and problem-solving. Those skills didn't vanish. Use them to build your anchors, shrink the tasks, and manage the worry.
You've crossed the finish line. Now enjoy the prize.

You've saved for decades. The spreadsheet says you're fine. So why can't you book that trip to Italy? Why does buying nice coffee feel wrong? This isn't a financial problem—it's an emotional one. And it's incredibly common.
What We Cover
Money Scripts: The Invisible Backpack
"There will never be enough"
"Money is shameful / Rich people are bad"
"I don't deserve nice things"
The challenge: You've trained for 40 years to accumulate. Now you need to distribute. Your brain hasn't caught up.
The Big Three Emotional Blocks
Scarcity Mindset - Tom has £1.8M but won't spend more than £45K/year. The fear isn't rational—it's hardwired.

Guilt & Permission - Margaret: retired teacher, £1M saved, felt physically sick before her dream cruise. Guilt steals joy.

Identity Loss - David: "I don't know what the money is for anymore." When money was proof you mattered, retirement is existential.

Five Ways to Break Free
Name it, trace it - Where did this belief come from? Does it serve you now?

Practice spending - Start small. Buy the nicer coffee. Try a "guilt-free spending account." Retrain your brain.

Reframe it - You're not spending down savings. You're converting savings into life.

Separate worth from wallet - Your value isn't your net worth. Would you judge your loved ones for enjoying retirement?

Talk about it - Money emotions thrive in silence. Get help if you need it.

The Bottom Line
The difference between anxious wealthy retirees and fulfilled modest ones? Not the account balance. The internal relationship with money.
You're not broken. You're carrying old programming that doesn't fit your new reality.
Share your story: What money emotions are you carrying into retirement?
Humans vs Retirement Podcast - The messy, human side of retirement your financial advisor isn't covering.

Episode Description
Your brain has spent decades as a corporate drug addict, getting its dopamine fix from deadlines, presentations, and feeling important. But when you retire, the dealer cuts you off—cold turkey. This episode explores the neuroscience behind why retirement can feel so devastating, and what you can actually do about it before you clock out for the last time.
Key Topics Covered
The Great Retirement Myth
Why the "golden ticket" narrative sets us up for disappointment
The deafening silence after the leaving party
Understanding retirement as a form of grief
The Science Behind the Emptiness
Dopamine withdrawal: When the "pings" stop coming
Cognitive decline after retirement (Whitehall II study findings)
Loss of identity and social tribe
Why your brain is "use it or lose it"
The Five-Act Drama of Quitting Work
The Run-Up: Excitement mixed with anxiety
The Honeymoon: The world's longest bank holiday
The 'Oh, Bugger' Phase: When freedom feels empty
The Re-Build: The hard graft of reinvention
The New Normal: Finding your rhythm
Rewiring Your Brain for a Decent Retirement
Three essential pillars to build before you retire:
Pillar One: Stop Being a Noun, Start Doing Some Verbs
Redefining yourself beyond your job title
The "I am..." exercise (10 non-work identities)
Setting achievable goals for dopamine hits
Pillar Two: Build Yourself a Tribe
Finding your "Third Place" (beyond home and work)
Scheduling social connections like board meetings
Why social connection predicts longevity
Pillar Three: Find a New Rhythm
Creating a keystone routine to anchor your day
The art of tinkering: trying things without pressure
Finding purpose through engagement, not grand passion
Key Takeaways
Retirement isn't just a lifestyle change—it's a neurological shock to your system
The psychological adjustment is as important as financial planning, yet we ignore it completely
Feeling lost or irrelevant after retirement isn't a personal failing—it's a predictable human reaction
Your brain needs structure, achievement, and social connection to thrive
Retirement is a "lifequake" that can clear the ground for a stronger, more authentic version of yourself
Research Mentioned
Whitehall II study on cognitive decline and retirement
The "use it or lose it" principle of brain function
Cognitive reserve theory
The concept of "Third Places" in sociology
Action Items for Listeners
Complete the "I am..." exercise (10 non-work identities)
Identify your potential "Third Place"
Create one keystone routine to anchor your day
Schedule social connections deliberately
Start "tinkering" with new activities and interests
Join the Conversation
Share in the comments: What's one thing you're planning for—or anxious about—for your own retirement?
Humans vs Retirement Podcast Subscribe for more deep dives into the psychology of life's biggest transitions.

Why Your "Perfect" Retirement Feels So Wrong
You did everything right. Saved hard. Invested well. Ticked every box.
So why does retirement feel… off?
In this episode, I unpack the uncomfortable truth nobody talks about: retirement can feel psychologically harder than work, even when the money's sorted. Not because you failed, but because you were never given the emotional or mental roadmap for what comes next.
We dig into the five hidden psychological traps that quietly derail retirement, and more importantly, what actually helps you navigate them.
In this episode, we cover:
Why losing your job title can feel like losing yourself

What happens when a problem-solving brain suddenly has nothing meaningful to solve

Why the "endless holiday" version of retirement wears thin fast

The silent pressure to perform a perfect retirement, and why it's exhausting

How a lifetime of saving can make spending feel terrifying, even when you're financially secure

You'll also learn:
How to rebuild your identity around who you are, not what you used to do

Why your brain needs purpose, not just rest

How to design a flexible routine that gives freedom without drift

How to let go of guilt, busyness, and comparison

And how to create real permission to spend without anxiety or second-guessing

This episode isn't about fixing retirement.
It's about understanding it, so you stop wondering "What's wrong with me?" and start building a life that actually fits.
Free Resource
If this episode hit a nerve, I've created a free one-page Purpose Finder guide to help you get clarity on what you want this next chapter to be about.
👉 Download it here