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342 – The Art of Apologising as a Counsellor
Shame in Supervision – Creative Learning During an Academic Break In Episode 342 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we explore the art of apologising as a counsellor - why it matters, how to do it effectively, and how to avoid making it about yourself. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Dr. Ruth Birkbeck about a powerful and often unspoken topic: shame in supervision. We explore what it looks like, how it can impact both supervision and client work, and what can be done to repair it. And lastly in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken look at how you can make the most of your academic break with creative learning - offering tips for staying engaged without overwhelming yourself or contaminating your core training. The Art of Apologising as a Counsellor [starts at 03:10 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore what makes a meaningful apology in the therapeutic relationship. Key points include: Apologising isn’t part of most training, yet it’s crucial when a rupture occurs in therapy. A well-placed apology can strengthen the therapeutic relationship and model healthy repair. An apology should focus on the client’s experience, not your own discomfort. Avoid justifying your behaviour or offloading guilt onto the client. Principles of a meaningful apology: Clarify your intention – Why are you apologising? Acknowledge the impact – Understand how your action affected the client. Resist the urge to justify – Don’t make excuses or shift the focus. Take ownership – Use “I” statements to show accountability. Invite the client’s response – Open the door to dialogue. Don’t expect forgiveness – That’s the client’s choice, not your right. Repair the rupture – Explore what can be done to rebuild trust. Tolerate discomfort – Apologising can feel hard, but it’s part of ethical practice. Shame in Supervision [starts at 29:12 mins] In this week’s Practice Matters, Rory speaks with Dr. Ruth Birkbeck about the impact of shame in supervision. The key points of this discussion include: Shame in supervision can silence supervisees and damage the working alliance. Common causes include: Judging or criticising supervisees’ clinical decisions. Idealising supervisees and ignoring their vulnerabilities. Expecting them to know everything, especially in second trainings. Shame often results in withdrawal, silence, and loss of trust. Supervisees may internalise shame and stop bringing important issues to supervision. How to avoid shaming supervisees: Be aware of your own power and possible transference. Stay curious rather than critical. Show your own vulnerability, e.g. by talking about past mistakes. Openly name and repair ruptures if you suspect shame has occurred. Create an attuned, safe supervisory relationship that allows for growth. Shame often arises not from what was said, but from how it was experienced. Creative Learning During an Academic Break [starts at 53:10 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken offer advice on how to use your academic break effectively without overwhelming yourself or stepping outside your core training model. Tips for creative learning: Avoid cross-modality contamination – If you’re training in one modality, don’t dive deep into others during a break. Focus on areas that are universal and always useful: Counselling skills Personal development Professional ethics Use your break to: Review past material to reinforce what you’ve already learned. Read ahead if you know the next module topic. Connect with peers through study groups or online communities. Watch live skills demos to see techniques in action. Other ideas: Explore special interest CPD (e.g. grief, young people,
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341 – Everyday Trauma
Working with Parents of Children with Disabilities – What to Do if You Don’t Get Onto the Next Course In Episode 341 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts, Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly, take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we explore the concept of everyday trauma. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Ellie Finch and Dr. Jo Griffin about their CPD lecture, which focuses on working with parents of children with disabilities, complex medical conditions, and special educational needs. And lastly in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken discuss what to do if you don’t get accepted onto the next stage of your counselling training, offering support and strategies for staying motivated. Everyday Trauma [starts at 03:33 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken discuss how trauma isn’t always caused by major events, it can also be the result of ongoing low-level stressors. These “small-t” traumas are often overlooked but can be just as impactful. Key points include: Everyday trauma includes repeated, subtle experiences that chip away at confidence and resilience over time. Common sources of everyday trauma: Education-based trauma – e.g. being misunderstood, shamed or unsupported at school. Workplace trauma – e.g. toxic environments, bullying, redundancy, or job insecurity. Medical trauma – mistrust or fear due to past negative healthcare experiences. Poverty and discrimination – food insecurity, racism, homophobia, ableism, or unsafe housing. Clients may minimise their experiences and not see them as “trauma”. These experiences may cause: Low self-esteem Anxiety Hypervigilance Burnout Internalised oppression Rory and Ken highlight the importance of: Being trauma-informed in your practice. Responding with empathy and curiosity, not correction. Holding a non-pathologising space where clients feel seen, heard, and accepted. Looking out for body-based trauma responses, such as shaking, shallow breathing, or restlessness. Working with Parents of Children with Disabilities [starts at 26:57 mins] In this week’s Practice Matters, Rory is joined by Ellie Finch and Dr. Jo Griffin to discuss their new CPD lecture. They focus on how therapists can support parents who care for children with disabilities, complex medical conditions, or special educational needs (SEND). Key points from this discussion include: Parent-carers experience cumulative trauma from daily battles with healthcare, education, and support systems. This trauma can present as: Anger or withdrawal Burnout and overwhelm Grief over the imagined future for their child Therapeutic considerations: Be flexible with appointments. Understand the systems (SEND, healthcare, social care) that they’re navigating. Be aware of the emotional toll of constant advocacy. Importance of recognising ‘inch-stones’ - small milestones that are deeply meaningful to parent-carers. Avoid ‘toxic positivity’, it’s important to hold space for both joy and grief simultaneously. What to Do if You Don’t Get Onto the Next Course [starts at 54:58 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken talk through the common but difficult experience of not being accepted onto the next stage of your counselling course. Key points include: Course places are often capped due to awarding body restrictions - sometimes, it’s simply a numbers game. Rejection doesn’t mean you’re not good enough - there can be many reasons, including tutor availability or institutional changes. What you can do: Ask for feedback from your tutor or application panel. Reflect on any personal or academic development opportunities. Apply to other institutions with similar training standards. Stay focused on your ‘why’ - what made you want to be a counsellor? Remember: Many practising therapists were once rejected from a course.
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340 – Can Clients Ask You to Delete Their Data?
Supporting Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse - Carl Rogers'Seven Stages of Process In Episode 340 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we look at the question: Can clients ask you to delete their data? - covering legal, ethical, and practical considerations. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Jeremy Sachs about supporting male survivors of sexual abuse, with a focus on the intersectional challenges they face and practical considerations for therapists. And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken explain and simplify Carl Rogers' Seven Stages of Process, highlighting how this core theory maps client growth in therapy. Can Clients Ask You to Delete Their Data? [starts at 03:26 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken address a challenging but important question: Can clients ask you to delete their data? Key points discussed include: Under UK GDPR (Article 17), clients have the "right to erasure" (right to be forgotten), but it’s not absolute. You may decline deletion if: The data is required for legal obligations, such as tax or insurance records. You need the data to defend against complaints or for safeguarding purposes. Deleting data prematurely could leave you without a defence if a client complains later or if you are required to provide records to legal authorities or coroners. Good practice includes: Explaining data retention policies in your contract. Consulting the ICO (Information Commissioner’s Office) for UK-based practitioners. Documenting decisions with written evidence from insurers or data protection authorities. Consider using a split-note system to separate identifying details from case notes. How long should client data be kept after therapy ends? (Commonly six years for adults, up to age 25 for children). Supporting Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse [starts at 23:53 mins] In ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Jeremy Sachs, therapist and author of the upcoming book Masculinity Reconnected, about male sexual abuse and its often-overlooked challenges. Key points discussed include: Societal silence: Male survivors often go unheard due to cultural narratives about masculinity, strength, and emotional repression. The role of masculinity: Traditional masculinity can prevent men from seeking help. Men may internalise shame and avoid vulnerability. "Toxic masculinity" can further oppress male survivors. Intersectionality: Men experience sexual abuse differently based on race, gender identity, class, or sexuality. Therapists must recognise these layers when supporting clients. Supporting survivors: Create safe, validating spaces for male clients to share their stories. Explore how societal expectations and cultural messaging impact their healing. Encourage community and connection to reduce isolation. Carl Rogers' Seven Stages of Process [starts at 45:40 mins] In ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken simplify Carl Rogers’ Seven Stages of Process, a key person-centred theory describing how clients grow through therapy. Key points include: The seven stages map a client’s journey from rigidity to fluidity - from defensiveness to openness and self-trust. Stages explained: Rigidity & Defensiveness – Blaming others, avoiding self-awareness. External Recognition – Acknowledging problems exist but externalising them. Tentative Self-Exploration – Starting to discuss personal feelings. Here-and-Now Feelings – Becoming present-focused, seeking involvement in therapy. Ownership & Change – Taking control and committing to change. Experiencing Fully – Accepting emotions in real-time and trusting the inner self. Self-Actualisation – Living authentically and growing beyond therapy. Most therapy takes place between stages 3–5,
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339 – Dual Relationships in Counselling and Psychotherapy
Practising Good Self-care – What is My Counselling Philosophy? In Episode 339 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we explore the potential dangers of dual relationships in counselling and psychotherapy – how they arise, the ethical implications, and strategies to manage them appropriately. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Sally Anne Armitage about her lecture on practising good self-care – a vital skill for therapists at every stage of their careers. And finally, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken reflect on the importance of defining and understanding your personal counselling philosophy as a student and practitioner. Dual Relationships in Counselling and Psychotherapy [starts at 03:29 mins] This week’s topic explores the often-overlooked issue of dual relationships in counselling and psychotherapy – where a therapist has another connection to their client beyond the therapeutic one. Key points discussed include: A dual relationship can involve personal, social, familial, educational, or professional overlap with a client. Common examples include supervising someone you’ve worked with as a client, counselling friends, or working within the same family or organisation. These relationships can: Break confidentiality boundaries Lead to power imbalances Create confusion around the therapist’s role Undermine objectivity and the therapeutic alliance Ethical bodies (BACP, UKCP, NCPS) acknowledge that dual relationships sometimes arise, especially in smaller communities or training contexts, but they must be handled with extreme care. Dual relationships can damage trust, blur boundaries, and even cause clients to leave therapy prematurely if not managed appropriately. Practising Good Self-care [starts 27:13 mins] In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Sally Anne Armitage about her recent lecture on practising good self-care – a core component of professional resilience. Key points of the conversation include: Self-care is essential but often neglected by therapists. It must be intentional and planned, not left to chance. There’s a key difference between leisure and self-care – some activities (like scrolling social media) may distract rather than restore. Self-care involves reconnecting the mind and body e.g. noticing when you're tired, hungry, or overwhelmed and responding accordingly. Listening to the body’s cues helps prevent burnout, irritability, and emotional exhaustion. Technology and social media can disconnect us from physical awareness e.g. ignoring hunger, tiredness, or the need for rest. Practical self-care suggestions: Looking at greenery or distant views for improved mental health Listening to the body’s signals (e.g. when to rest, eat, pause) Saying "no" when needed to preserve emotional capacity Recognising early signs of fatigue, such as withdrawal or irritability What is My Counselling Philosophy? [starts at 51:54 mins] In this final section, Rory and Ken explore the topic: What is my Counselling Philosophy? A question that may come up in training and supervision. Key points include: A counselling philosophy reflects your personal values, modality, and beliefs about therapeutic work. It answers: “What do I stand for as a practitioner?” and “How do I understand and approach therapy?” For person-centred therapists, it may include concepts like unconditional positive regard, trust in the process, and self-actualisation. Your philosophy may evolve over time with experience and reflection. Ethical practice means being aware of your values while respecting and prioritising the client’s world and truth. Don’t leave your fingerprints on the client - let them develop in their own way.
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338 – Supporting Suicidal Clients
REBT for Pain Management and Exercise - Counselling Skills Feedback In Episode 338 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we explore the essential and sensitive topic of supporting suicidal clients – discussing how therapists can respond ethically and effectively, including risk assessment and safety planning. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Ruth Hill about her lecture on REBT for pain management and exercise – blending cognitive therapy with physical wellbeing to support client recovery. And lastly, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken discuss the importance of receiving and using counselling skills feedback – helping you get the most from peer observations and strengthen your skills in training. Supporting Suicidal Clients [starts at 03:29 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken discuss the sensitive but important issue of supporting suicidal clients, and how to respond appropriately in therapy. Key points discussed include: Suicidal ideation can range from passing thoughts to detailed planning. All expressions should be taken seriously. Risk factors include mental health diagnoses (e.g. depression, bipolar disorder), substance abuse, previous attempts, bereavement, and neurodivergence (particularly autism). Warning signs may present as hopelessness, withdrawal, giving away possessions, or even sudden mood improvements. Therapists should feel confident in: Asking direct, nonjudgmental questions Assessing risk through clarity on plans and means Creating collaborative safety plans with clients Intervention may include providing helpline details, referring to a GP, or involving other services – guided by your therapeutic contract. Documentation, supervision, and appropriate CPD are all essential to ensure ethical and competent practice. REBT for Pain Management and Exercise [starts at 42:15 mins] In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Ruth Hill about her lecture on REBT (Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy), and how it can be used to support pain management and exercise. The key points of this conversation include: REBT explores irrational beliefs and helps clients reframe unhelpful thoughts (e.g. “I can’t cope with this pain” becomes “I don’t want this pain, but I can cope with it”). Beliefs around pain often increase suffering and decrease motivation. Therapists can help clients notice and challenge cognitive distortions like catastrophising, black-and-white thinking, and mind-reading. Avoidance and guarding behaviour can worsen pain and increase deconditioning. Exercise can be reintroduced gently and collaboratively. Therapists should explore client history around movement – school PE experiences, family values, or previous injuries can shape limiting beliefs. Exercise doesn’t have to mean running a marathon – it could mean stretching, walking, or visualising movement to reconnect mind and body. Counselling Skills Feedback [starts at 01:05:57 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken explore how to receive and use feedback on counselling skills, a vital part of developing as a student practitioner. Key points include: In triad skills sessions, the “client” should give feedback first, followed by the observer. Keep feedback constructive – use statements like “I wonder what might have happened if…” instead of criticism. Use observation forms to stay focused – reflect on specific skills such as silence, open questions, or paraphrasing. Sandwich suggestions between two pieces of positive feedback. Not all feedback is right – look for consistent patterns before making major changes. Recording practice sessions can help spot what worked well and what could be improved. Feedback isn’t just about ticking boxes – it’s about deepening empathy, timing,
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