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Counselling Tutor

Ken Kelly and Rory Lees-Oakes
Counselling Tutor
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  • 337 – Talking to Children About Death
    iCloud Changes and Client Confidentiality – Dealing with DNAs in Placement and Practice In Episode 337 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we explore how to talk to children about death - covering developmental understanding, appropriate language, and how to support children through bereavement. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Catherine Knibbs about changes in Apple’s encryption policy and what this means for therapists in terms of data protection and confidentiality. And lastly, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken discuss how to respond when a client does not attend a session, particularly while you’re on placement. Talking to Children About Death [starts at 03:26 mins] Talking to children about death is a delicate but vital topic. In this section, Rory and Ken offer guidance on how to approach this with compassion and clarity. Key points discussed include: Begin the conversation by referencing nature - trees, animals, and seasons can help young children start to understand the cycle of life and death. Avoid euphemisms such as “gone to sleep” or “passed away” - these can be confusing and potentially distressing. Children under 5 may not grasp the permanence of death. They may show their grief through regression, clinginess, or confusion. Children between 5 and 11 are more aware but may still not fully understand. They often ask the same questions repeatedly to process the information. Magical thinking can lead a child to believe their actions or thoughts caused a death - therapists and caregivers must gently challenge this. William Worden’s “12 Needs of a Bereaved Child” mention the need for clear and honest information, routine, and emotional expression. iCloud Changes and Client Confidentiality [starts at 24:04 mins] In this week’s Practice Matters, Rory speaks with Catherine Knibbs about the recent removal of Advanced Data Protection from Apple iCloud in the UK, and how this impacts therapists. The key points of this conversation include: iCloud’s end-to-end encryption has been removed in the UK, meaning data stored in iCloud is more easily accessible by government agencies. Therapists who use Apple devices may unknowingly store sensitive client data (notes, recordings) in the cloud. It’s now more important than ever to review your device settings and understand where your client data is going. If you're recording sessions, use dedicated offline devices like a dictaphone rather than mobile phones that automatically sync to the cloud. Be aware of auto-backups on apps and devices, and take steps to disable them if needed. Therapists must now adopt a more technologically informed stance on client confidentiality, reviewing not just clinical practice but also data storage and device use. Dealing with DNAs in Placement and Practice [starts at 49:30 mins] Do Not Attends (DNAs) are a common part of placement and professional practice. In this section, Rory and Ken reflect on how to respond both practically and emotionally. Main points include: It’s normal for clients to miss sessions, especially in the early stages of therapy or during times of personal crisis. As a student, it’s easy to take a DNA personally, but it’s rarely about you - clients may not be ready, or other life factors may have intervened. Use the time to reflect, do coursework, or engage in self-care. Some placement providers use systems to reduce DNAs, such as text reminders or follow-up calls. Take these experiences into supervision to gain support and insight. Clients may only attend one session, but even a single meeting can offer value. It’s part of your development to work through these moments professionally and reflectively. Talking to Children About Death Click Here to Download Free Handout ...
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  • 336 – Building your Counselling CV
    Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) – Reviewing Client Progress In Episode 336 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly take us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we look at building your counselling CV – including key features to include, ways to stand out, and how to present yourself professionally. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Nicola Durrant about working with clients who have Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) – a profile on the autism spectrum that requires a unique and flexible therapeutic approach. And lastly in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken look at how to review a client’s progress in therapy – and why it’s an important part of ethical and effective practice. Building your Counselling CV  [starts at 03:31 mins] A counselling CV is your first professional impression – and it should reflect not only your qualifications but also your values and personal qualities. In this section, Rory and Ken explore what makes an effective and authentic CV: Start by making sure it’s well-structured and no more than 2–4 pages. Tailor it to each job, making sure you reflect the ethos of the organisation you’re applying to. Be honest about your experience, but also include transferable skills such as active listening, communication, and resilience. Include professional memberships, ethical awareness, and a commitment to personal development. A personal statement can be a great way to communicate your motivation, values, and readiness for the role. If you’ve done any research or CPD, mention this too – especially if it aligns with the organisation’s client group or focus. Ask a peer or supervisor to read your CV and give feedback – having a second pair of eyes helps spot anything you may have missed. Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) [starts at 29:46 mins] In this week’s Practice Matters, Rory speaks with Nicola Durrant about Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) – a profile on the autism spectrum characterised by a high level of anxiety around everyday demands. The key points of this conversation include: PDA is a survival response to perceived demands – it is not about control or defiance. People with PDA often mask their anxiety, especially in school or social environments, and release it later in safe spaces like home. Therapy must be collaborative and low-pressure – avoid direct demands and use invitational language like “I wonder if…” Strategies such as co-regulation, emotional literacy, and flexible structure help support clients with PDA. Trauma-informed practice is essential – the behaviours often resemble trauma responses such as fight, flight, or freeze. Adults with PDA don’t outgrow it – they learn how to manage demands and environments that help them feel safe and in control. Reviewing Client Progress [starts at 54:29 mins] Reviewing client progress is a core part of ethical practice, particularly in short-term therapy or student placements. In this section, Rory and Ken look at why reviews are important and how to approach them: Reviews allow the client to reflect on progress, clarify goals, and express what has been helpful or challenging. This also supports therapist development and helps guide future sessions. You can carry out a review through conversation or using tools like the CORE-10 assessment. Let clients know at the start that a review will happen mid-way through the work – this makes it feel natural and expected. Adapt the review timing to the client’s progress and needs – it doesn’t have to be exactly session six. Ask questions like “How do you feel things are going so far?” or “Is there anything you’d like to change or focus on more?” Use supervision to reflect on what comes up in client reviews – this can strengthen your awareness and planning for the second half of therapy.
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  • 335 – Extra-Theraptuic Factors in Supervision
    Supporting Male Clients in Therapy – How to Begin a Counselling Session In Episode 334 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly guide us through this week’s three topics: Firstly in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we look at extra-therapeutic factors in Supervision and how a client’s world outside the therapy room can influence outcomes. Then in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory interviews James Hawes, author of The Secret Lives of Men, exploring how we can better understand and support male clients in therapy. And lastly in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken talk about how to begin a counselling session, and what to say in those crucial opening moments. Extra-Therapeutic Factors in Supervision [starts at 02:47 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken look at extra-therapeutic factors in supervision and how elements outside the therapy room impact therapeutic outcomes. Key points discussed include: Lambert’s Pie research indicates that extra-therapeutic factors account for 40% of positive outcomes in therapy. These include social support, life circumstances, and the client’s external environment. Supervisors assess not just the client’s progress, but the well-being and context of the supervisee, too. ‘Recovery Capital’ highlights the resources clients have (emotional, social, practical), which can help sustain change. Being aware of a client’s personal motivation, support networks, or external pressures helps deepen understanding of their process.  Supervisors should encourage reflection on both internal and external influences that affect the therapeutic journey. Supporting Male Clients in Therapy [starts at 21:19 mins] In this week’s ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with James Hawes about masculinity, male emotional health, and supporting men in therapy. The key points discussed include: Men often lack the emotional language to express their inner experiences—common responses are 'fine', 'normal', or 'okay'. Therapists should avoid directly asking 'how do you feel?' and instead help men build emotional vocabulary through tools and reflection. Shame and intimacy are often unspoken barriers that keep men isolated. Peer group work with other men can help ‘deshame’ difficult experiences. Masculine norms and socialisation discourage vulnerability and seeking help. Media and cultural influences (e.g. influencers, pornography) heavily shape male identity and perception of relationships.  Creating emotional safety and connection is essential to engaging male clients. How to Begin a Counselling Session [starts at 49:40 mins] In this section, Rory and Ken talk about how to begin a counselling session, especially with a new client: First sessions can be daunting for clients—acknowledge that and be warm and welcoming. Invite the client in gently with open questions like 'What would you like to bring today?' Some clients will speak freely, while others may be more reserved—be led by their pace. Active listening and silence are key skills when building initial rapport. Avoid assumptions based on referrals—clients may bring something completely different. In follow-up sessions, continue to let the client set the agenda rather than directing based on previous sessions. Note-taking becomes important to remember key narrative elements between sessions. Allowing the client to feel heard without pressure builds a strong foundation for the therapeutic relationship. Extra-Therapeutic Factors in Supervision Click Here to Download Free Handout Links and Resources James Hawes The Secret Lives of Men Counselling Skills Academy Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide Counsellor CPD Counselling Study Resource Counselling Theory in Practice: A Student Guide Counselling Tutor Shop Facebook group
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  • WebHealer Special Episode
    Understanding Website Design for Therapists with Daragh McLaughlin Key Takeaways: Ensuring Your Website’s Future:Your website is an essential part of your practice. By taking the right steps and asking the right questions, you can ensure that it remains a valuable asset as your business grows. Red Flags When Choosing a Web Designer:Be aware of slow response times, lack of a formal contract, and poor communication. These are signs that a web design company may not be the best fit for your needs. Understanding Digital Assets:Your website is a valuable digital asset that supports your practice. Ensuring you maintain control over your domain name is crucial for long-term stability. Importance of Domain Ownership:Always ensure that the domain name is registered in your name. Domain ownership issues can cause serious problems if you need to switch providers. Clear Communication and Project Milestones:From the very beginning, establish clear communication expectations. Understand the project timeline, progress updates, and how to contact your designer with any concerns. Ongoing Support and Website Access:Make sure your web designer provides ongoing support and you have administrative access to your website. This ensures that you can manage updates or make changes without relying solely on the designer. Links and Resources Counselling Skills Academy Advanced Certificate in Counselling Supervision Basic Counselling Skills: A Student Guide Counsellor CPD Counselling Study Resource Counselling Theory in Practice: A Student Guide Counselling Tutor Shop Facebook group Website Online and Telephone Counselling: A Practitioner's Guide Online and Telephone Counselling Course
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  • 334 – Managing Triggers and Flashbacks
    334 – Managing Triggers and Flashbacks Selective Mutism – Ideal Client Load for Student Counsellors In Episode 334 of the Counselling Tutor Podcast, your hosts Rory Lees-Oakes and Ken Kelly guide us through this week’s three topics: Firstly, in ‘Ethical, Sustainable Practice’, we look at managing triggers and flashbacks—offering insights into how counsellors can support clients dealing with trauma responses. Then, in ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Antje Bothin about her book Annika and the Treasure of Iceland and how it helps give a deeper understanding of selective mutism. And lastly, in ‘Student Services’, Rory and Ken discuss the ideal client load for student counsellors, offering guidance on balancing client hours in placement while maintaining self-care. Managing Triggers and Flashbacks [starts at 03:06 mins] Managing triggers and flashbacks is crucial for working with clients who have experienced trauma. In this section, Rory and Ken explore the mechanisms behind trauma responses and how counsellors can help clients manage and reduce distress caused by these experiences. Key points discussed include: What Are Triggers? Triggers are stimuli - such as sounds, smells, images, bodily sensations, or emotions - that remind a client of a past traumatic event and activate a distressing response. These triggers can be conscious or unconscious, meaning clients might not always recognise what has set off their reaction. Understanding Flashbacks Flashbacks pull a client back into the past, making them re-experience their trauma as though it is happening in the present. This can be accompanied by emotional regression, where clients may revert to a childlike state in their speech or body language. Helping Clients Identify Triggers Therapists can support clients by identifying potential triggers before they become overwhelming. Trigger journals are a useful tool to help clients recognise patterns and gain greater self-awareness. Techniques for Managing Triggers and Flashbacks Grounding Techniques: These help bring the client back to the present moment, e.g. the 5-4-3-2-1 Method. Breathing Techniques: Encouraging deep, calm breathing to slow the physiological stress response. Physical Movement: Stretching, standing up, or walking to interrupt the trigger response. Developing a Coping Plan: Creating self-soothing strategies, such as listening to music, using a weighted blanket, or engaging in a creative activity. Key Practice Tip: If a client regularly experiences triggers or flashbacks, therapists should incorporate trauma-informed practices into their approach to ensure a safe and supportive therapeutic environment. Selective Mutism [starts at 29:35 mins] In ‘Practice Matters’, Rory speaks with Dr. Antje Bothin, author of Annika and the Treasure of Iceland, about selective mutism - a condition where individuals experience extreme anxiety when speaking in certain situations. The key points discussed include: What is Selective Mutism? A phobia of speaking caused by anxiety, often leading individuals to experience a freeze response in social settings. People with selective mutism may speak comfortably in some environments (e.g. at home) but struggle in others (e.g. school, therapy). Recognising Selective Mutism in Clients Clients may remain silent in certain situations while appearing confident in others. Some individuals exhibit high-profile selective mutism, where they completely stop speaking, while others display low-profile selective mutism, where they respond with one-word answers or gestures. How Therapists Can Support Clients Avoid pressuring clients to speak—instead, create a safe and accepting environment. Use Alternative Communication Methods: Start with closed-ended questions (yes/no answers) before gradually encouraging more open-ended responses.
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