The Harry Hill Show

Sara Pascoe turns up for old times' sake, gets grilled by not one but two Sarah's, pitches a Thursday Murder Club rival called The Wednesday Hospice Pickpocket Club, and has her own historic bankruptcy read out live on air by an AI bot with a long memory and no filter. We welcome Queensmith CEO Brett Afshar for this week's theme, Diamonds, and somebody ends up wearing a £185,000 ring.

0:17 Going Through My Dead Nan's Handbag
2:19 The Locket
2:45 Enter Sarah Pascoe
3:12 Licky
3:36 Catching Up: "Long Time No See"
3:50 The YFCs and the Boadicea Chariot Comedy Analogy
7:03 The Weirdos Book Club
7:13 Flight from Death Row and the Withered Twin Theory
8:38 Comedians Training Their Dogs
8:58 Amanda Lamb, Shepherd
9:49 Sarah's Verdict on AI
10:20 The U2 Album Everyone Hated
11:49 The Houseboat on the Strait of Hormuz
12:14 Turning Down Riyadh and Dubai
13:16 Enter the Other Sarah (the AI Bot)
16:02 You Must Be Joking and The Tomorrow People
18:38 The Belt That Made His Trousers Fall Down
19:16 Meeting Cariad Lloyd at University
20:11 The Wisest Thing Anyone's Said About Podcasts
24:19 The Participation Song
25:11 Would I Lie to You and the Lee Mack Rule
26:09 The QI Fee and the BBC Tartan
26:57 Hosting Have I Got News for You (and the Glue Prank)
28:31 Last One Laughing and the Case for Bob Mortimer
30:24 Should Roisin Be Allowed in the Room?
32:04 A Cigar and Her First-Ever Stand-Up Gig
33:07 Interrupted by a Deliveroo (For Greg Wallace)
41:44 Twix Drop (Possibly Poisoned)
42:20 Why AI Should Run on Sewage
44:16 Sacked from The Great British Sewing Bee
46:14 The Thursday Murder Club and the Hospice Pickpocket Pitch
50:50 Medievaloo
52:48 Theme of the Week: Diamonds with Brett Afshar
53:23 What Actually Is a Diamond?
54:34 How Diamonds Reach the Surface
55:36 The History of the Diamond Engagement Ring
56:43 Where in the World Diamonds Are Mined
58:47 How You Cut a Diamond With a Diamond
59:26 The Largest Diamond Ever Found
1:00:33 What Makes a Diamond Valuable
1:01:37 Carats, Explained
1:04:38 Trying On a £185,000 Ring
1:06:53 Blood Diamonds and Diamond Ethics
1:08:06 Lab-Grown Diamonds
1:11:30 Harry's Joke Corner

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Matt Baker - TV royalty, now knee-deep in mud - turns up straight off the train from Durham and gets sniffed out and confesses to the Great Nuremberg Pork Allergy Incident.

We're joined by underwater archaeologist Dr Peter Campbell for this week's themed deep-dive, Sunken Cities, and Matt is put through a bruising round of What Is the Velcro Singing?

1:20 Unfinished Business
3:29 Enter Matt Baker, Show Mascot
3:52 The Swiss Army Taser
5:02 Max the Cab Driver's Horse-and-Cart Trivia
8:22 Sarah the AI Bot Profiles Matt Baker
11:12 Gymnastics, Ballet
12:13 Attempting the Crab (Slipped Disc Warning)
14:08 Blue Peter, Meg the Sheepdog and the "Stolen" Dog
16:46 The Nuremberg Donkey and the Pork Allergy Origin Story
18:59 Every Blue Peter Presenter Ever
19:53 Countryfile, The One Show and "How Do You Sleep?"
20:45 Banned for Throwing Bread: One Show Memories
23:30 Casting Mary Berry as a Co-Host
25:01 Celebrity Showjumping for Sport Relief
26:03 Gary's Advert: The EPOK Pen for Pork Allergies
27:57 Theme of the Week: Sunken Cities with Dr Peter Campbell
29:11 What Actually Is a Sunken City?
33:01 Debunking Atlantis
34:38 Mapping the Nile, the Tiber and the Thames
36:17 Sonar Scanning the Riverbed
39:03 Where to Go: Baia, Italy
40:37 What Is the Velcro Singing?
43:34 Matt's New Caravan Pet Podcast
46:09 Gary's Joke Corner
48:46 Goodnight from The Harry Hill Show

New episodes of The Harry Hill Show every Monday.

#TheHarryHillShow #HarryHill #MattBaker

"Matt Baker" by Wikipedia contributors, used under CC BY-SA 4.0. Derived from the Wikipedia article on Matt Baker. / This work is licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0.
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In the final episode before our summer break, we're joined by Bob Mortimer's co-host, comedy royalty, Paul Whitehouse.
Paul who gets sniffed, interrogated, and thoroughly background-checked by a passive-aggressive AI bot with opinions about Rick Stein—alongside Bat Conservation Trust director Joe Nuñez-Miño for an hour of sketch-show mega-nostalgia, dodgy fishing anecdotes, and enough vampire bat trivia to ruin Halloween forever.
If you've ever wanted to hear a bat expert calmly explain that echolocation is actually a bat's expensive last resort behind perfectly good eyesight, or witness Harry's own AI son get tased with a homemade "Swiss Army taser" made from a nine-volt battery before the theme tune's even finished, listen up.

00:01 – Steve Bartlett's Diary of a CEO
02:47 – Licky Learns the Hard Way What a Taser Tastes Like
03:08 – Welcoming Paul Whitehouse
04:06 – Retirement Pods, Coffins, and the Case for Downsizing Into the Garden
06:04 – A Solemn Tribute to Ted, the Gone Fishing Dog Who Never Cared About Anyone
07:43 – A Heron Impression Decades in the Making, Featuring Isaac Walton
09:08 – Salmon Spearing, Feargal Sharkey, and a Rare Moment of Actual Politics
10:11 – Sarah the AI Bot
11:34 – Harry's Boyhood Fishing Career: Zero Fish, Infinite Trauma
12:22 – Sarah Reveals Paul's Dad Worked for the Coal Board and His Mum Sang Opera, Somehow Producing Paul
13:11 – Les Dennis Gets Decked by Bob Mortimer in a White-Collar Boxing Ring
14:22 – Paul's Mum Left School at Fourteen, Which Somehow Leads to a Welsh Choir Tangent
15:19 – Paul's Mum's Voice Turns Up on a Gone Fishing Recording and Everyone Loses It Slightly
16:33 – Harry Enfield Plays Harry Hill With a Bald Cap and Weaponised Tear Ducts
18:36 – Peter Fincham's Terrible Beatles-and-Stones Covers Band Staring Down Gary Barlow
20:19 – Sarah Digs Up a Punk Band Called The Right Hand Lovers
21:26 – Paul Firmly Denies Ever Squatting, Actually Worked for Enfield Council
22:34 – Five Years as a Plasterer, Which He Genuinely Enjoyed
23:44 – Paul Goes Mute for Five Weeks at School, Returns Speaking Full Mockney
24:59 – Sarah Wraps Up With The Fast Show, Gone Fishing, and Playing Argus Filch
28:39 – Turning Down a Twix on Account of Type 2 Diabetes
29:45 – Defending The Fast Show's Famously Rubbish Title
30:18 – A Clause 28 Joke Delivered Entirely in Character as Loadsamoney
31:19 – Pitching Cartoons to the BBC and Mourning the Death of Sketch Comedy
32:51 – Johnny Vegas Texts Paul About a Whiskey Galore Remake and a Sketch Called Heroin Galore
33:39 – Why Broadcasters Will Fund Any Drama But Basically No Sketch Show
34:44 – A Fake Telethon Called Charity Innovatathon Featuring Trevor McDonald and a Liz Truss Coin Collection
37:40 – Theme of the Week: Bats, With Actual Expert Joe Nunes-Mino
39:04 – What Is a Bat, Actually? 1,500 Species and Counting
39:43 – The UK Has 18 Bat Species, One of Which Is Just Three Individuals Who Might Not Even Live Here
40:32 – Dracula Jokes, and a Firm Reminder That Spiders Are Not Insects
42:18 – Bat Sex Explained: Stored Sperm All Winter, Then an October Decision
43:08 – Maternity Roosts Operate a Strict No-Males Policy
44:02 – Horseshoe Bats Give Birth Upside Down and Catch the Baby Themselves
44:40 – Bats Apparently Need Flying Lessons Too, Courtesy of the UK's Bat Carer Network
45:51 – Myth Busted: Bats Can See Perfectly Well and Echolocation Is Just Expensive Shouting
47:54 – No, Bats Do Not Make Good Pets, Cue the Inevitable Vampire Bat Questions
48:19 – Vampire Bats Snack on Cattle Hooves and, Apparently, Sea Lions
49:14 – Some Bats Live to 41, Which Is Longer Than Most Marriages on This Podcast
50:24 – All UK Bats Are Protected By Law, So Please Stop Trying to Eat Them
52:14 – The National Bat Helpline 54:48 – Gary's Joke Corner
57:00 – Butterfly in Blue Jeans

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In this week’s episode of the Podscarf, we welcome legendary music producer Rick Rubin—who accidentally ruins our viewer retention stats before getting violently dragged off set—alongside Radio 1 DJ Melvin Odoom and Southwark Borough Fire Commander Daniel Capon for an hour of pure, unadulterated legacy media chat and safety protocols. If you've ever wanted to hear a group commander explain why you should never, under any circumstances, throw a bucket of water on a kitchen oil fire, or witness an adult man explain a legendary schoolyard Desmond’s impression that culminates in a smelly finger, listen up. -00:04 – Rick Rubin's Creative Process01:37 – Analyzing the Podscarf Stats: The Sudden Rick Rubin Retraction Dip02:27 – The Irish vs. Ghanaian Apostrophe Scandal with Melvin Odoom02:49 – Radio 1 Live Lounge Lore: Chilling out with an Enigmatic Harry Styles03:54 – Cantaloupe Melon Sugar: Harry Admits He Is Way Too Old for Current Music04:44 – Licky the Mascot Debuts an Elaborate Swiss Army Taser Dance05:58 – Selling Nine-Volt Batteries and Homemade Shock Equipment for £2006:31 – Misidentifying Greg Wallace and Stalking the Aisles of Home Bargains07:27 – Buying Eight-Foot Teddy Bears and Massive Boxes of Chewing Gum08:03 – CDJs vs. Vinyl: Embracing the Technical Demise of Creative Revenue09:29 – Sarah the AI Bot Offers a Fork Bump and Wants to Kiss Your FM10:10 – Biographies of North London: From Cricklewood to Seven Sisters11:06 – Minoring in Apple Trees: Learning How to Plan Content at Bedfordshire11:56 – A-Level Acting Failures, Clearing, and Stanning Trevor Nelson12:29 – Harry’s Trendy Habits as a Six Music Dad Who Secretly Listens to Gold13:15 – Student Radio Origin Stories and Trading Drama Classes for BBC Toast13:53 – Fired From Capital Radio: The Demise of the 2004 Playlist14:37 – Looking Out at the Aberdeen Museum of Steak while Evanescence Plays15:24 – Welcome to Funch: The 18-to-24 Female Focus Group Disaster16:49 – Chatting Rubbish vs. Real Work: Melvin’s Mum the Dementia Care Worker17:36 – Demanding Jollof Rice and Chicken 18:00 – Sarah Breaks Down the 2009 Kiss Breakfast Sony Radio Silver Award18:48 – Dick and Dom Bungalow Memories and Bleeding Love on a Miniature Guitar19:57 – The Nose-Flute Solo Experiment22:02 – Steve Wright’s The Slammer and Getting Your Foot on the Rung via Free Toast23:03 – Strictly Christmas Revenge and Scored Minuses on House of Games24:16 – Celebrity Take Me Out Lift Entrances and a Fake Date at a Holborn Bowling Alley25:27 – E4’s My Hotter Half: Using Mood Lighting to Make Over Ugly Couples26:12 – Naked Attraction Musings: Releasing Inhibitions and Boosting Ratings27:42 – SUV Entrances on Traitors and Marvin Humes’ Jungle Eating Warnings29:32 – GK Barry Pulls Out of the Show to Go to the Brit Awards30:18 – Gifting a Best Single Brit Award to an Incredibly Beautiful James Blunt31:12 – Rick Rubin's Hamburg Cutlery Shop Memory: Paul McCartney’s Missing Spoons32:00 – Making a Clack-Clack Sound on Cherry Bakewell with German Forks33:07 – Firefighting: Welcoming Daniel Capon (The D-Man) from Southwark33:38 – Surviving the 24-Hour Operational Officer Shift Patterns34:06 – Dispelling Misconceptions: 20,000 Fires vs. 56,000 Special Services34:38 – The Ultimate London Fire Brigade Statistic: Exactly Five Cats Rescued from Trees35:27 – Dripping Radiators and Calling 999 Because the Gardener Smashed a Window36:58 – Modern Prevention Safety: Utilizing Free Station Community Rooms38:39 – The Nature of Big Red Toolboxes and Fixing Things by Default39:22 – Cooking Left Unattended: The Demise of the 1970s Damp Tea Towel Protocol40:48 – Sixty-Second Station Mobilization and the Speed Efficiency of the Fire Pole41:08 – Harry’s 1976 Maidstone Scout Firefighter Badge Strike Trauma42:31 – Lithium-Ion Charge Safe Campaigns: The E-Bike Battery Threat43:22 – Containing Black Smoke Inhalation by Keeping Property Doors Firmly Closed44:39 – The Unsung Heroes of the LFB Control Room Network47:05 – Heartwarming and Heartbreaking Families: Working a 30-Year Career48:34 – Online Home Fire Safety Checkers for Vulnerable London Residents50:14 – GAME TIME: "What is the Velcro Singing?!"51:36 – Mistaking Leona Lewis for Little Mix Black Magic and Only Fools and Horses53:22 – Gary’s Joke Corner (Melvin’s Historic Desmond’s Impression)55:19 – Old African Sayings: Itchy Bums, Smelly Fingers, and Schoolyard Training55:34 – Butterfly In Blue Jeans"Melvin Odoom" by Wikipedia contributors, used under CC BY-SA 4.0. Derived from the Wikipedia article on Melvin Odoom. / This work is licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0.

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In this week’s episode of the Podscarf we welcome English stand-up comedian Angela Barnes and Tudor historian Adam Pennington to the studio for an hour of pure, unadulterated high-street nostalgia and medieval gore.Angela reveals how she used to operate as a suitcase-wielding, bootleg DVD library out of her dad's Great Yarmouth sex shop, and find out why the internal gases of King Henry VIII caused him to literally pop inside his own coffin.---00:00 – Gary's Basement Eggs and the Over-Tight Costume Crisis00:19 – Formulating a £30 "Corned Beef Spam Nut" Kit for Nostalgic Pensioners03:30 – Licky the Mascot Gives an Extravagant Face-Licking to a Married Woman05:11 – Turning 50: The 1970s Nuclear Survival Kit Tobacco Tin Lore06:39 – Waking Up to the Casualty Theme Tune 08:12 – Phoning in the "Angst" Tour and Saving a Life with The Archers09:51 – Podcasting for "Young" Pensioners and Failing to Sing Like Jeremy Hardy10:33 – Outsourcing Our Brains to Siri until We Become Sofa Blobs11:43 – Sarah the AI Bot Summons the Medway Posse and Bigs up Chatham13:20 – The Maidstone Anthem: Sex Shops, Golden Boots, and Prison Walls14:40 – High Street Slander15:22 – Checkers Model Shops and the Measurement Machines of the Golden Boot16:28 – The Stoned Anagram and Wes Anderson's Secret Mansion in Basted17:46 – The Caravan-Enthusiast, Naturist, Swinger Sex Shop Dad18:20 – Sharing the Pre-Streaming Suitcase Bootlegs Like the Original Pornhub19:22 – Amateur Dramatics as the Comic Fat Girl and Sudden Bereavement at 6020:21 – Emceeing Jack Skipper’s First Ever Jill Edwards Comedy Showcase21:13 – The Five-Day House of Games Sweep and Facing Social Media Trolls23:08– ADHD Hyperactivity and the Sussex University Synesthesia Study26:41 – The 19-Year-Old Brain Connection Realization and 10 Minutes of Stand-Up Material27:35 – Ad Break: Regency Foods Present Princess Anne Molds and complimentary Cremation29:19 – Adam Pennington Explains the Desperate Male Heir Mania of the Tudors30:39 – Holbein Portraits, Breaking the Papacy, and Banishing Catholics From Succession31:41 – A 400-Pound King Whose Gammy Leg Smelt From Three Rooms Away32:08 – Jude Law Spraying Feces, Pus, and Blood Perfume All Over the Firebrand Set32:48 – Illegitimate Lancastrians, Princes in the Tower, and the Game of Thrones War34:30 – Tenuous Bloodlines: How 78% of Britons Are Descended From William the Conqueror35:22 – Royal Imposter Syndrome and Beheading the Remaining Plantagenets36:19 – Whispering Chromosome Irony Into the Beheaded Ear of Anne Boleyn's Legacy38:00 – Fastidious Manners, Six-Foot-Three Strapping Youth, and Monastic Dissolution39:33 – Hiring a Sword Executioner Before Anne Boleyn Even Went to Trial40:27 – Heavy Petting in the Mid-50s: Catherine Howard and Jane Boleyn's Shared Fate41:25 – Knighting a Sirloin Steak and Hanging Out at Hever Castle42:26 – Ulcerated Leg Pain and Popping Open via Internal Coffin Gases44:08– Sarcophagus Re-Gifting and the 11-Strike Axe Horror of Margaret Pole45:10– QUIZZITY QUIZ: 53:08 – Gary’s Joke Corner54:57 – Butterfly In Blue Jeans"Angela Barnes" by Wikipedia contributors, used under CC BY-SA 4.0. Derived from the Wikipedia article on Angela Barnes. / This work is licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0.

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