Middling Along

If life keeps speeding up and the demands keep stacking up (kids, parents, work, your own busy brain) then this one's for you.

In this episode I interview speaker, writer and self-development expert Lily Silverton about her book Prioritize This: A Practical Guide for Thriving in a World That Won't Slow Down.

We dig into three chapters that land hardest for the midlife squeezed middle: stress, overwhelm, and procrastination and some practical, brain-based tools for each. Lily is candid about her own experiences navigating the combination of a seriously ill father and young children, and why she has no time for self-help advice written for people with no heed for the demands of real life.

We discuss:

The two most robust, evidence-backed interventions — movement and social connection.

Building your own bespoke stress toolkit (the "pick and mix", not the prescriptive programme)

SITs and SATs: stress-inducing vs stress-alleviating thoughts, and turning the dial down on catastrophising

The multitasking myth — why it's really task switching, and what each switch costs you

Three questions to cut through overwhelm

Procrastination as emotional management, not time management - aka "what feeling am I avoiding?"

AI, the hamster wheel, and whether technology will actually save us time...

Resources and Links:

Lily's books: Prioritize This and The Priorities Method journal

Exercises and downloads at the Prioritize This website: https://www.prioritisethis.com/

Instagram: @lily_silverton

Website: lilysilverton.com

Substack: https://prioritisethis.substack.com/

Don't forget you can find out how to work with me and the back archive of this podcast at www.thetripleshift.org/starthere - and if you enjoyed this episode please do write us a short review to help others discover Middling Along!

We say "I've got nothing to wear" standing in front of a full wardrobe. Samantha Harman's argument is that the sentence has nothing to do with clothes — it's about not knowing who we're supposed to be.

In this episode I talk to best-selling author, stylist and former journalist Samantha Harman about her book Just Get Dressed: Why You Have Nothing to Wear and What to Do About It — a styling book with no pictures and no body-shape rules, built instead around the inner work most of us avoid. It's a conversation about generational trauma, the prehistoric brain, the martyrdom of the women in the squeezed middle, and why getting dressed in the morning is so flipping hard.

What we cover:

Why "nothing to wear" is never about a lack of clothes... and what your wardrobe is actually a manifestation of (beliefs, identity, class, politics, generational trauma)

The problem with the personal styling industry: more rules, more prescription, more exhaustion

Epigenetics and the prehistoric brain — why being a visible woman registers as dangerous, and why the fabulous outfit stays on the hanger

Clothing as a business tool — and why men have always been allowed to use it while women get judged for it

The "bag of potatoes" meeting: how an ill-fitting supermarket shirt quietly costs you authority, presence and opportunity

The compare-and-despair cycle and the social-media misery machine: and the reminder that all of it, even "authentic" personal brands, is marketing

Enclothed cognition: why what you wear changes the actions you take (and how you handle Barry from accounts)

Midlife as an opportunity, not a decline — finances, time, intelligence, and finding the rooms with brilliant women in them

Two exercises from the book: meeting the 5-year-old who's really running your wardrobe, and the letter from your 90-year-old self

Emotional spending, scarcity tactics and how retailers weaponise your feelings — plus the fast-fashion harm hiding behind "retail therapy"

The wardrobe edit as a non-negotiable business activity — and the one thing to do first: get rid of what you hate

Find Samantha here:

Just Get Dressed: Why You Have Nothing to Wear and What to Do About It - available on Amaz*n, or justgetdressed.com

https://www.instagram.com/styleeditoruk/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/samantha-harman-style-editor/

Enjoyed this episode? 

Follow Middling Along wherever you listen, and consider leaving a review — it genuinely helps other midlife women find the show. For weekly research and commentary on midlife wellbeing, subscribe to Emma's Substack, The Messy Middle: https://middlingalong.substack.com/

Alex Perry is doing something unusual: he's a young man building a women's health-led underwear brand, and talking openly about menopause, mastectomy recovery and vulval health while he does it.

In this conversation, Emma and Alex explore:

How his company, Alexander Clementine pivoted from a sustainable fashion focus into women's health after customer reviews and his own mum's breast cancer journey revealed an unmet need

Why use seaweed (and specifically Icelandic seaweed harvested every four years) to make a fabric naturally antibacterial, anti-odour, temperature-regulating, moisture-wicking, hypoallergenic and rich in antioxidants

The environmental case against synthetic underwear, and why fibres made from petrochemicals are particularly concerning in a menopause context (carcinogens, hormone disruptors, trapped heat and moisture)

"Menopause-washing" — how to read the label and spot brands cashing in without using fabrics that actually help

How the underwear helps with external-facing symptoms of menopause — hot flushes, heightened sensitivity, dry and itchy skin, vulval discomfort — and where it fits in breast cancer recovery (two-to-four weeks post-surgery, not as an immediate post-surgical compression bra)

Why Alex believes men need to be part of the menopause conversation — and the response he's had from men his own age (spoiler: most know nothing about it)

Links & Resources

Alexander Clementine website: alexanderclementine.com

Instagram: @alexanderclementine (search Alexander Clementine)

Check out my earlier conversation with Jo and Rob, authors of Burning Up, Frozen Out — a book aimed at men with frameworks for having menopause conversations: https://www.thetripleshift.org/podcast/burning-up-frozen-out 

 
Note: Alex kindly gifted me a sample crop bra to try ahead of recording — there's no paid sponsorship, and as regular listeners know, I rarely talk about products on the podcast unless I've used them myself.

To find out more about ways to work with me please check out www.thetripleshift.org/starthere

You'll find me on Substack too https://middlingalong.substack.com/

Retirement was introduced in the UK in 1948, when life expectancy was 66. It was designed to support people for about a year. So why are we still treating 65 as the cliff edge — and accepting a model that funnels women out of the workforce just as their crystallised intelligence peaks?

This week I'm joined by Lucy Standing, founder of Brave Starts, co-author of Age Against the Machine: New Rules for Working in an Ageist World, Telegraph careers columnist, and contributor to OECD policy on older workers. Lucy is sharp, evidence-led, and refreshingly impatient with the way the labour market wastes people in their 50s and 60s.

We talk about:

Why retirement as we know it is a 1940s solution being applied to a problem that no longer exists

The difference between fluid intelligence (peaks at 19) and crystallised intelligence (peaks in your late 40s and 50s) — and why most hiring still measures the wrong one

The OECD-backed Generation study where 89% of older hires performed at or above expectations, against hiring managers' predictions

Why "I want to do something more purposeful" is the dominant driver for workers over 50 — and money ranks sixth

Why the jobs board model is broken if you're trying to pivot, and what to do instead (hint: stop hitting "easy apply")

The would-be hotelier who almost spent his life savings on a Lake District boutique — and the two days that saved him

Why we'll happily pay £30k for a degree but balk at paying for two days of practical experience in the field we're considering

The 82-year-old woman whose letter changed how Lucy thinks about loneliness, work, and contribution

If you've ever felt invisible in the job market after 50, been told you're "overqualified," or watched a brilliant friend get screened out by an applicant tracking system, this one's for you.

Links:

Age Against the Machine: New Rules for Working in an Ageist World — by Lucy Standing, Maggie Evans and Martin Hyde, out now in paperback [https://www.waterstones.com/book/age-against-the-machine/lucy-standing/martin-hyde/9783111706894]

Brave Starts: bravestarts.com  

Lucy on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucystanding/

You can find me, and the full podcast archive over at www.thetripleshift.org/starthere

Don't forget to subscribe to my Substack too: https://middlingalong.substack.com/

This time I’m joined by Joe Warner and Rob Kemp, authors of the new book Burning Up, Frozen Out: What Every Man Needs to Know About the Menopause (But No One Told You) – written specifically to help men understand and support their partners through perimenopause and menopause. Joe and Rob share why they wrote the book, the communication tools that can transform midlife relationships, why men don’t need to “fix” anything, and how a little knowledge goes a very long way.

Joe Warner is an award-winning journalist and bestselling author, and former editorial director of Men’s Fitness magazine. He has spent more than two decades working across print, digital and broadcast media, writing extensively about men’s and women’s health, fitness and wellbeing.

Rob Kemp is a freelance journalist and author of seven non-fiction books, including the Amazon-bestselling The Expectant Dad’s Survival Guide, The New Dad’s Survival Guide and The Good Guys: 50 Heroes Who Changed the World with Kindness. He has written about men’s health, parenting and sports for more than 30 years.

What We Talked About

Why Joe and Rob wrote Burning Up, Frozen Out

The parallels Rob noticed between supporting a partner through pregnancy and supporting a partner through perimenopause

Why men often default to “fixer” mode – and the relief that comes from learning they don’t have to fix anything

Moving from a solutions mindset to a support mindset

The “midlife logistics company” problem: how couples stop talking to each other and start just managing schedules

The Midlife MOT – a weekly check-in tool for couples to score how they’re feeling physically and mentally, and use it as a springboard for conversation

The Traffic Light List – a green/amber/red exercise to uncover what your partner loves, tolerates and can’t stand (including in the bedroom)

Active listening vs jumping into solutions: “Do you want help, a hug, or to be heard?”

How men can be the “Sherlock Holmes” who spots perimenopause symptoms before their partner does

The disconnect around sex and intimacy in midlife: why men often seek connection through sex, while women need connection before sex

Spontaneous vs responsive desire, and the idea of the “sizzle” – giving intimacy time to build

Lowered tolerance in perimenopause: why “she’s changed” is the wrong framing

Being a co-advocate at GP appointments and the chapter on “Dealing with the Doctor”

Rob’s biggest surprise: how poorly the medical profession has served women presenting with menopause symptoms

Joe’s biggest surprise: how empowered he felt once he had the knowledge to actually help

 
Key Takeaways

You don’t have to fix it. Shifting from a solutions mindset to a support mindset is the single most powerful change a man can make.

A little education goes a long way. Understanding what’s actually happening hormonally helps men take symptoms seriously, respond with empathy, and spot what’s going on – sometimes before their partner does.

Communication is a skill, not a talent. It needs practice, just like anything else. The book provides a menu of practical tools and phrases you can pick and choose from.

Make time sacred. A weekly coffee, a walk, a Midlife MOT check-in – carving out regular, low-pressure time to talk is the single habit that every expert Jo and Rob spoke to swore by.

You’re not alone. Isolation makes everything harder. This is something couples go through together, and asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

 

“Once they read in the book that their job isn’t to fix anything, you can almost see the weight of the world lift off their shoulders.”

– Joe Warner

“All I said to her was, can I make you a cup of tea? That’s all I had.”

– Rob Kemp

Links & Resources

Burning Up, Frozen Out: https://www.johnmurraypress.co.uk/titles/joe-warner/burning-up-frozen-out/9781399826655/

com – includes a free download of Chapter 4 (on men and the midlife crisis) and the Midlife MOT tool

Also mentioned: Listen by Dr Kathryn Mannix; Rebel Bodies by Sarah Graham

 

If you think your partner could benefit from this conversation, send them a link to this episode and to the book. And if you’ve read Burning Up, Frozen Out, Joe and Rob would love to hear from you – get in touch via burningupfrozenout.com.

If you'd like to find out more about my work, or how to work with me, please visit www.thetripleshift.org/starthere