Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 The audio hug for parents of teens and tweens.

• 142: Why school exam systems need to change and how to support our own kids now

  What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?The intense, content-heavy exam system in the UK kicks off at this time of year with GCSEs and A levels; high-stakes exams that can feel like a make-or-break moment for teenagers. I've already discussed with Susie how we can support our teens through the stress, which you can download here:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/exam-revision-parenting-through-the-pressure/This time I'm joined by journalist Jenny Anderson who writes extensively about education, the attention economy, learning, science and technology. She's co-author of that amazing book, The Disengaged Teen, which I featured in episode 125, https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/122-how-to-get-our-teens-to-love-learning-and-why-parents-are-the-missing-piece-of-the-puzzle/Jenny has a child who's currently sitting GCSEs so we thought it would be a great time unpack why our current exam system might be doing more harm than good. We explore the incredible stress these exams create by making kids work to a rigid marking scheme causing both boredom and stress, why intense memorization isn't learning and the widening gulf between our current education system and what's going on in the world of work. We discuss why exams shouldn't define our children's worth, how to help them manage stress, and why experiences outside the classroom are just as crucial as academic achievements. Whether your child is currently studying for GCSEs or you're looking ahead, this episode will give you practical strategies to help your teenager navigate this intense period while keeping their confidence and love of learning intact.CONTACT: Jenny Anderson https://www.jennywestanderson.org/Instagram @jennyandersonwritesSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

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• 141: Success: What really shapes who we become and are parents that important?

  What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?What really shapes success — nature, nurture, luck? It's a perennial question. The Family Dynamic is a brilliant, captivating exploration of families in which all of the children became high-achievers. The award-winning author, Susan Dominus, has woven academic research into a book of wonderfully engaging family stories that tease out the role played by our environment: Parents with a bold vision, community, neighbourhoods, and most enlightening of all siblings. If you’ve ever questioned how important your parenting really is, the impact of siblings on your child's life, the role of community, or whether our kids should do chores, this is a conversation you won’t want to miss.THE BOOK: The Family Dynamic by Susan DominusCONTACT DETAILS:Website: Susan P Dominus at susanpdominus.comInstagram: @Sue DominusBlue Sky: Susan DominusFacebook: She remains active and friendly on FacebookAdditionally, the New York Times Magazine.SIBLINGS: Based on Susan Dominus's research, siblings play a crucial role in a child's success through several key mechanisms:Motivational Influence👉Siblings can inspire and push each other to achieve moreKnowledge Transfer👉Successful older siblings often provide guidance about opportunities like college applications and career paths. They can offer vision and perspective that parents might not have.Spillover Effect👉In lower-income families, the success of one sibling can positively impact younger siblings. When one child achieves, it can create a pathway and belief system for other siblingsMentorship👉Children are more likely to listen to and be inspired by siblings than parental suggestionsRole Modelling👉Siblings provide each other with an idea of what's possible.In all, the research suggests that if we can encourage healthy, supportive sibling relationships they can have a lasting, empowering impact on the future of the whole family.If you would like to know more about how to set siblings up to have a supportive relationship I also recommend episode 124: Enduring sibling relationships.Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

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• 140: Respect, artifical intelligence and toxic femininity - the teenage view

  What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?When I asked listeners for their questions one stood out as a worthy of almost an entire episode: 'What does it take to respect people around you, especially your parents?'There's so much that could be said on this topic that it think I might give it a deeper dive at some point, but the insight from my teens was very interesting nonetheless.Artificial Intelligence is everywhere in the news, but what I don't see is a coherent approach across education. Again, it's an area that the sector is struggling to grasp, without clear leadership from the top. I thought it worth getting a snapshot of what's it's like from a teen point of view.Finally, a comment on LinkedIn by Liam McGuire made me stop and think about the concept of Toxic Femininitiy, and why we aren't labelling and discussing certain behaviour by females in the same way that we do when it comes to men. The upsurge in girls being obsessed with skin care routines, and content from Only Fans leaching into general social media, should surely give us cause to stop and ask why the people peddling this stuff are getting away without being questioned and shamed for their behaviour. If you'd like support in creating rules and consequences that are based on respect,and that actually work, here's a link to the episode and my blog on the topic:EPISODE:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/videos/32-consequences-and-the-teen-who-doesnt-seem-to-care/BLOG: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/I'd LOVE to know what you think about the topics we discuss in this episode, or any other questions and topics you would like us to cover. Please email your thoughts to me, Rachel, at [email protected] the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

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  41:19
• 139: Secondary school, friendship groups, and those awkward talks about porn and sexting

  What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?In this episode my teens, Phoebe and Amelia, joined me in the studio to help answer some questions emailed in by listeners, and sent to me on social media. We kick off by chatting about exploring their identity and what they think is the key to gettting them out of their bedrooms.*So sorry about the quality of the audio on their microphones. I do everything on my own so I haven't yet perfected having to manage the sound on two people, and don't yet have the editing skills to fix the issues in post-production.QUESTIONS:1: My 14 year old is such a lovely, talented and kind girl. She had lovely friends, and she's very sweet and kind towards them all the time. Exclamation mark, now when she is in a foul mood, I'm the first and only person she takes out her anger and frustration on. Can you shed some light on this scenario for me?  2: I have a 13 year old girl who belongs to one of those large friend groups you discussed on one of the podcasts. Many times she feels left out if she does not get invited to something, I try my best speaking with her and letting her make her own choices on how she handles her feelings. Sometimes I really have the urge to call the other mum who is hosting a group of girls and ask her for help, tell her what's going on. How it sucks to feel left out. I've never called anyone because I want to teach my daughter than life, there were, will be many times like this, and you have to learn to deal with those feelings. And I don't want to be a helicopter mom. Am I doing the right thing?3: Could you talk about starting secondary school? Can you remember what it was like?Support the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

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  32:23
• 138: How to get your teenager out of their bedroom - even one who's into gaming.

  What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover?So many parents feel a deep loss when their teenager begins to separate from them; staying in their room and behaving as if the person they used to adore is the most embarassing thing they have ever witnessed. In today's episode I brought in Anita Cleare, author of How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom, to discuss the challenges of parenting teenagers.In her book she covers the key things that drive adolescents to push against us:1.      Separation – from the family2.      Autonomy – taking control of their own lives and decisions.3.      Individuation – defining themselves and their unique identity.4.      Assimilation – learning to fit in as a member of their society. And the six common thinking traps parents fall into.Overgeneralising – we reach a negative conclusion based on just one incident.Catastrophic thinking – tends to involve worrying way into the future. Parents especially prone to this thinking trap when we identify additional factors which seem to add weight to our catastrophic thoughts.Should/Shouldn’t – usually happens when our expectations are not met. My teen should know better by now, they’re x years old, they should be able to remember simple instructions.Mind reading – we assume we know what’s going on in our teen’s mind without asking them. Comparisonitis – If your teen is truly struggling with their self-esteem or mental health, even simple everday event like turning up to watch a sports match knowing that theyour tene is at home because they can’t face it can set off heart-breaking comparisons. It’s all about me! – we want our efforts to be recognised and appreciated, which when it comes to teens, is a bit of a problem. Teens are deeply self-absorbed and trying to separate from you to become independent. We explored how we parents can better manage ourselves - and our own expectations - so that we can build emotionally supportive connections with our teens which will encourage them to come out of their room.  Anita highlights the significance of phones and gaming in teenagers' lives, suggesting strategies to manage screen time and maintain positive relationships. We also addressed the importance of recognizing that bad behaviour can be hiding low moods. What to look for and how to provide a supportive environment.ANITA CLEARE:https://anitacleare.co.uk/BOOK:How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom by Anita CleareSupport the showThank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is [email protected] My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

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  49:43

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