Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 Your Weekly Hug

Ask Rachel anything
While counseling sex offenders, Anna Sonoda, LCSW learned firsthand that grooming, the prelude to child sexual abuse, is intentional, gradual, and observable. Her message to us is, we're not bad parents, we just have a skills gap and she wants to fill it. 
I grew up in an era of stranger danger, but the truth is the vast majority of abuse happens inside our homes, online and offline, with people our kids know. So how can we spot the signs that a predator is moving in on us and our kids? 
Anna says there are clear stages of grooming that, once we know about them, we can intercept. She introduces the "4F formula" for grooming: flattery, favoritism, forbidden fruits, and fear, and stresses the importance of recognizing grooming's subtle signs. Anna advises parents to set clear device usage rules, use parental controls, and maintain open communication with their children. She also advocates for delaying social media access until age 16 and emphasizes the role of parents in curating their children's online and offline environments.
In this episode we cover:
What Is Grooming? (And Why Your Gut Isn’t Enough)
Who Is at Risk? Myths About “Safe” Communities
Online vs Offline Grooming: Why Both Matter
 The 4F Formula: Stages of Grooming Parents Need to Know
Red Flags of Grooming in Digital Spaces
Devices, Social Media and Age: What’s Really Appropriate?
Practical House Rules That Reduce Grooming Risk
Building “Predator-Proof” Kids Through Connection
Reclaiming Parental Leadership in a Tech-Driven World
Resources:
Anna Sonoda: www.annasonoda.com
IWF: https://www.iwf.org.uk/ UK-based for reporting and removing innapropriate images
Common Sense Media: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/ For useful and appropriate age guidance
Predator’s Playground: AI, Gaming, and the Kids at Risk
https://annasonoda.com/blog/f/predator%E2%80%99s-playground-ai-gaming-and-the-kids-at-risk?blogcategory=Online+safety
Protecting Families in the Age of AI: 'Take It Down Act'
 https://annasonoda.com/blog/f/protecting-families-in-the-age-of-ai-take-it-down-act?blogcategory=Online+safety
teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Support the show
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything
Hint: it depends on how you define happy and successful.
We all want our kids to be happy and successful but what does that mean? In today's episode, I'm joined by Giselle Goodwin, author of Can Women Really Have it All? to talk about our definitions of success and happiness, and how they impact the way we parent. 
In this changing landscape where what we inherit can mean more than how hard we work what expectations should we have, and what message should we be giving our kids about their future if we want them to be happy? Do we have much of impact anyway?
Eldest daughter syndrome:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/eldest-daughter-syndrome-and-the-trouble-with-parentification/
The Family Dynamic and the Role of our Community in our Success:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/141-success-what-nobody-tells-us-about-the-role-of-siblings-are-parents-that-important/
Inheritcocracy: How Society has Changed the Rules of Success
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/136-society-has-changed-are-education-and-hard-work-less-important-now-than-parents/
Dr David Yeager: 10 to 25 'Status and Respect'
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/
Perfectionism:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/perfectionism-help-your-teen-and-yourself-overcome-the-need-to-be-perfect/
High expectations episode and blog:
Episode: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/standards-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/
Blog: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/setting-expectations-without-piling-on-the-pressure/
Why mothers aren't happy:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motherhood-and-careers-can-women-really-have-it-all/
Giselle Goodwin:
 @gisellegoodwinwrites on Instagram and YouTube
https://substack.com/@gisellegoodwin
teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Support the show
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything
I’m so sorry. I make this podcast all by myself and I’m a busy mum who’s just getting the kids back to school and all that and I rushed to get the edit done last night and it turns out that the latest episode had music inserted in the most inconvenient place so you couldn’t actually hear the interview properly. Thanks so much to everyone who let me know but over five hundred of you had already downloaded the episode when I corrected it. 
If you were one of them. Sorry sorry sorry, please delete the old episode and download it again. Sadly, Apple podcasts are really slow to refresh episodes so you may have to give it a few days. 
The latest copy should be absolutely fine and trust me, it’s worth it. Dr Jody is amazing. 
Support the show
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything
Updated to correct the music issues at the beginning: 
This episode will change how you see “bad behaviour” and might just change how you see yourself, too.
In this powerful conversation, with Dr Jody Carrington unpack what every parent and teacher needs to know about emotional regulation – and why you’re probably doing better than you think.
In this episode, we cover:
What emotional regulation really isThe “flipped lid” model and the role of the prefrontal cortex
Why kids don’t “lose their goodness” – they just lose access to it

Why your regulation matters more than any parenting hack“If the big people aren’t okay, the little people don’t stand a chance”
How our phones, watches and constant comparison are quietly dysregulating us

Behavior, consequences and connectionWhy a strict rewards-and-punishments model backfires
The shift from “What’s wrong with this child?” to “What happened to this child?”

Repair: the real superpower in families and classroomsWhy the best predictor of lasting relationships is the capacity to repair
How to apologise to your child (and your partner) in ways that actually heal

Practical tools you can use todayThe phrases “Tell me more” and “What’s the hardest part?”
The “collect before you direct” principle
Everyday connection habits: eyes, car rides, bedtime, food, and shared interests

Hope for worried, exhausted parentsWhy kids should be “worst” with you (and why that’s a good sign)
The 30% rule that lets you drop the perfectionism and keep going.

Dr Jody Carrington:
https://www.drjodycarrington.com
teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Support the show
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything
I thought we'd kick off the new year with an episode on how building our own community of people we admire can dramatically change our future and break from a difficult past.

In this episode, I talk with Mitchell Osmond, who transformed his life from financial instability, marital strife, and addiction to a thriving marriage, debt repayment, and personal health.

Mitchell attributes his turnaround to two pivotal moments: a marital fight and a funeral that made him question his life's direction.

He formed a "Iron Five" group of mentors and within 18 months paid off $100,000 in debt, lost 60 pounds, and improved his marriage.

Mitchell emphasizes the importance of presence over perfection in family life and the need for men to connect emotionally with their wives and children. He also discusses the impact of fatherlessness and the necessity of role models for boys.
 
Mitchell Osmond:  @dadnationco  

Where to find Mitchell Osmond
https://www.dadnationco.com/
New Year's Resolutions:
EPISODE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/70-new-years-resolutions-love-them-or-loathe-them-the-question-is-how-can-we-make-them-work-for-u/
BLOG WITH MY TECHNIQUE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Be-the-person-you-want-to-be-not-the-person-others-think-you-should-be/
Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Support the show
Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.
You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Find me on Substack https://Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk