This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil

We talk a lot about people-pleasing, perfectionism, overachieving, anxiety, and self-doubt. But what if those aren’t actually the root problem? What if they’re symptoms of something deeper, heavier, and far more hidden?

In this episode, Nicole sits down with Dr. Zoe Shaw — licensed psychotherapist, relationship coach, speaker, podcast host, and author of Stronger in the Difficult Places — to unpack the uncomfortable but life-changing topic of complex shame. Not the fleeting embarrassment kind. The deep, identity-level shame that quietly shapes how we see ourselves, what we believe we deserve, and how small or safe we allow ourselves to play in life.

Dr. Zoe shares her own deeply personal story and explains how shame develops, how it disguises itself as “normal” behavior, and why healing requires more than just positive affirmations and surface-level self-help. This conversation dives into trauma, self-worth, people-pleasing, boundaries, vulnerability, confirmation bias, and the stories we carry about ourselves — often without realizing it.

In This Episode, We Explore:


The difference between guilt, shame, and complex shame


Why people-pleasing and perfectionism may actually be rooted in shame


How shame shapes identity, relationships, and self-worth


The hidden ways women learn to hide themselves


Why overachieving can become a coping mechanism


The “phantom critic” vs. the “courageous truth teller”


Why healing starts with honesty, not toxic positivity


Practical first steps for untangling deep shame patterns


How vulnerability helps shame lose its power

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Connect with Zoe:

Book: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/740766/stronger-in-the-difficult-places-by-dr-zoe-shaw/ 

Website: https://drzoeshaw.com/ 

IG: https://www.instagram.com/drzoeshaw/

Related Podcast Episodes

High-Functioning Codependency: When Being “The Strong One” Is Slowly Killing You with Terri Cole | 341

Normalize It: Breaking The Silence & Shame That Shape Women’s Lives with Dr. Jessica Zucker | 303

Like A Wave, We Break: How Falling Apart Builds Confidence with Jane Chen | 388

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Resilience has become a buzzword in today’s culture, thrown around by influencers, coaches, and even bootcamp instructors, all insisting we need to “push through” no matter the cost. But is resilience always the healthiest path forward? Does mental toughness, positivity, and grit serve us in the ways we think—or is there more nuance to uncover?

In this episode, Nicole connects with Soraya Chemaly, activist and author of The Resilience Myth: New Thinking on Grit, Strength, and Growth after Trauma. Together, they challenge conventional ideas about resilience and explore a new way of thinking—one that shifts from individual grit to collective care and community connection. Soraya’s previous book, Rage Becomes Her: The Power of Women’s Anger, was widely acclaimed and named one of the Best Books of 2018 by the Washington Post, NPR, and Psychology Today.

This conversation offers insight into what really matters: kindness, compassion, belonging, and care—for ourselves and each other. It’s time to rethink resilience as more than just strength in isolation and embrace what it looks like to thrive, together.

Thank you to our sponsors!

Become a Fora Advisor today at Foratravel.com/WOMAN - and make sure to tell them we sent you!

Elevate your summer wardrobe: Go to Quince.com/tiww for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns!

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Families are better when they’re working together… go to myskylight.com/WOMANSWORK for $30 off your Skylight Calendar.

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Connect With Our Guest: Soraya Chemaly

Website: https://www.sorayachemaly.com/ 

Book: https://www.sorayachemaly.com/books 

Simon & Schuster: https://www.simonandschuster.com/ 

Related Podcast Episodes:


How to Ask for Help with Dr. Cynthia Bentzen-Mercer


Stress Less and Fear(Less) with Rebecca Heiss

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We’ve been taught that success means pushing harder, doing more, and staying productive at all costs. But what if the real secret to sustainable success isn’t grinding harder — it’s learning how to pace yourself?

In this episode, Nicole sits down with award-winning journalist and author Elizabeth Svoboda to unpack the science, psychology, and strategy behind pacing. From elite athletes to ambitious women juggling careers, relationships, and impossible expectations, this conversation explores why burnout isn’t proof of dedication — it’s often proof that something needs to change.

Elizabeth shares how elite performers actually use rest, recovery, flexibility, and energy management to stay at the top of their game for the long haul. Together, Nicole and Elizabeth challenge hustle culture, perfectionism, and the toxic belief that women should operate at 110% all the time.

They discuss:


Why ambitious women tend to swing between overworking and complete exhaustion


The surprising pacing lessons we can learn from Olympic athletes


How burnout impacts confidence, relationships, health, and creativity


The concept of “rigid flexibility” and why structure alone doesn’t work


Why rest should match effort — not just be treated as a reward


How to recognize your personal energy rhythms and work with them instead of against them


The connection between pacing, longevity, and sustainable success


Why slowing down can actually make you more effective, focused, and fulfilled

Because constantly running yourself into the ground isn’t strength — it’s just a socially rewarded form of self-destruction.

Thank you to our sponsors!

Become a Fora Advisor today at Foratravel.com/WOMAN - and make sure to tell them we sent you!

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Connect with Elizabeth:

Book: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Art-of-Pacing/Elizabeth-Svoboda/9781668022412 

Website: https://www.elizabethsvoboda.com 

IG: https://www.instagram.com/svobodster/ 

LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/elizabethsvoboda/ 

Newsletter: https://elizabeth-svoboda.beehiiv.com 

Related Podcast Episodes:

Burnout 2.0: BurnBOLD with Cait Donovan | 331

How To Take A Sabbatical with Katrina McGhee | 336 

How Our Dysregulated Nervous Systems Are Impacting Us with Victoria Albina | 244

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Easing the mental load, minimizing the to-do list, letting go of the things that don’t really matter is a constant work in progress for me – but when I’m in the throes of it all, I often think “there’s got to be a better way”.

I’ve invited Sam Bennett, creativity/productivity specialist, to join us to share her 15-minute method with all of us. Sam is the author of the bestselling book Get It Done as well as Start Right Where You Are: How Little Changes Can Make a Big Difference for Overwhelmed Procrastinators, Frustrated Overachievers, and Recovering Perfectionists. Her latest book is called The 15-Minute Method: The Surprisingly Simple Art of Getting It Done. Having spent most of her life working as a professional actor and improvisor, Sam brings a quick wit to her writing and her work as a top instructor on LinkedIn Learning with over a million “learners” worldwide. 

It will all get narrowed down to those very few things that matter most at the end, so what are we waiting for? Someone else to decide what truly matters for us? A point in time where things all of a sudden get easy and simple?

No, we get to decide. And like so many things worth doing, we start small, one step at a time, 15 minutes devoted to what matters most to you. 

Thank you to our sponsors!

Become a Fora Advisor today at Foratravel.com/WOMAN - and make sure to tell them we sent you!

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Connect with Sam:

Website:  www.TheRealSamBennett.com  

Book: https://www.amazon.com/15-Minute-Method-Surprisingly-Simple-Getting/dp/1608689069 

FB: https://www.facebook.com/TheRealSamBennett  

IG: https://www.instagram.com/therealsambennett  

X: https://twitter.com/realsambennett  

LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/therealsambennett   

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@SamanthaBennettCreative  

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Why do so many women immediately question themselves the moment they set a boundary, speak directly, or stop over-explaining? In this unfiltered and unhinged episode, Nicole Kalil digs into the exhausting mental spiral behind asking “Am I being a bitch?” — and why that question might actually be proof that women have been conditioned to prioritize likability over self-respect.

Nicole unpacks the difference between being cruel and simply refusing to shrink yourself to make other people comfortable. From boundary-setting and ambition to people-pleasing and over-functioning, this episode challenges the outdated expectation that women must always be agreeable, accommodating, and “nice.”

In This Episode, Nicole Talks About:


Why women disproportionately question whether they’re “too much”


The difference between being powerful and being unkind


How guilt shows up when women stop over-giving


Why boundaries trigger discomfort — and why that’s not your problem


The danger of outsourcing self-worth to other people’s opinions


How to stop confusing honesty with cruelty


Better questions to ask instead of “Am I being a bitch?”

Thank you to our sponsors!

Become a Fora Advisor today at Foratravel.com/WOMAN - and make sure to tell them we sent you!

Elevate your summer wardrobe: Go to Quince.com/tiww for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns!

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Families are better when they’re working together… go to myskylight.com/WOMANSWORK for $30 off your Skylight Calendar.

Start your risk-free Greenlight trial today at Greenlight.com/TIWW. Don't wait to teach your kids real-world money skills!

Connect with Nicole:

Subscribe to Nicole’s Substack: https://nicolekalil.substack.com/ 

Related Podcast Episode:

On Sabbaticals, Reinvention, and Getting Older | Unfiltered & Unhinged

When a One-Star Review Means You’ve Officially Arrived | Unfiltered & Unhinged

Am I Being a B**ch? (…or Just Finally in My Power) with Megan Walrod | 349

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