Crisis What Crisis with Andy Coulson

This is a very unusual episode. It is rare that we would choose to have someone join us on the podcast so close to their crisis – usually our guests come to these conversations with the clarity that a few years' distance can bring. Erin Baker is just weeks on from the death of her partner, James, and still very much living in it. What she offers instead of distance is something rarer: the raw, unfiltered honesty of someone grieving out loud, in real time.
A warning – this conversation is powerful and at times very difficult, and some of the themes may be upsetting.
Erin Baker is one of the most respected motoring journalists in the country – the youngest and only female motoring editor on Fleet Street in her day. But in the autumn of last year, her life came apart. Her partner of thirteen years, James, was diagnosed with an aggressive, terminal brain tumour, and the blows kept coming: her father died, one of her sons was rushed to hospital, the family dog was put down, and a car was written off in a collision with a deer. Wave after wave, all at once. Then, this year, James died. He was 53.
Rather than retreat, Erin made the conscious decision to grieve in public, writing for The Times and keeping a diary on Substack called Postcards from Grief, documenting James's dying, the days since, and the unexpected things his death has taught her. She joins Andy for a conversation about resilience and its limits, about loss and control, about black humour and love, and about what actually carries us through the very worst of it. She is, without a shadow of a doubt, someone we can all learn from.
POWERED BY KINGSLEY NAPLEY
Kingsley Napley are the kind of lawyers I wish more people knew about – there to help you make the right decisions, protect what matters, and build real resilience when the pressure is on.
Visit www.kingsleynapley.co.uk for more details.
FOUR LESSONS FROM ERIN
Being "strong" can be a trap. If people decide you're resilient, they assume you're coping – and leave you to it. Sometimes the bravest thing is to admit you're not fine, and to ask for the help you need.
Honesty is what makes people feel less alone. It's not the tidy, theory-shaped version of grief that helps others but the messy, unguarded truth. Say the thing that feels too close to the bone; it's often the thing someone else desperately needs to hear.
You can't control the future, because it doesn't exist yet. Make your plans, but hold them loosely, they're only ideas of what you'd like to happen. Learning to live a day at a time is the only way through.
Find your release. For Erin it was writing, walking in nature, even paint-by-numbers – something meditative to pour the fear and grief into. When you can't carry it all in your head, give it somewhere to go.

CHAPTERS
03:37 – “I'm sick and tired of being resilient”: the exhaustion of always being the strong
07:52 – Grieving out loud: the decision to write through it
11:55 – The formidable mother, and a childhood that built the muscle
13:55 – Keep buggering on
15:20 – Fighting her way to Cambridge, and up a male-dominated newsroom
20:23 – Meeting James
23:05 – The life that looked perfect from the outside – and wasn't
25:08 – The Amazon night shift: the proudest she ever was of him
30:30 – The diagnosis
39:49 – When the blows kept coming
47:02 – Her son's seizure: the worst thing she's ever seen
51:02 – Learning to hold your plans loosely
53:22 – The last night, and a hug she'll never forget
57:04 – The chaos of loss
1:06:05 – The stranger by the roadside who knew exactly what to say
FOLLOW ERIN'S WRITING
Postcards from Grief – https://erinbaker1001.substack.com/
FOLLOW ERIN BAKER
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/erinbakerauto/?hl=en
LinkedIn – https://www.linkedin.com/in/erin-baker-58901a48/
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This was a Crisis What Crisis Production – Rex Fisher (producer), Ioana Barbu (studio manager), Fred Sharp (research), Johnny Seifert (audio), Jasper Cullen (video)

Julian Lloyd Webber spent half a century as one of the world's great cellists — and then had to discover who he was without the instrument that had defined his existence.
In this bonus episode of Crisis What Crisis, Andy sits down with Julian to discuss his Crisis Compass. The four points of navigation that he turns to in order to help survive a crisis – a person, a habit, a comfort and a piece of advice.
If you haven't heard the full conversation yet, go back and find it in the feed. It's well worth your time.
POWERED BY KINGSLEY NAPLEY:
I know what it is to have the right legal support around you when facing crisis. Kingsley Napley are the kind of lawyers I wish more people knew about – there to help you make the right decisions, protect what matters and build real resilience when the pressure is on.
This episode is powered by Kingsley Napley, visit www.kingsleynapley.co.uk for more details.
CHAPTERS:
00:58 A Person – His wife Jiaxin, and why he's not sure he'd have got through it without her
01:20 A Habit – A couple of pints of lager every night
02:49 A Comfort – Leyton Orient
03:25 A Piece of Advice – "Don't waste a second."
BUY JULIAN'S BOOK
Bows & Arrows – https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bows-Arrows-Julian-Lloyd-Webber/dp/1837360588
SEE JULIAN LIVE
Julian's Irish tour with his wife, Jiaxin – https://julianlloydwebber.com/events/
FOLLOW JULIAN LLOYD WEBBER
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/julian.lloydwebber/
FOLLOW CRISIS WHAT CRISIS?
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TikTok – www.tiktok.com/@crisispod
This was a Crisis What Crisis Production – Rex Fisher (producer), Ioana Barbu (studio manager), Fred Sharp (research), Johnny Seifert (audio), Jasper Cullen (video)

Julian Lloyd Webber is undoubtedly one of the country's greatest living musicians – the man who, perhaps more than anyone of his generation, took classical music out of the concert hall and into the mainstream. But in October 2013, ten minutes into a recital in a Suffolk seaside town, the power drained from his right arm and he found he could barely draw the bow across his cello.
Within six months, at 63, he was forced to retire – unemployed overnight and stripped of the thing that had defined him since he was a boy of thirteen.
For half a century, the cello had been Julian's whole life. He toured the world, playing with everyone from Yehudi Menuhin to Elton John, took an Elgar recording to a Brit Award and his brother's Variations to number two in the pop charts. He was the first officially licensed busker on the London Underground and the only classical soloist at the London Olympics closing ceremony.
Then, at 64, he sat the first job interview of his life and went on to lead the Royal Birmingham Conservatoire into a £57 million new home, winning it royal status along the way. On his 75th birthday – and while quietly managing a prostate cancer diagnosis – he walked back onto the Wigmore Hall stage and played again. And now, twelve years after the power drained from his arm, Julian is touring – a full run across Ireland this autumn with his cellist wife, Jiaxin.
His memoir, Bows & Arrows, is out now, and this conversation is about the abuse he survived as a boy, the instrument he loved and lost, and how you rebuild an identity when the thing that made you who you are is taken away.
POWERED BY KINGSLEY NAPLEY
I know what it is to have the right legal support around you when facing a crisis. Kingsley Napley are the kind of lawyers I wish more people knew about – there to help you make the right decisions, protect what matters, and build real resilience when the pressure is on. This episode is powered by Kingsley Napley.
Visit www.kingsleynapley.co.uk for more details.
FOUR LESSONS FROM JULIAN
Talent and hard work aren't enough on their own – you need passion, because that's the only thing that gets you up to do it all again after a bad night.
A second string to your bow can end up saving your life. When you lose the thing that defined you, throw yourself into whatever else genuinely moves you – even if it's nothing like what you did before. Find something that truly absorbs you, and the healing takes care of itself.
When a setback knocks you down, picture the alternative. For Julian, the fear of ending up disappointed with his life was the fuel that kept him going.
Healing is not forgetting; it's reaching the point where the trauma you carry doesn't drag you down.

CHAPTERS
04:01 – Growing up in a chaotic, bohemian home
09:12 – The day on the Tube that took his childhood
11:03 – Why some things you don't get over – and shouldn't have to
15:21 – His father's warning that lit the fire
17:39 – Fifty years at the top: how he kept the flame alive
27:25 – The longest relationship of his life
33:12 – A football bet, a number two record, and a gold disc
35:01 – The night the power drained from his arm
39:02 – Losing your job, your income and your identity overnight
39:59 – The first job interview of his life, at 64
44:22 – The daughter's remark that brought him back to the cello
47:57 – Facing a cancer diagnosis
51:32 – Why he refuses to slow down, even now
BUY JULIAN'S BOOK
Bows & Arrows – https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bows-Arrows-Julian-Lloyd-Webber/dp/1837360588
SEE JULIAN LIVE
Julian's Irish tour with his wife, Jiaxin – https://julianlloydwebber.com/events/
FOLLOW JULIAN LLOYD WEBBER
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/julian.lloydwebber/
FOLLOW CRISIS WHAT CRISIS?
Instagram – www.instagram.com/crisiswhatcrisispodcast
TikTok – www.tiktok.com/@crisispod
This was a Crisis What Crisis Production – Rex Fisher (producer), Ioana Barbu (studio manager), Fred Sharp (research), Johnny Seifert (audio), Jasper Cullen (video)

Frank Gardner has lived, by his own description, two very different lives — and found a way to carry the best of the first into the second. Twenty years on from the attack in Riyadh that nearly killed him, the BBC Security Correspondent is still reporting from the places most of us wouldn't dare go.
In this bonus episode of Crisis What Crisis, Andy sits down with Frank to discuss his Crisis Compass. The four points of navigation that he turns to in order to help survive a crisis.
Frank is the BBC's Security Correspondent and the author of a series of best-selling thrillers — the latest, Ballistic, is out now. If you haven't heard the full conversation yet, go back and find it in the feed. It's well worth your time.
POWERED BY KINGSLEY NAPLEY:
I know what it is to have the right legal support around you when facing crisis. Kingsley Napley are the kind of lawyers I wish more people knew about – there to help you make the right decisions, protect what matters and build real resilience when the pressure is on.
This episode is powered by Kingsley Napley, visit www.kingsleynapley.co.uk for more details.
CHAPTERS:
00:53 A Person – Himself
01:21 A Habit – Lifting his eyes to the horizon, the birdwatcher's discipline of really looking
02:23 A Comfort – Driving.
03:40 A Piece of Advice – Grieve it, deal with it, but don't keep defining yourself by what happened
BUY FRANK'S BOOK
Ballistic – https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/178763549X?tag=prhmarketing2552-21
FOLLOW FRANK GARDNER
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/frank.gardner/?hl=en
X – https://x.com/FrankRGardner
FOLLOW CRISIS WHAT CRISIS?
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TikTok – www.tiktok.com/@crisispod
This was a Crisis What Crisis Production – Rex Fisher (producer), Ioana Barbu (studio manager), Fred Sharp (research), Johnny Seifert (audio), Jasper Cullen (video)

On June 6th 2004, Frank Gardner was in Riyadh filming what was meant to be a routine piece of background footage when an Al-Qaeda cell opened fire. His cameraman, Simon Cumbers, was killed. Frank was shot six times and left for dead. One surgeon later told him he'd arrived at hospital the colour of a lab coat, bleeding from every wound faster than they could pour the plasma in. It was, in the truest sense, the day Frank should have died.
That day split his life in two. Before it, he was a restless Arabist who'd hitchhiked across the Middle East with nothing in his pocket, spent a decade in banking, turned down MI6, and talked his way into the BBC in his mid-30s to become its first ever security correspondent. After it, he was partially paralysed and in daily pain – yet back at work within ten months, and has spent the twenty years since reporting from the very places that nearly killed him. He describes crossing an invisible bridge to a new version of himself, this conversation is about what that crossing actually cost.
POWERED BY KINGSLEY NAPLEY
I know what it is to have the right legal support around you when facing a crisis. Kingsley Napley are the kind of lawyers I wish more people knew about – there to help you make the right decisions, protect what matters, and build real resilience when the pressure is on.
This episode is powered by Kingsley Napley. Visit www.kingsleynapley.co.uk for more details.
FOUR LESSONS FROM FRANK
Don't waste your energy mourning what you can no longer change. Pour it into what you still can.
When crisis hits, there's a fork in the road. One path is self-pity – and it's entirely justifiable. The other is deciding to make the most of what you've got left. Choosing the second is a daily struggle.
Look outwards, not inwards. Fill your life with the things that make you feel useful and alive. Fixating on your own troubles is a trap – curiosity about the world around you is the way out.
Volunteer for the work no one else wants – the weekends, the bank holidays, the night shifts. It's how you make yourself indispensable, and how you get your shot when it finally comes.

CHAPTERS
05:18 – The daily indignities most people never see
08:57 – Why he refuses to let it define him
11:33 – Where his grit really came from: two extraordinary parents
14:19 – The bold early decisions that shaped a life
20:38 – Turning down MI6 – and the self-awareness to know why
27:45 – How to break into a career when there's no job at the end of it
30:27 – The attack: what actually happened that day
31:02 – Seven months in hospital, and living with the what-ifs
39:45 – The one thing he's still bitter about
42:15 – Losing Simon, and finding a way through the grief
44:37 – "You'll never walk again" – the second hammer blow
48:05 – The letter from the BBC that gave him something to aim for
50:42 – Going back to Saudi Arabia to face it down
53:52 – Why he doesn't spend his life grieving
BUY FRANK'S BOOK
Ballistic – https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/178763549X?tag=prhmarketing2552-21
FOLLOW FRANK GARDNER
Instagram – https://www.instagram.com/frank.gardner/?hl=en
X – https://x.com/FrankRGardner
FOLLOW CRISIS WHAT CRISIS?
Instagram – www.instagram.com/crisiswhatcrisispodcast
TikTok – www.tiktok.com/@crisispod
This was a Crisis What Crisis Production – Rex Fisher (producer), Ioana Barbu (studio manager), Fred Sharp (research), Johnny Seifert (audio), Jasper Cullen (video)