Pardon the Mess with Courtney DeFeo - Christian Motherhood, Biblical Parenting, Raising Christian Kids

Loving your family well isn’t always as simple as it sounds. There are seasons when connection feels easy, and others when you feel unseen, unheard, or like your efforts just aren’t landing.
In this episode, Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, shares insights from decades of helping couples and families better understand how to give and receive love. With the release of his latest book, the conversation goes deeper into how love languages can shape stronger, more meaningful relationships at home.
We talk about what to do when you don’t feel loved, how to better understand your spouse and children, and why taking the first step in showing love can shift the entire dynamic of a relationship. There’s also practical wisdom on how to approach hard conversations with care and intentionality.
This episode is a powerful reminder that small, consistent choices in how we love can make a lasting impact on our families.

Chapters:
00:00 Introduction to Dr. Gary Chapman
01:43 The Importance of Feeling Loved
03:43 Gary Chapman's Life and Work
04:58 Understanding Love Languages
08:42 The New Book: The Love Language That Matters Most
12:39 Communicating Love Effectively
16:46 Identifying Love Languages in Children
17:49 Understanding Love Languages in Early Childhood
20:55 Practical Parenting Tips Using Love Languages
24:38 Engaging with Teenagers: Navigating Independence
29:32 Adapting Love Languages for Teenagers
32:23 Legacy of Love: Reflections on Parenting and Faith

Connect with Pardon The Mess:
Christian Parenting
Pardon The Mess 
Courtney DeFeo

Resources from today’s show:
Connect with Dr. Gary Chapman
5 Love Languages
5 Love Languages free test
5 Love Languages Premium Assessment
The Love Language That Matters Most - new book
5 Love Languages of Children
5 Love Languages of Teenagers
Open a LearningRX center

Prefer video? This episode is on YouTube!
Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

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Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. (John 12:3)
In the story of Mary and Martha, Mary was the sister who understood the big picture and spent a lot of time at the feet of Jesus. First, she sat at his feet as a disciple would do and listened to Jesus as he taught. Later, she anointed Jesus’s feet with expensive perfume and washed them with her hair.
It would have been easy for Mary to be distracted and overwhelmed like her sister became. There was a lot going on and there were a lot of people in her house! Jesus was staying with them and the end of his ministry was nearing. He had also just resurrected their brother! Mary could have multitasked her way through that dinner, but she focused her whole self on Jesus instead.
We live in a culture that tells us we can have it all and do it all, and we can multitask and be more efficient. But we can’t multitask Jesus. Jesus was not suggesting that Mary (or Martha) completely disregard their responsibilities, but he was calling them to focus fully on the most important thing, which was him in that moment.
What would it look like for our families to focus on Jesus without distractions? As parents, we can model abiding in Christ and encourage our kids to do the same—to experience the gift of learning from him about eternal things instead of rushing around focusing on the present.
This week, let’s pray that our kids say no to distractions and grow in their ability to solely focus on Jesus and truly abide in his presence.
Jesus, thank you for being our teacher and our Savior. I pray that __________ chooses to sit at your feet and focus on you. As they do the work you have called them to, help them to remember that you are the most important thing. When they are distracted, as they inevitably will be, draw nearer to them. Amen.

Pardon the Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

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Legacy is something every family is building, whether intentionally or not. But in the middle of busy schedules and full lives, it can be easy to lose sight of what we’re actually passing down.
In this month’s My Virtual Mentor episode, Jeff Henderson, author, pastor, and leader, shares wisdom on what it means to live and lead with legacy in mind. The conversation explores what truly matters at the end of our lives, the values we want to instill in our children, and how to be more intentional with the time we’ve been given.
We talk about the tension between work and family, why choosing your family matters more than you think, and how everyday decisions shape the kind of legacy you leave behind.
This episode is designed to not only encourage personal growth, but also spark meaningful conversations, with a mentor, spouse, or trusted friend, about the kind of life and family you want to build.
If you’re just getting started - don’t miss the previous episodes:

My Virtual Mentor: Why Mentorship Matters
My Virtual Mentor: Intimacy with God
My Virtual Mentor: Personalities and Temperaments
My Virtual Mentor: Stewardship & Generosity 
My Virtual Mentor: Time Management & Creating Margin
My Virtual Mentor: Identity in Christ (Part 1 and Part 2)
My Virtual Mentor: Prioritizing Your Marriage 

Chapters:
00:00 Reconnecting at Chick-fil-A Headquarters
05:01 Lessons on Leadership and Legacy from Truett Cathy
12:50 End-of-Life Perspectives: What Truly Matters
17:04 Navigating Parenting with Encouragement and Wisdom
18:20 The Weight of Words
22:14 Preparing for Impact
23:35 Defining Legacy and Values
28:01 Carrying on Family Traditions
34:20 Leadership and Influence in Parenting
37:43 A Prayer for Parents

MY VIRTUAL MENTOR GUIDE (MARRIAGE)

Scripture to memorize:
Deuteronomy 6:5-7
Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Scriptures for prayer and study:
Psalm 78:4, Matthew 6:20-21, Psalm 103:17, Proverbs 29:18

Books for further study:
Eat Mor Chikin: Inspire More People by Truett Cathy
Choosing to Cheat by Andy Stanley
The Legacy Life by David Green
Divine Disruption by Tony Evans and children

Discussion questions:
What do you want to pass down from your parents?
What do you want your kids to say about you when your life is over? 
What values matter most to you? 

Connect with Pardon The Mess:
Christian Parenting
Pardon The Mess 
Courtney DeFeo

Resources from today’s show:
Connect with Jeff Henderson
What To Do Next by Jeff Henderson
FOR by Jeff Henderson
Resources from Titus 2 Mentoring
Open a LearningRX center

Prefer video? This episode is on YouTube!
Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Our Sponsors:
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Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” (Luke 23:42–43)
As Jesus was led to his crucifixion, he was surrounded by two men on crosses next to him, all three of them facing death. One man was mocking and doubting Jesus, but the other man turned to Jesus in his final moments and was promised eternity with Jesus.
Although not much was shared in this interaction, the thief did proclaim Jesus was Lord. It’s a powerful reminder that it’s never too late to repent and accept Jesus. There is always hope; in fact, the Bible says that everyone who calls on his name will be saved (Romans 10:13). This story also reminds us that doing good works or earning our way to heaven is not what Jesus offered us; it is a free gift.
As believing parents, our hope is that there is more distance between our kids’ salvation and their death than there was for the thief on the cross. We know that true peace, joy, and hope is found in following Jesus, and we want our kids to have that for a lifetime; we want them to experience a full life of faith. We want them to spend many years drawing others to faith. However, we must never count out a child that is full of sin and far from God. God is still reaching for them up until their last breath.
This week, let’s pray that our kids accept the free gift of salvation and spend their lives following Jesus.
Jesus, thank you for the gift of salvation. Lord, please draw __________ to you. Help them to understand what following you means, that there is nothing they can do to make you love them less or more, and that you give them the gift of peace on earth now and eternal life with you later. Amen.

If you love this episode and don’t have your copy of A Great Cloud of Witnesses yet, it’s not too late to get yours! Go ChristianParenting.org to get your copy and follow along. And don’t forget to tune in to Pardon the Mess every Monday for more prayer episodes. 

Order A Great Cloud of Witnesses today

Pardon the Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

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Marriage can be both deeply challenging and incredibly beautiful, and many couples experience seasons of disconnection along the way.
In this episode, Cheryl Scruggs shares her powerful story of reconciliation after walking through divorce and finding her way back to her husband years later. Together, the conversation explores the realities of marriage, the slow drift that can happen over time, and the hope that restoration is possible, even after deep hurt.
We talk about the importance of communication, the danger of letting resentment grow in silence, and the role of community in helping marriages stay healthy. There is also practical encouragement for women who want to be more intentional in their relationships and create space for honesty and healing.
This episode is a reminder that while marriage takes work, it is also a place where God can bring growth, redemption, and renewed connection.

Here are the verses she shared!

Matthew 19:26
With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

Deuteronomy 8:2 (read full chapter too)
Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands.

Ephesians 3:20
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.

Chapters:
00:00 Navigating Life's Challenges
03:02 The Journey of Marriage Ministry
06:02 Crisis in Marriage: Recognizing the Signs
09:09 Building a Stronger Connection
11:59 The Importance of Vulnerability in Relationships
19:20 Navigating the Transition to Empty Nesting
22:02 The Importance of Nurturing Intimacy
24:34 Overcoming Disconnection in Marriage
27:32 The Role of Counseling in Strengthening Relationships
29:59 Practical Steps to Show Love and Respect
31:54 Finding Hope and Redemption in Marriage

Connect with Pardon The Mess:
Christian Parenting
Pardon The Mess 
Courtney DeFeo

Resources from today’s show:
Connect with Cheryl and Jeff
Thriving Beyond Belief - Cheryl’s podcast
Thriving Beyond Belief - Cheryl’s newest book
I Do Again - Jeff and Cheryl’s book
Open a LearningRX center
Sign up for Morning Minute

Pardon The Mess is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. For more information visit www.ChristianParenting.org

Our Sponsors:
* Check out Avocado Green Mattress: https://avocadogreenmattress.com/MESS

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy