Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam

If the biggest fight in your house this week was about the phone, you’re in good company. Here’s the surprise. According to psychologist Dr. Peter Gray, the phone may not be what’s stressing your teen out most. In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, I talk with Dr. Gray, author of Restoring Childhood, about what’s driving the rise in teen anxiety, why cracking down on screens often backfires, and what helps teens grow into confident, capable adults.

When we’re worried, most of us reach for more control. Tighter limits, more rules, the phone in a basket by 9 p.m. It makes sense. But when teens feel distrusted and boxed in, they push back harder or stop telling us what’s going on. The good news is that a few shifts in how you talk and how much you trust your teen can ease the tension and bring them back to you.

 

IN THIS EPISODE YOU’LL LEARN

Why Dr. Gray believes school stress, more than smartphones, drives much of the rise in teen anxiety and depression

What it means that teen mental health symptoms climb each fall and drop over summer

Why restricting your teen after they share something hard teaches them to hide problems

One curious question to ask instead of criticizing screen habits

How small, manageable setbacks build real resilience

What “apprenticeship adulthood” is and how to shift to adult-to-adult advice in the teen years

“The primary task of growing up is to not need your parents anymore.” Dr. Peter Gray

 

👉 Screen fights are rarely about the screen. Underneath is the fear that you’re losing your teen, or that they won’t be ready for life without you. What helps is a relationship where your teen keeps talking to you and keeps growing more capable. Inside the Parenting Teens Academy, I show you how to build it step by step, and I answer your questions every day. See how it works

 

CHAPTERS

00:00 Introduction: Debunking the Smartphone Myth
02:14 The Research on Social Media and Mental Health
04:20 Why the US Has a Teen Anxiety Crisis
08:01 The Impact of Educational Policies like Common Core
14:01 School Stress and Its Connection to Teen Mental Health
17:59 Overdiagnosis and the Myth of Fragile Kids
21:58 Building Resilience Through Experience
27:47 Parenting as a Relationship, Not a Job
34:00 Fostering Independence in Teenagers
38:07 Chores, Responsibility, and Contributing to Family
44:02 Changing Parenting Mindsets for Better Outcomes
47:58 Conclusion: Restoring Childhood and Independence

 

CONNECT WITH DR. CAM CASWELL

Website: AskDrCam.com

Instagram: @drcamcaswell

YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam

Parenting Teens Academy

 

CONNECT WITH DR. PETER GRAY

Substack: Play Makes Us Human

Book: Restoring Childhood

 

🎧 Enjoying the show? Leave a rating and review. It helps other parents find the support they need.
🔔 Follow the show so you never miss a new episode.

 

ABOUT THE SHOW

Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam is hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach. Each episode gives you practical strategies, expert advice, and real-world insight to build a stronger relationship with your teen.

This week, ask your teen, “Is there something you’d love to do that you’re not doing right now?” Then just listen. Share what they said in the comments.

Teen ignoring you mid-sentence, tuning out your reminders, or answering your whole speech with “What?” Here’s the surprise. It’s rarely disrespect, and it’s rarely about you. In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, I explain why teens tune parents out, why lectures backfire, and what helps your teen start listening again.

Most of us respond to the blank stare by saying it again, louder and longer. And the more we repeat, the less they hear. Your teen isn’t tuning you out because they don’t love you. Something is making it hard for them to listen, and once you know what it is, you can change it.

This is the final episode of my series, 7 Teen Behaviors Parents Punish That Are Actually Signs of Healthy Development.

In this episode you’ll learn:

The three real reasons your teen won’t listen (and why none of them is disrespect)

How the developing teen brain handles stacked instructions, and why stress makes it worse

Why lectures trigger self-protection in the first few seconds

The 30-second rule for getting your one point across

Why fewer requests make each one carry more weight

How to get your teen to listen by asking one simple question first

The goal isn’t to get your teen to hear every word. It’s to be the person they can hear when it counts.

👉 Shorter talks will help with the dishes. But the real fear is the day it’s not about dishes anymore. It’s a party, a car, a friend you don’t trust, and you need them to hear you. Whether they do comes down to something you build long before that moment. Inside the Parenting Teens Academy, I show you how to build it step by step, and I answer your questions every day. See how it works

Chapters:
00:00 Before we start
01:03 Why your teen won’t listen
03:11 Why repeating and punishing backfire
03:57 Tuning out is healthy development
04:24 Reason 1: Overload
05:08 Reason 2: Self-defense against lectures
06:15 Reason 3: Feeling unheard
07:33 The one question to ask instead
08:06 Keep it short: the 30-second rule
09:03 Ask less
09:49 Listen first, then talk
10:30 When old habits come back
11:20 Be the voice they hear when it counts

THE SERIES

This episode is part of the series 7 Teen Behaviors Parents Punish That Are Actually Signs of Healthy Development.

Episode 269: Attitude

Episode 271: Refusing to do chores

Episode 273: Arguing about everything

Episode 275: Acting entitled

Episode 277: Making risky and bad choices

Episode 280: Keeping secrets

Episode 308: Not listening (you’re here)

Connect with Dr. Cam Caswell:

Website: AskDrCam.com

Instagram: @drcamcaswell

YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam

Parenting Teens Academy

🎧 Enjoying the show? Leave a rating and review. It helps other parents find the support they need.
🔔 Follow the show so you never miss a new episode.

About the show: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam is hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach. Each episode gives you practical strategies, expert advice, and real-world insight to build a stronger relationship with your teen.

What’s one request you’re willing to let go of this week?

Middle schooler won't listen, won't cooperate, or won't get out of bed without a fight? Here's the surprise. That same kid is often engaged, funny, and working hard in a great teacher's classroom. In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, veteran middle school teacher Sean Kane shares what great teachers know about getting middle schoolers to cooperate, and how you can use it at home.

Most of us treat the middle school years like bad weather. We keep our heads down and wait for it to pass. Sean thinks that's the biggest missed opportunity we have. After 14 years in the classroom, time as a dean of students, and raising three sons, he's seen that middle schoolers don't change because of more criticism or bigger consequences. They change when they start to feel capable.

In this episode you'll learn:
1. Why your middle schooler seems like a different person, and what's going on underneath
2. How comparison and constant correction feed a deficit mindset
3. Why middle schoolers need more praise, not less
4. How to stack small wins (and why a 71% clean room is progress)
5. Why reflective questions work better than lectures
6. How to step back so your teen learns "I can figure this out"

 

👉 Want your middle schooler to cooperate without the daily battles? Parenting Teens Academy gives you a step-by-step plan to rebuild connection and strengthen your influence, plus you can ask me questions directly every day. Join here: https://www.skool.com/parenting-teens-academy/about

 

Chapters:
00:00 Why middle school is the most misunderstood age
01:12 Why Sean Kane chose to teach middle school
04:34 Puberty and the emotional side of middle school
07:18 How comparison creates a deficit mindset
10:37 What great teachers know about middle schoolers
13:33 How small wins build self-efficacy
16:07 Why praise matters more in middle school, not less
18:24 Why parents struggle to let go of punishment
21:50 Why boundaries only work with trust
24:23 Why success is the best consequence
27:04 How reflection builds self-awareness
30:07 How to stop overfunctioning for your teen
33:06 Responding to emotional and behavior struggles
36:37 How to build collaboration with your middle schooler
40:19 Why teens need to feel seen
43:12 The power of authentic connection
47:30 From punishment to relationship-based discipline
50:32 Where to find Sean Kane

Resources mentioned:
Dr. Shefali Tsabary's work on conscious parenting
Autopilot, Sean's upcoming course: growthmindsetparenting.com

Connect with Sean Kane:
Website and newsletter: growthmindsetparenting.com
Instagram: @growthmindsetparenting
TikTok: @growthmindsetparenting

Connect with Dr. Cam Caswell:
Website: www.askdrcam.com
Instagram: @drcamcaswell
YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam

🎧 Enjoying the show? Leave a rating and review. It helps other parents find the support they need.
🔔 Follow the show so you never miss a new episode.

About the show: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam is hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach. Each episode gives you practical strategies, expert advice, and real-world insight to build a stronger relationship with your teen.

What's one thing your middle schooler did right this week?

When a teen gets defiant or starts with the back talk, most of us push harder. More rules, louder voice, fewer explanations. And the harder we push, the further they pull away or shut down completely.

👉 Want to stay in charge without the yelling? Inside Parenting Teens Academy, parents trade shouting for calm, earn their teen's respect, and go from walking on eggshells to enjoying their teen again. Try it free for 7 days at askdrcam.com/academy

José Rolón, known as NYC Gay Dad, raised his son and twin daughters as a single dad for ten years. He's the first LGBTQ dad on the cover of Parents Latina and co-host of the Love Take Two podcast. In this episode, he shares how he stays strict and fair without the yelling.

 

IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN HOW TO:

Find the one setting where a teen who won't talk finally opens up

Understand the real reason your disrespectful teen goes from 0 to 100

Know what to say instead of "because I said so" when defiance hits

Use the one thing that earns your teen's respect faster than stricter rules

 

RESOURCES MENTIONED

José Rolón: @NYCGayDad

Love Take Two podcast

 

CONNECT WITH DR. CAM CASWELL

Website: AskDrCam.com

Instagram: @DrCamCaswell 

 

ABOUT THE SHOW

Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam is hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach. Each episode gives you practical strategies, expert advice, and real-world insight to build a stronger relationship with your teen.

⭐ If this episode helped, share it with a parent who needs it and leave a rating and review. It helps other parents find the show.

🔔 Follow the show so you never miss an episode.

Thanks for listening. See you next week!

Dr. Cam

"I'm only trying to help, but every question makes my teen go quieter."

When your teen won't talk, what looks like defiance may be a sign they don't feel heard. The harder we push, fix, or force connection, the further they often pull away or shut down.

👉 Want your teen to open up to you again? Inside Parenting Teens Academy, parents learn what to say when their teen shuts down, trade guessing for calm, and go from walking on eggshells to enjoying their teen again. Try it free for 7 days

In this episode, I sit down with Rachel Martin, Chief Operating Officer of the Born This Way Foundation, co-founded by Lady Gaga and her mother, Cynthia Bissett Germanotta. Rachel shares what teens need to feel safe opening up, and how to change the conversation starting today.

If your teen's silence comes with signs of hopelessness or talk of self-harm, reach out to a mental health professional right away. In the US, call or text 988 anytime.

 

IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN

Why your teen shuts down when you try to help

The one thing missing when a packed schedule still feels lonely

What to do instead of forcing connection when screen time spikes

How talks about mental health can weaken or rebuild trust

 

EPISODE CHAPTERS

00:00 Why teens go quiet, with Rachel Martin

02:03 Inside the Born This Way Foundation

04:41 The social connection challenge for teens

06:23 Why every teen's social life looks different

08:57 What third spaces are and why teens need them

11:34 Low-pressure places where teens connect

14:36 When cost gets in the way

15:29 How unsafe environments affect teens

22:50 Building connection at home

26:34 Why teens need a trusted adult

28:57 How to talk openly about mental health

30:20 Making it a two-way relationship

31:50 Key takeaway: community and curiosity

32:31 How to connect with Rachel and the foundation

 

RESOURCES MENTIONED

Be There Certificate

Born This Way Foundation

Kindness in Community Fund

Ryan Bartel Foundation

Lambert House

Jack.org

Hopelab

 

CONNECT WITH DR. CAM CASWELL

Website: AskDrCam.com

Instagram: @DrCamCaswell

Parenting Teens Academy

 

ABOUT THE SHOW

Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam is hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach. Each episode gives you practical strategies, expert advice, and real-world insight to build a stronger relationship with your teen.

⭐ If this episode helped, share it with a parent who needs it and leave a rating and review. It helps other parents find the show.

🔔 Follow the show so you never miss an episode.

Thanks for listening. See you next week!

Dr. Cam