The bad news is you’re always going to care what people think. The good news is it doesn’t have to control your life. In this episode, I walk through 9 ways to rethink your relationship with external validation. If you want to be done letting other people’s opinions steer your every move, this one’s for you.EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro05:28 1. Caring what people think is natural07:14 2. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control what you do 16:07 3. You should care what some people think 18:16 4. Not caring what people think ≠ not caring about people19:45 5. Chasing approval always backfires eventually26:21 6. You don’t know what people think30:29 7. Other people are not thinking about you as much as it feels like they are35:32 8. You care more about other people’s opinions when you don’t have your own37:28 9. It’s okay to want to be with people who make you feel good39:27 Lightning round recap42:29 ChallengeEPISODE LINKS• The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz • Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl • The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga• The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir• The Art of Living by Epictetus • Spotlight Effect Study • Social Rejection Triggers Physical Pain Brain Centers • Surgeon General's Report on the Health Impact of Loneliness MY LINKS• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop• Join the waitlist for future retreats! • Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
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44:47
How to Find Your True Self According to Philosophy
Is the self something we find—or something we create? We’re constantly told to “be ourselves,” but the world teaches us fast that we also need to be likable, marketable, and hot. No wonder we’re all confused. In this episode, we dive into how different philosophers—from Socrates to Simone de Beauvoir to Carl Jung—understood the search for the true self and how their insights can help us stop performing and start living more honestly. If you’ve ever felt like you’re performing your personality instead of living it, this one’s for you.EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro05:49 Sigmund Freud09:08 Attachment theory (Bowlby & Ainsworth)10:55 Carl Jung’s theory on masks and shadows12:15 The chill girl mask (Gone Girl)13:34 Shapeshifter (MAKE BELIEVE) 14:38 The masks vs. the Self15:04 Rousseau’s natural vs. social man17:15 Using logic to hide from passion 17:55 For the ones who left (MAKE BELIEVE)19:37 Freud, Jung & Rousseau reflection questions 21:48 Sartre: owning your agency as authenticity23:08 Sartre’s concept of bad faith 24:12 Simone de Beauvoir on social class 26:41 The upper limit theory (Gay Hendricks)27:25 But also, the playing field isn’t level27:48 Sartre & de Beauvoir reflection questions29:27 Heidegger: inauthenticity due to death denial 31:33 Authenticity vs. ethics and compassion33:23 Authenticity vs. self-protection 34:01 Kant’s categorical imperative34:48 Socrates: dying on the hill of authenticity35:26 Socrates and Kant reflection questions36:46 Nietzsche on creation of the true self 37:17 Does everyone have a calling?38:19 Jealousy as a clue to your passions38:33 The “love it for you, want it for me” folder39:53 Nothing grows if you don’t water it40:18 Nietzsche reflection questions 41:50 Lightning round recap EPISODE LINKS• Carl Jung, The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious (1959) and Modern Man in Search of a Soul (1933)• Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness (1943)• Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949)• Authenticity episode of In Our Time: Philosophy MY LINKS• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
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49:06
A 3-Step Roadmap Out of Your Rut
In a flop era that feels like it will never end? I know that feeling. If you’re in a rut—whether it’s burnout, a creative freeze, or a “what now” spiral after a big life change—I made this episode for you. I share about my own recent rut, what helped me get through it, and a practical 3-step roadmap grounded in neuroscience, psychology, and philosophy. This one’s part pep talk, part game plan, part love letter to anyone feeling stuck. EPISODE OUTLINE 00:00 Intro 02:00 My “what now?” rut06:46 Roadmap out of your rut 08:06 1. Get your story straight08:29 You haven’t ruined your life 09:48 My bar exam story15:48 You are not alone16:26 Lifequakes17:55 You are not lazy 18:54 Are you burnt out?20:44 The classic existential crash out 22:14 Are you in functional freeze?23:42 Perfectionism-procrastination-paralysis cycle26:31 2. Make a plan 26:47 Friction audit (Adam Alter)30:01 Smallest possible actions 32:47 Lower the bar or you won’t reach for it33:43 The photography class experiment 38:13 3. Have grace for yourself 38:21 How dare you say you’re not trying?39:20 What you have to give right now is enough39:53 Lightning round recap MY LINKS• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
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44:14
The Psychological Formula for Attraction ft. Jemma Sbeg
What actually makes us feel drawn to someone—and what makes us cling to situationships long after we can see the glaring red flags of emotional unavailability?In today's episode, I’m joined by my first-ever guest (!!) and one of my favorite podcasters of all time, Jemma Sbeg—host of the wildly popular Psychology of Your 20s podcast and the author of Person in Progress. If you’ve ever screamed-cried in your car after someone you weren’t even officially dating ghosted you, this one’s for you.A few things we dive into:A research-backed formula for attraction (and how to use it without playing games)The role of the “spark” in attractionThe psychology behind common dating pitfalls in your 20sThe stigma of being singleThe commitment-readiness scale (and why it can land you in situationship after situationship)Jemma also shares insights from PERSON IN PROGRESS—a roadmap for surviving the chaotic, confusing, deeply transitional decade that is your twenties—and offers advice to her younger self that made me tear up a little. Whether you’re trying to understand your patterns, make sense of someone else's, or just feel a little less alone in the dating trenches, this one will stick with you. EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro02:51 The formula for attraction04:21 1. Proximity07:10 2. Similarity11:43 3. Familiarity14:03 The 3 month rule16:55 The curse of comfort19:31 The sunk cost fallacy21:06 The fear of starting over22:37 4. Reciprocity23:13 The harm of playing games26:36 5. A spark27:19 The psychology of common relationship pitfalls27:31 1. Repetition compulsion31:04 2. The stigma of being single36:45 3. Situationships38:23 The commitment-readiness scale40:21 Permission slip to grieve your situationship <342:09 Lightning round recap43:26 Last question: what would you tell past you? PERSON IN PROGRESSIf you liked this episode, you will love PERSON IN PROGRESS. Out now and available everywhere you buy books. Get your copy today!PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEGPERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEGPERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEGMY LINKS• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok PS - This is the study I mentioned that found that single women are one of the happiest demographics on Earth. And an article about it here!
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48:43
10 Paradoxes That Will Alter Your Brain Chemistry
What if the things you believe about life, love, success, and happiness are backwards? In today’s episode, we’re diving into 10 paradoxes: the little plot twists, contradictions, and life surprises I wish someone had warned me about. Learning these the hard way cost me a lot of time and heartbreak, and my hope is that sharing them now saves you some of yours. Hit play for a big, juicy reality check. EPISODE OUTLINE00:00 Intro01:23 1. The likability paradox 03:12 2. The paradox of choice06:09 3. The paradox of knowledge 06:52 The Dunning-Kruger Effect08:22 4. The paradox of failure 09:12 Not choosing is a choice (Jean-Paul Sartre)10:33 5. The paradox of tolerance (Karl Popper) 11:03 James Baldwin on agreeing to disagree 12:20 6. The paradox of moving on 12:46 Ironic process theory 14:19 7. The paradox of pleasure15:37 Aristotle's virtue-based happiness16:08 Viktor Frankl on happiness 17:07 The dopamine trap 18:03 8. The paradox of freedom18:33 Self-determination theory 20:02 The dizziness of freedom (Kierkegaard)20:52 9. The paradox of shadow sides (Carl Jung) 22:54 10. The paradox of the comfort zone 24:46 Lightning round recap MY LINKS• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop• Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram • Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok
A self-development podcast with philosophical, psychological and literary flair hosted by Victoria Hutchins, the creator of @thedailyvictorian. Giving your soul something to chew on every Sunday.
UK