The Christian Habits Podcast

Do you ever feel like you're trying to love someone well—but it doesn't seem to be working? Maybe you're putting in effort, but the other person still feels distant, unappreciated, or unexcited about the relationship. In this episode, I talk with Dr. Gary Chapman about why that happens, how love languages go deeper than we often realize, and what actually helps people feel truly loved. Gary gives practical advice for improving all types of relationships.

Have you ever felt like change just isn't possible for you?
In this episode, we talk about the lie "I'll never change"—why it feels so true, where it comes from, and what the Bible says instead. We'll explore how God brings transformation gradually, why slow progress still matters, and how to stay hopeful when growth feels frustrating.
This episode is for anyone who's tired of trying, discouraged by past failure, or quietly wondering if this is just how life will always be.
You'll also have a change to renew your mind about this lie while you're listening to the podcast through Scripture meditation, truth journaling, and the Hopelessness questions from the Renewing of the Mind Project.

Every January, we feel it: fresh starts, new motivation, and the quiet confidence that this year will be different. We make lists, set goals, and imagine a better version of ourselves waiting just around the corner.

And yet, for many of us, a few weeks or months later, we’re right back where we started—discouraged, frustrated, and wondering why change feels so hard.

If you’ve ever told yourself “This year will be different” and then watched nothing really change, this post is for you.

Where the Belief ‘This Year Will Be’ Different’Comes From

The belief “this year will be different” usually comes from New Year’s euphoria. Everything feels possible. Our goals feel exciting instead of heavy. It’s like standing at an all‑you‑can‑eat buffet of goals—career, health, habits, relationships, spiritual growth—and piling our plates high.

This belief also shows up anytime we start something new:

A new habit or routine

A new time‑management system

A new food or exercise plan

A new Bible reading plan

A new season of life or relationship

We assume that because the thing is new, the outcome will be new.

But there’s one thing we forget.

The Part We Carry Into Every New Start

No matter how new the system, plan, or habit is… we bring ourselves into it.

If we approach new goals with the same patterns, the same expectations, and the same mindset we’ve always used, the results won’t change—no matter how fresh the calendar feels.

As the saying (often attributed to Einstein) goes:

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

So the real truth is this:

This year will only be different if we approach things differently.

Why ‘This Year Will Be Different’ Usually Fails

Let’s be honest about some common patterns that quietly sabotage our goals.

1. Too Many Goals

Many of us create long, impressive goal lists—so long they’re impossible to sustain. The result? We complete the easy or fun goals and ignore the rest. The unfinished goals linger all year, quietly fueling guilt and discouragement.

2. Relying on Willpower Alone

We assume writing a goal down will magically produce motivation. But willpower is unreliable, especially in areas we’ve never been consistent in before. Expecting sudden willpower is setting ourselves up to fail.

3. Doing It All on Our Own

Some goals can be done privately with God alone, but many are easier—and more sustainable—with support. Isolation often makes change heavier than it needs to be.

4. Expecting Fast and Easy Change

When change doesn’t come quickly, we interpret struggle as failure. Discouragement sets in, and quitting feels logical—even inevitable.

What Actually Makes ‘This Year Will Be Different’ Come True

If we want this year to be different in a real, lasting way, we need to change how we approach change itself.

1. Choose Fewer, Smaller Goals

Instead of a full year packed with resolutions, consider quarterly goals. Shorter time frames make goals feel more realistic and manageable.

A helpful structure:

One main goal ( a one and done goal even though it may require upkeep – could do 2/3 if you’re an advanced goal accomplisher)

One habit goal (an ongoing habit)

Maintain a few habits you already have

Less is often more.

2. Combine Practical Tools and Spiritual Renewal

Most meaningful goals require both:

Practically:

Break goals into small steps.

Learn routines and time‑management skills

Create systems that reduce decision fatigue

(I teach all of these in my How to Stop Procrastinating course.)

Spiritually:

Renew your mind when you can’t make yourself work on your goal.

Identify the beliefs fueling your habits.

Partner with God instead of relying on sheer effort.

(I teach how to do this in my How to Stop Procrastinating course.)

Scripture reminds us that transformation happens through the renewing of the mind—not just trying harder.

3. Expect It to Take Time (and Include Failure)

Lasting change is a process. You will fail along the way. That doesn’t mean you’re incapable—it means you’re human.

Failure becomes destructive only when we let it lead to quitting. With God’s help, failure can become feedback instead of a verdict.

4. Don’t Do It Alone

Support matters. Whether it’s a local group, an online community, or structured accountability, having others alongside you lightens the load.

That said, the most consistent support comes from walking closely with God—talking honestly with Him, renewing your mind, and persevering together.

A Word of Encouragement for the Journey

The goal isn’t instant transformation. The goal is faithful perseverance.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” — Galatians 6:9

Your future self will thank you—not for being perfect, but for not giving up. More than that, the journey itself draws you closer to God, who is ultimately in charge of the results.

This year can be different—but not because the calendar changed.

It will be different because you approached it differently, with honesty, wisdom, and God’s help.

How to Stop Procrastinating Course

If you’d like help with a difficult goal—so that this year really can be different— my online course will help. In addition to on-demand videos and practical, hands-on assignments, I’ll also be hosting some online “work parties” in January of 2026 for those enrolled in the class to work on your hard-to-make-yourself-do goals! Click on the image below for more info.

How to Listen to This Podcast Episode

Listen or subscribe on YouTube. (You can also watch the podcast on YouTube now!)

Listen or subscribe on Apple Podcasts.

Listen or subscribe on Android.

Listen or subscribe on Spotify.

Amazon Alexa: To listen on Amazon Alexa, say, “Alexa, play the Christian Habits Podcast.”



The post Lie: This Year Will Be Different… Right? appeared first on Barb Raveling.

If you've ever started a new year full of hope only to feel discouraged weeks later, this episode is for you. We unpack the belief "this year will be different," why it usually doesn't work, and what actually helps change stick. You'll hear practical ideas, spiritual perspective, and encouragement for taking a slower, wiser, and more grace-filled approach to your goals this year.
Full show notes and links at barbraveling.com.

A couple of months ago, I sent out a survey asking which lies people struggle with the most—today’s lie came in #1: “It shouldn’t be this hard to change.”  The next two? “I’ll never change” and “I can’t do this anyway, so why bother?”

What’s interesting is that those second two lies come after repeated failure. But today’s lie—“It shouldn’t be this hard to change”—actually causes the failure.

Why? Because if we believe change should be easy, we won’t put in the work required for real transformation. Let’s dig into this idea and replace the lie with biblical truth.

Why We Believe Change Should Be Easy

This lie shows up most often when we’re trying to break a habit—but typically only at the very beginning of the journey. Once you’ve worked on change long enough, you learn (from experience!) that change is supposed to be hard. But if you’re new to the process or haven’t seen much progress yet, you’re far more likely to believe the lie, It shouldn’t be this hard to change.

So where does this belief come from?

1. Our Culture—Especially Marketing

We live in a world that constantly tells us: Buy this product. Start this program. Take this course. It will be easy! Marketing promises quick, effortless transformation. That seeps into our thinking, so we assume change should just “happen”—no struggle, no sacrifice. It shouldn’t be hard to change…

2. Misunderstanding Christian Growth

Sometimes, in the church, we unintentionally absorb the belief that spiritual growth should be easy, too—almost effortless. We think if we go to church, join a Bible study, or attend a small group, we’ll naturally glide into spiritual maturity.

But that’s not how the Bible describes transformation. It uses words like training, fighting, resisting, disciplining, and battling.

Real change takes intentional effort, spiritual weapons, and daily engagement with God.

We Also Misunderstand What “Hard Work” Really Is

Many of us think trying our hardest means “showing up,” like my husband did one day in high school when he told his mom he got a C on a test.

“Well, you tried your best,” she said—except he hadn’t studied at all. Lesson learned? That effort meant simply being present. But effort is more than that, especially in spiritual growth.

Breaking a stronghold, uprooting a generational sin, rewiring long-held thought patterns, or resisting a habit you’ve practiced for decades—all of that is hard work.

A More Accurate Picture: Training for a Marathon

If someone told you to run a marathon in six months, you wouldn’t think, “I’ll just show up that day.” You’d know it required effort, planning, discipline, and sacrifice. Yet we rarely apply that same mindset to our spiritual or emotional habits—even though the Bible clearly portrays transformation as a spiritual battle.

The Truth We Need

If I’m trying to change a stronghold, a generational sin, a long-term habit, or a behavior fueled by years of thinking, it will be extremely hard—and that’s completely normal.

Hard doesn’t mean impossible. Hard doesn’t mean God isn’t with you. Hard doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. Hard simply means you’re fighting a real battle.

What the Bible Says About Hard Change

Hebrews 12 is a perfect picture of this struggle. It reminds us that resisting sin is painful, that discipline doesn’t feel good in the moment, and that even Jesus sweat drops of blood in His fight against temptation.

But it also reminds us that discipline produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those trained by it (Hebrews 12:11).

That harvest is coming—if we don’t give up.

How to Renew Your Mind for This Lie

When it comes to working hard on growth in the areas God wants us to change, that hard work looks like lots of renewing our mind—multiple times a day. 

Towards the end of the podcast episode, I share some different ways to renew your mind for the lie, It shouldn’t be this hard to change. I give an example for Scripture meditation, truth journaling, and using the Tired of the Struggle questions from my book, Renewing of the Project.

Here are the truths I shared in the podcast as examples of what you could write down when you’re truth journaling the lie, It shouldn’t be this hard to change. The last truth is a truth journal entry from my 2002 journal! :

Belief: It shouldn’t be this hard to change.

Truths:

That’s crazy. Of course it’s this hard to change! I’ve been doing this for 40 years now! It’s hard to change years and years of thinking one way and doing things one way because of the thoughts. If I want to change I need to get down to the fundamentals and change the way I think. That is not going to be easy.

It’s not that hard to make dinner, change my clothes, or play a game. It IS hard to break free from a stronghold or a generational sin. And it’s crazy hard to change years and years of the same old thoughts that are fueling the negative emotions that are driving this behavior Of course it’s going to take work to change! I’m being delusional when I think it won’t!

If it was hard for Jesus – who was 100% God in addition to being 100% man – to withstand temptation, how hard will it be for me?! He sweat tears of blood in his fight against sin. Can I not at the very minimum renew my mind 2-3 times a day to fight this behavior? Thanks be to God, He know exactly what I’m going through and is willing to help. But he expects me to work alongside him.

Barb’s Journal – 1/18/02 (23 years ago!!!) – Belief: Losing weight should be easy and fun – so should everything else in life! I shouldn’t have to suffer. [I hadn’t refined truth journaling yet as I wrote just one truth for three sentences!] TRUTH: It should be easy and fun, but it’s not! It may be that way for people who like to exercise and thrive on that sort of thing, but not for me. For me it is TORTURE and MISERY!!! Expect it!! [Note: tell them I didn’t really write the truth – I no longer believe it should be fun and easy – so God sometimes gives us truth in layers. For those who say they don’t know what the truth is – if you keep going God will show you it at a deeper and deeper level.

Listen to the podcast for more insights and to renew your mind along with me!

If you have a friend who is struggling with change in some area of their lives, please share this post or podcast episode with them.

How to Listen to the Podcast

Listen or subscribe on YouTube.

Listen or subscribe on Apple Podcasts.

Listen or subscribe on Android.

Listen or subscribe on Spotify.

Amazon Alexa: To listen on Amazon Alexa, say, “Alexa, play the Christian Habits Podcast.”

The post Lie: It Shouldn’t Be This Hard to Change appeared first on Barb Raveling.