Pulling The Thread with Elise Loehnen

I had so much fun reading psychologist Paul Eastwick’s book Bonded by Evolution: The New Science of Love and Connection. A lot of his work reveals the enduring myths that are engrained in our culture and our minds about attraction, compatibility, gender differences, and relationships—and why these myths have been somewhat mistakenly connected to evolutionary psychology. The way he debunks these myths is so helpful, and also very entertaining, I think, whether you are single, dating, or in a relationship. Today, he shares some great hot takes on the apps; the significance (or not!) of first impressions, what’s behind compatibility and lasting attraction, how same-sex friends work, infidelity risk factors—and much more.

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“That’s the kind of story, that's the kind of image that I'm talking about—that really just sinks into you and won’t let go,” says psychologist Sharon Blackie. Today, Blackie returns to discuss her new book Ripening: Why Women Need Fairytales Now. Once again, her perspective is helping me make sense of who we are at different stages of our lives.

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“We’re all addicted to light,” says Andrew Holocek, author of Total Eclipse of the Mind: Unleashing the Power of Darkness for Creativity, Healing, and Transformation. “We’re all light junkies in the deepest possible way. And so because we're so lost in the light, blinded by the light, that I think the pendulum is swinging back. And there's a deep intimation, it may be inarticulate for a number of people—why so many people are simultaneously attracted and repulsed by the darkness, of what it represents.” Today, Holocek (who has been meditating for 50 years and doing dark retreat for 30) shares how to dip your toe into dark practice, a soothing way of framing fear, and a glimpse into what each of us might find in the dark. 

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As I’m heading into a series of initiations, I’m sharing a few challenges (opportunities!) that I’m sure many of you are familiar with: our struggle to prioritize ourselves, worrying over what will happen if I slow down, wanting to have faith in myself in the way that I have faith in other people and in the world. In this month’s solo episode, I’m also sharing a bit about my upcoming move from Substack to Beehiv, a sabbatical of sorts that I’m taking, and what’s coming up on the podcast.

For the show notes, you can still head to my Substack.
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New York Times–bestselling author Bruce Feiler is back after just a few years with another great one, A Time to Gather: How Ritual Created the World—and How It Can Save Us. Today, he reveals what he’s learned about the rise of reinvented rituals. He shares some incredible stories of people around the world who are creating rituals for all kinds of moments—from celebrating professional and personal milestones to honor walks for organ donors, miscarriage rituals, and Taylor Swift divorce parties. He also guides me through a ritual design class in real time, showing how simple—and powerful—it can be to create a ritual of connection in our own lives.

For the show notes, head to my Substack.
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