Adulting with Autism

What if your ADHD, autism, executive dysfunction, sensory sensitivity, sleep issues, burnout, mood shifts, and inability to "keep masking" are not suddenly getting worse because you are failing?
What if your hormones, nervous system, sleep, nutrient status, stress load, and neurodivergent brain are all interacting at the same time?
In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with Dr. Sarah, a board-certified physician and neurodivergent woman in midlife who focuses on precision-guided, personalized care for neurodivergent women through perimenopause, menopause, and beyond.paste.txt
We talk about why neurodivergent women may experience perimenopausal symptoms earlier, why estrogen and testosterone affect executive function, how disrupted sleep amplifies everything, and why standard medical approaches often miss the bigger picture.
Dr. Sarah also explains why ferritin, B vitamins, progesterone, cortisol, circadian rhythm, food aversions, sensory needs, stress, burnout, libido, relationships, and masking can all be part of the same conversation.
This episode is for every neurodivergent woman who has been told, "Your labs are normal," "You're too young for perimenopause," "It's just stress," or "You just need to sleep more"—while internally feeling like a raccoon in a dumpster fire.
In This Episode, We Cover
p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Who Dr. Sarah is: board-certified physician, neurodivergent woman in midlife, and provider focused on precision-guided, personalized care for neurodivergent women.paste.txt

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why neurodivergent women often face multiple overlapping challenges across the lifespan: PMDD, difficult menstrual cycles, postpartum changes, hormonal shifts, perimenopause, menopause, sensory overload, executive dysfunction, masking, burnout, and medical dismissal.paste.txt

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The difference between menopause and perimenopause.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Menopause as one point in time: the point after 12 months without a menstrual period, followed by postmenopause.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why perimenopausal symptoms can begin years before menopause.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why neurodivergent women may notice perimenopausal symptoms much earlier than expected, sometimes in their 30s.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why women may be dismissed with: "You're too young for perimenopause."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Estrogen's wide-ranging role in the body, including the brain, executive function, memory, motivation, mood, and cognition.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why fluctuating estrogen can be particularly difficult for neurodivergent brains that are sensitive to unpredictable highs, lows, changes, and internal instability.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How perimenopause can make autism and ADHD traits feel more intense.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why masking, camouflaging, stimming, focus strategies, emotional regulation, and coping systems that once worked may stop working in midlife.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Dopamine and estrogen: why falling estrogen can affect attention, motivation, executive function, and ADHD symptoms.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Testosterone and the neurodivergent brain: energy, confidence, drive, executive function, communication, and the ability to show up in a meeting, make a pitch, or advocate for yourself.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why testosterone often receives less discussion than estrogen despite its role in women's health and cognition.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Hormonal birth control, testosterone, and why some women may have low hormone levels earlier than they realize.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why hormone treatment for neurodivergent women may need a slower, more individualized approach rather than one standard dose or protocol.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why some neurodivergent women may be more sensitive to estrogen, progesterone, hormonal shifts, medication changes, and side effects.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The role of ferritin, iron, B6, B12, magnesium, nutrient absorption, food aversions, menstrual bleeding, gut health, and mitochondrial function.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why low ferritin can affect energy, dopamine pathways, cognition, thyroid function, mood, and executive function.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why simply being told to take an iron supplement or receive an infusion may not address the underlying cause of low ferritin.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The importance of asking why a lab value is low: menstrual bleeding, absorption issues, diet, food aversion, gut issues, hormone changes, or other causes.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Sleep as the most important foundational system for brain function, nervous-system regulation, mood, executive function, hormones, cellular repair, and chronic illness prevention.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why disrupted sleep can worsen ADHD symptoms, emotional regulation, memory, executive dysfunction, anxiety, fatigue, and sensory sensitivity.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Circadian rhythm support: getting light exposure into the eyes soon after waking to help regulate cortisol, energy, melatonin, and sleep timing.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why morning cortisol is not always the enemy—it is part of helping the body wake, activate, and generate energy.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Sleep latency, rumination, racing thoughts, early waking, deep sleep, REM sleep, and why neurodivergent women may struggle with all of them.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Progesterone, GABA, and why hormonal shifts can influence calming, rumination, sleep, and nervous-system regulation.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Long-term masking and chronic stress: the "sympathetic spiral of doom."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why neurodivergent brains can feel like Ferrari engines with weak brakes: high output, high sensitivity, and difficulty downshifting.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How chronic sympathetic activation can affect cortisol, metabolism, insulin sensitivity, weight changes, sleep, burnout, and overall capacity.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why "normal" lab ranges are not always the same as optimal functioning for a specific person.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The limitations of reference ranges that include broad populations across large age spans and different levels of health.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why "your labs are normal" can fail to capture how a patient actually feels and functions.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Subclinical patterns: why a result may technically fall inside a reference range while still warranting a deeper look in context.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How to advocate at medical appointments without needing to become a hormone, lab, or supplement expert.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why it helps to arrive with a written symptom list, specific questions, a brief timeline, and a clear request.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Useful self-advocacy language:

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> "These are the symptoms I am experiencing."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> "This is how they are affecting my daily function."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> "I would like to explore possible causes."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> "If you do not think this is the cause, can you explain what else we should investigate?"

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> "If this is outside your area of practice, can you refer me to someone else?"

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How ADHD medications may need adjustments during perimenopause and menopause due to changing estrogen, testosterone, dopamine, sleep, stress, and executive-function needs.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why some women may need different medication doses at different points in the menstrual cycle or hormonal transition.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why treatment should be individualized rather than assuming every woman needs the same medication, supplement, hormone protocol, diet, workout, or "biohack."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why wellness trends can become another source of failure and shame for neurodivergent women.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The difference between understanding a wellness principle and forcing yourself to use it in a way that does not fit your sensory needs, energy, food preferences, schedule, or nervous system.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why "food prep" may be a great concept but still fail if eating food prepared days earlier is a sensory nonstarter.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why gym culture may be overwhelming for a neurodivergent person even if movement itself is beneficial.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Low-hanging-fruit supports: sleep, morning light, nervous-system regulation, nutrient evaluation, realistic food support, and reducing sympathetic overdrive.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Early signs that your current pace may no longer be sustainable: sleep changes, afternoon crashes, worsening focus, reduced masking capacity, cognitive slowing, more sensory overwhelm, short temper, and feeling unlike yourself.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why "I cannot get past 3:30 p.m." can be useful health information, not simply laziness.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Energy mapping: identifying peak, neutral, and depleted periods in your day.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How to rearrange tasks around energy instead of forcing executive-function-heavy work into your lowest-capacity hours.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why taking a nap, lying down, using a weighted blanket, stimming, breathing, closing the door, or taking a true break may make the rest of the day more manageable.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Relationships, parenting, communication, libido, sexuality, and how midlife neurodivergence and hormones can affect all of them.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why lower libido is not a moral failure and why libido is connected to mood, stress, pain, hormones, safety, exhaustion, and nervous-system capacity.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why neurodivergent women may have less capacity to mask in relationships during hormonal changes.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The importance of community, honest communication, self-understanding, and giving partners concrete language about needs.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why loneliness matters for physical and emotional health.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How to explain your needs to a partner: "I need one hour a day when I am not responsible for anyone or anything."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why personalized care matters: no supplement, medication, hormone, exercise plan, diet, or intervention works the same way for every person.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Where to find Dr. Sarah's writing, courses, resources, and Substack community.paste.txt

About the Guest
Dr. Sarah is a board-certified physician and neurodivergent woman in midlife who focuses on precision-guided, personalized care for women navigating autism, ADHD, hormonal shifts, PMDD, sleep disruption, burnout, perimenopause, menopause, executive dysfunction, and midlife health concerns.paste.txt
Her work bridges conventional medicine, hormone health, functional optimization, nervous-system regulation, lab interpretation, neurodivergence, and the reality that one-size-fits-all care often fails women—especially neurodivergent women.
Dr. Sarah's mission is to help women understand their bodies, gain language for what they are experiencing, advocate for better care, and stop internalizing medical dismissal as personal failure.paste.txt
Find Dr. Sarah's courses and resources at drsarahinternational.com. She also shares weekly free articles and an in-depth paid community through her Substack.
Key Takeaways
p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Perimenopause can begin years before menopause, and neurodivergent women may notice symptoms earlier than expected.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Hormones do not only affect periods and hot flashes. Estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone can influence memory, focus, executive function, mood, motivation, libido, sleep, and the ability to mask.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> If your autism or ADHD suddenly feels "worse" in midlife, you may not be failing. Hormonal shifts, sleep disruption, stress, nutrient issues, and nervous-system overload may all be contributing.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Sleep is not optional for neurodivergent brain function. Poor sleep can amplify executive dysfunction, anxiety, sensory sensitivity, emotional reactivity, and burnout.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> "Normal" labs are not always the same as optimal function. If you feel terrible, your lived experience deserves further investigation.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Low ferritin, nutrient issues, heavy menstrual bleeding, food aversions, gut problems, and hormonal shifts can all affect cognition and capacity.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> You do not need to arrive at a medical appointment as an expert. You need a clear symptom list, functional examples, direct questions, and willingness to seek another provider if you are dismissed.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> No wellness strategy is one-size-fits-all. A good idea still has to work with your sensory needs, schedule, food preferences, energy, hormones, and actual life.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Your body's 3:30 p.m. crash may be information. Energy mapping can help you schedule high-demand work when you have capacity and protect recovery when you do not.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Midlife changes can affect relationships, parenting, sexuality, communication, and self-image. Community and honest conversations matter.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> You cannot out-supplement chronic stress and poor sleep.

What if a student who appears to be "struggling" is not showing you their full potential because the environment, instruction style, expectations, or support system is not working for their brain?
In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with Joie, Senior Director of Teaching and Learning at Fusion Academy. Joie has spent more than 15 years working in personalized education, including special education, campus leadership, teaching and learning strategy, social-emotional development, and support for neurodivergent students.paste.txt
Fusion Academy uses a one teacher-to-one student model, where teachers serve as both instructors and mentors. Joie explains what educators can learn in that environment that may be invisible in a traditional classroom—and why strong relationships, clear expectations, individualized executive-function support, and high standards can coexist.paste.txt
We discuss adolescence as a complicated but formative time, the hidden curriculum that makes school hard for autistic and ADHD students, why "just use a planner" often fails, how to support self-advocacy, and why parents must gradually move from standing in front of their kids to standing beside them.
In This Episode, We Cover
p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Who Joie is: Senior Director of Teaching and Learning at Fusion Academy, longtime educator, former special education lead, parent, reader, runner, and advocate for personalized education.paste.txt

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Her 15-plus-year journey with Fusion Academy, including campus leadership and national teaching-and-learning work.paste.txt

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why adolescence is complicated: hormones, identity, peer relationships, brain development, academic expectations, family dynamics, self-discovery, and the transition toward adulthood.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Fusion Academy's reminder for educators: "We know—we were there. It's our job to remember."paste.txt

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why every adult in a school should remember what it felt like to be a teenager before assuming a student is just being difficult, disengaged, dramatic, or lazy.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How a psychology background encourages curiosity: asking "Why is this happening?" instead of making assumptions based on behavior.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why behavior is not always a direct reflection of capacity, intelligence, motivation, or future potential.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The danger of letting a diagnosis, behavior pattern, or school history become a ceiling on what a student can do.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why neuroplasticity matters in adolescence: skills, habits, confidence, coping strategies, academic patterns, and self-awareness can still develop significantly.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why traditional education sometimes focuses more on performance and compliance than potential, connection, environment, and individualized access.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Fusion Academy's one teacher-to-one student model and the learning advantages of focused individual attention.paste.txt

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> What teachers can discover in a one-to-one setting: interests, goals, sensory needs, learning preferences, motivation, anxiety patterns, barriers to engagement, and the unique ways a student connects with content.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why relationship-building can improve academic engagement and willingness to take risks in learning.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Fusion's "Love, Motivate, Teach" educational approach.paste.txt

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why supportive learning does not mean reducing expectations or enabling avoidance.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How one-to-one instruction can make expectations clearer because a student cannot disappear into the back of the classroom or rely on peers to answer every question.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why high expectations can be an act of care when they are paired with support, clarity, patience, connection, and belief in the student.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The hidden curriculum of school: transitions, group work, unclear expectations, ambiguous instructions, reading between the lines, perspective taking, self-management, organization, social performance, and asking for help.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why group work can be especially difficult for students who need clear roles, predictable expectations, direct communication, and structured collaboration.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How ambiguous assignments can trigger anxiety, perfectionism, avoidance, shutdown, or task paralysis.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why rubrics, exemplars, models, visual roadmaps, and multiple examples of successful work can reduce anxiety while preserving creativity.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The difference between showing a student an example and removing their ability to think creatively.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Executive-function support: identifying whether the core challenge is organization, task initiation, planning, prioritization, time management, working memory, emotional regulation, or following through.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why individualized executive-function support starts with observing where frustration actually occurs—not giving every student the same planner, checklist, app, or productivity system.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How to gradually build skills: work on one routine or tool at a time, practice it long enough to become usable, then add the next support.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why "just break it down" fails when a student is already overwhelmed by 10 new systems, planners, calendars, checklists, expectations, and adult pressure.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How to make executive-function struggles less shameful: "You are not chaos. We may just need support with organization."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why self-advocacy needs to be made visible, practiced, named, and explained before students transition to adulthood.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The difference between adults quietly doing things for students and students understanding what supports they need and how to ask for them.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why social-emotional learning is not just a generic curriculum—it should be individualized, explicit, student-directed, skill-based, and connected to real-life goals.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Fusion's school-wide learner outcomes: inclusivity, resourcefulness, critical thinking, and self-awareness.paste.txt

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why neurodivergent students should help choose their own social-emotional learning focus, such as communication, perspective taking, connection, self-awareness, advocacy, confidence, or group participation.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why teachers should not assume that social-emotional skills are intuitive for every learner.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Skills that supportive middle and high schools should help neurodivergent students develop before graduation: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, communication, executive function, resilience, advocacy, and practical independence.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How parents can support growing independence without rescuing, controlling, or removing every obstacle.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The shift from standing in front of your child to standing beside them.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why the parent role may evolve from "I will do it for you" to "I will help you prepare to do it yourself."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How parents can observe school struggles, communicate with teachers, watch engagement patterns, and seek the right supports.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why educational therapists can be especially helpful for neurodivergent students working on executive function, academic skills, cognition, and learning strategies.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How a student can assess whether they need to leave a school environment or whether they need stronger supports within that environment.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The first question to ask: "Who are my supports, and have I actually used them?"

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Fusion Academy's in-person and virtual programming, with more than 80 physical campuses across the country and virtual options for families.paste.txt

About the Guest
Joie is the Senior Director of Teaching and Learning at Fusion Academy. She has spent more than 15 years in personalized education, beginning as a special education lead at Fusion's first replication campus in Los Angeles before moving into campus administration and national education leadership.paste.txt
Her work focuses on personalized learning, educator development, neurodivergent student support, executive function, social-emotional learning, mentoring, and helping schools create environments where students feel seen, valued, challenged, and capable.paste.txt
At Fusion Academy, Joie supports an educational model built around one teacher and one student per class. This model allows teachers to develop deeper understanding of a student's learning style, interests, goals, strengths, barriers, and support needs.paste.txt
To learn more about Fusion Academy, its in-person campuses, virtual options, personalized learning model, family resources, and events, visit fusionacademy.com.
Key Takeaways
p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Adolescence is not a problem to survive; it is a complicated, formative period where identity, independence, relationships, learning, and future direction are still developing.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> A diagnosis, behavior pattern, or history of school struggle should never be used as a ceiling on a student's potential.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> A student's behavior may reflect anxiety, unclear expectations, executive-function needs, sensory overload, lack of trust, or an environment mismatch—not lack of intelligence or motivation.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Strong relationships between teachers and students can create the safety needed for academic risk-taking, honest communication, self-advocacy, and growth.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Supportive education does not mean lower expectations. It means giving students the structure, clarity, connection, and tools needed to meet meaningful expectations.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The hidden curriculum can be as difficult as academic content for autistic and ADHD students.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Rubrics, models, clear examples, visual expectations, and explicit instructions reduce anxiety and help students understand what success looks like.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Executive-function support must be individualized. One student may need help with organization, another with task initiation, another with prioritization, and another with time awareness.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> "Just use a planner" is not an intervention if the student is already overwhelmed. Start with one small, meaningful system.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Self-advocacy develops when students know what support they use, why they use it, and how to ask for it.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Parents support independence by shifting from standing in front of their child to standing beside them.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> A supportive school helps students build capacity for adulthood—not just pass classes or reach graduation.

What if the problem is not that ADHDers are lazy, irresponsible, unmotivated, disorganized, or "not trying hard enough"?
What if the problem is that modern school, work, productivity, and social systems were built around a different type of brain?
In this episode of Adulting with Autism, Sol Smith returns to talk about his new book, The ADHDer's Guide to Self-Discovery. Sol is an autistic and ADHD life coach, former college professor, author of The Autistic's Guide to Self-Discovery, and founder of the Neurospicy Community.paste.txt
We talk about ADHD beyond generic productivity advice. This conversation gets into dopamine, cortisol, procrastination, masking, rejection sensitivity, time blindness, sensory regulation, people-pleasing, burnout, body doubling, self-compassion, and why ADHD adults need systems that work with their brains instead of systems designed to make them look more neurotypical.
Sol also explains why ADHD is not always a "superpower," why the "fish climbing a tree" metaphor needs an update, and why a better goal is to lean into your strengths while finding enough support around the things that drain you.
In This Episode, We Cover
p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Who Sol Smith is: autistic and ADHD life coach, former college professor, late-identified AuDHD adult, author, and founder of the Neurospicy Community.paste.txt

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Sol's new book, The ADHDer's Guide to Self-Discovery, and why he wrote a self-understanding book rather than another shame-based guide to "fixing" ADHD behavior.paste.txt

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why many ADHD resources still focus too much on changing the person to meet external standards instead of changing environments and expectations to reveal ADHD strengths.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Autism and ADHD overlap: shared executive-function challenges, task initiation difficulties, burnout, masking, rejection sensitivity, and living in systems made for someone else's neurotype.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why autism and ADHD statistics remain incomplete, especially when research has historically centered white male participants.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The high co-occurrence of autism and ADHD, and why many autistic adults are discovering ADHD later in life.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The difference between autism and ADHD social experiences: overlap in rejection and misunderstanding, but often different patterns of reading social expectations.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Rejection sensitivity and "lowercase t trauma": repeated small rejections, exclusion, marginalization, being in trouble, disappointing others, and being pushed out of groups.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The research Sol discusses on early peer rejection and how quickly ADHD children may be excluded or marginalized in group settings.paste.txt

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The Mario-in-a-Sonic-world metaphor: being capable, creative, and valuable while being judged by standards designed for a different neurotype.paste.txt

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> ADHD motivation and dopamine: why completing an uninteresting task may not provide the same internal reward it does for a neurotypical person.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The elephant metaphor for motivation: leading yourself with a carrot, a stick, urgency, meaning, novelty, interest, or emotional stakes.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Cortisol-driven productivity: procrastinating until urgency floods the system with stress and makes action possible.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why last-minute work can sometimes be excellent work, but still come at a physical and emotional cost.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The hidden costs of relying on stress to make things happen: anxiety, immune-system strain, soft-tissue stress, exhaustion, and burnout.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> People-pleasing as a coping system: doing work for praise, approval, teacher validation, or parental acceptance when the work itself is not rewarding.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why people-pleasing can eventually collapse when praise disappears or external validation no longer feels sufficient.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why ADHDers often excel in urgent, hands-on, fast-moving work, including emergency medicine, surgery, crisis response, and jobs where needs are immediate and concrete.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why "ADHD is a superpower" can be invalidating for people who have not yet found their strengths or are still struggling with disability, shame, and burnout.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> A revised fish metaphor: an ADHDer may be a fish that cannot swim very fast but can climb trees—and fish school never teaches tree climbing.paste.txt

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why the goal is not to become better at every weakness, but to lean into strengths and create support, delegation, trade-offs, or outsourcing around what drains you.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How ADHD masking differs from and overlaps with autistic masking.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Autistic masking as consciously or unconsciously decoding social expectations and trying to perform them correctly.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> ADHD masking as running too hot, overworking, striving for approval, trying to prove worth, and putting in extreme effort to appear neurotypical, competent, and reliable.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why the right definition of "doing your best" includes leaving enough energy for your life outside of work.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How to distinguish between an authentic goal and a performance of conventional success.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why ADHD adults may absorb other people's ideas of prestige, success, money, career, productivity, and "more" before identifying what they actually want.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why sustainable success is a better question than status: What job, schedule, role, environment, or life lets you remain content and still have energy at the end of the day?

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Time blindness: difficulty estimating how long something will take, sensing the passage of time, being on time, understanding future consequences, or balancing "now" versus "later."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why being 15–30 minutes early can be a sophisticated coping strategy for chronic lateness rather than proof that someone "doesn't have time blindness."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Visual time supports: analog clocks, visual timers, countdowns, color blocks, and timers that make the passage of time more concrete.paste.txt

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Biological time versus clock time: hunger, fatigue, interest, energy, and internal rhythms can be more intuitive than arbitrary clock-based expectations.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Strategic avoidance: avoiding money, emails, schoolwork, difficult conversations, boss meetings, emotionally loaded tasks, and other areas that trigger stress or rejection sensitivity.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How to distinguish boring-task avoidance from emotionally threatening avoidance.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why scheduling the work and scheduling the fun can reduce guilt and help ADHD adults actually rest.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Sensory regulation and focus: fidgeting, movement, exercise, music, novelty, stimulation, cardiovascular activity, and intentional sensory input.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why fidgeting may improve focus and retention for ADHD learners rather than prove they are "not paying attention."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why ADHD adults may need stimulation to regulate instead of needing only quiet downtime.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Body doubling and autistic "parallel play": working near another person, even on separate tasks, to create structure, support task initiation, and reduce the cognitive load of starting.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Supportive relationships for ADHD adults: realistic expectations, curiosity, patience, humor, clearer time expectations, and understanding that tangents may be a chain of real associations rather than inattention.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why interruptions can signal comfort and connection for ADHDers, while still requiring communication and respect for the other person's feelings.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The importance of explaining impact: "When you interrupt me, it hurts my feelings," rather than assigning malicious intent.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The unmasking roadmap in Sol's book, based on Dabrowski's positive disintegration framework.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why unmasking and self-discovery can bring grief, sadness, identity disruption, and discomfort before leading to more contentment and control.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> A first step for newly diagnosed or self-recognizing ADHD adults: look back at your history, identify patterns, and replace blame with context before trying to redesign your entire life.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Self-compassion versus self-esteem: why worth should not depend on productivity, perfection, achievement, or proving yourself.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Sol's closing message: treat yourself the way you would treat a good friend who was struggling.

About the Guest
Sol Smith is an autistic and ADHD life coach, former college professor, author, speaker, and founder of the Neurospicy Community. After being late identified as autistic and ADHD, Sol focused his psychology studies and coaching work on self-understanding, unmasking, neurodivergent identity, executive function, relationships, and building sustainable systems around the actual needs of autistic and ADHD adults.paste.txt
He is the author of The Autistic's Guide to Self-Discovery and the newly released The ADHDer's Guide to Self-Discovery. Both books focus on moving away from stigma, shame, self-erasure, and conventional expectations—and toward self-knowledge, self-acceptance, community, autonomy, and strength-based living.paste.txt
Sol's Neurospicy Community provides online support, connection, discussion, resources, and insight for autistic and ADHD adults. He also offers one-on-one coaching through Square Peg Coaching.
Find Sol's books, coaching, community, articles, and resources at professorsol.com. You can find the Neurospicy Community at neurospicycommunity.com.paste.txt
Key Takeaways
p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> ADHD is not laziness. Many ADHD adults are working extremely hard to initiate, organize, focus, regulate, remember, mask, and meet expectations that were built for another neurotype.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Autism and ADHD overlap in executive-function challenges, social rejection, masking, burnout, and nervous-system strain—but each experience also has distinct patterns and needs.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Rejection sensitivity often comes from repeated experiences of being corrected, excluded, misunderstood, or made to feel like a disappointment.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Procrastination can be a coping mechanism that creates urgency and cortisol when intrinsic motivation or dopamine are not available—but it is physically and emotionally expensive.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Hyperfocus can create excellent work, but a system that relies on panic and last-minute pressure is not sustainable.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Not every ADHD trait should be called a superpower. The goal is to identify strengths without minimizing disability, struggle, or unmet support needs.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Time blindness does not always look like chronic lateness; it can also look like extreme overcompensation, such as always arriving 30 minutes early.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Fidgeting, movement, music, novelty, and body doubling are legitimate regulation and focus tools—not evidence that someone is not paying attention.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Supportive relationships require curiosity: ask how an ADHD brain got from point A to point Z before assuming the person was not listening.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Newly recognizing ADHD does not require an overnight life overhaul. Start by looking back, understanding your patterns, grieving what needs grief, and replacing shame with context.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Self-compassion is more sustainable than self-esteem based on achievement. You do not need to prove your worth to deserve care.

What if pacing yourself does not mean doing less, lowering your ambition, quiet quitting, or giving up on the things you care about?
What if it means learning how to keep going without destroying yourself in the process?
In this episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk with science writer Elizabeth Svoboda, author of The Art of Pacing. Elizabeth explores why so many of us get stuck in a cycle of intense effort, overwork, procrastination, anxiety, burnout, collapse, recovery, and then doing the entire thing all over again.simonandschuster+1
We discuss pacing as energy management rather than rigid time management, why your natural rhythms matter, how to recognize your "pulse points," and why rest is not the same as doomscrolling or numbing out. Elizabeth also introduces some of her most useful concepts: rigid flexibility, brief candle moments, selective mediocrity, and the Hero's Journey Restorying Exercise.
This episode is for autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, and neurodivergent adults—as well as anyone else who has ever gone too hard, crashed too hard, and wondered why "just manage your time better" never seems to fix the real issue.
In This Episode, We Cover
p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Who Elizabeth Svoboda is: science writer, contributor to outlets including Scientific American, Greater Good, and Boston Globe Ideas, and author of The Art of Pacing.elizabethsvoboda+1

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The "ping-pong" cycle between intense effort and lethargy, withdrawal, depression, anxiety, burnout, and recovery.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why many people learn early that working harder, giving 110 percent, and pushing through are the only acceptable ways to pursue success.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The absence of cultural messages about protecting health, nervous-system regulation, sleep, sanity, capacity, and sustainable effort.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why pacing is not giving up, withdrawal, laziness, quiet quitting, or abandoning meaningful goals.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Pacing as learning to navigate the full range of possible speeds instead of constantly bouncing between overdrive and collapse.simonandschuster+1

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why sustainable pacing requires self-knowledge: what is manageable for one person may not work for another.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The difference between pacing and procrastination.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why procrastination often involves avoidance behaviors that drain energy rather than restore it.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Doomscrolling, social comparison, political stress, endless feeds, and why scrolling can feel like rest while leaving you more depleted.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Pacing as deliberately scheduling real recovery in advance so you can continue doing the things that matter.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Early warning signs that you are pushing beyond capacity: sleep changes, insomnia, waking too early, free-floating anxiety, a racing heart, nervous-system activation, inability to nap, and changes in circadian rhythm.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why physical warning signs can show up before burnout fully takes over.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Healthy ambition: staying engaged in purposeful work, creative pursuits, activism, community involvement, and meaningful goals—without turning exhaustion into a status symbol.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why purposeful activity can be fulfilling and energizing, while relentless overwork can destroy the ability to stay connected to what you care about.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Capacity as individual rather than moral: some people recharge through packed weekends, while others need significant quiet recovery time.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why needing downtime is not laziness, disengagement, or failure.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why rigid time-management systems often fail for neurodivergent adults.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Energy management: identifying when you naturally have more focus, engagement, capacity, and access to flow.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why your best work may happen in the morning, late afternoon, evening, or even late at night—and why your schedule should work with your actual rhythm when possible.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> What "flow" feels like: becoming deeply engaged, losing track of time, feeling pulled forward by meaningful work, and experiencing focus with less forced effort.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why working against natural energy rhythms often requires adrenaline and brute force, making work feel heavier and more draining.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> "Pulse points": the natural high-energy moments in your day when demanding tasks, creative work, problem-solving, or important conversations may fit best.elizabethsvoboda

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> A low-effort capacity audit: asking yourself whether you can realistically keep your current pace for one year, three years, or five years.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why dread about maintaining your current pace can be useful information.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Incremental pacing: reducing one commitment, one hour, one volunteer responsibility, or one unnecessary demand instead of dropping out of everything.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> "Rigid flexibility," inspired by Olympic middle-distance runner Ajee' Wilson: protecting important non-negotiables while allowing flexible timing around them.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> What elite athletes understand about recovery: intense effort requires equally intentional rest.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why recovery is not an indulgence—it is part of maintaining long-term performance.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Brief candle moments: short but deeply meaningful encounters that can change the trajectory of someone's day, identity, confidence, or future.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why giving back does not require taking on a massive, life-consuming commitment.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How a five- or ten-minute conversation, encouragement, mentorship moment, or act of connection can make a real difference.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Selective mediocrity: intentionally doing "good enough" work on low-value tasks so you can reserve real energy for the work and people that matter most.elizabethsvoboda

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why Type A, perfectionistic, high-achieving, and neurodivergent people may need permission to be strategically mediocre.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The concept of doing something "half-assed on purpose" when it is necessary but not meaningful enough to deserve your best energy.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Restorative rest versus numbing avoidance.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why a good break is often very different from the work you were doing: physical movement after desk work, time outdoors, walking, music, stretching, quiet, or play.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why time limits alone may not stop doomscrolling.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Identity-based screen boundaries: asking what you are actually trying to do online and choosing a restorative alternative when there is no useful answer.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why external achievement metrics can signal "success chasing" rather than meaningful work: awards, promotions, praise, titles, likes, and approval.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How meaningful work may focus more on connection, contribution, legacy, relationships, and impact.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why meaningful work can still lead to burnout if you never protect your own needs.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Healthy selfishness: caring for yourself enough to sustain the work you care about over the long term.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> What to do after burnout: rest enough to think clearly, reconnect with purpose, and use the Hero's Journey Restorying Exercise to identify your values, helpers, obstacles, and legacy.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why granular pacing strategies work better after you reconnect with what you actually want your life to stand for.

About the Guest
Elizabeth Svoboda is a science writer, author, speaker, and researcher who translates psychology, neuroscience, behavior, motivation, resilience, selflessness, creativity, and human thriving into accessible language. Her writing has appeared in Scientific American, Greater Good, The Boston Globe, Psychology Today, and The New York Times, among other publications.elizabethsvoboda+1
Her latest book, The Art of Pacing: A Guide to Balancing Short-Term Demands with Long-Term Thriving, blends research, memoir, and interviews with Olympic athletes, coaches, entrepreneurs, performers, and psychologists to explore how people can balance ambition and rest without burning out.simonandschuster
The book introduces tools including energy management, pulse points, modulation, brief candle moments, selective mediocrity, and narrative reflection to help readers make meaningful progress at a sustainable pace.elizabethsvoboda
Find Elizabeth's writing, book information, speaking resources, and newsletter at elizabethsvoboda.com. Follow her on Instagram at @svobodster.elizabethsvoboda
Key Takeaways
p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Pacing is not giving up. It is learning to manage your energy so you can sustain the work, relationships, creative pursuits, and community commitments that matter to you.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Procrastination usually drains energy; pacing intentionally restores energy before you reach a crisis point.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Your capacity is individual. A schedule that energizes someone else may overload you.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Time management is often too rigid for real life; energy management is more responsive to fluctuating focus, nervous-system needs, and natural rhythms.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Your "pulse points" are the times of day when focus, creativity, and flow come more easily. Use them for your most demanding or meaningful work.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Burnout frequently gives warning signs: changed sleep, racing heart, anxiety, insomnia, dread, inability to relax, and a body that no longer returns to baseline.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Healthy ambition includes recovery. Elite athletes do not train at maximum intensity all day, every day.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Selective mediocrity gives you permission to do the boring, necessary, low-value tasks well enough—without spending your best energy on them.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Doomscrolling can feel like rest while continuing to drain your nervous system. Restorative breaks should give you something back.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Meaningful work still needs boundaries. If you overwork yourself in the name of helping others, you may eventually lose access to the work you care about most.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> You do not have to eliminate every commitment. Sometimes reducing, modifying, or dialing back one piece is enough to create a more sustainable pace.

This episode was supposed to come out Monday.
It is not Monday.
Why? Because a cat grooming appointment turned into 90 minutes of furious cat screaming in my car, followed by rehab week at work—meaning unexpected music, decorations, people, activities, changing treatment spaces, and an autistic nervous system quietly asking, "What the fuck are we doing?"
So naturally, we are talking about flexibility.
Not the kind where someone tells autistic people to "go with the flow," smile through chaos, love spontaneity, or stop needing routine. Absolutely not.
Routine is helpful. Predictability is regulating. Visual schedules, alarms, calendars, transition warnings, clear expectations, and knowing what is supposed to happen next can make adult life dramatically easier.
But there is a difference between a routine that supports your life and a routine that becomes so rigid that one unexpected change destroys your ability to function.
In this solo episode of Adulting with Autism, I talk about how to build flexibility without throwing away structure. We cover sick days, schedule changes, noisy roommates, late buses, canceled plans, unavailable grocery items, work disruptions, sensory overload, anger, boundaries, parenting, accommodations, and the most important skill of all:
Not becoming spontaneous.
Becoming recoverable.
Because the goal is not to make yourself love change. The goal is to learn how to say, "This is some bullshit. What do we do now?"—and find a next step.
In This Episode, We Cover
p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why this episode came out late: cat grooming, sensory overload, rehab week at work, exhaustion, and giving yourself permission not to force productivity when you are at capacity.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why unexpected disruptions are not evidence that you are lazy, unreliable, broken, or bad at adulting.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Routine as a regulating support for autistic, ADHD, AuDHD, and neurodivergent adults.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why predictability reduces cognitive load, decision fatigue, stress, executive-function demand, and nervous-system overwhelm.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The difference between a supportive routine and a restrictive routine.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Supportive routine: "This structure helps me function."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Restrictive routine: "If anything interrupts this structure, I cannot function."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why adulthood is fundamentally unpredictable, even for highly organized people.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why routine should support your ability to function—not trap you every time life changes direction.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> April's example of her son being sick and becoming angrier because illness disrupts his routine, body awareness, sensory tolerance, energy, and ability to feel like himself.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why sickness, pain, fatigue, hunger, overload, hormones, poor sleep, and sensory stress can reduce flexibility and increase irritability.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Everyday adult disruptions:

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> A professor changes a deadline

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> A bus runs late

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> A roommate makes noise

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> A coworker calls out

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> A client cancels

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Your usual desk is unavailable

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The Wi-Fi fails

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Construction starts outside

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The grocery store is out of your exact preferred item

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Someone changes the plan

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Your car suddenly needs repairs

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why flexibility does not mean liking change, pretending to enjoy spontaneity, or instantly adapting without emotion.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> What flexibility actually means: "This is not what I wanted. I am annoyed. I can still figure out what happens next."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why the "error, error, error" response is not the problem. The important question is what you do after your nervous system signals that something changed.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> How to move from "the day is ruined" toward "What is Plan B?"

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why workplace accommodations matter: clear communication, predictable scheduling, written instructions, sensory supports, reduced unnecessary last-minute changes, flexible options, and accessible management.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why accommodations reduce unnecessary barriers but cannot eliminate every unpredictable event in adult life.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why parents can accidentally overprotect autistic children from all disruption because they know change is hard.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The difference between supporting routine and preventing every manageable experience of change.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why young adults need practice with small, survivable disruptions before adulthood hands them bigger ones.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Small flexibility practice examples:

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Eating lunch 15 minutes later than usual

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Choosing the second-best coffee or grocery option

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Taking a different route

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Sitting in a different seat

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Moving an appointment by an hour

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Choosing another activity when plans are canceled

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why forcing massive surprise changes is not "building flexibility." It is just being an asshole.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why the nervous system learns through lived experience: "I did not like this, but I survived it."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Scripts for unexpected change:

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> "This is not the plan, but I can make another plan."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> "I don't have to like this to handle it."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> "Give me a minute to adjust."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> "What is the next thing I can control?"

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why identifying what you can still control is one of the fastest ways to reduce overwhelm.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Options after disruption: changing the order, leaving earlier, asking for clarification, using headphones, taking five minutes somewhere quiet, choosing another option, rescheduling, or deciding something cannot happen today.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Anger and dysregulation: why irritation is often the first signal that your nervous system is over capacity.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why "everyone is annoying me" may sometimes mean "I need food, sleep, quiet, medical care, lower sensory input, rest, or a break."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The difference between "everyone is an asshole" and "my nervous system is done."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why understanding that difference can protect relationships.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why autistic adults cannot expect everyone else to arrange themselves perfectly to prevent discomfort.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why you are also an unpredictable human who will sometimes be late, sick, distracted, overwhelmed, cancel plans, misunderstand things, or disrupt someone else's routine.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why flexibility includes extending grace to other people without excusing disrespect, abuse, boundary violations, or harmful behavior.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The difference between healthy flexibility and over-masking.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why "I can adapt" is different from "I will ignore every signal from my body so nobody else is inconvenienced."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why changing a plan because your capacity changed is adaptation—not failure.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why rigidity can sometimes disguise itself as productivity: "I said I would do it today, so I must do it today no matter what condition I'm in."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why sometimes the healthiest response is: "The conditions changed, so the plan changes."

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Building elasticity into routines through calendars, reminders, preparation, transition warnings, sensory tools, rest, and realistic Plan B options.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why flexibility does not have to be graceful, pretty, or calm to count.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> Why the goal is not becoming spontaneous—it is becoming able to return after something changes.

p]:pt-0 [&>p]:mb-2 [&>p]:my-0"> The closing reminder: routine should be a support, not a cage; flexibility should be a skill, not a demand.

About the Host
April Ratchford, MS, OT/L, is an autistic occupational therapist, former nurse, parent of an autistic young adult, and host of Adulting with Autism.
April uses a direct, practical, funny, and lived-experience-informed style to talk about autistic adulthood beyond childhood services. Her episodes explore real adult-life topics, including employment, executive function, sensory needs, healthcare, parenting, burnout, relationships, money, transition, identity, self-advocacy, and how to build a life that works with the brain you actually have.