Adulting with Autism

If you're an ADHD (or neurodivergent) creative with a zillion ideas and not enough follow-through, this episode of Adulting With Autism puts language and tools to what's really happening—without shaming you for it.
April welcomes Sarah DeGrave, a certified ADHD coach who works one-on-one with clients on everything from daily task follow-through to big "what am I doing with my life?" questions. Sarah is also a professional actor and singer (musical theater + theater), and she shares why ADHD is so common in creative communities—and how the same brain that generates brilliant ideas can also struggle with consistency, structure, and finishing self-led projects.
They talk about the strengths creatives often overlook (like risk tolerance and rapid idea generation), why so many artists try to force themselves into systems that don't fit (hello, shame + "why can't I just do it?"), and what actually helps when you're stuck in an overthinking spiral: identifying perfectionism, lowering the cognitive load, and learning the difference between what's truly a problem vs what your brain thinks is a problem.
A standout theme: structure doesn't have to kill creativity. For many ADHD creatives, the most sustainable "structure" starts with environment and nervous system support, not a perfect planner.
Sarah also reframes "adulting" in a way that's especially helpful for artists building a creative life on their own terms: focus on non-negotiables, define what "thriving" looks like for you, and let the "TV fantasy" standards go.
In this episode, you'll hear:
What an ADHD coach actually does (and what coaching can help with)
ADHD in creatives: why it's common in theater + art communities
Strengths ADHD creatives overlook: risk tolerance + idea generation
Common struggle points: consistency, self-led projects, finishing, networking/relationships
How Sarah combined theater + singing + coaching into one meaningful career path
"Is this my style or my shame talking?" (and how to tell)
Building structure without crushing creativity: reduce cognitive load first
Why planning often fails as a starting point (and what to do instead)
Overthinking, perfectionism, and rejection sensitivity: what's underneath avoidance
First steps for "too many ideas": radical honesty + realistic support
Adulting redefined for neurodivergent creatives: feed yourself, pay bills, meet non-negotiables—ramen counts
About Sarah DeGrave
Sarah DeGrave is a certified ADHD coach and professional actor/singer who supports creatives (including women, queer, and neurodivergent artists) in clarifying goals, reducing shame-driven patterns, and building sustainable systems that fit real brains—not imaginary "perfect adult" ones.
Where to find Sarah
Website: saradegravecoaching.com
Instagram: @saradegravecoaching (DMs open; she's there even if posting isn't her brain's favorite)

What if "adulting" isn't a checklist—house, job title, perfect routine—but simply learning how you work and building a life that supports it?
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April talks with Nicole Farrell, a nonprofit funding & development consultant who runs Rubber City Development Consulting. Nicole shares how receiving a dual diagnosis of ADHD + autism at 25 helped her finally understand why school, schedules, and "normal" work systems felt impossible—and why entrepreneurship became the most regulating option for her nervous system.
Nicole's work spans nonprofits at every size, from brand-new orgs to a national nonprofit with a $35M/year budget, and she's deeply involved in community volunteering (Boys & Girls Club, PBS, 4‑H, multiple boards). She's also honest about what's messy behind the scenes: masking in business settings, executive function "systems" that are basically notebooks + whiteboards + a calendar, and an inbox that's… extremely ADHD.
This conversation tackles the stuff people don't say out loud: the cost of forcing yourself into rigid systems, the grief and relief of late diagnosis (especially for women), why "independence" can still feel miserable, and how money management is different when you've grown up poor—and when your income changes.
It's also a practical episode: Nicole shares concrete habits that help her create stability and protect income, plus encouragement for listeners who feel "behind" (living with family, needing more support, still figuring it out). One of the biggest takeaways: there is no timeline—and "adulthood" as portrayed by TV is basically fiction.
In this episode, you'll hear:
Who Nicole is: nonprofit funding/development consultant + community volunteer (and new horse-stable owner)
Diagnosed with autism + ADHD at 25: why gifted girls often get missed until it all falls apart later
Why entrepreneurship helped: choosing how and when to work (and working from the beach when needed)
How to stop forcing yourself into systems that aren't built for neurodivergent people
Independence in your 20s: "I did the apartment + job…and I was still miserable"
Feeling behind: why there's no set timeline, especially in today's economy
Workplace advocacy: requesting accommodations (and a reminder about ADA rights in the U.S.)
Executive function systems Nicole actually uses: notebooks, whiteboards, and a calendar she trusts with her life
Masking in business: why it's exhausting, why it still happens, and how to reduce burnout with intentional recovery time
Money shifts: going from poverty to high income, and donating locally as an ethical anchor
Side hustles and experiments: permission to try things without treating them as permanent (plus a cautionary tale about a cat café)
"Adulthood is a falsehood": keeping your whimsy and accepting you'll never have all the answers
About Nicole Farrell
Nicole Farrell runs Rubber City Development Consulting, supporting nonprofits with funding and development strategy. She also mentors aspiring business owners (especially women and marginalized folks) and advocates for building work around neurodivergent strengths instead of forcing neurodivergent people into rigid systems.
Where to find Nicole
Instagram / TikTok: @nicolewritesstuff
Website: RubberCityDevelopmentConsulting.com
Email: [email protected]
Facebook: Rubber City
(Coming relaunch) Personal site: NicoleEFerrell.com

Adulting when your brain is "spicy" and life is messy isn't about having the house, the car, or the perfect routine—it's about learning how to work with your nervous system, not against it.
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April sits down with Tina Estrella (also introduced as Tina Strayer), a certified EK (Existential Kink) coach and "flow state management" coach whose work is closely related to Internal Family Systems (parts work)—with a more playful, "juicy," body-based approach.
Tina shares her own story of being misdiagnosed in the era when autism/ADHD (especially in women) wasn't "on the menu," and how re-framing her experience through an ADHD / neurodivergent lens has helped everything click into place.
Together, they unpack what "kink" means outside of media stereotypes, how hidden pleasure patterns can show up inside self-sabotage loops, and why the goal isn't to eliminate anxiety—it's to stop rejecting it and learn to make it an ally.
This episode is full of practical distinctions (intuition vs fear vs nervous system overload), re-frames for shame and the inner critic, and a simple first step when you catch yourself spiraling: step back and breathe, then question the story running in your mind.
In this episode, you'll hear:
Tina's journey: misdiagnosis → self-understanding through neurodivergence/ADHD
What "Existential Kink" actually means (and why it's not just about sex)
"Radical approval": why rejecting anxiety keeps it stuck
Turning anxiety into clarity by creating distance: "I'm not anxiety—I'm experiencing anxiety"
How to tell intuition (calm knowing) from fear (tense urgency) and overload (too activated to choose well)
Shame + inner critic: what they're trying to protect, and how to work with them
Self-sabotage + "hidden pleasure patterns" (video games/TV/scrolling): when soothing becomes avoidance
What "flow state management" is and why it matters for neurodivergent adults
"Dream team" parts work: coaching inner chaos instead of trying to exile it
How to recognize you're about to abandon yourself (the loop + the heavy fog)
The first thing to do in a spiral: breathe + question the narrative
What real transformation looks like: reacting differently and being okay with still being a "hot mess"
About Tina Estrella
Tina Estrella is a certified EK coach who blends existential kink concepts with parts-work-inspired coaching and nervous-system awareness. She supports clients in building self-trust, reducing shame cycles, and learning to navigate anxiety and inner chaos without forcing themselves into an unrealistic "perfect adult" mold.
Where to find Tina (and her new podcast)
Socials: YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook
Search "Tina Estrella" or "Flowstate manager, Tina"
Podcast: No Safe Word in Real Life (currently on YouTube and Spotify)
Website (as stated): tinastreeya.com

Change is hard—especially when you're autistic, ADHD, burned out, or late-diagnosed and trying to "adult" with a nervous system that did not get the memo.
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, I'm joined by Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.—a Licensed Telehealth Psychologist serving Maryland and Washington, DC with over 30 years of clinical experience. Dr. Vanderhorst works with adults, couples, and families and uses evidence-based approaches including Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT)—all delivered through secure, HIPAA-compliant virtual sessions.
This conversation is a grounding, practical reset for anyone who feels stuck in their own head: we unpack why introducing change feels impossible, what "high-functioning anxiety" can look like in adulthood, how to get out of negative thought loops, and why grief isn't just about death—it's also about the life you thought you'd have, the energy you don't have anymore, and the version of you that had to survive.
And yes—she gives a simple, free starting point you can do today: download a feelings sheet and start naming what's happening inside you. Because in Dr. Vanderhorst's words (and honestly, she's not wrong): if you can name it, you own it. If you can't name it, it owns you.
In this episode, we talk about:
Where to start with personal growth (especially if you're overwhelmed)
Why change feels so hard (hint: it's not just you—it's human)
"High-functioning anxiety" in adults: how it shows up as avoidance, overthinking, and staying small
Outgrowing childhood coping skills—and how to tell when it's time to get help
A practical "brain dump" method for overthinkers and over-functioners
Gentle regulation during change (and why your nervous system needs a thermometer, not a lecture)
Grief beyond death: late diagnosis, burnout, lost expectations, and unnamed losses
Why our culture avoids grief—and how to recognize grief when it's hiding in your body
Resilience, meaning, and why healing happens in connection, not isolation
The "backpack of rocks" metaphor (and how to stop carrying what isn't yours)
About Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst is a licensed psychologist who provides telehealth therapy for Maryland and Washington, DC. She offers individual therapy for adults, online couples therapy and marriage counseling, and support for concerns like anxiety, depression, ADHD and executive functioning, trauma, relationship issues, family conflict, and performance anxiety. Her work is grounded in EFT and IFS and focuses on emotional growth, self-understanding, and healthier relationships.
Resources + How to connect with Dr. Vanderhorst
Website: DrVanderhorst.com
Free resource: Download the Feelings Sheet (under the site's Resources section)
Book: Read, Reflect, Respond – The 3 Rs of Growth and Change (available on Amazon)
Telehealth note: You must be physically located in Maryland or Washington, DC at the time of your appointment.

What if the DSM isn't the "final word" on your brain—just a system that got used for billing and scaled into a cultural identity machine?
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April sits down with Dr. Meher Chahal—a physician trained in Western medicine and psychiatry who no longer practices in the traditional system and now works as a Systemic & Family Constellations facilitator/therapist, Jungian coach, and author of Unlicensed Medicine.
We get into the messy reality of labels: how they can help people access services and how they can quietly shape self-worth—especially for autistic and ADHD kids who get "file-foldered" before life even starts. Dr. Chahal shares her perspective on why diagnosis can slide into identity, why some behaviors get pathologized without context (hello, bullying and "ODD"), and how neurodivergent adults can move toward personal sovereignty without pretending symptoms don't exist.
If you've ever wondered, "Do I need meds, therapy, coaching… or just a safer environment?"—this episode is for you. We talk about choosing support based on practical dysfunction and symptoms, not just a label, and how to "window shop" providers without getting retraumatized by the system.
In this episode, we cover:
DSM labels, billing, and why that matters for real-world care
Autism/ADHD kids, early diagnosis, and the impact on self-worth
Overdiagnosis, overprescribing, and why context (home + school) matters
Bullying, misdiagnosis, and why "behavior problems" aren't always pathology
Reframing "ODD" and other sticky labels that follow kids into adulthood
How to choose meds vs. therapy vs. coaching based on your symptoms and daily life
Moving out of "victim consciousness" while still honoring real trauma
About Dr. Meher Chahal:
Trained in Western medicine, psychiatry, Systemic & Family Constellations therapy, Hellenistic astrology, and Jungian coaching, Dr. Chahal supports founders and business leaders with clarity, alignment, and sustainable growth. Her work integrates Business Constellations, Jungian psychology, and astrology to uncover hidden dynamics impacting leadership, revenue, team structure, and decision-making—using astrology as a practical timing and strategy tool for launches, pivots, investments, and long-term planning.
Find Dr. Meher Chahal: DrMeherChahal.com
Book: Unlicensed Medicine