Adulting with Autism

Actor, writer, and independent filmmaker Steven Martini joins Adulting With Autism for an honest conversation about identity, creativity, neurodivergence, and staying grounded in an industry that doesn't always respect limits.
Many listeners first recognize Steven as Cadet Alex Stone from the 90s cult-classic comedy Major Payne—and in this episode, he shares what it's like to have that role take on a second life decades later through streaming, generational rewatching, and social media. Steven talks about how the film didn't explode at the box office when it first released, but built a long-lasting legacy as fans introduced it to their kids (and even grandkids).
The conversation then shifts into Steven's work behind the scenes: how early experiences in TV and the unpredictable realities of Hollywood pushed him toward writing and making his own projects, including his indie film Smiling Fish & Goat on Fire, and eventually his more recent film Bittersweet—a story inspired by his adult discovery of neurodivergence/autism in his family, and the ways that understanding changed communication, relationships, and self-compassion.
Steven also shares what it's like realizing you experience life differently than "neurotypical" expectations, and how that can show up in everyday patterns, focus, overwhelm, and the "turtle shell" moments where retreat feels safer. He speaks candidly about the creative advantages of being able to lock in on a story like a puzzle—and the personal work of protecting energy and mental health amid deadlines, pressure, and (in his words) the need for a strong "BS detector" in entertainment.
Throughout the episode, humor comes up as a real tool—not just for entertainment, but as a way to release energy, cope, and make difficult stories feel human. Steven reflects on working alongside Damon Wayans on Major Payne, and how that experience shaped his relationship with comedy and storytelling.
They wrap with practical reflections on getting unstuck when you're living in a "script" that no longer fits (job, expectations, boundaries), what Steven wants his younger self to remember, and how he defines adulting with neurodivergence today: more patience, more space, and less anxiety about forcing a fit.
In this episode, you'll hear:
Steven Martini's experience being recognized decades later for Major Payne
How cult classics grow over time through streaming + generations of fans
The behind-the-scenes reality of acting/TV and why Steven shifted into writing/indie filmmaking
Creating films with family/friends and why that matters to him creatively
Bittersweet and how discovering neurodivergence as an adult influenced the story
Identity shifts: accepting patterns without wanting to be "boxed in"
Protecting energy and mental health in a high-pressure creative industry
Humor as coping, connection, and "energy release"
Feeling stuck in the wrong "script": anger, boundaries, honesty, and small steps forward
What Steven is excited to write next (including ideas around Alex Stone's future)
Steven's definition of adulting with neurodivergence: patience + making room for yourself
Guest: Steven Martini
Steven Martini is an actor, writer, and independent filmmaker. He played Cadet Alex Stone in Major Payne and later developed projects through his work in screenwriting and independent film.
Where to follow / watch Steven's work
Bittersweet: available on platforms Steven mentions including Prime Video, Apple, and Tubi (availability can change by region/time)
Follow Steven on social platforms (he mentions rebuilding on TikTok and also being on Instagram/X)

Adulting With Autism — Episode 300 (Milestone Special!)
We made it to Episode 300 of Adulting With Autism.
That's 300 episodes of conversations for the people who feel like they missed the manual—especially autistic and ADHD young adults trying to build a life that actually works with their brain. Thank you for listening, sharing, and growing with this show. This milestone episode is a celebration, and it's also deeply practical.
For Episode 300, April is joined by Matthew "Matt" Campbell, a licensed psychologist with over two decades of experience in private practice. Matt works with adults and provides therapy and testing with both kids and adults. In this episode, he breaks down why "self-care" has become exhausting for so many people—and how to bring it back to what it was always supposed to be: basic human needs and a solid foundation.
Matt talks about how self-care has been commercialized (so it starts to sound like spa days and expensive treats) and reframes it into what he considers the real essentials: sleep, movement, getting outside, social connection, and being intentional about what we consume mentally and physically. He explains why these basics matter even more for autistic and ADHD folks who are often spending extra energy adapting, masking, and navigating overstimulating environments.
They also get into motivation—why it fades even when you really want change—and why relying on it is a setup: motivation is an emotion, and emotions come and go. What creates lasting change isn't hype; it's structure, routine, consistency, and realistic short-term goals that build momentum.
If sleep is a struggle (especially common for autistic and ADHD listeners), Matt shares a clear, practical framework: sleep is largely about conditioning—consistent bed and wake times, a short wind-down routine, a cool/dark room, getting morning sunlight, and training your brain to associate the bed with sleep (not scrolling, not chores, not frustration). He also explains why naps can backfire for people who already struggle with nighttime sleep.
You'll also hear an honest discussion about screen time, online relationships, gaming, doomscrolling, and why constant news exposure can distort your sense of danger and raise anxiety. Matt emphasizes it's not about shame or "never screens"—it's about noticing tipping points and protecting your mental health with intentional limits.
To wrap it all together, Matt defines "adulting with autism" through a self-care lens: building a life that's livable means identifying what you value, and creating supportive foundations so you have the capacity to pursue it.
In this Episode 300, you'll learn:
Why Episode 300 is a milestone (and why this community matters)
Who Matt Campbell is and what he does as a licensed psychologist
Why self-care feels exhausting: "self-care = selfish" belief + commercialization
The Primal Five approach to foundational self-care: sleep
movement
getting outside / sunlight
social connection
mindful consumption (mental + physical)

Why motivation fades (and why it's not the key)
What does work: structure, routine, consistency, short-term goals, momentum
Sleep strategies for autistic/ADHD brains: consistent bed time and wake time
a 30-minute wind-down routine
cool/dark room
morning sunlight
keep the bed for sleep (and what to do if you can't fall asleep)

Naps: when they hurt more than help (for chronic poor sleepers)
Social connection: quality over quantity, and what "your tribe" means
Online connection: helpful, not the same as in-person; when screen time becomes a problem
Doomscrolling/news: why it spikes anxiety and warps perceived risk
How to improve routines without turning life into a rigid checklist
How to spot "supportive" habits vs secretly draining expectations (movement vs extreme exercise)
How to pick the one foundation to focus on for a month (start where you're struggling most)
About Matthew Campbell
Matthew "Matt" Campbell is a licensed psychologist with 20+ years in private practice. He works with adults (therapy) and provides testing and therapy with both kids and adults. He co-authored a workbook focused on foundational self-care habits.
Resources Mentioned
Workbook: Our Primal Five (by Matthew Campbell and Josh Senko)
Website/newsletter: ourprimal5.com
Available at: Amazon and Barnes & Noble
Coming soon: an Our Primal Five app (daily scoring + friend/group support)

If you've been "functioning" but you feel flat, numb, exhausted, or disconnected, this episode of Adulting With Autism is a grounded conversation about what that can mean—especially through the lens of trauma, survival mode, and nervous system regulation.
April sits down with Jess Vanrose, host of the Life After Trauma podcast. Jess is coaching-certified and trauma-informed certified, but she's clear about how she sees her role: not as someone who "fixes" you, but as a guide who believes you already have your own answers—sometimes you just need support to find them.
Jess shares what it was like to live in survival mode for most of her life, and how healing changed her experience of life from "black and white" to "full color." She explains how trauma can shape identity over time—and why healing isn't about erasing what happened, but about integration: taking the power back and choosing what your story means about you (strength, resilience, survival).
You'll also hear practical ways to recognize survival mode when you don't realize you're in it—like losing interest in things you normally love, chronic depletion, numbness, dissociation ("floating above your body"), and that persistent "flat" feeling. Jess normalizes that survival mode can come in phases and that healing is not linear.
For listeners who want concrete tools, Jess breaks down what "nervous system regulation" actually means in real life: coming back to baseline so you can respond instead of react. She shares simple strategies you can use anywhere—especially breathwork (inhale 4, hold 2, exhale 6), movement, walking, yoga, sunshine/fresh air, journaling for patterns, and EFT tapping as an optional support.
They also talk about why language matters in trauma healing—choosing words that are empowering and help you shift out of self-blame. And if you're afraid to "look inside" because you're scared of what you'll find, Jess offers reassurance: self-trust is built by starting the work—and if it ever feels like too much, reach out for help (there is no "threshold" you have to meet to deserve support).
In this episode, you'll hear:
Who Jess is and why she calls herself a guide (not a "fixer")
What "Life After Trauma" means and what inspired her to start the podcast
Trauma + identity: healing as integration (not erasing the past)
How to tell if you're in survival mode (even if you look "fine")
Disconnection signs: numbness, fog, "flat" life, loss of joy, dissociation
Why healing isn't linear (and why that doesn't mean you're failing)
What nervous system regulation actually is: back to baseline
"Respond vs react" + "live in the pause"
Tools that don't require fancy equipment: breathwork (4–2–6)
walking/movement
yoga
EFT tapping (beginner-friendly)
journaling to track triggers/patterns

Anger as information: boundaries, disrespect, and choosing next steps from calm
Language shifts: self-talk that supports healing rather than shutting you down
How to tell "this is my personality" vs "I'm dysregulated" (pattern tracking + internal dissonance)
A trauma-informed definition of adulting with autism: coming home to your body
About Jess Vanrose
Jess Vanrose  is the host of the Life After Trauma podcast and offers trauma-informed, coaching-based one-on-one guided sessions. Her work centers on escaping survival mode, building inner safety, becoming present, and supporting nervous system regulation.
Where to find Jess / Life After Trauma
Website (hub for everything + sessions): jessicavanrose.com
Podcast: Life After Trauma

If you've done the books, the podcasts, the "talk therapy," and you still feel stuck—this episode of Adulting With Autism digs into why that can happen and what to try next.
April sits down with Maggie McCane, LCSW, a trauma psychotherapist and owner of Rehoboth Therapy and Wellness in Tucson, Arizona. Maggie shares why she built a practice outside the limitations of insurance-driven care, and why her clinic emphasizes trauma treatment, EMDR, and intensive therapy sessions (often 2–4 hours) for people who want deeper healing work than the standard 50-minute model allows.
A major focus is making trauma language more accessible—especially the difference between Big T trauma (events most people recognize, like assault, accidents, war) and little t trauma: experiences that can change how you view yourself or the world, especially when they happen before the brain is fully developed (Maggie references the commonly cited "around age 25" benchmark). She explains how someone can say "I had a good childhood" and still carry core beliefs like "I'm not good enough," "I'm not lovable," or "I'm not worthy" because the brain can misinterpret experiences during development.
They also explore trauma through a neurodivergent lens: years of masking, bullying, and chronic criticism can show up as trauma responses (social anxiety, depression, isolation) even when there wasn't one single "big" event.
Maggie breaks down EMDR in plain language (bilateral stimulation like pulsators or a light bar), why body-based approaches matter, and how learning your adult nervous system can help you recognize and respond to triggers with more control and compassion. They cover the trauma responses fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—including how "flight" can look like dissociation, and "fawn" can look like people-pleasing.
Finally, Maggie gives practical guidance for finding a trauma therapist: what to ask in a free consultation, what credentials to look for (e.g., EMDR training/certification), and the biggest green flag of all—a collaborative therapist who treats you as the expert of your own life.
In this episode, you'll hear:
Why Maggie founded Rehoboth Therapy and Wellness and what makes it different
Big T vs little t trauma (and why little t matters)
How childhood wiring can create adult core beliefs: "not good enough / not lovable / not worthy"
Autism/ADHD masking + bullying through a trauma lens
What EMDR is (bilateral stimulation) and why it can help with earlier "miswiring"
Why self-help + talk therapy can hit a ceiling (prefrontal cortex vs deeper trauma wiring)
Nervous system basics for young adults: "I'm safe now, I have choices now"
Addiction through a trauma lens (moving past "bad choice" framing)
Gender socialization and emotions: why many men weren't taught emotional language
Trauma + neurodivergence: adapting tools to how a person's brain works (more/less stimulation, sensory fit)
Fight/flight/freeze/fawn explained—plus how to come out of freeze faster
Green flags vs red flags in therapists + how to advocate for collaboration
About Maggie McCane, LCSW
Maggie McCane is a trauma psychotherapist and the owner of Rehoboth Therapy and Wellness in Tucson, Arizona. Her practice focuses heavily on trauma treatment, including EMDR and intensive therapy formats, and is intentional about creating a space where men feel safe and supported in therapy as well.
Where to find Maggie / Rehoboth Therapy and Wellness
Social media: TikTok, Instagram, Facebook — Rehoboth Therapy and Wellness
Website: Rehoboth Therapy and Wellness (site includes blogs/resources)
Guided journal: The Therapeutic Journey (a resourced guided journal with prompts + recommended resources)

If you're an ADHD (or neurodivergent) creative with a zillion ideas and not enough follow-through, this episode of Adulting With Autism puts language and tools to what's really happening—without shaming you for it.
April welcomes Sarah DeGrave, a certified ADHD coach who works one-on-one with clients on everything from daily task follow-through to big "what am I doing with my life?" questions. Sarah is also a professional actor and singer (musical theater + theater), and she shares why ADHD is so common in creative communities—and how the same brain that generates brilliant ideas can also struggle with consistency, structure, and finishing self-led projects.
They talk about the strengths creatives often overlook (like risk tolerance and rapid idea generation), why so many artists try to force themselves into systems that don't fit (hello, shame + "why can't I just do it?"), and what actually helps when you're stuck in an overthinking spiral: identifying perfectionism, lowering the cognitive load, and learning the difference between what's truly a problem vs what your brain thinks is a problem.
A standout theme: structure doesn't have to kill creativity. For many ADHD creatives, the most sustainable "structure" starts with environment and nervous system support, not a perfect planner.
Sarah also reframes "adulting" in a way that's especially helpful for artists building a creative life on their own terms: focus on non-negotiables, define what "thriving" looks like for you, and let the "TV fantasy" standards go.
In this episode, you'll hear:
What an ADHD coach actually does (and what coaching can help with)
ADHD in creatives: why it's common in theater + art communities
Strengths ADHD creatives overlook: risk tolerance + idea generation
Common struggle points: consistency, self-led projects, finishing, networking/relationships
How Sarah combined theater + singing + coaching into one meaningful career path
"Is this my style or my shame talking?" (and how to tell)
Building structure without crushing creativity: reduce cognitive load first
Why planning often fails as a starting point (and what to do instead)
Overthinking, perfectionism, and rejection sensitivity: what's underneath avoidance
First steps for "too many ideas": radical honesty + realistic support
Adulting redefined for neurodivergent creatives: feed yourself, pay bills, meet non-negotiables—ramen counts
About Sarah DeGrave
Sarah DeGrave is a certified ADHD coach and professional actor/singer who supports creatives (including women, queer, and neurodivergent artists) in clarifying goals, reducing shame-driven patterns, and building sustainable systems that fit real brains—not imaginary "perfect adult" ones.
Where to find Sarah
Website: saradegravecoaching.com
Instagram: @saradegravecoaching (DMs open; she's there even if posting isn't her brain's favorite)