Adulting with Autism

Trigger note: sudden cardiac arrest, medical trauma, anxiety, PTSD responses.
What happens when you're "the strong one"… and your body forces you to stop?
In this powerful episode of Adulting With Autism, Jeff Luther—dad of three, entrepreneur, speaker, executive coach, and athlete—shares the moment that changed everything: June 12, 2021, when he collapsed during a CrossFit workout in front of his 16-year-old son, went about eight minutes without pulse or breath, and was shocked three times with an AED before waking up. Jeff later received a diagnosis of ARVC (Arrhythmogenic Right Ventricular Cardiomyopathy) and was told exercise was off the table if he wanted to live.
But the hardest part wasn't only the diagnosis—it was what came after: fear, denial, anger, and the crushing mental spiral of what if. Jeff opens up about the dark place he hit, how trauma changed his relationship with control, and why "life is short" didn't feel inspiring—it felt heavy.
We talk about what helped him climb out: micro-steps, 30-second reps, and a gratitude practice that started with tiny, almost absurd wins (like being grateful for a computer mouse) and grew into a mindset that rebuilt his life—without pretending the pain didn't happen.
Jeff also shares a raw parenting moment: realizing he was asking his son "Are you okay?" questions he already knew the answer to—because the real answer would require action. He explains how he learned to ask the hard questions, get his son support, and redefine what resilience actually looks like.
In this episode, you'll learn:
What it's like to experience sudden cardiac arrest and wake up to a new reality
The fear loop of "what if"—and how to walk it down without gaslighting yourself
Why "rest is okay, quitting isn't" became Jeff's anchor
The 30-second rule: how tiny actions rebuild confidence after burnout/health chaos
Executive functioning-friendly routines: make your bed + "one plant a day"
How trauma shows up in parenting (sirens, hypervigilance, avoidance) and what helped
A powerful reframe: "What if I'm not a burden? What if I'm someone's happiness?"
Why we "find what we're looking for" (confirmation bias) and how to challenge it gently
Find Jeff Luther:
LinkedIn: Jeff Luther
Instagram: @jeffluther (as stated)
Website: JeffLuther.com (includes a complimentary coaching call sign-up, while available)

Coach Willie Blake joins Adulting With Autism to talk about what high performance really looks like for dyslexic and neurodivergent adults—without hustle culture, perfectionism, or burnout.
Willie shares how growing up with dyslexia shaped his confidence at school, work, and in relationships—and why "trying to hide and catch up" eventually stops working. We unpack his simple, practical framework for getting unstuck: the Pick One Theory and the 2% Rule—small daily actions that build momentum, clarity, and self-trust (even when you're overwhelmed, overstimulated, or stuck in analysis paralysis).
If you've been battling overthinking, imposter syndrome, time blindness, or shame around needing accommodations/tools, this episode will help you reframe what's happening and take the next step—without changing your whole life overnight.
Explore the new website: AdultingWithAutism.com
In this episode, we cover:
Dyslexia at work: confidence, clarity, and using your "dyslexic edge"
How to stop second-guessing and start moving (even with low energy)
"Pick One Theory": why one tab beats 10 tabs
The 2% Rule: consistency > perfection
Turning "What if I fail?" into "What if it works out?"
Imposter syndrome: why you're not a fraud—you're on day one
Accommodations as tools (not weakness) for neurodivergent brains
Find Willie Blake: CoachWillieBlake.com
If this episode helped, follow/subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a friend who needs a "pick one" reminder today.

Many autistic young adults are handed a confusing, media-driven version of sex and intimacy—then expected to "just know" their own bodies, boundaries, consent language, and relationship skills… often while navigating sensory differences and a lifetime of being misunderstood.
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April sits down with Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers—retired professor, marriage & family therapist, sex therapist, and medical family therapist—about what autistic adults actually need to build safer, more satisfying intimacy: self-understanding, shame-free education, clear consent, and relationships rooted in trust rather than "shoulds."
This is a compassionate, practical conversation about sexual self-knowledge, healing sexual shame, and creating intimacy that works with neurodivergent bodies and nervous systems.
In this episode, you'll learn:
Why the starting point is you: understanding your sensory preferences around touch (what feels safe, desired, and consensual)
learning how to communicate what you like/don't like—and how to listen to a partner's needs
co-creating touch that works for both people (instead of guessing or performing)

How society "throws people to the wolves" on sexuality: kids (including autistic kids) often learn from media, not developmentally appropriate guidance
entertainment ≠ real-life sexual health or real intimacy

What sexual shame is—and how to recognize it shame forms when natural curiosity/behavior is met with anger, disgust, humiliation, or silence
the internal message becomes: "Something is fundamentally wrong with me."

Dr. Tina's research-based definition of sexual shame (2017): a visceral (body-based) feeling of humiliation/disgust toward one's body and identity as a sexual being
internalized beliefs of being abnormal, inferior, unworthy
harm to trust, communication, and emotional/physical intimacy
fear/uncertainty about your right to make safety decisions and express boundaries

Early signs shame may be "driving the bus": chronic self-criticism about your body, desires, or neurodivergence
apologizing for your needs, shrinking yourself, "slinking back"
feeling unsafe saying no—or feeling punished when you do

Dr. Tina's framework for healing sexual shame: MESS (Model for Erasing Sexual Shame) Frame: rebuild sex education (often from the ground up, by age/developmental stage)
Name: tell your story with safe people; reduce isolation and normalize what happened
Claim: claim your body as good; retrain "not enough" messaging from culture/consumerism
Aim: create a new legacy—live with more confidence, language, and self-respect

Sustaining intimacy "over the long haul" (including neurodivergent couples): long-term relationships require ongoing growth ("grow up, show up, shape up")
intimacy dies when partners stop feeling seen/considered and start running parallel lives

Navigating mismatched desire + sensory sensitivities without making it "I'm bad at relationships" separating orgasm/sexual release from intimacy and bonding
building a menu of connection options (touch/no touch, naked cuddling, tub time, one-way touch, etc.)
shifting the goal from "a script we must follow" to "we both feel more bonded and safe afterward"

Consent and boundary skill-building as a practice: giving yourself permission to like what you like and not like what you don't like
practicing language such as: "Thank you for the invitation, but no."

Community considerations: why communities that center explicit consent and boundaries can be safer for practicing communication
why "vanilla culture" often contains unspoken expectations and boundary violations

Family systems, divorce, and change: what matters most is being resourced—safe community, shared knowledge, and consistent support
preparing autistic adults for transitions with honest communication, scaffolding, and validation

One tiny step when you feel sexually shut down: start with self-acceptance and honest, non-performative communication (especially in partnerships)
releasing "shoulds" and building a support system that helps you critique harmful cultural scripts

Where to find Dr. Tina + resources:
Website: TinaShermerSellers.com
Instagram: @drtinashameless
Books: Sex, God, and the Conservative Church: Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy
Shameless Parenting: Everything You Need to Raise Shame-Free, Confident Kids and Heal Your Shame Too

If you can't afford the books: DM her—she offers promo codes for audio versions to help people access resources.

What if you're not "too much," not "lazy," not "a broken neurotypical"… but a perfectly valid autistic/ADHD creative?
In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April talks with Angie Dixon, author of The Leonardo Trait, who spent 20 years writing a book on "profound creativity"—then learned in her 50s that she's autistic (after an ADHD diagnosis in her 20s). That late diagnosis changed everything: the book, the meaning of her life story, and her relationship to masking, hustle culture, burnout, and multi‑passionate creativity.
This episode is for anyone who "collects passions like stray cats," swings between hyperfocus and shutdown, or has been pressured to "pick a lane."
In this episode, you'll learn:
Angie's diagnosis journey: ADHD diagnosis in her mid‑20s
autism diagnosis in her mid‑50s
realizing she'd been writing the "wrong book" for 18 years—because she didn't yet have the language for neurodivergent creativity

The "instruction manual vs warranty card" feeling: being the "weird kid," outsider dynamics, and learning to "perform being a person"
how masking can show up as overworking and chasing success (hustle as camouflage)

The reframe that changes everything: "I'm not a broken neurotypical person. I'm a perfect autistic person."
finding neurodivergent community and the relief of being understood (including sensory validation like a "two‑degree margin of comfort")

What the Leonardo Trait is: multi‑passionate creators who spiral through interests rather than moving in a straight line
why starting lots of things (and not finishing all of them) can be a feature—not a flaw
why Leonardo da Vinci is the model: big ideas, many starts, real output, non-linear life

Practical strategies for a multi‑passionate life that still pays bills: keep "maps" for future-you: notes on where you stopped and what comes next
project logs for materials/tools/details (so you can re-enter a project without friction)

Autistic burnout (not "typical burnout"): warning signs Angie ignored: exhaustion, loss of interest, pushing through 80-hour weeks
why autistic burnout can feel physiological and identity-shaking
recovery: rest + changing the conditions that caused it (not just "taking a weekend")
examples of "stepping down" work intensity to recover (role changes that reduce load)

Unmasking in real life (especially for younger adults): why "full feral rainbow unmasking" isn't always realistic or safe at 22
Angie's approach: unmask 5%—one small, repeatable change (like letting your humor show with one trusted person)

Non-linear productivity designed for autistic energy patterns: organizing tasks by low / medium / high energy (not just priority)
building momentum by starting with an "interest spark," then sliding into boring tasks
using timers/alarms in a way that fits your brain (and why Pomodoro doesn't work for everyone)

Angie's anti-hustle rules (realistic and disability-aware): delegate/pay for what drains you (when possible)
cap working hours and limit simultaneous big projects
some tasks can be deleted, not optimized (e.g., "I don't do social media")

Choosing projects: "Can I do it?" vs "Is it a YES?" Angie's filter: If someone else does it, would I be fine?
if yes, it's not your yes—save your energy for what you'd regret not doing

Restarting creativity after it was "beat out of you": return to what you loved in early childhood (kindergarten clues)
permission to choose forms that fit you now (e.g., abstract painting instead of "learn to draw first")

What Angie hopes happens after someone feels seen: take one action toward being more yourself—at home, in art, in community, or by naming your needs

Angie's "tool + challenge" for listeners:
Practical tool: find one small way to be more yourself where you are
"Feral rainbow" challenge: throw off one part of the mask that's choking you most—safely, intentionally, and on your timeline
Where to find Angie:
Website: ProfoundCreativity.com
The Leonardo Trait release date mentioned: January 27

Today's episode is personal.
My son just turned 24, and I'm reflecting on what success really looks like—especially for autistic and neurodivergent young adults.
After a difficult first semester filled with housing issues, stress, and academic setbacks, he found his footing. And now? He's on track to make the Dean's List.
But this episode isn't about grades.
It's about redefining success.
If you're:
struggling with school or life direction
feeling behind compared to others
transitioning into adulthood
raising an autistic young adult
This episode is for you.
We talk about:
why success is NOT comparison
what progress actually looks like in real life
why young adulthood now extends into your 30s
the pressure to "have it all together" by 25
and why taking your time is not failure
Success is not a timeline.
Success is what YOU define it to be.
If my son can rebuild after a difficult semester, advocate for himself, and keep going—you can too.
Happy 24th birthday, Z. I couldn't be more proud.
🎙️ Keep fierce. Keep focused. Keep adulting with autism.