How To! with Mike Pesca

Steven racks up acquaintances on group mountain bike rides, but he cannot turn a casual trailhead hello into a real friendship. For decades he coasted on the built-in connections of  being in a band, working in a lab, and having a wife who did the social legwork. But now he needs to make some new friends. Enter Dr. Marisa G. Franco, University of Maryland professor and New York Times bestselling author, who studies adult connection for a living. She walks Steven through the "liking gap," the trap where you assume people like you less than they actually do. She exposes the covert avoidance that keeps him safe and alone. And she hands him a "repotting" strategy for converting trail buddies into a genuine community.


Executive Producer Corey Wara
Edited by Geoff Craig
Booking by Ben Astaire
Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show.
For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/
Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist
To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

This week we're sharing a special episode from our friends at Mentally Stronger with Therapist Amy Morin — the Webby Award–winning podcast hosted by psychotherapist and mental strength trainer Amy Morin, whose TEDx talk has been viewed more than 25 million times and whose books have sold over a million copies in more than fifty languages.
Every week, Amy shares a practical, research-backed mental strength strategy you can use right away. Think of it as a therapy session you don't have to book: all of the strategy, none of the small talk.
Today we're sharing her episode on outsmarting your inner critic. Amy introduces the anxious voice in her own head that tries to keep her from taking risks, and walks through a simple three-step play — backed by research on self-distancing — for taking that voice's power away so it stops running your life. This play is one of the fifty tools in her brand-new book, The Mental Strength Playbook.
For more strategies like this, follow Mentally Stronger on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. And tell her Mike sent you.

There's one thing that all of Helena's personal projects have in common: they remain unfinished. The family photo album is empty, as is her mom's recipe book. And the lavender garden is still unplanted. Helena is not lazy. In fact, she's a busy lawyer who has no problem finishing tasks at the office. But she's also a busy mother raising a family, and free time is hard to come by. So how can Helena banish her distractions? On this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series on time management, we talk to Nir Eyal, author of Indistractable: How To Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life. Nir used to be just as distracted as Helena, but then he figured out some tricks to break free from his stray thoughts. He explains why procrastination isn't a sign of laziness, it's a sign of discomfort. And why it's more important to address your feelings than silence your push notifications. 
If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Stop Procrastinating" and make sure to tune in next week to learn how to set the perfect deadline.

Today on How To!, Ross, a TV director who enjoys a drink but feels intimidated by the pretension of the wine world, levels up his wine knowledge. Mike brings on journalist and The Corrupt Wine Writer Substack author Joel Stein to cut through the snobbery, explain why you shouldn't be afraid to ask for help at a wine shop, and offer practical tips on how to order confidently at restaurants without overspending. They discuss why "drinking what you like" is only half the battle and how to navigate restaurant markups. Plus, is wine knowledge actually a gateway to sophistication, or just another way to get stuck in the status-seeking trap?
Executive Producer Corey Wara
Edited by Geoff Craig
Booking by Ben Astaire
Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show.
For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/
Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist
To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto

Guitarist and orchestrator Dillon Kondor knows his way around a stage. It's everything in between the songs that trips him up. Speaking to a crowd, filling the silence, not coming off stiff or defensive, that's where his confidence disappears. After too many gigs derailed by awkward pauses and self-protective sarcasm, Dylan reaches out to Mike for help. On this episode of How To!, Mike brings in the perfect guide: singer-songwriter Sharon Van Etten, who knows firsthand what it's like to freeze in front of an audience. Sharon opens up about her own early battles with social anxiety and makes the case that great stage presence has nothing to do with rehearsed jokes or arena-ready charisma. She walks Dylan through how to think about a crowd, not as people to impress, but as friends you're about to grab a drink with, and shares practical strategies for pacing a set list, turning nervous energy into something the audience can feel good about, and letting go of the armor that self-deprecation can become. Then fast-forward to 2026 to check back in with Dylan and find out how those lessons on connection and worthiness actually changed his relationship with performing.


Executive Producer Corey Wara
Edited by Geoff Craig
Booking by Ben Astaire
Do you have a burning question or a problem you need help with? Email us at howto@mikepesca.com and we will consider your topic for the show.
For full Pesca content and updates, check out our website at https://www.mikepesca.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ To receive ad-free content, become a Pesca Plus subscriber at ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://subscribe.mikepesca.com/ For Mike's daily takes on Substack, subscribe to The Gist List https://mikepesca.substack.com/
Follow us on Social Media:⁠⁠⁠⁠ Instagram https://www.instagram.com/pescagist/ X https://x.com/pescami YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@pescagist⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@pescagist
To advertise on the show, contact ⁠⁠⁠⁠ad-sales@libsyn.com⁠⁠⁠⁠ or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://advertising.libsyn.com/howto