Addicted to Recovery

In this powerful episode, Chris and Max sit down with their friend Dean, who shares an unfiltered look at addiction, recovery, and the emotional struggles that don’t magically disappear with sobriety. Nearly nine years clean, Dean explains how his addiction didn’t vanish — it shifted. His intense dedication to the gym and his physique became a new outlet, a kind of “armor,” masking deep self-hatred, body image issues, and a lifelong discomfort in his own skin. Despite looking disciplined and put-together on the outside, he reveals he has never truly liked himself and still feels lost internally.
Dean traces these feelings back to childhood, describing a loving but emotionally limited upbringing where he constantly sought validation, especially from his father. That need to be liked and approved of carried into adulthood and fed into his cocaine use, which he says calmed his mind, made him feel normal, and gave him a sense of belonging. What started as social use turned into a 20-year addiction marked by functioning on the outside while feeling powerless within. A defining trauma came when Dean found his father after he died by suicide at a job they were working on together — an event that still haunts him and intensified his using, alongside deep guilt about not being present for his family during that time.
After losing his business, stability, and sense of self, Dean reached breaking point and was taken to his first meeting through an intervention. Though frightened and disconnected at first, he has remained clean ever since, something he is proud of. But he’s clear that recovery hasn’t been a fairytale: he still battles self-obsession, emotional overwhelm, relationship pain, and the lasting impact his addiction had on his children, especially his eldest son who once saw him as a hero. He admits he’s less connected to meetings and fellowship than he once was and feels the difference, warning others not to follow his example of only “dipping a toe in.” The episode is a raw reminder that being clean and being emotionally well aren’t the same — and that honesty, connection, and helping others remain vital parts of the ongoing work of recovery.

In this powerful and deeply honest episode of Addicted to Recovery, hosts Christopher White and Max Thomas are joined by their close friend Nick, who shares his raw, unfiltered journey through addiction, mental health struggles, and recovery.
Nick opens up about living with relentless anxiety, low self-worth, and an overwhelming internal dialogue that shaped his life from childhood. Despite appearing confident on the outside, he describes years of people-pleasing, overthinking, and emotional exhaustion that ultimately fuelled his substance use. What began with alcohol as a way to “feel normal” gradually escalated into a destructive cycle involving drugs, work obsession, and deteriorating mental health.
The conversation traces Nick’s life from a chaotic childhood and early escape into the high-pressure world of professional kitchens, through the culture of long hours, perfectionism, and substance use that often accompanies the hospitality industry. Although outwardly successful, Nick explains how his addiction and untreated mental health issues led to breakdowns, damaged relationships, and profound shame.
A major turning point comes when Nick speaks candidly about being sectioned, diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and finally confronting the reality that substances were never the solution—but a way of coping with pain he didn’t yet understand. With honesty and humility, he reflects on the impact his illness had on his family, particularly his ex-wife and children, and the process of taking responsibility without drowning in self-blame.
The episode also explores themes of recovery, accountability, compassion, and growth. Nick shares how finding recovery later in life helped him gain clarity, self-awareness, and a sense of peace he never thought possible. Through humour, vulnerability, and shared understanding, the hosts and Nick highlight an essential truth: recovery isn’t about perfection—it’s about learning to live, feel, and show up honestly.
This episode is a moving reminder that behind addiction is often unaddressed pain, and that healing is possible at any stage of life.

In this powerful and deeply honest episode of Addicted to Recovery, hosts Christopher White and Max Thomas explore one of the most confronting questions in recovery: “Am I an addict?” Drawing from personal experience, lived recovery, and official fellowship literature, they walk listeners through the Am I an Addict? questionnaire—a tool designed to help individuals reflect honestly on their relationship with drugs, alcohol, and behaviour.
Rather than focusing solely on substances, the episode highlights addiction as a disease of thinking, feeling, and living, showing how it affects every area of life: relationships, finances, mental health, self-worth, and identity. Christopher and Max openly compare their very different patterns of use—daily use versus binge use—to demonstrate that how often or how much someone uses is far less important than the loss of control and the consequences.
Throughout the episode, they share raw stories of secrecy, shame, manipulation, broken trust, physical and emotional exhaustion, and the relentless mental obsession that fuels addiction. They also challenge common misconceptions, such as “I wasn’t that bad” or “I can handle it on my own,” and explain the crucial difference between having a drug problem and being an addict.
Importantly, the episode isn’t about labelling or diagnosing—it’s about self-honesty. The hosts stress that no one else can decide if you’re an addict; only you can. If the questions provoke discomfort, emotion, or recognition, that reaction itself may be meaningful.
The episode closes with a message of hope: recovery is possible, help is available, and life on the other side of addiction is calmer, freer, and more authentic. Whether you’re questioning your own use, worried about someone you love, or already on a recovery journey, Am I an Addict? offers insight, compassion, and a powerful starting point for change.

In this powerful and deeply honest episode of Addicted to Recovery, hosts Christopher White and Max Thomas explore one of the most challenging and universal themes in recovery: self-obsession.
Using real-life examples from their own relationships, parenting, road rage, social anxiety, and everyday interactions, Chris and Max unpack how self-obsession quietly drives emotional pain, conflict, and addictive thinking. The conversation is grounded in recovery literature, particularly the concept of The Triangle of Self Obsession—made up of resentment (the past), anger (the present), and fear (the future).
The episode highlights how addiction can arrest emotional growth, leaving many addicts stuck in a childlike state where validation, control, and external approval are desperately sought. Chris reads and reflects on recovery literature that explains how most people naturally mature out of this phase, while addicts often medicate discomfort instead—delaying emotional maturity and reinforcing self-centered thinking.
Throughout the episode, the hosts show how self-obsession plays out subtly: overthinking text messages, craving approval from strangers, feeling under-appreciated, reacting defensively, or assuming everything is a personal attack. They also emphasize that this isn’t about shame—but awareness, responsibility, and action.
Importantly, the episode offers hope and practical solutions. Chris and Max discuss how recovery tools—such as inventory, making amends, reaching out, acceptance, love, faith, and service to others—allow them to step out of the triangle. They stress that progress doesn’t mean perfection, but rather increasing the space between emotional blow-ups and responding more like an adult than a child.
The central message is clear and uncompromising: to break free from addiction and emotional suffering, we must break the triangle of self-obsession. We must grow up—or the disease will eventually destroy us.
A raw, relatable, and compassionate episode that reminds listeners they are not alone—and that there is a solution.

In this honest, reflective episode of Addicted to Recovery, hosts Christopher White and Max Thomas sit down for an unfiltered conversation with no guest, using the space to openly process the emotional impact of the Christmas period in recovery.
The episode explores how breaking routine over the holidays can deeply affect addicts in recovery, triggering emotional sensitivity, irritability, overthinking, and a return to old thought patterns such as blame, control, people-pleasing, and self-criticism. Both hosts discuss struggles with family dynamics, overstimulation, and the pressure of multiple personalities coming together during Christmas.
They reflect on the importance of structure, routine, and daily recovery practices, highlighting how even a few days disconnected from meetings, sponsors, or recovery messages can leave them feeling unsettled. Themes of self-awareness versus self-obsession run throughout, as the hosts acknowledge that awareness can be both a gift and a curse.
Food, body image, and control around diet and exercise are discussed candidly, with both men recognising long-standing struggles with obsession, self-worth, and aligning physical health with mental and spiritual wellbeing. The conversation also touches on injury, fear of failure, and the addictive mindset looking for excuses to step away from discipline.
The episode moves into reflections on gratitude, connection, and service, contrasting their family-filled Christmas experiences with those who face loneliness or homelessness during the holidays. They acknowledge the vital role of fellowship, outreach events, and simple acts of connection—such as phone calls, messages, or small moments of kindness—in sustaining recovery.
Spirituality features strongly, with discussions around church, prayer, meditation, Step 11, and the need to “fill the spiritual tank,” especially when life becomes busy or emotionally charged. Both hosts identify judgmental thinking as a warning sign that their recovery needs attention.
Looking ahead to 2026, Chris and Max talk openly about growth areas: improving balance, deepening spiritual practice, embracing change in work and routine, seeking counselling, meditation, and continuing to give back through sponsorship and the podcast.
The episode closes with powerful moments of gratitude, remembrance, and emotional reflection, reinforcing a central message: recovery is a daily practice, connection is essential, and growth comes from getting out of self and staying spiritually grounded.