Complicated Kids

Teens are not broken. The systems around them are.
In this conversation, social worker, researcher, and educator Dr. Will Dobud joins me to zoom out from individual teen "problems" and look at the bigger picture of youth mental health. We talk about what he calls "planet mental health," where there are more therapists, diagnoses, and medications than ever, yet kids are still struggling. Will walks us through how numbers and labels can start to define young people, why phones have become an easy scapegoat, and how school culture, academic pressure, and compliance-driven systems shape so much of what we call "behavior."
We also explore what gets lost when we treat kids as empty vessels or passive recipients of interventions instead of as resources. Will shares stories from his work with teens across three continents, digs into why social-emotional learning can backfire when it is done to kids instead of with them, and lifts up older ideas from John Dewey and Jane Addams about democracy, shared work, and treating young people as full participants in their communities. This episode is a grounded, hopeful invitation to see teens differently and to start changing the environments they are growing up in.
Key Takeaways
Trying to "fix" teen behavior in isolation does not make sense. Behavior always exists within systems adults have built, including school, home, and the wider culture.
We are living on "planet mental health," where more people than ever are diagnosed, medicated, and in treatment, yet many teens do not feel better. What we choose to count and label shapes how young people see themselves.
Phones and social media are often symptoms, not root causes. Boredom, disconnection, and rigid environments drive kids to screens just like adults reaching for phones on a plane.
School was designed as a compliance-based institution for a narrow group of learners. For many teens, it feels more like a factory than a place that values curiosity, autonomy, or real-life problem solving.
The youngest kids in a classroom are statistically more likely to be diagnosed with attention-related conditions, suggesting that developmental stage and fit matter as much as any "disorder."
Social-emotional learning can become a "regrettable substitution" when it is standardized and delivered to kids who never asked for it. Teens need co-regulation and relationship, not just lessons about feelings.
Teachers and parents are also trapped in compliance systems and high-pressure cultures. When adults are dysregulated and overburdened, they cannot provide the steady co-regulation kids need.
Teens are never just a cluster of symptoms. Traits that feel "annoying" in adolescence often become strengths later when they are understood and supported.
The healthiest classrooms, families, and communities function more like real democracies. Young people get meaningful work to do, not just things to memorize.
Shifting how we talk about "kids these days" changes everything. When adults treat teens as resources instead of problems, kids feel more hopeful, engaged, and willing to participate in their own growth.
About Will Dobud
Dr. Will Dobud is a social worker, researcher, and educator who has worked with adolescents and families in the United States, Australia, and Norway. Originally from Washington, DC, he now divides his time between the U.S. and Australia.
Will is an award-winning researcher and educator recognized for excellence in research, teaching, and crime prevention. He is a Senior Lecturer in Social Work at Charles Sturt University, Australia's largest social work school, and an invited international speaker who conducts workshops for therapists and families around the globe.
His research focuses on improving therapy outcomes for teenagers and promoting safe, ethical practices. He has written extensively about the Troubled Teen Industry, particularly wilderness therapy, and works alongside advocates, survivors, researchers, and clinicians to protect youth from institutionalization and harm. He is the coauthor of Kids These Days, a book about youth mental health for adults.
About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet
I'm Gabriele Nicolet—toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.
Complicated Kids Resources and Links
🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
📅 Schedule a free intro call
📺 Subscribe on YouTube
👾 Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids)
➡️ Instagram
➡️ Facebook
➡️ LinkedIn
🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist
Enjoying the show?
If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot.
If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.
Thank you for being here. 💛

Kids feel more than they hear. They notice more than they can say.
In this conversation, therapist and mom of two neurodivergent kids, Lisa Kays, joins me to explore why your child seems fine until you finally try to read, listen to a podcast, or focus on something for yourself. We talk about the invisible "container" parents hold with their attention, how kids sense when we mentally leave the room, and why sensitive and neurodivergent kids are often especially tuned into those shifts.
Lisa and I also get real about mom guilt, martyrdom, and the myth that good parents never disappoint their kids. We look at what happens when you try to fake calm at bedtime, why that incoherence makes things worse, and how much changes when you say the quiet part out loud: "I am tired. I am cranky. This is not about you." From there, we move into play, video games, and the pressure to enjoy everything your child enjoys, and how to reframe joining them in their world without pretending to love every second.
This episode is an invitation to trust what your kids are already picking up, be more honest about what you are actually feeling, and let your family experiment with a more grounded, both-and version of connection.
Key Takeaways
Kids are tuned into our attention in ways we usually underestimate. They often stay regulated until they feel your focus shift, then move in to pull you back.
Neurodivergent and "orchid" kids are often especially sensitive to energetic shifts, in part because many rely more on nonverbal cues than language.
Parents hold a real "energetic bubble" with their kids. When you mentally leave that bubble, their nervous system notices—even if they cannot explain it.
Sneaking self-care through half-dissociated scrolling often backfires. Kids sense the withdrawal of presence, even when you are physically nearby.
You cannot fake calm. At bedtime, your child responds to your nervous system, not your "everything is fine" script.
Honesty creates safety. Saying "I am tired and irritable, and this is not about you" helps kids trust both their own perceptions and you.
Allowing disappointment without rushing to fix it teaches resilience, frustration tolerance, and relational trust.
Intentional, communicated withdrawal of attention is different from endlessly overriding your needs. It protects against burnout and builds tolerance for space.
Playing with your child does not require loving every activity. You can connect by letting them lead, being the learner, or practicing regulation while being imperfect.
When your brain insists there are only two options, it is usually lying. Connection has many possible shapes.
About Lisa Kays
Lisa Kays is a licensed independent clinical social worker with a private practice serving clients in Washington, DC, Maryland, Virginia, and Oregon. She works with adults across the lifespan on anxiety, depression, addiction, and relationship challenges, with a special focus on supporting parents of both neurodivergent and neurotypical kids. As a parent of two complicated and awesome children herself, Lisa blends clinical insight with lived experience, helping caregivers understand their own nervous systems, set realistic boundaries, and build more authentic, resilient family relationships. You can learn more at lisakays.com and find her on Instagram and TikTok at @thelisakays.
About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet
I'm Gabriele Nicolet—toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.
Complicated Kids Resources and Links
🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
📅 Schedule a free intro call
📺 Subscribe on YouTube
👾 Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids)
➡️ Instagram
➡️ Facebook
➡️ LinkedIn
🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist
Enjoying the show?
If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot.
If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.
Thank you for being here. 💛

Sensory is not an extra layer. It is the ground your child is standing on.
In this conversation, occupational therapist Cindy Duffy and Secret Genius Project founder Donna Redman join me to explore behavior through a sensory lens. Donna shares her research into our connection with art, science, and nature, and how we first meet the world through our senses. Cindy explains why she has always viewed behavior as information, not defiance, and how environmental details—buzzing fluorescent lights, rushing schedules, echoes in a room, or even the hum of a refrigerator—can make a child feel regulated or completely overwhelmed.
Cindy also walks us through powerful real-life examples: children whose "messy work" and math meltdowns were actually undiagnosed vision issues; adults who spent decades believing they were "stupid" before anyone evaluated their vestibular and visual systems; and a teacher who realized she was sensory sensitive in a classroom full of seekers and changed everything by tending to her own nervous system. We talk about babies arriving with distinct sensory profiles, siblings with very different needs, and parents who feel mismatched with their child until they understand what kind of touch, movement, and energy that child's body is asking for.
This episode is a reminder that behavior makes sense, sensory profiles matter, and there is often a "secret genius" waiting to be noticed once we stop blaming willpower and start listening to the body.
Key Takeaways
Behavior is communication. When kids lash out, avoid, or shut down, their bodies and brains are telling us something important.
We are sensory beings first. Our first encounter with the world is through our senses, yet sensory processing is often misunderstood at school and at home.
Environment shapes regulation. Light, sound, echoes, transitions, schedules, and background noise all influence how overwhelmed or calm a child feels.
Sensory and vision challenges can hide under "behavior." Erasing constantly, pressing too hard with a pencil, rereading lines, or melting down around math may point to sensory or visual strain—not intelligence.
Mislabeling can be harmful. When kids are shamed or disciplined for reactions they cannot control, they often internalize the belief that they are the problem.
Everyone has a sensory profile. Understanding your child's profile helps you support them; understanding your own helps you show up more calmly.
Adults have sensory needs too. When caregivers manage their own nervous systems, the entire dynamic can shift.
Strengths matter as much as challenges. A strengths-based plan often opens doors that behavior plans alone cannot.
Babies arrive with a sensory story. When sensory needs are honored early, kids do not have to "act out" to get what their bodies need.
There is a "secret genius" under the struggle. Once sensory and nervous system needs are understood, children's gifts often become visible.
About Donna Redman and Cindy Duffy
Donna Redman is the founder and president of The Secret Genius Project. Her research into the origins of creativity and self-expression explores the deep connection between art, science, nature, and the nervous system. Drawing from philosophy, quantum physics, art therapy, and mathematics, Donna curates programs that help families, educators, and professionals better understand human potential. The Secret Genius of Sensory Processing, created with occupational therapist Cindy Duffy, is one of the first offerings in the series.
Cindy Duffy is an occupational therapist who has served communities in Northeast Pennsylvania for more than forty years. She holds a Bachelor of Science in Occupational Therapy from Kean University and an Advanced Pediatric Certificate from Misericordia University. Cindy has worked across public education, geriatrics, rehabilitation, and recovery programs, and is widely respected for her intuitive ability to interpret complex sensory profiles. She now maintains a private practice and teaches The Secret Genius of Sensory Processing, helping parents and professionals understand behavior through a sensory and nervous system lens.
About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet
I'm Gabriele Nicolet—toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.
Complicated Kids Resources and Links
🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
📅 Schedule a free intro call
📺 Subscribe on YouTube
👾 Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids)
➡️ Instagram
➡️ Facebook
➡️ LinkedIn
🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist
Enjoying the show?
If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot.
If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.
Thank you for being here. 💛

Behavior is never just behavior.
In this conversation, holistic academic support coach Elyse Dworin joins me to look underneath school struggles, homework battles, and "I don't feel well" complaints through a whole-child lens. We talk about behavior as a symptom, not a character flaw, and explore how challenges with executive function, overwhelm, social stress, or undiagnosed needs can show up as avoidance, lashing out, or shutdown long before a child has words for what's wrong.
Elyse walks us through simple, body-based tools to help kids (and parents) tune back in: grounding exercises, naming feelings, noticing clenched fists and racing hearts, and using movement, nature, music, and deep pressure to bring the nervous system back online. We also talk about her Whole Child Collective audit for families who feel like they've "tried everything" and are still stuck. This episode is a gentle invitation to step out of blame, get curious, and start working with your child's brain and body instead of against them.
Key Takeaways
Behavior is a symptom and a form of communication. When we stop treating it as the whole problem and start asking why, new possibilities open up.
The same behavior can have many different roots. Homework refusal might be about overwhelm, difficulty breaking tasks down, social stress, exhaustion, or relationship dynamics at home.
Shifting from "my child is being difficult" to "why is this happening" moves parents out of a stuck, victim place and into partnership and problem solving.
Interoception, the ability to notice and understand internal body signals, is often tricky for complicated kids. "I don't feel well" can cover many different sensations and emotions.
Naming emotions helps. When a child can connect a big feeling to a word like overwhelm, fear, or frustration, intensity often decreases.
Connecting feelings to body sensations is a skill. Questions like "Where did you feel that?" help kids map their internal states.
Mind-body practices support learning and regulation. Grounding, breathing, time outdoors, movement, music, and sensory tools all help when tailored to the child.
Strategies are experiments, not one-size-fits-all solutions. Reflection helps kids learn what works for their nervous system.
Adults need this awareness too. Parents can miss their own stress signals, especially during intense seasons.
A whole-child lens looks at school, home, social life, body, and brain together.
About Elyse Dworin
Elyse Dworin is the founder of Elevated Learning Solutions, a holistic academic support practice that helps students thrive by understanding not only how they learn best, but also what supports their bodies and brains. With a strong background in math and dual degrees in Special Education and Exceptional Learners, she blends subject instruction with metacognition, executive functioning, study skills, and social-emotional strategies. Elyse also works directly with parents to understand learning profiles, build effective supports at home, and navigate challenges with confidence. She lives in Germantown, Maryland, with her husband and two young children.
About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet
I'm Gabriele Nicolet—toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.
Complicated Kids Resources and Links
🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
📅 Schedule a free intro call
📺 Subscribe on YouTube
👾 Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids)
➡️ Instagram
➡️ Facebook
➡️ LinkedIn
🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist
Enjoying the show?
If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot.
If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.
Thank you for being here. 💛

Some families are living on an emotional rollercoaster. One minute everyone seems fine. The next, it feels like the wheels are coming off.
In this episode of Complicated Kids, I sit down with Dr. Kate Lund, a licensed clinical psychologist, resilience expert, and twin mom, to talk about resilience as a way of living rather than a trait you either have or do not have. Instead of seeing resilience as "you hit a challenge and bounce back," we explore what it looks like to build a steadier baseline so you can ride the waves of real life with a little more ease.
Dr. Kate shares how she helps parents understand their own context first. That includes their nervous system, history, strengths, and the particular stressors they are carrying. From there, we talk about practical tools for modulating your stress response, including a simple daily relaxation practice that helps you learn what "regulated" actually feels like in your body so you can return to it more often.
We also talk about timing. Kids of all ages need space to feel their feelings before they can look for possibilities or "what's next." We walk through real-life examples, including college rejections, tough games, and everyday disappointments, and how to sit with your child's emotions without rushing to fix them.
A big part of this conversation focuses on perfectionism and comparison. Dr. Kate and I discuss why there is no resilience formula, why siblings in the same family can need completely different things, and how to move away from "perfect outcome" thinking and toward doing what is optimized within your own context.
If you've ever wondered how to be a grounded leader in your family while still being a real human with your own feelings and limits, this episode will give you language, tools, and a more compassionate way to think about resilience for both you and your kids.
Key Takeaways
Resilience is a lifestyle, not a moment. Regulation becomes more accessible when tools are woven into daily life instead of saved for crises.
Your nervous system sets the tone. When you are already stressed, even small challenges can overwhelm the whole family.
A simple daily practice matters. A five-minute breathing practice paired with a calming word can teach your body what calm feels like.
Self-awareness comes before strategy. Resilient parenting starts with being honest about your own strengths, limits, and stress patterns.
Every child has their own context. Siblings can need completely different support based on their nervous systems.
Validation comes before possibility. Kids need their feelings acknowledged before they can move forward.
Sharing struggles builds connection. Age-appropriate honesty shows kids that resilience includes falling down and getting back up.
Perfectionism blocks resilience. Growth happens when you work within your real life, not an imaginary ideal.
There is no one-size-fits-all formula. Resilient families stay curious and adjust over time.
Possibility lives on the other side of hard things. Holding a long view allows hope without minimizing today's challenges.
About Dr. Kate Lund
Dr. Kate Lund is a licensed clinical psychologist, resilience expert, author, and host of The Optimized Mind podcast. With specialized training from three Harvard Medical School–affiliated hospitals and more than two decades of clinical practice, she helps parents, athletes, students, and entrepreneurs thrive within their unique contexts. She is the author of Bounce: Help Your Child Build Resilience and Thrive in School, Sports, and Life and Step Away: The Keys to Resilient Parenting. Dr. Kate also volunteers at Seattle Children's Hospital with her dog, Wally, supporting young patients facing medical challenges.
About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet
I'm Gabriele Nicolet—toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home.
Complicated Kids Resources and Links
🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com
📅 Schedule a free intro call
📺 Subscribe on YouTube
👾 Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids)
➡️ Instagram
➡️ Facebook
➡️ LinkedIn
🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist
Enjoying the show?
If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot.
If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family.
Thank you for being here. 💛