From coming into marriage as a fresh graduate with zero income to 33 years of partnership built on redefining contribution beyond money, and why the brutal truth about why 40% of marriages fail because of finances is that couples limit provision to just the person bringing in monetary means when domestic needs, spiritual assignments, and taking care of children are resources that cannot be quantified but amount to so much, the young bride who wasn't working so her husband was really the one in charge of providing finances but there was no control or superiority because in those times there were no televisions giving so much information about relationship struggles, no telephones, no influence, so information was limited making it easier to respect what each partner brought to the table, the realization that if you don't redefine contribution you destabilize the equation of marriage because the person not bringing in money may feel dehumanized and brought to a level where they feel inferior and not needed, the candid admission that no matter how the other partner tries to make you happy you still feel you could have been better off if you had your own money because of the value society places on money, the wisdom that money is not the only parameter that makes marriage work because there's somebody taking care of domestic needs which might not be quantified monetarily but it's something, somebody taking care of spiritual assignments praying for the family to thrive and succeed, somebody taking care of children which you don't quantify in monetary terms but somebody does that, the husband who recognized that even though she wasn't gainfully employed she was taking care of the home front so there was equal balancing out of what each brought to the table, the respect and management that meant she wasn't scrambling for leftover bread crumbs which happens when people in control of money in a particular season do not value what the other partner brings in, the generational difference where married couples in the past didn't have much marriage counseling and you married based on connection socially or spiritually, where in the context of Christianity once you were Christian you were open to marrying another person who said they were Christian, the modern reality where younger generations must know it's not only money but other things that matter, the ladies who picture an image of a husband as just an ATM machine when marriage requires seeing the full picture of contribution, the statistic that women initiate divorces the most because they get in there and discover the reality doesn't match the picture, the question of whether marriages get better or worse after 33 years, the debate about whether if you contribute 50% of your salary to the family and I do 50% should I also help you in bathing the children and cooking, the principle that men should also support their women not just in the home but in business, the wisdom that in your view if a man starts a business the woman should support it not just do her own thing because the quality of the players in marriage determines whether you seek competition or collaboration, the transparency question of should women tell your husband exactly how much you earn with the emphatic answer of 101% yes, and why the ultimate truth is this: life itself is very challenging and finding solutions to issues that have been problems most especially as it relates to relationship requires bringing people to a place of peace, giving clarity on the issue of relationship, family life, marriage, and helping people navigate the rough terrain of life because we are created for relationship, understanding that there are things that should be sorted out before marriage because if you wait until after it's too late, recognizing that being creative for relationship means balancing your pursuit with peace, knowing that transitioning from where you are to where you ought to be within the confines of relationship requires gaining insight and knowledge and wisdom that will guarantee peace for the next 40 to 50 years, and if you want to make money not the problem in a relationship or marriage you must be careful to know that money is not the only denominator because there are other things brought in that if you quantify them amount to so much, and when you understand that provision isn't limited to monetary means, when you respect what each partner contributes whether it's finances or domestic care or spiritual covering or raising children, when you don't let the person in control of money feel superior and make the other feel inferior, you're not just building a marriage that lasts 33 years, you're creating a partnership where both people feel valued, needed, and respected regardless of who holds the financial power in any given season.
Guest: Mama Cathy
Host: Derrick Abaitey
UK