Women's Leadership Success

Signs of Manager Burnout: How One Leader of 18 Got Her Energy Back — and the 10-Minute Meeting That Helped
Last updated: October 16, 2026
Trusted by leaders at Stanford University, Ernst & Young, Autodesk, MGM Grand Resorts, and Farmers Insurance
Executive Summary: Managers keep hitting deadlines while quietly running on empty. Gallup reports manager engagement fell to 22% in 2025. In WLS 170, Sabrina Braham shares the signs of manager burnout, how Martha recovered after suddenly leading two teams of nine, and a 10-minute Monday meeting any leader can start this week.

Quick Takeaways:

Manager engagement dropped from 27% to 22% in 2025 alone (Gallup, 2026).
Strong results can hide the signs of manager burnout — watch for postponed one-on-ones.
Ask a stretched manager: "What's become harder, and what support are you missing?"
A 10-minute Monday meeting — wins, roadblocks, ideas, recognition — re-energized two teams.
Coaching changes how you lead; organizations must still fix the conditions you lead in.

Jump to:
Why It's Missed · 6 Signs · Martha's Story · The 10-Minute Meeting · The Results · For Senior Leaders · Action Plan · Mistakes · FAQ · 2026 Trends

As an executive leadership coach with more than 30 years of experience (MA, MFT, PCC) and host of the Women's Leadership Success Podcast — on air since 2007, ranked in the top 1.5% of podcasts worldwide, with 57,000+ monthly downloads — I see the signs of manager burnout long before most companies do. The deadlines still get met. The problems still get solved. But listening, developing people, and thinking ahead quietly disappear.
The numbers explain why this matters now. Global manager engagement fell from 27% to 22% in 2025, and managers are now no more engaged than the people they lead (Gallup, 2026). Meanwhile, the average U.S. manager now leads 12.1 direct reports, up from 10.9 a year earlier (Gallup, 2026).
When I posted an infographic on the signs of manager burnout on LinkedIn, it drew more than 40,000 impressions. So in Episode 170, my co-founder Tim Warren interviewed me about Martha — a director moved to manager in a downsizing and handed two teams — and the 10-minute meeting that helped her lead again.

Key moments in this episode

00:00 — When managers run out of energy to lead
02:30 — Why results hide the signs of manager burnout
03:00 — What senior leaders should notice
04:10 — Martha's story: director to manager of two teams
06:30 — Where coaching began: listening and strengths
09:00 — The 10-minute Monday meeting
12:25 — The agenda and "How can we help you?"
16:50 — What companies must change after downsizing
20:55 — One conversation to have this week
22:10 — Where Martha landed

Why the Signs of Manager Burnout Are So Easy to Miss in 2026
Managers are expected to deliver results, solve problems, develop people, and keep morale up — all at once. Many keep meeting deadlines while exhausted. As I told Tim, the results can hide how much they're struggling.
Manager engagement is falling fastest
Gallup's latest State of the Global Workplace report shows manager engagement has dropped nine points since 2022. In the prior year's report, female manager engagement fell by seven points (Gallup, 2025). That matters because Gallup attributes about 70% of the variance in team engagement to the manager. When managers run on empty, their teams follow.
The "Great Flattening" is stretching managers thin
Companies are cutting management layers. The leaders who remain absorb larger teams and more work. Gallup finds 97% of managers also carry individual contributor work, and more managers now report burnout, stress, and job-seeking than a few years ago. Martha's 18 direct reports were triple Gallup's median of five to six.
Senior women are feeling it most
About 60% of senior-level women report frequent burnout, compared with 50% of senior-level men — the highest level in five years. Among senior women with five or fewer years at their company, it's 70% (McKinsey & LeanIn.Org, 2025).
The cost of missing the signs of manager burnout
Ignored, the signs of manager burnout become a team that disconnects and a high performer who quietly starts job-hunting. For you, it can mean losing the energy and visibility that get leaders promoted.
Running on empty — and worried it's showing up in how leaders see you?
Send Sabrina a direct message on LinkedIn. Tell her what's become harder, and she'll point you to your next best step.

Name what's draining your capacity to lead
Find one change to propose to your leader this week
Protect the energy and visibility that get leaders promoted

DM SABRINA ON LINKEDIN
6 Signs of Manager Burnout Senior Leaders Should Notice
Just like success leaves clues, so does struggle. Here are the six signs of manager burnout from the infographic that sparked this episode.

The infographic that drew 40,000+ impressions on LinkedIn.

One-on-ones become status reports. Or they get postponed entirely. There's little time left for coaching.
They solve instead of coach. Doing it themselves feels faster — so fewer employees get development conversations.
Recognition gets rushed. Good work gets a quick thanks but rarely a real conversation.
Development keeps getting postponed. Urgent work always wins.
They stop challenging upward. They execute decisions rather than contribute perspective.
They become more reactive. Meetings focus only on deadlines and immediate problems. The manager seems less curious and less enthusiastic.

Here's the important part: these signs of manager burnout are reasons to start a conversation, not proof of disengagement. Ask two questions: "What's become harder? And what support are you missing?"
Martha's Story: From Director to Manager of Two Teams
I'll call my client Martha. She had been a director at her company. Then the company downsized, and she became a manager.
After the restructuring, she was responsible for two teams of nine employees each. A manager there would normally lead one team of nine. The two teams also had very different tasks and responsibilities. Martha was working long hours, she was exhausted, and she was losing interest in her job. That's when she called me.
The title change mattered. But so did the workload and the organizational disruption. Martha showed nearly every one of the signs of manager burnout above.
Where coaching started: listening first
When someone has just been hit by a truck, you don't tell them what to do differently. You help them function again. So I listened — to her discouragement and to what had changed in her role, workload, and support. As a former psychotherapist, I always start with the full picture.
The strengths question that changed everything
Once we understood the problem, one pattern stood out. Martha was doing a huge amount of the work herself, without really including her teams. So I asked her:

What are your employees good at?
What strengths aren't they getting to use right now?
What responsibilities could they take on, with the right support?

She hadn't given this much thought — and she became very excited. She saw ways to take things off her plate and develop her people. That's the shift from expert to architect.
The 10-Minute Monday Meeting: A Simple Fix for the Signs of Manager Burnout
We worked on several changes. The one that made the biggest visible difference was a 10-minute all-hands meeting held once a week, on Monday. It gave Martha a regular way to hear from both teams and to notice contributions she might otherwise have missed.

The agenda: five prompts, ten minutes

One success worth sharing — a win, big or small.
One roadblock that needs help — named, not solved, in the meeting.
One improvement suggestion — a better way to do something.
One colleague to recognize — for exceptional work.
Milestones — birthdays, work anniversaries, a child graduating.

The ground rules that keep it useful

Protect the scope. This is not a planning meeting or a deep problem-solving session. Schedule those separately.
The leader goes first. Martha led off by sharing, which set the tone and the format.
Not everyone speaks every week. Participation, not performance.
Close the loop. Come back to what people raised: what helped, and what didn't.

How employees responded
At first, the teams were less than enthusiastic. But the format created a rhythm. Over time, people became friendlier, shared more ideas, and recognized colleagues on their own. The two teams even found ways to help with each other's work. Martha spotted chances to improve systems and morale from what people said.
The question that changed the culture: "How can we help you?"
Soon, people started asking each other: How can we help you? Sometimes the answer was simple — like honoring a "do not disturb, 2 to 4" sign so a colleague could finish a Friday report. Think how good it feels when someone asks how they can help.
Try This Now (5 minutes): Put a recurring 10-minute meeting on your team's calendar for Monday morning. Paste the five prompts above into the invite. Next Monday, go first with one success of your own.
Want help launching your own 10-Minute Monday Meeting?
Message Sabrina on LinkedIn with your team size and biggest roadblock. She helps leaders like Martha go from overloaded to leading again.

Tailor the five prompts to your team
Spot which work to delegate first
Turn people-development wins into promotion-ready stories

MESSAGE SABRINA
What Changed for Martha — and Why She Ultimately Moved On
Here's the part that made me smile. Martha's team began asking her, "How can we help you?" They weren't waiting to be delegated to. They looked for ways to take work off her plate.

She became more enthusiastic about leading.
She started thinking creatively about systems and team morale.
She took more breaks and reduced working hours — for herself and her employees.
She saw more chances to develop people instead of handling everything herself.

The meetings were one part of the change; coaching and adjusting

Get Promoted Faster: How the Dolphin Strategy Took One Stuck Supervisor to VP — and What It Means for Women Leaders
Last updated: September 26, 2026
Trusted by leaders at Stanford University, Ernst & Young, Autodesk, MGM Grand Resorts, and Farmers Insurance

Executive Summary: Have you been told you "don't have the personality" for promotion? Sabrina Braham shares how her coaching client Martin, stuck five years as supervisor, reached VP using five moves: decode feedback, recruit dolphins, build your voice, make the Half-Point Ask, and volunteer for visibility. Use them to get promoted faster.

Quick Takeaways:

Vague feedback like "personality" isn't a verdict — translate it into observable behaviors.
Recruit "dolphins": allies in the room who back your ideas when you speak.
Employees with sponsors are twice as likely to be promoted (McKinsey & LeanIn.Org, 2025).
Ask your manager for a 1–10 rating, then ask what earns one more half point.
Martin: five stuck years, then manager in six months — then director and VP.

Jump to:
Martin's Story · Why You're Stuck · The 5 Moves · The Results · Action Plan · Mistakes to Avoid · FAQ · 2026 Trends

As an executive leadership coach with over 30 years of experience (MA, MFT, PCC) and host of the Women's Leadership Success Podcast — on air since 2007 and ranked in the top 1.5% of podcasts worldwide — I hear one question more than any other: how do I get promoted faster when I'm already doing a great job?
The question is urgent. By September 10, layoffs.fyi counted more than 128,000 tech layoffs in 2026 — already more than all of 2025. And McKinsey and LeanIn.Org's Women in the Workplace 2025 found only about half of companies still prioritize women's advancement. Good work alone won't help you get promoted faster.
In Episode 169, the tables turned. My co-founder and executive producer, Tim Warren, interviewed me about Martin — a Fortune 500 supervisor told he "didn't have the personality" to be a manager. He believed it. Then, step by step, he proved it wrong. His story is the clearest map I know to get promoted faster, especially if you're the only one like you in the room.
The Feedback That Kept Martin Stuck for Five Years
At Martin's company, supervisors usually became managers within a year. Martin had been a supervisor for five. His numbers were strong, his people loved him, and his leaders said he was doing a great job. Then came the "but": he just didn't have the personality to be a manager.
Martin grew up speaking English as a second language, was the first in his family to attend college, and graduated with honors. None of that protected him. When someone with authority labels you, you tend to believe it.
I know that feeling. I was raised in a blue-collar family, and when someone with authority said I had a flaw, I assumed it was true. It took me years to unlearn. If you've absorbed a label like Martin's, take this from his story: the label can be wrong, and you can change the evidence behind it.
His question to me was painful: could he change his personality to move up?

Why Talented Leaders Don't Get Promoted Faster in 2026
Martin's situation isn't rare. A strong performer gets fuzzy feedback, loses confidence, goes quiet in the rooms where promotions are shaped — and stalls. Here's why that pattern makes it harder to get promoted faster right now.
The "broken rung" is still broken
For every 100 men promoted to first-level manager, only 93 women are promoted (McKinsey & LeanIn.Org, 2025). That first step — the one Martin was stuck on — shapes every level above it.
The sponsorship gap is real
At entry level, 31% of women have a sponsor versus 45% of men, and employees with sponsors are about twice as likely to be promoted. The finding that matters most: when women and men get equal career support, the gap in promotion ambition disappears. The problem isn't drive. It's backing.
Being "the only" changes how you're heard
Roughly one in five women are often the only woman in the room, more for senior and technical women (LeanIn.Org). Being "the only" tends to make people cautious about sharing ideas — less visibility when you need more.
The cost of waiting
In 2026's market, "I'll speak up once I feel confident" is a risky plan. To get promoted faster — or stand out after a layoff — treat visibility as a skill you practice.

Ready to get promoted faster — before you feel fully ready?
Leading Before You're Ready — a practical playbook for leaders stepping into bigger roles. Inside, you'll find:

Language for speaking up with confidence before you feel fully ready
Ways to build trust fast with the decision-makers who shape your next role
A framework for positioning yourself as promotion-ready — actively, not passively

GET THE COMPLIMENTARY PLAYBOOK

The Dolphin Promotion Framework™: 5 Moves to Get Promoted Faster
Here's exactly what Martin and I worked on. None of it required a new personality — just consistent, specific action. Each move helps you get promoted faster on its own; together they compound.

Move 1: Decode the vague feedback
"Personality" is nearly useless feedback. What does it even mean? So we started at ground zero: what would Martin need to do differently to be seen as a manager?
The answer was concrete. In meetings with peers or senior leaders, Martin went quiet. That silence, and the confidence gap behind it, was what his leaders called "personality." Once we named the behavior, we could change it.
Success metric: The feedback becomes two or three observable behaviors — your first step to get promoted faster.
Move 2: Recruit your dolphins
Picture a shipwreck survivor clinging to boards while a shark circles. When dolphins surround a person in the water, sharks tend to stay away — and dolphins have been reported guiding swimmers to shore.
A dolphin at work is someone in the room who has your back, believes you're capable, and supports you when you speak up:

A mentor shares knowledge and advice, often in private.
A sponsor uses their power and influence to advocate for you — often when you're not in the room.
A dolphin is in the meeting with you, backing your idea in real time.

Far fewer leaders have dolphins than mentors. Lean In reports that high-potential women often have more mentors than men, yet mentorship didn't correlate with promotion. If you want to get promoted faster, real-time backing does what advice can't.

How to find your dolphins: Look for a friend in your key meetings, or someone who often shares your viewpoint. If no one comes to mind, hold one-on-ones, share the idea you want to raise, and see who's aligned. Then make a simple ask.

Try This Now (3 minutes): Pick the idea you most want to raise next meeting, then send one colleague: "Here's an idea I'd like to share Thursday. Would you be willing to support it when I bring it up?" That's the whole ask.

Move 3: Build your speaking muscle — and rehearse your one main point
The most cost-effective confidence builder I know is Toastmasters. Clubs are in nearly every U.S. city, dues are modest (often around $20 a month), and the program works. At a district meeting years ago, I was struck by the room: real confidence and presence, built through structured practice. Martin joined, and it helped him learn to speak up.

The second half is rehearsal. You usually know the agenda and what would help your team. Pick your main point and practice it out loud. What surprises people: the CEOs I work with still rehearse their main points before meetings.
Success metric: One prepared point, delivered weekly. Small reps like this are how you get promoted faster.
Move 4: Make the Half-Point Ask
With practice behind him, Martin went directly to the leaders who had formed the wrong impression. Most people skip this step, yet it's the move that helps you get promoted faster than any other. Here's the conversation:

State the goal. "I'd like to be promoted to manager. What's helping, and what do I need to do differently?"
Ask for a number. "On leading my team, from 1 to 10, what would you give me?"
Ask for the half point. If it's a 7: "What would I need to do to be a 7.5?" Always just a half point.
Schedule the follow-up. "Could I check back in a few weeks?"

Why a half point? It's achievable, and it pulls your manager into problem-solving mode. Once they give a number, they become invested in your progress.
There's a psychological bonus. It's why you notice red cars everywhere after buying one: the brain's attention filter, the reticular activating system, scans for what it's primed to find. After the Half-Point Ask, your manager watches for your improvement.
Success metric: You have a baseline number from at least one decision-maker and a follow-up date on the calendar.
Move 5: Volunteer for visibility
Martin also began joining committees. On one sat five vice presidents — and Martin, a newly promoted manager. He practiced his idea for turning a project around. In the meeting, the VPs talked over him toward a decision. So Martin said, "I have an idea."
The room stopped. The lead VP asked to hear it. Martin explained it in detail. When he finished, the room went silent. His heart sank. I blew it, he thought.
Then the senior vice president said: "Good idea, Martin. Let's do that."
That was the game changer. Rehearsal plus visibility had become executive presence — and the surest way to get promoted faster is to be seen doing the next job.
What Happened Next: From Supervisor to VP
After five stuck years, here's how Martin's trajectory changed:

About 6 months: promoted to manager — roughly a 30% raise.
About 4 months after that meeting: director.
Two to three years later: promoted to vice president, with stock options, earning roughly double his supervisor pay.

What moves me most is what didn't change: Martin kept his kindness and has mentored many others to promotion. His words: "I wish I would have contacted you sooner. It was a game changer. It changed my life....

Women Leaders Psychological Safety: How Kerry Siggins Turned "You're Erratic" Into Her Best Leadership Lesson
Last updated: September 3, 2026
Trusted by leaders at Stanford University, Ernst & Young, Autodesk, MGM Grand Resorts, and Farmers Insurance
Executive Summary: The word that stung most in StoneAge CEO Kerry Siggins' toughest feedback moment was the word that was true. Here's her litmus test for real feedback, how she builds psychological safety without losing accountability, and how women leaders navigate the double bind.

Quick Takeaways:

If feedback "stings," there's probably truth in it worth examining
Psychological safety and accountability aren't opposites — done right, they build each other
The double bind is real: women who are direct risk being called aggressive
Influence matters more than being right — and it changes how feedback lands
U.S. employee engagement hit a decade-low of 31% in early 2026

Jump to:The Feedback Story · Spotting Valid Feedback ·Safety vs. Accountability · The Double Bind ·Action Plan · FAQ

As an executive leadership coach with over 30 years of experience (MA, MFT, PCC) working with Fortune 50–1000 companies, I've watched brilliant women leaders freeze in two different ways: some can't tell which feedback to take seriously and which to release, and others have been burned so badly by being called "too direct" that they've gone quiet. Both patterns erode psychological safety — theirs, and their team's.
This is Part Two of my conversation with Kerry Siggins, CEO of StoneAge and author of Talk With Trust: How to Own Feedback, Spark Growth, and Build Stronger Teams. In Part One, we walked through her SHARES framework for difficult conversations. Here, we go deeper into the moment that started it all — the day a trusted colleague told her she was "erratic" — and what she's learned since about telling real feedback from noise, building psychological safety without losing accountability, and the double bind that so many women leaders still navigate every day.

The Feedback That Almost Cost Kerry Siggins Her COO — And Changed Her Leadership
Kerry had spent a year having what she thought were deep, honest conversations with her COO. Then, in a discussion about his role and growth path, it came out all at once: "You think you're this inspiring CEO who disrupts the industry, but really what you are is erratic, and you're really hard to work for. You're the problem." Kerry's first instinct was to fire him. She paused instead — because, as she told me, "I don't want to react in the moment."
That pause is the whole story. Kerry went home, sat with the feedback, and asked herself a simple question: what's true about this? She landed on one word — erratic — and traced it back to something real: her fast pace and love of new ideas could look, from the outside, like constant direction-changing. She decided, in that moment, to become a "cool, calm, and collected, unflappable leader." It changed how she led. It also cost her the relationship — the way the feedback was delivered damaged the trust between them beyond repair, and her COO eventually left the company. Both things were true at once: the feedback was a gift, and the delivery broke something. That tension is exactly why psychological safety matters — not as comfort, but as the structure that lets hard truths get said before they explode.
How to Tell Valid Feedback From Noise
Kerry's litmus test is disarmingly simple: if it stings, there's probably some truth to it. She described being called "disingenuous" by someone recently and letting it go completely — because it didn't sting. She knows who she is on that dimension. But "erratic" stung, because some part of her recognized it. That sting is data.
The follow-up question matters just as much: is this feedback about who I am, or about someone else's perception and unmet need? "Just because something hits your identity," Kerry said, "doesn't mean that person is right or wrong — it just means they're seeing things differently." Her advice for women leaders receiving feedback that challenges their identity: get curious, ask for examples, and then decide. "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be accurate?" Accuracy requires asking questions. Being right just requires defending your position.
She also named something every leader has lived: most of what reaches you has already been filtered. The brain can only process a tiny fraction of available information, and the person giving you feedback is filtering it further through their own fear of your reaction. The fix is direct: ask "what are you not saying right now?" and genuinely invite the rest.
Psychological Safety vs. Accountability: Why They're Not Opposites
Most leaders treat psychological safety and accountability as a tradeoff — soft versus firm, safe versus serious. Kerry rejects that framing entirely. "There can be accountability in how you're addressing any kind of challenge through dialogue," she said. Her practice: after a hard conversation, put recurring check-ins on the calendar — not as a punishment, but as a standing space to talk about progress, struggles, and wins. "My manager really cares about me" and "I'm being held accountable" become the same sentence, not opposite ones. Accountability only becomes destructive to psychological safety when it's used as a weapon instead of a rhythm.
This is the same territory I mapped out recently in a LinkedIn post on the three pillars of trust — and two of them apply directly here.
Trust isn't built in one big moment. It's built in the small moments people learn they can count on you. — Sabrina Braham, MA, MFT, PCC
Authenticity breaks when a leader hides a mistake to protect their image instead of admitting when they're wrong — exactly what Kerry avoided by sitting with "erratic" instead of dismissing it. And reliability breaks when accountability only shows up when something goes wrong instead of on a consistent rhythm — which is precisely why Kerry's recurring check-ins work: the consistency itself is what makes accountability feel like care instead of a threat.
The Double Bind: When Direct Reads as Aggressive
I asked Kerry directly: women leaders often face a double bind — direct enough to be respected reads as aggressive; warm enough to be liked reads as weak. How do you navigate it? Her answer came from experience: a fellow board member once told her, in front of a long-time customer, that she was "aggressive" and an "overachiever" — framed as a flaw. "There's no way he would have ever said that to a man," she said.
This isn't just anecdote. New 2026 research out of INSEAD confirms the bind is still fully intact: promotion-focused language — bold, action-oriented, opportunity-framed — tends to clash with gendered expectations for women leaders, while prevention-focused, risk-aware language can reinforce perceptions of low competence, a tension that gets sharper under crisis or high pressure. Separate research on women serving as corporate board directors found something even more troubling: the constant work of switching between "warmth" tactics and "competence" tactics to avoid backlash is itself a driver of the disproportionate burnout many women in leadership report — the double bind isn't just unfair, it's exhausting in a measurable way.
Kerry's shift wasn't to soften herself — it was to change what she was optimizing for. "I changed my perspective: do I want to be right, or do I want to influence?" When someone in a meeting takes her idea and repeats it as their own, she no longer takes it personally. "That's a great idea, let's build on that" gets her further than proving the idea was hers first. Influence, not being right, became her north star — and it's a reframe available to any woman leader caught in the double bind.

You don't have to shrink to be trusted.
The FREE Leading Before You're Ready Playbook gives you language and a framework for navigating exactly this — leading with directness and building the trust that gets you promoted.
GET THE FREE PLAYBOOK 
Implement This Week: Building Psychological Safety Without Losing Accountability

(10 minutes) Recall the last piece of feedback that stung. Write down exactly why it stung — what did it touch that you believe about yourself?
(15 minutes) Separate what's accurate from what's someone else's unmet expectation. Ask: is this something I need to work on, or a relationship I need to manage?
(5 minutes) Identify one relationship where you suspect you're only getting filtered information. Plan to ask directly: "What are you not telling me?"
(20 minutes) Put one recurring check-in on the calendar with a direct report — framed around progress and support, not correction.
(This week) Bring one piece of feedback to your own team: "I'm working on X, and I'd love one honest thing I could do better." Modeling receptivity is the fastest way to build a feedback culture.
(Ongoing) The next time you're told you're "too direct," ask for a specific example before deciding whether to change anything. Success metric: you leave with clarity, not just a feeling.

Common Mistakes Leaders Make With Feedback and Safety

Treating every sting as truth. Not all feedback that hurts is accurate — some reflects the other person's ego or fear, not your reality. Examine it before you internalize it.
Defending instead of asking. Over-explaining your intentions in the moment shuts down the other person's willingness to keep talking, even if it doesn't feel defensive to you.
Using accountability as punishment. If check-ins only happen when something goes wrong, people stop seeing them as safe — and stop bringing you the truth early.
Softening yourself to avoid the double bind. Shrinking your directness doesn't resolve the bind — it just trades one cost for another, and the research suggests the constant self-regulation itself carries a burnout cost. Shift toward influence instead of retreat.
Reading body language as neutral....

Last updated: August 27, 2026
Trusted by leaders at Stanford University, Ernst & Young, Autodesk, MGM Grand Resorts, and Farmers Insurance
Executive Summary: Most women leaders avoid difficult conversations to protect relationships — and that avoidance is what actually destroys trust. StoneAge CEO Kerry Siggins built the six-step SHARES framework after a piece of brutal feedback changed her leadership. Here's exactly how it works.

Quick Takeaways:

Difficult conversations delayed almost always get harder, not easier, over time
The SHARES framework has six steps you can prepare in under ten minutes
Organizations with regular feedback see 14.9% lower turnover rates
Wanting to "be right" is the single biggest killer of workplace trust
Feedback without a credible next step leaves people hopeless, not motivated

Jump to:
Why It Happens ·
The SHARES Framework ·
Examples ·
Action Plan ·
FAQ

As an executive leadership coach with over 30 years of experience (MA, MFT, PCC) working with Fortune 50–1000 companies, I hear the same confession from brilliant, accomplished women leaders almost every week: "I know I need to have this conversation. I just keep putting it off." If you've been carrying a difficult conversation you haven't had yet — with a direct report, a peer, a boss, even a spouse — you are in very good company, and it is costing you more than you think.
On this episode of the Women's Leadership Success Podcast, I sat down with Kerry Siggins, CEO of StoneAge (an employee-owned manufacturer of high-pressure water jetting equipment) and author of the new book Talk With Trust: How to Own Feedback, Spark Growth, and Build Stronger Teams. Kerry built her career on hard conversations — including one that nearly ended her leadership before it began. What she learned from it became the SHARES framework, a six-step system for women leaders navigating difficult conversations without torching the relationship in the process.

Take the 2-minute survey at WomensLeadershipSuccess.com/survey

Why Women Leaders Avoid Difficult Conversations — And What It Actually Costs
Nobody avoids a hard conversation because they're lazy. Women leaders avoid difficult conversations because they're afraid of the consequence: a damaged relationship, an angry reaction, a reputation for being "too much." As Kerry put it on the show, "We're all not having a conversation that we know we need to have because we're afraid of the consequences." The problem is that the consequence of silence is almost always worse than the consequence of speaking.
The research backs this up. Recent workplace data shows organizations with regular employee feedback see 14.9% lower turnover, while highly engaged teams — the kind built through honest dialogue — report 21% greater profitability (Careertrainer.ai, 2026). On the trust side, the numbers are sobering: employer trust fell to 76% in the 2025 Edelman Trust Barometer, and a 21-point gap now separates how much executives trust their organizations (91%) versus how much individual contributors do (70%). Every unspoken conversation widens that gap.
Kerry's own turning point came from a conversation she didn't get to control. Her COO — her right-hand operational partner — had been quietly building resentment for a year. It came out in a blowup: "You think you're this inspiring CEO who disrupts the industry, but really what you are is erratic, and you're really hard to work for." Kerry's instinct was to fire him on the spot. Instead, she went home and sat with it. That single piece of painful, poorly-delivered feedback became the foundation for Talk With Trust — and for the SHARES framework she now teaches leaders everywhere.
Your team is asking themselves this question constantly, whether they say it out loud or not: can I trust you? I broke this down recently on LinkedIn into three pillars — and it's the exact groundwork that makes a framework like SHARES actually work, instead of just sounding good on paper.

Trust isn't built in one big moment. It's built in the small moments people learn they can count on you. — Sabrina Braham, MA, MFT, PCC

Notice how closely this maps to what goes wrong in most difficult conversations. Performance trust breaks when someone overpromises or makes excuses instead of owning a miss. Authenticity trust breaks when someone says what people want to hear instead of what's true, or hides a mistake to protect their image — the exact trap Kerry's "articulate your experience" step is built to avoid. And reliability trust breaks when standards shift with someone's mood, or follow-through only happens when it's convenient — which is precisely why the SHARES framework's final step, endorsing a path forward, matters so much: a plan you don't follow through on costs you more trust than no plan at all.
This is the same shift Kerry made the day she got called "erratic" — she stopped waiting to feel ready to lead differently and just did it.

The SHARES Framework: Six Steps for Difficult Conversations That Build Trust
SHARES is a simple, repeatable system women leaders can use to prepare for any hard conversation — a performance issue, a peer conflict, a hard truth with a boss, even a conversation with a spouse. Each letter is a step you move through, in order.
S — Specify Your Ideal Outcome
Before you say a word, get clear on what you actually want from this conversation. Not "to be right" — an actual outcome. "I want to keep this relationship strong. I want to see behavior change. I want this to build trust, not break it." Kerry's insight: most difficult conversations go sideways because neither person has named the outcome they're going for. Stating it out loud — even to yourself — changes everything that follows.
H — Have Your Facts and Feelings Ready
Facts alone feel cold and clinical. Feelings alone feel like an ambush. You need both: the observable behavior ("you were late to this meeting") and the impact it had ("we waited, and had to repeat ourselves for you, which was frustrating for the team"). Preparing both in advance also does something else important — it gives you time to calm down before you walk into the room.
A — Articulate Your Experience
This is the step Kerry calls her favorite, because it's the one most leaders get subtly wrong. "I feel like you don't respect me" still sounds like a judgment wearing an I-statement disguise. Articulating your experience instead sounds like: "I'd like to share my experience of this situation. The story I'm telling myself is that you don't respect me — and I want to check whether that's accurate. What was your experience?" Owning your perspective as a perspective, not a verdict, opens the door instead of slamming it.
R — Reflect With Questions and Dialogue
The goal of any difficult conversation isn't to be right — it's to be accurate. And the only way to get accurate is to ask questions and actually stay in dialogue. Kerry shared a story of giving tough feedback to an employee who wasn't a direct report. Rather than delivering a verdict, she asked what was going on. What she learned changed the entire conversation — from correction to genuine understanding, without letting go of accountability.
E — Endorse a Path Forward
Feedback without a credible next step doesn't motivate people — it leaves them hopeless. Kerry described a boss early in her career who told her she wasn't getting in front of decision-makers and to "come back with a plan." She didn't know how to fix it and didn't feel safe saying so. She eventually quit. Now she builds the path forward together with the other person: What are you trying? What's working? What isn't? That collaborative plan is what turns feedback into change — and what creates real accountability without punishment.
S — Stay Emotionally Grounded
People tend to mirror the emotional energy in the room. If you walk in braced and defensive, you'll get braced and defensive back. Kerry's practice: feel your feet on the floor, take a breath, and become "the mirror that calms people down" rather than the one that escalates them. Staying grounded doesn't mean suppressing emotion in the other person — it means giving them room to have their reaction without matching it.
SHARES in Practice: Three Real Application Examples
The promotion conversation. A director wants to raise her hand for a VP role but suspects her boss has reservations. Using SHARES, she opens with her outcome ("I want clarity on what would make me ready for this role"), shares the facts of her track record alongside how the uncertainty has felt, then asks reflective questions instead of defending her resume — walking out with an actual development plan instead of vague reassurance.
The peer conflict. Two directors keep clashing in cross-functional meetings. Instead of escalating to their shared VP, one initiates a SHARES conversation: names the outcome (a working relationship that doesn't derail meetings), articulates her experience without accusation, and asks what's driving the friction from the other side. They leave with a path forward neither would have found by avoiding the topic.
The marriage parallel. As I shared with Kerry on the show, this isn't only a workplace tool. Simply naming the outcome you want at the start of a hard conversation with a spouse — "I want us to leave this in a better place" — changes the entire trajectory before either person says another word.

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Implement This Week: Your SHARES Action Plan

(15 minutes) Name the one difficult conversation you've been postponing. Write down the consequence you're avoiding by not having it — and the consequence of continuing to avoid it.
(10 minutes) Write your S: specify the outcome you actually want....

Executive Summary: Workplace betrayal doesn't just cost you a relationship — it costs you trust in your own judgment. Dr. Debi Silber joins Sabrina Braham to unpack a stage-based path back to confidence, using real coaching stories instead of easy platitudes, so leaders can rebuild what betrayal breaks: themselves.

Quick Takeaways:

Betrayal breaks trust in yourself, not just in the person who betrayed you
Losing your voice in meetings is often a betrayal symptom, not a confidence problem
Recovery moves through stages — you can't skip to "just get over it"
Your intuition can be rebuilt with a simple daily practice
78% of employees say they trust their employer most of any institution (Edelman, 2026)

As an executive leadership coach with over 30 years of experience (MA, MFT, PCC), I've sat across from directors, VPs, and C-suite leaders who could run a board meeting flawlessly and still couldn't shake the feeling that they didn't trust their own read on people anymore. That's what workplace betrayal does. It doesn't announce itself as trauma — it shows up as hesitation, over-checking, and a leader who used to speak up in meetings suddenly going quiet.

In this episode of the Women's Leadership Success Podcast, I sit down with Dr. Debi Silber, a holistic psychologist and founder of the PBT Institute, for a workplace betrayal recovery conversation about what betrayal actually does to a leader's confidence, judgment, and career trajectory — and what it takes to rebuild.
Why Workplace Betrayal Hits Differently Than Other Career Setbacks
Most leadership content treats betrayal like a subcategory of stress or conflict. Dr. Silber's central point in this conversation is that it isn't. A layoff, a missed promotion, even a bad performance review — these are painful, but they don't usually make you question your own perception. Betrayal does. When someone you trusted — a boss, a peer, a mentor — acts against you, the injury isn't just what they did. It's that your internal compass, the one that told you this person was safe, was wrong. That's a different kind of damage, and it requires a different kind of recovery.
This distinction matters for women in leadership specifically. Executive presence is built on decisiveness and trust in your own judgment — the "gravitas" that research consistently identifies as the core pillar of how leaders are evaluated for advancement. When betrayal quietly erodes that self-trust, it doesn't just hurt personally. It shows up publicly, in hesitation during exactly the moments a leader is expected to be most sure of herself.
A Client Story: When Betrayal Shows Up as "Losing Your Voice"
I shared a story with Dr. Debi about a client I'll call Jenny. Jenny was sharp, capable, and well-respected — until a workplace betrayal knocked something loose. She stopped negotiating. She stopped advocating for herself in meetings where she used to be the first voice in the room. From the outside, it looked like a confidence problem. It wasn't. It was betrayal doing exactly what it does: convincing a capable leader that her own instincts couldn't be trusted anymore.

The Real Cost: What Betrayal Quietly Takes From Leaders
Left unaddressed, workplace betrayal tends to produce three patterns in otherwise strong leaders:

Loss of personal power. Leaders stop negotiating for themselves — raises, promotions, credit for their work — because some part of them no longer trusts that speaking up is safe.
Self-protective isolation. As Dr. Debi put it in our conversation, many people conclude it's "better to keep everyone at a distance than risk that chance that someone may get close to us again." It feels like self-protection. It functions like a ceiling on your influence.
Eroded intuition. The instinct that once flagged red flags in coworkers or bosses goes quiet, because the last time it "worked," it still let you get hurt.

Ready to rebuild the confidence workplace betrayal quietly took from you? Download our FREE Leading Before You're Ready playbook and get:

? A framework for rebuilding executive presence when your confidence has taken a hit
? Practical language for reclaiming your voice in meetings within days, not months
? The mindset shift that lets you lead before you feel "fully ready" again
? Tools used with clients who've gone on to earn promotions and six-figure roles
Get the Leading Before You're Ready Playbook ?
How to Notice You're Still Carrying It
One of the most useful moments in this conversation is Dr. Debi's answer to a simple question: how does someone even realize betrayal is still affecting them? Her answer wasn't a checklist of symptoms — it was three places to look: your health, your work, and your relationships. If any of those three areas feels "off" in a way you can't quite explain, unresolved betrayal is worth considering as a root cause, not just stress or burnout.
Workplace Betrayal Recovery: Why You Can't Skip to "Just Move On"
A recurring frustration Dr. Debi and I discussed is how often people are told to "just get over it" — as though healing from betrayal were a decision instead of a process. In her framework, recovery moves through stages, not a single leap. You can't talk yourself into Stage Four while you're still standing in Stage One. Trying to skip ahead is exactly why so many leaders feel stuck: they've done the mental work of "deciding to move on" without doing the deeper work each stage requires.
The practical implication for leaders: if you've told yourself to "get over" a workplace betrayal and it hasn't stuck, that's not a willpower failure. It's a sign you skipped a stage.
Rebuilding Trust in Your Intuition
Dr. Debi was direct about this: "we have to rebuild trust in our intuition, in our wise inner guide, whatever you want to call it." The practice she described is simple — the next time something feels off with a coworker or a boss, a small signal that something "feels shady," pause and name it instead of dismissing it. Every time you notice the signal and honor it, even in a small, low-stakes way, you rebuild the muscle betrayal weakened.
Rebuilding Identity: Keep What You Love, Release the Rest
The second piece of the framework is about identity, not just instinct. As Dr. Debi framed it: figure out "what are all the parts you love" about who you are — those come with you into the next chapter. The rest doesn't have to. This isn't about becoming a different person. It's about consciously choosing which parts of your pre-betrayal self are worth rebuilding and which parts were never serving you anyway.
That reframe — "you're rewriting a new script" — is the shift from surviving betrayal to authoring what comes after it. A useful self-check Dr. Debi offered: picture the version of you on the other side of this, fully rebuilt. Would she do the things you're currently doing and saying? If not, that gap is exactly where to start.
Implement This Week: A 4-Step Action Plan

Step 1 (15 minutes): Run the three-area check. Write down one honest observation each about your health, your work, and your relationships right now. Look for the thread connecting them.
Step 2 (10 minutes/day): Practice the intuition pause. Once a day, when something feels slightly off in an interaction, pause and name it silently instead of dismissing it. Track how often your read turns out to be accurate.
Step 3 (30 minutes): Do the "parts you love" inventory. List the traits, habits, and strengths you want to carry forward. Separately, list what you're willing to release. Keep the first list somewhere visible.
Step 4 (ongoing): Use the future-self test. Before a hard conversation or decision this week, ask: would my fully rebuilt self do this? Let the answer guide you, not the fear in the moment.

Success metric: By the end of one week, aim to catch and honor your intuition at least five times — even in small moments. That's the rebuild in motion.

Common Mistakes Leaders Make After a Workplace Betrayal

Mistake 1: Treating it as a confidence problem instead of a trust problem. Confidence-building tactics (power poses, affirmations) don't address a broken intuition. They mask the symptom while the root cause stays untouched.
Mistake 2: Trying to "just get over it" without moving through the stages. Deciding to move on isn't the same as doing the work each stage requires. This is why the same hurt tends to resurface in new relationships and new roles.
Mistake 3: Isolating as a permanent strategy. Keeping everyone at a distance feels protective short-term. Long-term, it caps your influence, your network, and your visibility for the next promotion.
Mistake 4: Trying to heal alone. You don't have to do this without support — a coach, a trusted peer, or a mentor can see the gap between where you are and your future self faster than you can see it yourself.

People Also Ask
What is workplace betrayal, exactly?
Workplace betrayal happens when someone you trusted at work — a manager, peer, or mentor — acts against your interests in a way that violates that trust. It's distinct from ordinary workplace conflict because it damages your trust in your own judgment, not just your view of the other person.
How is betrayal different from burnout?
Burnout is typically caused by chronic overwork or lack of resources. Betrayal is caused by a specific breach of trust and often produces symptoms — hesitation, isolation, eroded intuition — that can look like burnout but require a different kind of recovery.
Can you really rebuild trust in your own intuition?
Yes. Dr. Debi Silber describes it as a practice, not an event: consistently noticing and honoring small intuitive signals rebuilds the confidence in your own perception that betrayal damaged.
How do I know if I'm still carrying an old workplace betrayal?
Look at three areas: your health, your work, and your relationships. Unexplained tension in any of them can be a sign that an old betrayal hasn't fully been processed.
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