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Becoming UnDone

Toby Brooks
Becoming UnDone
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  • 127 | The Life, Lessons, and Legacy of Dick Tomey Part 14: The Untold Love Story of Coach Tomey & Nanci Kincaid
    About the GuestNanci Kincaid is a celebrated novelist known for her emotionally resonant storytelling and authentic voice. She gained notable acclaim for her book Balls, published in 1998, which offers insights into the life of coaches' wives. Nanci was married to the late legendary coach Dick Tomey, whose coaching career spanned several successful programs, including Hawaii, Arizona, and San Jose State. Nanci has been an influential voice among spouses of sports professionals, providing a unique perspective from the sidelines of major college football. Her insights into life with a prominent coach and her own career as an author make her a compelling storyteller and personality.Episode SummaryIn this episode of Becoming UnDone, host Toby Brooks engages with Nanci Kincaid, the widow of iconic football coach Dick Tomey, to explore the legacy and lessons left by her late husband. Known for transforming underdog teams into contenders, Coach Tomey's leadership style was both demanding and compassionate, a hallmark of his illustrious career. His driving belief that "great coaches go into impossible places and make them possible" embodies his approach to coaching and life. Nanci shares memories and insights from their life together, painting an intimate portrait of a man who, despite the demands of a high-stakes profession, maintained deep personal connections and a commitment to character-building.The episode delves into the challenges of the 2000s season, a pivotal point in Coach Tomey’s career, capturing the emotional weight of leading through difficult times. Nanci recounts how Tomey's belief in forgiveness, optimism, and continual growth helped both him and his teams succeed against odds. From discussions on leadership principles to personal anecdotes about life beyond the field, this episode offers a profound exploration of the values that Dick Tomey instilled not just in his players, but everyone around him. The conversation encapsulates the essence of maintaining cultural integrity, choosing happiness as a decision, and the significance of leaving a legacy defined by love and loyalty.Key TakeawaysLegacy of Leadership: Coach Dick Tomey's leadership style was marked by compassion, forgiveness, and a commitment to developing character in his players.Life Beyond Football: For Coach Tomey, football was not only about winning games but was a medium to teach important life lessons and foster personal growth.Resilience Through Challenges: The 2000 season was a testament to Tomey's resilience and ability to remain focused on team and individual values amidst professional turmoil.The Power of Forgiveness: One of Tomey’s greatest strengths was his ability to forgive, enabling others to grow and learn from their mistakes without fear of retribution.Cultural Impact: Coach Tomey's influence went beyond his formal coaching role, as he developed lasting relationships and left a timeless legacy in multiple communities.Notable Quotes"Great coaches go into impossible places and make them possible." – Nanci Kincaid"I'm a learner. And that was the most romantic feeling thing I had ever heaReach out to Becoming UnDone! Text Toby here!Support the showBecoming Undone is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyJBrooks. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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  • 126 | The Impact of a Purpose Storm: Transforming Loss into New Beginnings
    About the HostToby Brooks is an introspective speaker, coach, and author with experience in helping high-performance athletes and high achievers from diverse industries such as the arts, military, and entrepreneurship to navigate significant transitions in their lives. Through his personal journey from being an athlete to becoming a mentor and coach, Toby developed a keen insight into the identity shifts that accompany career and life changes. He has developed the UN.D.O.N.E. (tm) coaching model, aimed at helping individuals rebuild their lives and careers from the inside out.Episode SummaryIn this podcast episode, Toby Brooks explores the deep emotional journey many face as they transition from roles that once defined them. As someone who once sat in a locker room dealing with the loss of his identity as an athlete, Toby draws parallels between his experience and the struggles others face when their professional or personal identities change. He delves into what he terms "purpose storms," moments when individuals must confront the daunting question of who they are now that their previous roles have ended.The episode further unpacks the journey of self-discovery and identity evolution. Toby highlights that losing an identity, whether it's as an athlete, a military leader, or a corporate executive, does not mean an end but rather a shift towards becoming something new. Using the story of Olympian Michael Phelps, he illustrates the profound impact identity loss can have and the need to grieve one's past identity to embrace new opportunities. This thoughtful discourse also introduces Toby's own UN.D.O.N.E. Method (tm), a framework for personal growth and transformation designed to guide people through significant life shifts with intention and courage.Key Takeaways:Identity transitions are a common and challenging experience that many people face, irrespective of their profession or achievement level.Experiencing the end of a significant role or identity can lead to a deep period of introspection referred to as "purpose storms."Grieving past identities is essential to moving forward and embracing new opportunities and roles in life.The "Undone Method," Toby Brooks' coaching model, offers a structured approach to navigating personal and professional transitions.Identity does not disappear with the loss of a role; it evolves, and with support, the shift can lead to new, fulfilling paths.Notable Quotes:"Endings aren't just about what stops. They're about what shifts.""Identity doesn't evaporate. It evolves.""You might not be the athlete anymore, but maybe you're the mentor, the coach, the author, the entrepreneur.""You have to grieve the old before you can greet the new.""Even when it feels like it's over, it might just be the beginning."Resources:Toby Brooks' Website: tobyjbrooks.comTune in to the full episode to engage with Toby Brooks' insightful journey and learn more about navigating life's transitions. Stay tuned for more compelling discussions on identity, purpose, and transformation in upcoming episodes.Reach out to Becoming UnDone! Text Toby here!Support the showBecoming Undone is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyJBrooks. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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  • 125 | San Jose State Football Head Coach Ken Niumatalolo Reflects on Leadership Lessons from Coach Tomey (Part 13)
    About the GuestKen Niumatalolo is a renowned American football coach recognized for his tenure as head coach at the Naval Academy, where he became the winningest coach in program history. With a career emphasizing leadership, discipline, and teamwork, Niumatalolo has cultivated a legacy of developing successful athletes and resilient teams. Currently serving as the head coach for San Jose State Spartans, Niumatalolo embodies the principles of humility, service, and culture that he learned from influential mentors, including the legendary Coach Dick Tomey.Episode SummaryIn this enlightening episode of Becoming UnDone, host Toby Brooks engages in a heartfelt conversation with Ken Niumatalolo, head coach for San Jose State Spartans. The dialogue begins with a nostalgic recounting of Niumatalolo's roots, from his humble beginnings selling newspapers in Hawaii to becoming a celebrated football quarterback for the Rainbow Warriors, eventually transitioning into coaching. Through personal anecdotes, Niumatalolo shares the profound influence of Coach Dick Tomey on his personal and professional life, illustrating the timeless lessons imparted by Tomey on leadership, integrity, and cultural inclusivity.Niumatalolo's portrayal of Coach Dick Tomey as a master strategist and compassionate leader underscores the enduring impact of Tomey's philosophies in modern coaching practices. The episode highlights Tomey's universal approach to building cohesive teams from diverse backgrounds, emphasizing the importance of heart, trust, and authenticity. As Niumatalolo expounds on Tomey's legacy, he reflects on the invaluable guidance and support that shaped his coaching journey, reaffirming the narrative that effective leadership transcends the playing field, impacting players' lives beyond their athletic careers.Key TakeawaysImpactful Leadership: Ken Niumatalolo emphasizes how Coach Dick Tomey's leadership style focused on inclusivity, heart, and genuine care for his players, driving them to succeed both on and off the field.Cultural Integration: Coach Tomey's ability to unify players from diverse backgrounds set a standard for building teams characterized by cohesion, respect, and a shared commitment to excellence.Enduring Legacy: The principles and legacy of Coach Tomey continue to resonate within the San Jose State Spartans football program, showcasing a lasting influence on players and staff.Personal Growth: In an era of transactional leadership, Niumatalolo advocates for a people-first approach that prioritizes individual development and authentic engagement with team members.Coaching Beyond Wins: Niumatalolo's insights reveal that the ultimate measure of a coach's success extends beyond game victories to the lasting impact on players' lives and personal growth.Notable Quotes"Coach Tomey was more of an orchestrator of a mentality. I mean, he was a master psychologist, you know. He was a great motivator." – Ken Niumatalolo"He might be gone physically, but Coach isn't gone. His life lessons carry on with people that knew him." – Ken Niumatalolo"The thing I learned from him is that's not whatReach out to Becoming UnDone! Text Toby here!Support the showBecoming Undone is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyJBrooks. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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  • 124 | Dick Tomey Part 12: Heart and Hustle with Arizona Wildcat Legend Kelvin Eafon
    About the GuestKelvin Eafon is a former athlete known for his remarkable leadership and resilience on and off the field. Initially recruited as a basketball player to the University of Arizona under legendary coach Lute Olson, Kelvin switched to football under Coach Dick Tomey, where he became a standout leader and co-captain of the 1998 Arizona Wildcats football team. Kelvin is known for his heart and ethos, contributing to one of the most memorable football seasons in Arizona's history. Presently, he is deeply involved in coaching and mentoring young athletes, fostering a culture of leadership and personal development.Episode SummaryIn this insightful episode of Becoming UnDone, host Toby Brooks connects with Kelvin Eafon, a versatile athlete and an acclaimed leader from the 1998 Arizona Wildcats. This conversation takes the listeners on Kelvin's journey, transitioning from basketball to becoming a celebrated football player under the mentorship of Coach Dick Tomey. Kelvin shares how pivotal Tomey's leadership style was, emphasizing the core values of family, resilience, and integrity that he instilled in his players—an ethos that Kelvin carries forward in his current coaching endeavors.Kelvin delves deep into the dynamics that created a historic season for the Wildcats, celebrating the leadership and camaraderie cultivated by Coach Tomey. The dialogue is rich with themes of undeterred belief, transformation, and the nurturing of potential, making it a compelling narrative about what it takes to be a formidable leader both in and beyond the realm of sports. Kelvin’s reflections underscore the underlying principles that this podcast series explores, portraying transformative stories of individuals becoming more than just athletes but influential leaders in their own right.Key TakeawaysThe transformative power of belief, where Kelvin attributes much of his success to Coach Dick Tomey's persistent encouragement and recognition of his potential.The pivotal role of leadership in sports, illustrated through Kelvin's experience as co-captain, highlighting the immense responsibility and influence that accompanies athletic leadership.Insights into Coach Dick Tomey's coaching philosophy, emphasizing player empowerment, love, and integrity, which fostered a strong family-like culture within the team.Kelvin’s post-athletics career focuses on paying it forward by coaching young athletes, continuing the legacy of mentorship he experienced under Coach Tomey and Lute Olson.Reflections on the essence of personal relationships and leadership dynamics that extend beyond the sports field, impacting life decisions and career paths.Notable Quotes"Love you, I love you." - Dick Tomey, highlighting the deeper, personal connections he fostered with his players."Coach used to say, you're either coaching it or you're allowing it to happen." - Reflecting on Tomey's firm belief in accountability and leadership."It just that he… he just made… he just showed me that, you know, being a leader and understanding that that leadership sometimes is more important than actually running the ball.""HReach out to Becoming UnDone! Text Toby here!Support the showBecoming Undone is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyJBrooks. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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  • 123 | Part 11: Discovering Leadership Lessons from Coach Dick Tomey's Legacy with 1998 Arizona Football Co-Captain Barrett Baker
    About the GuestBarrett Baker is a former walk-on turned team captain of the 1998 University of Arizona Wildcats football team, which is known as the most successful team in the school's history. After his collegiate football career, Baker went on to serve with the Tucson Fire Department, where he has been a firefighter for 25 years, working in various capacities and achieving the rank of Assistant Chief. Married to his college sweetheart and a father of three, Baker continues to carry the lessons he learned under Coach Dick Tomey into his personal and professional life.Episode SummaryIn this captivating episode of "Becoming UnDone," host Toby Brooks converses with Barrett Baker, former University of Arizona Wildcats team captain, about his journey from a walk-on to a key player on the 1998 team that made history. Barrett shares insights into the profound influence of Coach Dick Tomey on his life on and off the field. Through engaging stories, Barrett illustrates how Coach Tomey's lessons in leadership, resilience, and teamwork continue to shape his approach to life and work as an Assistant Chief with the Tucson Fire Department.The conversation deep dives into themes of leadership, resilience, and personal growth, highlighting Coach Tomey’s unique approach to fostering team unity and individual belief. Barrett's anecdotes about his experiences under Coach Tomey not only illuminate the legendary coach's character but also serve as timeless lessons in perseverance and integrity. This episode offers a nuanced look at the lasting impact of Tomey's legacy, emphasizing how meaningful relationships and dedicated mentorship can transform lives. Join Toby Brooks and Barrett Baker for a heartfelt exploration of leadership, community, and the enduring spirit of becoming.Key TakeawaysLeadership through Unity: Coach Dick Tomey was renowned for his ability to build unity and trust, focusing on the team’s collective strength and fostering a family-like atmosphere.Opportunity and Resilience: Barrett Baker’s transition from a walk-on to team captain illustrates the power of persistence and taking advantage of opportunities to define success.Impactful Mentorship: Tomey’s personalized approach to coaching, such as writing handwritten notes, had a profound impact on players, encouraging them to push beyond their limits.Life Beyond Athletics: The lessons learned on the field have translated into Barrett’s career and personal life, driving his leadership in the Tucson Fire Department.Legacy of Love and Integrity: Tomey’s emphasis on treating others with respect and kindness resonates through the personal and professional lives of his former players.Notable Quotes"You have to believe in the mirror because that person is going to question you more than any other person in your life." - Barrett Baker"Your actions are speaking so loudly that I can't hear what you are saying." - Coach Dick Tomey, as quoted by Toby Brooks"If he believed in me, then I can believe in me." - Barrett Baker"He rewarded you if you worked hard and paid off what you put into things." - Barrett BakerReach out to Becoming UnDone! Text Toby here!Support the showBecoming Undone is a NiTROHype Creative production. Written and produced by me, Toby Brooks. If you or someone you know has a story of resilience and victory to share for Becoming Undone, contact me at undonepodcast.com. Follow the show on Facebook, Instagram, and LinkedIn at becomingundonepod and follow me at TobyJBrooks. Listen, subscribe, and leave us a review Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
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About Becoming UnDone

Becoming UnDone: Where High Achievers Turn Setbacks into Comebacks. Join Dr. Toby Brooks as he guides you through the art of transforming unfinished goals into unstoppable growth, one inspiring story at a time.Achievers aim high, but to fall short is fundamentally human. Sometimes we fail. Sometimes we simply run out of time. Either way, it is what we do with the end of one chapter that can make all the difference in the next. Do we fall apart at the seams, coming undone to be forever branded as someone who lost? Or do we see the fuller picture, recognizing that the task remains unfinished and understanding that the end of a chapter isn't the same as the end of the story. Becoming UnDone is the podcast for those who dare bravely, try mightily, and grow relentlessly. Join author, speaker, and host Dr. Toby Brooks as he invites a new guest each episode to examine how high achievers can transform from falling apart to falling in place.https://linktr.ee/tobyjbrooks
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