Dear Dr. Tracy

What do you do when you feel pushed to the edges of your adult child’s family, but you’re afraid that saying something could make the relationship even worse?

Dr. Tracy is joined again by Janelle, known online as Hey Janelle Marie, to answer a question from a grandmother who feels deeply connected to her grandchildren but increasingly excluded and unappreciated by her daughter-in-law. Together, they explore what may be happening beneath the hurt: unmet expectations, unspoken conflict, different ideas about family roles, and the grief that can come when grandparenthood looks different from what you imagined.

They also look at the role adult sons often play in these dynamics, why daughters-in-law can end up becoming the default family “kin keeper,” and how resentment grows when people silently keep giving while hoping for recognition in return.

Most importantly, they talk about how to move forward without withdrawing, punishing, or assuming the worst. Before asking for more connection, get clear on what you’re actually longing for, what you can control, and whether you’re ready to hear a perspective that may be different from your own.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Get the tools, language, and confidence to navigate your in-law relationships in ⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Follow Hey Janelle Marie at @heyjanellemarie on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube for conversations about mother-in-law and daughter-in-law dynamics.

Listen to Janelle’s podcast, Still Talking About It, wherever you listen to podcasts.

Dr. Tracy also references David Brooks’ book How to Know a Person.

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop.

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.

Be the first to know about my upcoming workshop where I directly support you in how you navigate the in-law dynamic for the upcoming holiday season.

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

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Have you ever walked into your family’s home and suddenly felt like a much younger version of yourself? Or watched your partner do the same thing and wondered, “Where did they just go?”

In this episode, Dr. Tracy and Greg explore why adults can fall back into old family roles the moment they’re around parents and siblings. Maybe you become the people pleaser, the peacekeeper, the responsible one, the sensitive one, or the person who gets quiet and stops speaking up. These patterns were often formed when we were young as ways to maintain connection, avoid conflict, and belong inside our family systems.

They also talk about what happens when those old roles follow us into adult relationships. You and your partner may leave home completely aligned, only for one of you to slip back into autopilot once you’re with family. Suddenly the plan changes, boundaries get harder to hold, and the other partner can feel abandoned, betrayed, or left to manage the fallout alone.

As the holidays approach, Dr. Tracy offers a different starting point: understand the role you learned to play, get curious about what activates it, and talk with your partner about what you actually want and need before you gather. Because growing up doesn’t automatically update the family script, but you can begin writing a new one.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Get support navigating family roles, boundaries, expectations, and difficult holiday dynamics in Dr. Tracy’s Before You Gather workshop. Join live for coaching and practical tools, or catch the replay if you can’t attend.

Get the tools, language, and confidence to navigate your in-law relationships in You, Your Husband, and His Mother.

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop.

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.

Get the tools, language, and confidence to navigate your in-law relationships in the book ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Be the first to know about my upcoming workshop where I directly support you in how you navigate the in-law dynamic for the upcoming holiday season.

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here.

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever known that something wasn’t right, or felt something deeply, before you could explain why?

In this episode, Dr. Tracy sits down with psychiatrist Dr. Ellen Vora, author of *The Anatomy of Anxiety* and *Season of the Witch: A Psychiatrist’s Case for Magic*, for a conversation about intuition, embodiment, grief, science, mystery, and the parts of ourselves we may have learned to silence.Together, they explore what happens when we become disconnected from our bodies and inner knowing, why our culture often privileges rational and measurable forms of intelligence, and what can change when we make room for other ways of knowing. Ellen shares how grief reopened her own relationship with spirituality and intuition, while Tracy reflects on the ways she has learned to trust what she senses in her body, relationships, and clinical work.

They also talk about hyper-rationality, women’s intuition, embodiment, technology and disconnection, menopause, grief, synchronicity, and what it means to reclaim parts of yourself that once felt too strange, emotional, or unscientific to trust.Because sometimes healing is not about gathering more evidence. Sometimes it begins by becoming quiet enough to hear what you already know.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Get Dr. Ellen’s new book Season of the Witch: A Psychiatrist’s Case for Magic and be sure to also check out her first book, The Anatomy of Anxiety

Learn more about Dr. Ellen Vora on her website

Follow Dr. Ellen Vora on Instagram

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop.

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.

Get the tools, language, and confidence to navigate your in-law relationships in the book ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Be the first to know about my upcoming workshop where I directly support you in how you navigate the in-law dynamic for the upcoming holiday season.

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY

Subscribe to You Tube

Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why does the daughter-in-law so often become the person blamed when an adult son starts setting boundaries, spending less time with family, or doing things differently?

In this episode, Dr. Tracy revisits one of the most downloaded conversations from Dear Dr. Tracy with creator Janelle, known online as @heyjanellemarie. Together, they talk about the “thousand paper cuts” that can build in mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships: passive-aggressive comments, guilt trips, exclusion, gossip, criticism, double standards, and the pressure to keep absorbing hurt in the name of family harmony.

Janelle shares why so many daughters-in-law eventually find themselves asking, “Am I crazy?” and how easily an adult son’s choices can be attributed to his partner instead of recognized as his own autonomy. They also explore what happens when mothers-in-law struggle to adjust to a new family dynamic, why repair requires more than explaining your intentions, and how couples can stay on the same team when extended-family tension rises.

And with the holidays approaching, they offer one especially practical strategy: decide together ahead of time what you’ll do when the predictable family moment happens. Because families are often very consistent, and getting ahead of the pattern can make the difference between spending the holiday bracing for impact and knowing your partner has your back.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

Get the tools, language, and confidence to navigate your in-law relationships in You, Your Husband, and His Mother

Be the first to know about Dr. Tracy’s upcoming pre-holiday retreat, designed to help you navigate boundaries, extended family, and in-law dynamics this holiday season. Join the waitlist here.

Follow Janelle at @heyjanellemarie on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube for honest, funny conversations about daughters-in-law, mothers-in-law, boundaries, and family dynamics.

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop.

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.

Be the first to know about my upcoming workshop where I directly support you in how you navigate the in-law dynamic for the upcoming holiday season.

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY

Subscribe to You Tube

Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when the partner who has spent years asking for connection suddenly stops asking?In this episode, Dr. Tracy explores the “burned-out pursuer,” a relationship shift that can look deceptively peaceful from the outside. The arguments decrease. The questions stop. One partner is no longer asking for date nights, difficult conversations, affection, sex, or repair. But less conflict does not always mean more security.Dr. Tracy explains how repeated unsuccessful attempts at connection can eventually lead the pursuing partner to stop expecting comfort, curiosity, initiative, or repair from their partner. They may begin investing more heavily in parenting, friendships, work, fitness, hobbies, or other parts of life, not because they no longer need connection, but because they have stopped expecting to find it inside the relationship.She also explores what can happen next: the previously withdrawn partner suddenly feels the distance and begins pursuing connection themselves. Rebuilding at that point takes more than urgency or a burst of effort. It requires accountability, consistency, compassion, and the willingness to understand why trust may take time to return.Because sometimes the quietest moment in a relationship is not the moment everything got better. It is the moment someone stopped believing that knocking on the door would make it open.

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

The Relationship Cycle Behind Desire, Rejection, and Sex - In this episode, Dr. Tracy is joined by sex therapist Dr. Lori Watson and emotionally focused therapy trainer George Faller, authors of “Brave Love, Great Sex: Harnessing Attachment Theory for Passionate Relationships”.

One spot left for a couples intensive with Dr. Tracy — a 2-day deep dive designed for couples who are stuck and not seeing results from weekly therapy. In-person or she travels to you.

Be Connected — 24/7 relationship support, including Dr. Tracy AI trained on Tracy's clinical work. Get real answers in the moment, even when your partner won't do the work with you

Looking for a therapist in Canada? Check out our practice at iwtherapy

WANT TO GO DEEPER?

Learn the proven framework that helps couples after conflict in my After the Fight: How to Repair Workshop.

Understand what you need to repair in your relationship. 2 minutes. Your partner will know exactly what to say.

Get the tools, language, and confidence to navigate your in-law relationships in the book ⁠⁠⁠You, Your Husband, and His Mother⁠⁠⁠

Be the first to know about my upcoming workshop where I directly support you in how you navigate the in-law dynamic for the upcoming holiday season.

Get your question answered here on the podcast. Submit them here.

Grab my first book I Didn’t Sign Up for This

Ready to deepen your connection?⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠Download my 100 Questions⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Build better connection and feel close starting today. ⁠⁠Join the⁠ ⁠⁠30 Days to Us Challenge⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Get exclusive 1:1 support with Dr. Tracy. Find out more here..

Not sure where to start? Find your relationship's negative cycle — free quiz here.

Is your partner defensive? Download my FREE scripts to respond to a defensive partner.

Grab my free guide: Five Ways to Nurture Your Intimacy

📲 FOLLOW DR. TRACY

Subscribe to You Tube

Follow on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠Follow on Facebook ⁠⁠⁠

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices