Relational Lives Podcast podcast | Listen online for free

Available Episodes

5 of 6

EP5: Overthinking: Taming the Mind’s Chatter
In this episode, we explore overthinking, why our minds get caught in endless loops of worry, rumination, and planning, and how it leaves us knackered. We celebrate the brilliance of our thinking brain (it’s behind art, technology, and innovation!) but also dive into its downsides, like activating our threat system and pulling us out of the present. We discuss how smart technology (like Fitbits and sleep-tracking rings) can fuel overthinking, the unique challenges for neurodiverse minds (like ADHD), and how to reconnect with your body to calm the chatter. Plus, we share three practical takeaway tips to help you manage overthinking, starting today. Tune in to quieten your mind and find some peace. In This Episode: What Is Overthinking? We define overthinking as dwelling on thoughts excessively, leading to mental exhaustion and anxiety (starts around 1:00, 00:01:16:23). The Pros and Cons of Thinking: Our thinking brain is brilliant for creativity and problem-solving, but overthinking can paralyse us (around 3:00, 00:03:42:22). Overthinking and the Threat System: How excessive thinking triggers our nervous system’s alarm, disconnecting us from our bodies (around 6:00, 00:06:14:00). Smart Technology’s Role: Wearables like Fitbits and sleep-tracking rings can fuel overthinking by creating a need to “know” everything (around 8:00, 00:08:01:22). Overthinking and Neurodiversity: For those with ADHD, overthinking can be more intense due to hyperactive brain activity (around 11:00, 00:11:20:13). The Nervous System Connection: Overthinking activates our threat response, leaving us drained (around 14:00, 00:14:13:10). Strategies to Manage Overthinking: Create distance by naming your “overthinker” character and choosing when to engage (around 18:00, 00:18:13:14). Takeaway Tips: We share three steps to reduce overthinking and bring calm (around 26:00, 00:26:03:01). Three Takeaway Tips: Notice When You’re Overthinking: For one day, catch yourself when you’re stuck in your head, then shift focus to the present, like feeling your feet on the ground (00:26:03:01). Ditch Smart Technology for a Day: Try going without your smartwatch or tracking apps to break the cycle of constant checking (00:27:17:21). Don’t Engage with the Overthinker: Name your overthinking character, thank it, and choose to do something else instead (00:29:08:00). Resources Mentioned: Connect With Us: Have a question or want to share your overthinking story? Reach out at [email protected] Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-awareness. Thanks for Listening! If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience! Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Music by: Still Tree Music Produced and Edited: Synergy Podcast Studios
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31:30
EP4: How to Get Over a Breakup: Healing the Heartache
In this episode, we dive into the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup—why it feels so painful, how your attachment style shapes your experience, and how to heal. We share personal stories, from the devastation of a first love at 19 to the anxious-avoidant cycles of past relationships, showing how breakups can shake us at any age. We explore the science behind the pain (it lights up your brain like physical pain!), the impact of ghosting and orbiting, and what research says about healing—like the role of self-esteem and support. Plus, we offer three practical takeaway tips to help you move forward with self-compassion. Tune in to start healing your heartache today. Show Notes: Episode: How to Get Over a Breakup: Healing the Heartache Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack the messy, painful world of breakups! We’re here to help you understand why they hurt so much, how your attachment style plays a part, and what you can do to heal. With personal stories, research insights, and actionable tips, this episode is all about guiding you through the heartache with kindness and clarity. In This Episode: Why Breakups Hurt So Much: We dive into the science—brain scans show breakup pain is as real as physical pain (starts around 1:00, 00:01:22:11). Attachment Styles and Breakups: How anxious (approach) and avoidant (distance) styles affect your experience, from intense pain to initial relief (around 3:00, 00:03:59:05). Our Stories: We reflect on the lingering pain of a first love at 19 and the anxious pull of past relationships (around 5:00, 00:05:06:00). Factors That Influence Healing: Who initiated the breakup, how it happened (like ghosting), and ongoing contact like orbiting all play a role (around 7:00, 00:07:11:22). The Role of Ghosting and Orbiting: Why these behaviours can ease pain temporarily but often prolong the hurt (around 10:00, 00:10:14:13). What Helps: Research shows better self-esteem helps recovery, and friends can be a lifeline (around 14:00, 00:14:29:15). Self-Compassion and Reflection: Why reflecting on the relationship and practising self-kindness are key to growth (around 19:00, 00:19:05:11). Takeaway Tips: We share three steps to help you heal and move forward (around 25:00, 00:25:18:02). More on Attachment Styles: Secure (Green): You feel a deep sense of “I’m okay” and can communicate needs clearly (00:03:12:04 from previous episode). You’re comfortable with emotional closeness, can regulate your own emotions, and work through conflict to repair relationships. If a dynamic becomes unhealthy and communication doesn’t help, you’re more likely to walk away (hosts’ notes, 09:58, 02/04/2025). In breakups, you’re likely to recover faster due to better self-esteem (00:14:37:11). Anxious (Red, Approach): You crave closeness, fear abandonment, and may feel hypervigilant about distance, often seeking reassurance (00:03:59:05). Breakups can hit you hard, with intense pain and a pull to maintain contact (00:16:32:09). Avoidant (Blue, Distance): You value independence, struggle with emotional closeness, and may shut down to avoid feeling overwhelmed (00:04:18:08). In breakups, you might feel relief initially and avoid the pain, but it can surface later (00:11:55:10). Three Takeaway Tips: Find a Breakup Friend: Surround yourself with supportive friends to remind you you’ll be okay, and text them instead of your ex when the urge hits (00:25:18:02). Journal Your Reflections: Write down what you’ve learned about yourself and the relationship—what worked, what didn’t, and what you’d do differently next time (00:26:11:03). Practise Self-Soothing: Treat the pain like a physical illness—try a massage, gym session, or a drink with a mate to ease the hurt (00:26:56:05). Resources Mentioned: We reference attachment styles from our last episode, inspired by the colour-coded approach from Therapists Uncensored. Check out their podcast for more insights: https://therapistuncensored.com. Connect With Us: Have a question or want to share your breakup story? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for more episodes on relationships, mental health, and healing. Thanks for Listening! If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience! Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Music by: Still Tree Music Produced and Edited: Synergy Podcast Studios
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27:59
EP3: Attachment Styles Explained: Which Attachment Style Are You?
Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack attachment styles and how they influence your relationships. We’re diving into the science of connection, sharing relatable stories, and offering actionable steps to help you navigate your own patterns with more awareness and compassion. In This Episode: What Are Attachment Styles? We explain how early experiences with caregivers shape your ability to connect. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Secure Attachment (Green): A felt sense of safety—knowing someone’s got your back, allowing you to explore the world confidently (around 3:00, 00:03:12:04). Anxious Attachment (Red): Craving closeness due to unpredictable caregiving, often leading to a need for reassurance (around 7:00, 00:06:46:00). Our Stories: We share how anxiety shows up in parenting (waiting for people to text) and dating (preoccupation with responses) (around 9:00, 00:09:17:21). Avoidant Attachment (Blue): Seeking distance after consistent unavailability in childhood, often cutting off emotions to cope (around 11:00, 00:11:13:04). The Push-Pull Dynamic: Why anxious and avoidant styles often attract, creating a challenging cycle in relationships (around 17:00, 00:16:46:12). Takeaway Tips: We wrap up with three steps to understand and work with your attachment style (around 20:00, 00:19:51:20). More on Attachment Styles: Secure (Green): You feel a deep sense of “I’m okay” and can communicate needs clearly (00:03:12:04). You’re comfortable with emotional closeness, can regulate your own emotions, and work through conflict to repair relationships. If a dynamic becomes unhealthy and communication doesn’t help, you’re more likely to walk away (hosts’ notes, 09:58, 02/04/2025). Anxious (Red, Approach): You crave closeness, fear abandonment, and may be hypervigilant about distance, often needing reassurance and contact (00:06:46:00). You might feel, “I’m not okay without someone else.” Avoidant (Blue, Distance): You value independence, struggle with emotional closeness, and may unconsciously shut down emotions to avoid feeling overwhelmed (00:11:13:04). You often feel, “I’m okay on my own—I don’t need anyone.” Three Takeaway Tips: Reflect on Your Childhood: Think about your early experiences with caregivers, were they consistent, unpredictable, or distant? This can reveal your default style (00:23:47:09). Notice Your Behaviours: Spot patterns, like seeking constant contact (anxious) or pulling away (avoidant) and how they feel in your body (00:24:16:04). Practise Secure Behaviours: Try open communication, like saying, “I need space now” or “I need to hear back from you,” to build healthier connections (00:25:40:12). Resources Mentioned: We reference the Therapists Uncensored podcast for their colour-coded approach to attachment styles—check it out for more insights: https://therapistuncensored.com. Connect With Us: Have a question or want to share your attachment style story? Reach out at [email protected]. Subscribe for more episodes on relationships, mental health, and self-awareness. Thanks for Listening! If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!
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27:20
EP2: How to Stop Being so Self-critical
Welcome to our latest episode, where we tackle the tricky habit of self-criticism! We’re unpacking why we beat ourselves up, how that inner critic takes over, and what we can do to bring in more kindness. With personal insights and actionable steps, this episode is all about making peace with yourself, one compassionate moment at a time. In This Episode: What’s Behind Self-Criticism? We look at why we’re so hard on ourselves and how the inner critic becomes a loud character in our heads. The Inner Critic’s Role: Discover how this voice might have once helped us but now oversteps, and why it won’t just go away. A Kinder Alternative: We talk about bringing in a compassionate character—understanding, firm, and warm—to balance things out. Personal Reflections: Hear our stories of sleepless worries before recordings and body image battles, showing how compassion can shift the narrative. Being Alongside Yourself: Learn why it’s not about fixing the pain but being with it differently. Building Compassion: Practical ideas on growing that kinder voice, even when it feels unfamiliar. Takeaway Tips: We finish with three simple steps to stop the self-beatdown and start being kinder. Three Takeaway Tips: Check Your Compassion: Notice if you can give kindness to others, receive it from them, or offer it to yourself, start where you’re at. Spot the Blocks: Reflect on what stops you from being kind to yourself, maybe it’s feeling lazy or self-indulgent and challenge those beliefs. Label and Shift: When your inner critic gets noisy, name it (“My critic’s chatty today”), then invite your compassionate voice to step in with warmth and understanding. Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Resources Mentioned: Curious about compassion-focussed therapy? Search online for more on how it helps ease suffering and boosts mental wellbeing! Connect With Us: Got a question or want to share your inner critic’s favourite lines? Email us at [email protected]. Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, self-compassion, and managing tricky thoughts. Next Episode Teaser: We’re looking at how we can understand our own attachment styles in relationships. Don’t miss it! Thanks for Listening! If this episode resonated, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we keep exploring how to navigate the messy but marvelous human brain!
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21:42
EP1: Understanding Anxiety: Unpacking the Brain’s Alarm System
In this episode, we dive deep into the world of anxiety—what it is, why it happens, and how our brains can sometimes trick us into a cycle of worry. Join us as we explore the evolutionary roots of anxiety, the fight-or-flight response, and how modern overthinking turns our natural alarm system into a source of stress. We’ll share personal stories, and offer three practical takeaway tips to help you understand and manage your anxiety. Whether you’re dealing with social anxiety, performance fears, or just everyday worries, this episode is your first step toward making sense of it all. Tune in and start taming your tricky brain today! Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Show Notes: Episode: Understanding Anxiety: Unpacking the Brain’s Alarm System Welcome to our latest episode where we tackle the big topic of anxiety! We’re peeling back the layers of this common experience to help you understand what’s really going on in your brain and body. From catastrophizing to sweaty palms, we’ve got you covered with insights, relatable stories, and actionable advice. In This Episode: What is Anxiety? We break down the brain’s built-in alarm system and how it can’t tell the difference between a real threat (like a lion chasing you) and an imagined one (like a looming deadline). The Tricky Brain: Discover how our evolved ability to think ahead and imagine scenarios can fuel worry, overthinking, and even physical symptoms like a racing heart or dry mouth. Personal Reflections: We share our own experiences with anxiety, including performance fears tied to past humiliations and the pressure of big upcoming events. The Vicious Cycle: Learn how avoidance and overpreparation can keep anxiety alive—and what to do instead. Takeaway Tips: We wrap up with three simple, practical strategies to start understanding and managing your anxiety today. Three Takeaway Tips: Name It to Tame It: Give your anxiety a name (like “Little Miss Anxiety”) to create distance and recognize when it shows up. Reflect on the Roots: Look back at your past experiences—school pressures, family dynamics, or hormonal shifts—to uncover where your anxiety might come from. Spot the Patterns: Identify habits like avoidance or overpreparing that keep your anxiety going, and start journaling to track them. Resources Mentioned: Check out Ross Harris’s brilliant animation videos on YouTube, like “The Struggle Switch,” for a quick and clear look at how we get stuck in anxiety cycles. Links below! The Struggle Switch - YouTube Connect With Us: Have a question or want to share your anxiety story? Reach out to us at [email protected] Subscribe for more episodes on anxiety, including future deep dives into social anxiety, panic attacks, and worry. Next Episode Teaser: We’re looking at how to stop beating yourself up about things. Don’t miss it! Thanks for Listening! If you found this episode helpful, please leave us a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, marvelous human brain!
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19:09