In this episode, psychotherapists Ali and Ros unpack the often misunderstood experience of social anxiety. They explore what social anxiety really is, how it shows up in everyday life, and why so many people are struggling with it more since the COVID pandemic. The conversation looks at the impact of technology and social media, the role of early life experiences, and how anxiety can become a self-perpetuating cycle. Ali and Ros discuss common coping strategies, why some can unintentionally keep anxiety going, and how approaches like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help break the pattern. Along the way, they share practical, compassionate tools for managing social anxiety, offering reassurance, insight, and hope for anyone who finds social situations challenging.
00:00 Understanding Social Anxiety
04:29 The Cycle of Anxiety and Avoidance
07:30 The Impact of Technology on Social Anxiety
10:30 Childhood Experiences and Social Anxiety
13:30 Neurodiversity and Social Anxiety
16:14 Public Speaking and Social Anxiety
21:46 Understanding Social Anxiety and Its Triggers
25:09 The Cycle of Avoidance and Anxiety
30:56 Safety Behaviours and Their Impact
34:36 Therapeutic Approaches to Social Anxiety
41:00 Practical Steps for Managing Social Anxiety
📍 Resources mentioned:
Social Anxiety Safety Behaviours: Conversation behaviours
✨ Keeping very quiet, talking softly, or giving only brief answers.
✨ Avoid talking about yourself or giving opinions.
✨ Planning and rehearsing what you might be able to talk about.
Attention and mental strategies
✨ Focusing intensely on yourself (how you look, sound, or feel) as you talk.
✨ Having excuses ready so you can leave early if anxiety rises.
✨ Suppressing anxious thoughts or images, or silently repeating reassuring phrases.
Positioning and participation
✨ Standing or sitting on the edge or at the back of a group/room.
✨ Staying close to one safe person at social events.
✨ Taking on a “busy” role (in the kitchen, behind the scenes, on tech) to avoid direct interaction.
✨ Interacting with a pet instead of engaging in conversation.
✨ Choosing quiet times or less crowded places to go out.
Eye contact and body language
✨ Avoiding or minimising eye contact.
✨ Holding objects tightly (cups, bags, papers) to hide shaking or to feel steadier.
✨ Fidgeting with phones, keys, or other items to look busy and unapproachable.
✨ Use of phones, devices, and props
✨ Frequently checking or using a phone during social situations.
✨ Wearing headphones or appearing engrossed in a screen to limit interaction.
✨ Keeping a drink, bag, or notes in hand as a “shield” or distraction.
Appearance and hiding physical symptoms
✨ Wearing certain clothes (layers, long sleeves, dark colours) to hide sweating or shaking.
✨Using makeup to conceal blushing or other visible signs of anxiety. S
Substances and situational avoidance
✨ Using alcohol or other substances to relax.
✨ Avoiding caffeine, exercise, warm rooms, or spicy foods to prevent anxiety like sensations.
✨ Limiting or declining invitations to many social events (partial avoidance rather than total).
Reassurance and checking
✨ Asking others for repeated reassurance about how you came across (“Did I sound stupid?”).
✨ Replaying conversations afterwards to check for mistakes or signs of humiliation.
✨ Practising or overpreparing for routine social tasks (emails, phone calls, meetings) to avoid possible errors.
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Disclaimer:
Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only.
Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Credits:
Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk
Music by: Stile Tree Studio
UK