In this episode, we dive into the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup—why it feels so painful, how your attachment style shapes your experience, and how to heal. We share personal stories, from the devastation of a first love at 19 to the anxious-avoidant cycles of past relationships, showing how breakups can shake us at any age. We explore the science behind the pain (it lights up your brain like physical pain!), the impact of ghosting and orbiting, and what research says about healing—like the role of self-esteem and support. Plus, we offer three practical takeaway tips to help you move forward with self-compassion. Tune in to start healing your heartache today.
Show Notes:
Episode: How to Get Over a Breakup: Healing the Heartache
Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack the messy, painful world of breakups! We’re here to help you understand why they hurt so much, how your attachment style plays a part, and what you can do to heal. With personal stories, research insights, and actionable tips, this episode is all about guiding you through the heartache with kindness and clarity.
In This Episode:
Why Breakups Hurt So Much: We dive into the science—brain scans show breakup pain is as real as physical pain (starts around 1:00, 00:01:22:11).
Attachment Styles and Breakups: How anxious (approach) and avoidant (distance) styles affect your experience, from intense pain to initial relief (around 3:00, 00:03:59:05).
Our Stories: We reflect on the lingering pain of a first love at 19 and the anxious pull of past relationships (around 5:00, 00:05:06:00).
Factors That Influence Healing: Who initiated the breakup, how it happened (like ghosting), and ongoing contact like orbiting all play a role (around 7:00, 00:07:11:22).
The Role of Ghosting and Orbiting: Why these behaviours can ease pain temporarily but often prolong the hurt (around 10:00, 00:10:14:13).
What Helps: Research shows better self-esteem helps recovery, and friends can be a lifeline (around 14:00, 00:14:29:15).
Self-Compassion and Reflection: Why reflecting on the relationship and practising self-kindness are key to growth (around 19:00, 00:19:05:11).
Takeaway Tips: We share three steps to help you heal and move forward (around 25:00, 00:25:18:02).
More on Attachment Styles:
Secure (Green): You feel a deep sense of “I’m okay” and can communicate needs clearly (00:03:12:04 from previous episode). You’re comfortable with emotional closeness, can regulate your own emotions, and work through conflict to repair relationships. If a dynamic becomes unhealthy and communication doesn’t help, you’re more likely to walk away (hosts’ notes, 09:58, 02/04/2025). In breakups, you’re likely to recover faster due to better self-esteem (00:14:37:11).
Anxious (Red, Approach): You crave closeness, fear abandonment, and may feel hypervigilant about distance, often seeking reassurance (00:03:59:05). Breakups can hit you hard, with intense pain and a pull to maintain contact (00:16:32:09).
Avoidant (Blue, Distance): You value independence, struggle with emotional closeness, and may shut down to avoid feeling overwhelmed (00:04:18:08). In breakups, you might feel relief initially and avoid the pain, but it can surface later (00:11:55:10).
Three Takeaway Tips:
Find a Breakup Friend: Surround yourself with supportive friends to remind you you’ll be okay, and text them instead of your ex when the urge hits (00:25:18:02).
Journal Your Reflections: Write down what you’ve learned about yourself and the relationship—what worked, what didn’t, and what you’d do differently next time (00:26:11:03).
Practise Self-Soothing: Treat the pain like a physical illness—try a massage, gym session, or a drink with a mate to ease the hurt (00:26:56:05).
Resources Mentioned:
We reference attachment styles from our last episode, inspired by the colour-coded approach from Therapists Uncensored. Check out their podcast for more insights: https://therapistuncensored.com.
Connect With Us:
Have a question or want to share your breakup story? Reach out at
[email protected].
Subscribe for more episodes on relationships, mental health, and healing.
Thanks for Listening!
If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!
Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Music by: Still Tree Music
Produced and Edited: Synergy Podcast Studios
UK