Sex Advice for Seniors Podcast

There’s a version of male ageing that’s become so familiar we’ve stopped questioning it. Energy drops. Interest fades. The man who used to be the life of the party just… stops showing up. His partner wonders where he went. He probably wonders too.
Dan Leach hears this story constantly.
Dan runs Valens Health, a UK-based hormone optimisation clinic focused on men’s health, though as our conversation made clear, hormones are very much a shared concern. His path into this work started personally, noticing his own vitality shifting in his 40s and finding that mainstream medicine didn’t have much to offer beyond a shrug. So he built something that did.
The core problem, he explained, is that conventional medicine is set up to treat disease. Hormonal decline in men involves gradual drops in testosterone, DHEA, and thyroid from age 40 onward. It often doesn’t register as pathology. The numbers land inside the “normal range.” The patient gets sent home. Nothing changes.
But the normal range is enormous. And there’s a significant difference between landing somewhere in that range and being where you were in your prime.
That distinction is what Valens Health is built around. Dan calls it hormone optimisation rather than replacement: finding where each person actually functions best, not just keeping them out of the red zone.
The testosterone conversation tends to carry a lot of baggage. People hear the word and think aggression, shortcuts, something vaguely illicit. Dan’s reframe is simple: testosterone doesn’t make you someone else. It makes you more of who you already are. If your energy has dropped off, your libido has gone quiet, you’ve lost motivation and muscle mass: it amplifies what’s been suppressed. The lights come back on.
I’ve been taking prescription testosterone myself for a few months now, and the difference has been real. Better focus. More physical stamina. More interest in things generally, including sex. I wouldn’t have discovered it through a doctor. I found out through a friend. That’s a story I hear far too often.
One thing I hadn’t known about before talking to Dan: DHEA. It’s not a hormone most people have heard of, but it plays a critical role in whether your body can actually use the testosterone it has. Some men have reasonable testosterone levels and still feel terrible, because the activation pathway isn’t working. DHEA is essentially the key that turns the lock. Adding it, Dan said, tends to produce a fast, noticeable effect.
Thyroid rounds out the picture. It sets the pace for your entire metabolism. When it drops, even to a level that still reads as “normal” on a standard test, everything slows: mood, energy, concentration, libido. Optimising all three together is where people start describing themselves as feeling 30 again at 57.
There’s also a serious health reason not to ignore this. Dan was clear that unreliable erections aren’t just a sex problem. They’re a cardiovascular signal. Around 80% of men who start experiencing them regularly will go on to have a significant cardiac event within five years. It’s worth paying attention to.
Valens Health works remotely, which Dan says most patients actually prefer. It starts with a free consultation and comprehensive bloodwork. The premium package, a dedicated doctor and ongoing optimization for a full year, runs £1,800, payable in instalments.
Dan put it simply toward the end of our conversation: isn’t life about feeling as good as we can? Most men have been told the answer is no, that decline is just the deal. It doesn’t have to be.
Key Takeaways
* Testosterone, DHEA, and thyroid all decline from age 40 onward. “Within normal range” doesn’t mean optimal.
* DHEA helps the body activate testosterone. Some men have adequate levels but can’t use them properly.
* Unreliable erections are a cardiovascular signal, not just a sex problem. Around 80% of men who experience them regularly go on to have a significant cardiac event within five years.
* Testosterone doesn’t cause aggression. It amplifies who you already are.
* Valens Health works remotely. The premium programme is £1,800/year, payable in instalments.
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You’re not past it. You may even be approaching your peak.
A psychiatrist just told me that women tend to reach their highest sexual satisfaction at 64. I’m 64. And I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard the opposite message, that desire fades, that this is the time to wind down, that the body just stops cooperating.
Dr. Shila Patel has been listening to patients talk about sex, relationships, and desire for 25 years. She grew up in Kenya, went to medical school in England, and spent the bulk of her career practicing psychiatry in the American South before retiring at 51. When the pandemic hit and the Me Too movement was at its peak, she started writing. Two books later, she’s on a mission to reach people that one-on-one clinical work never could.
She’s also nearly 70, still sexually active, and completely unapologetic about both.
What struck me most in our conversation wasn’t just the 64 statistic - which I found astounding (I hadn’t ever heard before!), it was the context. Because while women are approaching their sexual peak, men are often stepping back. Erectile dysfunction, reduced interest, withdrawal. Dr. Patel saw this pattern constantly in clinical practice, and she sees it in her own life and I’ve certainly seen it in my own. Women in her condominium complex, all roughly her age, laugh and joke about it. It’s a real thing. And most women, she says, just go quiet and accept it.
That acceptance is partly cultural. Dr. Patel grew up in Indian culture, where sex was not discussed. Full stop. Not by parents, not between siblings, not even now. At 70, she and her sister have never once discussed whether either has had an orgasm. She described watching a preview of a Bollywood film where a group of women, talking about an upcoming wedding, couldn’t form the word for orgasm. They landed on “intense pleasure.” She said it with affection and exasperation in equal measure.
But she’s quick to say this isn’t an Indian problem, or an Asian problem. It’s a human problem. Americans of her generation were raised the same way. Her 91-year-old mother still tenses slightly when hugged. The silence around sex, pleasure, and desire crosses every culture she encountered in 25 years of clinical work.
What can be done about it? Quite a lot, actually.
Dr. Patel was frank about her own experience with vaginal atrophy and vaginismus after a hysterectomy and the way the body can, as she put it, just close up. Her gynaecologist prescribed estradiol cream, and it changed everything. Lubrication, libido, comfort. It also dramatically reduces UTIs and vaginal infections, something most women are never told. I have my own version of this story: I found out about vaginal estrogen from a friend, not a single healthcare professional. When I complained about painful sex, she asked if I was on vaginal estrogen. I was angry that no doctor had mentioned it.
If you’re avoiding sex because it hurts, or because desire has gone quiet, it’s worth asking about estradiol cream/pessaries or ring. It has certainly changed my life.
Dr. Patel’s bigger message is about permission. Permission to still want sex at 70. Permission to tell your partner what you need — including that if they’ve stepped back, you might need to look elsewhere for that connection. Permission to adapt: different positions, more patience, a lot of laughter, and no more hanging off the chandeliers.
She said it plainly: we only go through this life once. Are you going to make the most of what you enjoy?
Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.
You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.
If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.
More than ever, I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you are able.


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

In this episode, I unpack my long-held scepticism about so‑called “orgasm techniques” and the pressure on women to climax in multiple ways. Then I speak to Steve Bodansky, co‑creator of Extended Massive Orgasm (EMO), a practice focused on clitoral stimulation, deep relaxation, and “peaking” (edging) to prolong pleasure.
We explore how extended orgasm works, why relaxation matters more than effort, and how orgasmic capacity can grow with practice — even into your 70s and 80s. We also talk about aging, self‑pleasure, conditioning the body for pleasure, and what it really means to invest in your sexual wellbeing for the long term.



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Can a marriage survive infidelity?
This week I spoke with Renelle Nelson, a licensed marriage and family therapist who’s spent 11 years specialising in affair recovery. She helps couples rebuild after betrayal, when everything’s shattered and nobody knows where to start.
Turns out infidelity isn’t just sex outside the marriage. It’s anytime you go outside your relationship to get pleasure that should be shared within it. Money. Communication. Emotional affairs. Physical ones. Renelle prefers the word “betrayal” because it’s more accurate. You break contracts you didn’t realise you’d signed.
Here’s the thing nobody talks about: it’s not a male sport anymore. In her practice, men and women cheat in equal numbers. Women are leaving marriages after raising kids, after becoming empty nesters. The emotional labour falls heavily on them. Sometimes an affair is escape from domesticity. Not dissatisfaction. Escape.
So what does affair recovery actually look like?
Different from regular marriage counselling, for starters. More talking won’t prevent betrayal. More sex won’t prevent it. More date nights won’t prevent it. The only things that stop betrayal are communication and not wanting to do it. That’s it.
Renelle’s approach: you can’t heal what you can’t reveal. She works with the person who cheated first. Who did they become? What need were they trying to meet? Then she works with the person who stayed. Both deserve healing. Neither caused the affair, but both are responsible for their part in the marriage moving forward.
I asked whether opening a relationship after betrayal ever works.
Her answer was direct: it doesn’t. Couples who open relationships successfully do so from trust and solid foundation. Starting that journey on a lie, with one partner settling because they can’t keep the other person faithful, almost always fails. If you can’t communicate basic needs with one person, adding more people just multiplies the chaos.
My favourite bit? Renelle’s seeing younger couples come to therapy after dating a month, maybe two. They want to learn how to communicate before problems arrive. They’re treating therapy as education, not crisis management. They want enhancement, exploration, education, eroticism. That last one matters most.
Eroticism is what’s missing in long-term relationships, she said. When it leaves, people turn to porn. When you think you know everything about your partner, desire dries up.
Literally.
As Renelle put it: “When you think you know it all, that means you dried up. You’re not getting hard or wet.”
Fair point.
What Matters
* Women cheat just as much as men now. The numbers are equal.
* Affair recovery heals individuals first, then the relationship.
* You can’t heal what you refuse to reveal. Truth comes before repair.
* Opening relationships after betrayal rarely works. Trust must exist first.
* Eroticism sustains long-term desire. Mystery matters more than familiarity.
* Younger couples seek therapy as prevention. That’s actual progress.
Check out these resources from Renelle:
The Pleasure Agenda: Couples Edition Undated Planner
Pleasure After Betrayal: Aftercare Edition Undated Planner
The Couple’s Connection Deck
Connect with Renelle
Website
https://renellenelson.thinkific.com/
Instagram
Facebook
Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.
You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.
If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.
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Ever wondered what it’s like to hire a matchmaker?
This week I spoke with Tammy Shaklee, a heterosexual woman who specialises in matching LGBTQ+ clients over 50. She’s spent 14 years helping gay and lesbian singles find serious relationships.
It goes without saying, I was curious to hear how she got her start. Turns out, after her divorce, Tammy hired a matchmaker and met her husband. Years later, a gay friend said he wished there was a matchmaking service for gay men who valued privacy. Tammy assumed one existed. She researched for 24 hours, pretending to be a 40-year-old gay physician looking for a dignified way to meet professionals online.
She found nothing dignified.
That’s when she realised matchmakers weren’t serving the LGBTQ community at all. Being entrepreneurial, she built a service exclusively for gay and lesbian singles seeking serious relationships called H4M.
The biggest problem she encountered? Older gay men, it is assumed, want younger partners. Younger men want financial support. If you’re seeking someone your own age with similar stability, you’re stuck. App for gay men are more often than not hookup platforms. They don’t work for finding real compatibility. That’s where matchmakers come in - introducing you to people you’d never meet on your own.
My favourite story of Tammy’s? A 66-year-old widow called Tammy, bursting with enthusiasm. She’d just spoken with her parents in their late 90s, still independent, still in love, still caring for each other. “I realised I have a 30-year relationship in front of me. We need to get started.” Tammy matched her twice. She met someone and never needed another introduction.
Tammy’s filter for clients: “Would I have you at my holiday table? Would I set you up with my siblings?” She turns people away if she’s not the right fit, then helps them find someone who is.
Cost: Thousands, not tens of thousands. She starts with a phone call. If the decision i is made to work together, Tammy will introduce you to one new person per month. She manages venues, reservations, and feedback calls. The process continues until one match clicks.
The takeaway: “When you love the life you’ve built, that’s magnetic. People want kindness and someone happy with what they have.” Contentment attracts. Desperation repels. Don’t we know it?!
What Matters
* You might have 30 years left. Do the math on your own life.
* People want partners who like their lives, not people who hate theirs.
* Apps are hookup tools now. Use different tools for serious relationships.
* Interview your matchmaker. Ask: Would they have you at their holiday table?
* Enthusiasm wins. Hope beats pessimism every time.
Connect with Tammy
Website https://www.h4m.com/
Instagram H4M Matchmaking
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/H4MMatchmaking
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@H4MMatchmaking
Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.
You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.
If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.
I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you can.



This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe