Sex Advice for Seniors Podcast

What I Discussed With Dr Anna Elton...
- Why the word desire gets confused with arousal, and how mixing them up keeps couples stuck for years.
- The uncomfortable truth about the "spontaneous" desire I felt at 25, and why Anna says I actually worked for it.
- What 700+ couples taught Anna about why some marriages stay passionate for decades while others go quiet.
- Where my erotic energy goes when it stops flowing toward a partner (it doesn't just vanish).
- The three personas every partnered person juggles, and the one that quietly starves first.
- The couple who ate out "all the time" but hadn't been on a real date in ten years.
- Why I hated being the default planner in my relationships, and Anna's fix for the "I don't know, what do you want to do?" dynamic.
- The 20 second habit that took one couple from a sexless marriage back to wanting each other.
- What actually kept Anna and her high school sweetheart flirting after 25 years and three kids.

Chapters:
00:00 – Introduction & Sponsor Spotlight (OhMiBod)
00:26 – Understanding Midlife Desire with Dr Anna Elton
01:27 – Lessons from 25 Years Together: Clinical Research Meets Personal Reality
03:00 – Why Young Couples Suffer From Sexless Marriages
03:36 – The Brain Chemistry of Intimacy: Desire vs. Physical Arousal
04:35 – Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire Explained
05:34 – Rethinking ‘Spontaneous’ Spark in Long-Term Relationships
07:01 – The Myth of Youthful Passion & Hormonal Shifts Over Time
09:07 – Restoring Novelty: The A-to-Z Date Night Framework
10:56 – Sponsor Spotlight (GITM Playbook)
11:42 – Creating Mystery & Seeing Your Partner Through a New Lens
13:05 – The Power of ‘Consensual Uncertainty’ in Midlife Dating
13:44 – Overcoming the ‘Planner Dynamic’ & Resentment in Relationships
15:32 – The Three-Step Coaching Technique to Encourage Partner Effort
17:00 – Desire Diversion: Where Does Erotic Energy Go When It Leaves the Bedroom?
18:50 – Balancing the Three Personas: Individual, Couple, and Family
20:17 – Defining a ‘Sexless Marriage’ & The Impact of Parental Stress
23:05 – What Long-Term Couples Do Differently to Keep the Flame Alive
24:04 – Social Penetration Theory: Why Deeper Communication Drives Physical Connection
25:58 – Micro-Habits for Reconnection: The 20-Second Rule
27:12 – Can High School Sweethearts Last a Lifetime?
28:30 – Closing Thoughts & ‘The Formula of Desire’ Book Release Details

Show Notes
Desire in long-term relationships is one of the most misunderstood topics I cover on this show, so I went straight to someone with the data.
In this episode, I'm joined by Dr. Anna Elton, a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical sexologist who has spent more than 15 years researching desire with over 700 couples. Her new book, The Formula of Desire, grew out of a question she couldn't shake: why were she and her high school sweetheart still flirting after 25 years while couples half their age were arriving at her practice in sexless marriages?
Anna dismantled something I'd believed my whole life. That electric, out-of-nowhere desire I remember from my younger years? She says it was never spontaneous. I put the work in without realising it, and that changes everything about how couples in later life can get desire back.
We also get into where erotic energy actually goes when it leaves a relationship, because according to Anna's research, it doesn't fade. It moves. And I share something from my own marriage that made this whole conversation personal.
If your relationship has gone quiet, this episode is proof it doesn't have to stay that way.
Listen, learn and enjoy.

Key Takeaways
- Desire is psychological, and arousal is physiological. Losing one doesn't mean losing the other.
- Spontaneous desire is really well orchestrated desire.
- A sexless marriage means sex ten or fewer times a year, and it's happening to couples of every age.
- Desire doesn't disappear from a relationship. It redirects toward kids, careers or someone else.
- We each juggle three personas: individual, couple and family. The couple persona is the one that gets starved.
- New experiences together let you see your partner through fresh eyes, whether that's salsa dancing or axe throwing.
- Small consistent habits beat grand gestures. Daily check-ins, 20-second hugs and flirty rain checks keep desire alive.
- Just knowing your partner desires you is often enough to feel satisfied in a relationship.

About the Guest
Dr. Anna Elton, LMFT, CST, is a licensed marriage and family therapist, clinical sexologist, speaker, and author of The Formula of Desire. With more than 15 years of experience and research involving over 700 couples, she specialises in helping people understand desire, intimacy, attraction, and long-term relationships. Her expertise has been featured in TIME, Reader's Digest, Psychology Today, and on PBS, ABC, FOX, and NBC.
Her new book, The Formula of Desire, is out in the US in early August and in the UK and Europe on 24 September, available on Amazon and in all good bookshops.

About Suzanne
Suzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of the Sex Advice for Seniors podcast—one of the top-rated shows empowering people 50+ to embrace confident, joyful intimacy. Known for her candid, warm, and often humorous approach, Suzanne challenges age-related taboos, misinformation, and awkward conversations about sex after 50. She helps millions around the world navigate their sexual lives with pleasure, connection, and self-assurance. Because life is too short for bad sex... or silence about it.

Connect With Suzanne
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors
Substack: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com

Want More?
Visit the Website: https://sexadviceforseniors.com — includes FREE guides and resources for better sex at any age.
Free Downloadable Guide: 10 Most Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex PDF: https://subscribepage.io/suzannenoblefreebie
Sign Up for My FREE Newsletter: https://sexadviceforseniors.com
Overcome Erectile Dysfunction & Stay Firm: https://www.stayfirmprogram.com
Check Out My Storefront for Better Sex: https://zaap.bio/stayfirm
Interested in 1:1 Coaching or Custom Sex Advice for Seniors Sessions? https://tidycal.com/suzannenoble/30-minute-mentoring

Related Episodes
Why Long-Term Couples Drift Apart—and the Simple Habit That Brings Them Back - https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-couples-lose-the-spark-and-howThe Surprising 69% of Women Unhappy in Sex... and How to Fix It - https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/the-surprising-69-of-women-unhappy
Sex, Chocolate & Midlife Desire: How to Reclaim Your Pleasure in Menopause with Dr. Kelly Barron - https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-sex-changes-after-menopause-an


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

What I Discussed With Dr. Kelly Barron...
- How chocolate and sex have always been linked, and the herbs Kelly uses to make that connection real.
- Why menopause changes my sex life without ending it, and what "designing a new sexual life" actually means.
- The physical and emotional signs that show up when I feel disconnected from my own body at this stage of life.
- Why so many women assume there must be a pill for low libido, when the real fix starts with removing pressure and giving myself grace.
- The generational silence around sex after 50, and why celebrities like Madonna never talk about what's really going on.
- What responsive desire is, and why it takes longer to get in the mood now than it did in my 40s.
- Why scheduling sex and building rituals makes intimacy better, not less exciting.
- The lingerie storytelling moment that taught me how anticipation can transform a night.

Chapters:
00:00 – Introduction & Sponsor Spotlight (https://www.ohmibod.com/)
00:23 – Why women love chocolate: Science, Pleasure & Midlife Wellness
01:42 – The Story Behind Dr. Kellfire’s Functional Chocolates for PMS, stress & libido
06:10 – Sensory Experiences: Connecting Taste, Touch, and Intimacy
08:00 – The Midnight Carnival: Making Sexual Wellness Fun & Playful
09:20 – From Chiropractor to Sexologist: Dr. Kelly’s Holistic Approach to Menopause
12:45 – Overcoming Body Image Struggles & Reclaiming Confidence After 50
14:31 – Midlife Intimacy Guide (GITM Playbook Sponsor)
15:02 – Taking Pressure Off the Bedroom: Body Awareness & Sensate Touch
16:16 – Where Are the Older Sexual Role Models? Calling Out Media Double Standards
19:46 – Midlife Dating Realities: Younger Men, Age Gaps & Finding Real Connection
25:18 – Mastering Responsive Desire: How to Set the Mood for Better Sex
26:23 – The Power of Scheduling Sex: Erotic Storytelling & Building Anticipation
30:59 – Dating with Boundaries: Knowing What You Want & Vetting Partners
34:04 – Desire Doesn’t Retire: Evolving Your Sex Life in Midlife and Beyond
34:53 – Episode Wrap-Up & Show Notes Links

Show Notes
I love chocolate, and I love talking about sex, so when I found a chocolate brand designed to support women's libido, I knew I had to bring the person behind it onto the show.
In this episode, I'm joined by Dr Kelly Barron, a chiropractor, certified menopause specialist and sexologist based in Charleston, South Carolina, and founder of Dr Kellfire's, a chocolate brand formulated with herbs like fenugreek, maca and ashwagandha to support desire, mood and connection. Kelly and I talk about how her work with pregnant and perimenopausal women eventually led her into sexology, and why so many of her clients could get through hot flashes and brain fog, but not the disappearance of their sex drive.
What I love about this conversation is how honest it gets. We talk about why menopause isn't the end of my sex life, just the end of the sex life I used to have. We talk about why the media and celebrities like Madonna stay completely silent about what's actually happening in their intimate lives after 50. And we land on one of Kelly's most freeing insights: that at this stage, most of us have shifted from spontaneous desire to responsive desire, and that's not a loss; it's just a different starting point.
Whether I'm partnered, dating or figuring things out on my own, this episode is full of practical ideas I can actually use. Including one of my own tricks: making a partner tell me a story before I send a single photo.
Listen, learn and enjoy.

Key Takeaways
- Chocolate formulated with the right herbs can genuinely support mood, desire and connection.
- Menopause changes my sex life, but it doesn't end it. It's a chance to redesign it on my own terms.
- Body disconnection at this stage often shows up as confidence dips, not just physical symptoms.
- There's no single pill for low libido. Removing pressure and building body awareness comes first.
- Celebrities and the media rarely tell the truth about sex after 50, which leaves most of us with no real role models.
- Desire shifts from spontaneous to responsive with age, and that requires more ritual, not less spontaneity.
- Scheduling sex and building anticipation can make intimacy more exciting, not more routine.
- Storytelling, texting and drawing things out can reignite desire more than a straightforward photo or invitation ever could.

About the Guest
Dr Kelly Barron is a chiropractor, certified menopause specialist, strength and conditioning specialist, and certified sexologist based in Charleston, South Carolina. She is the founder of Dr. Kellfire's, a chocolate brand created to support hormone balance, desire and pleasure, with formulas designed for both women and couples.

About Suzanne
Suzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of the Sex Advice for Seniors podcast—one of the top-rated shows empowering people 50+ to embrace confident, joyful intimacy. Known for her candid, warm, and often humorous approach, Suzanne challenges age-related taboos, misinformation, and awkward conversations about sex after 50. She helps millions around the world navigate their sexual lives with pleasure, connection, and self-assurance. Because life is too short for bad sex... or silence about it.

Connect With Suzanne
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors
Substack: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com

Want More?
Visit the Website: https://sexadviceforseniors.com — includes FREE guides and resources for better sex at any age.
Free Downloadable Guide: 10 Most Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex PDF: https://subscribepage.io/suzannenoblefreebie
Sign Up for My FREE Newsletter: https://sexadviceforseniors.com
Overcome Erectile Dysfunction & Stay Firm: https://www.stayfirmprogram.com
Check Out My Storefront for Better Sex: https://zaap.bio/stayfirm
Interested in 1:1 Coaching or Custom Sex Advice for Seniors Sessions? https://tidycal.com/suzannenoble/30-minute-mentoring

Related Episodes
The Simple Practice That Brought Intimacy Back After 20 Years: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-waiting-to-feel-in-the-mood-doesnt
Why Long-Term Couples Drift Apart, and the Simple Habit That Brings Them Back: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-couples-lose-the-spark-and-how
Bonus Live: The Relationship Lesson That Ends So Much Conflict: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/bonus-live-the-relationship-lesson


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

What I Discussed With Dr. Jenn Kennedy...
- The two problems that bring most couples over 50 into sex therapy, and why embarrassment keeps them away for so long.
- Why an unreliable erection doesn't mean the end of pleasure, and what "pivoting" actually looks like in bed.
- The surprising sensitivity of a soft penis, and why porn has left us all badly under-educated.
- Why sex that "feels like sandpaper" is so common after menopause, and the fixes that work within weeks.
- The generational reason women over 50 feel funny about keeping lube by the bed.
- Why the low-desire partner usually doesn't dislike sex. She dislikes the sex she's having.
- How pressure turns desire into obligation, and what brings real desire back instead.
- The two words that reignite relationships after decades together.

Episode Chapters
00:00 Why couples feel embarrassed to talk about sex problems
00:28 The missing word in long-term intimacy: curiosity
03:41 The most common issues couples bring to sex therapy
05:10 When people see a doctor first vs a sex therapist first
06:44 What ageing does to sex, erections, and desire
08:32 How to work with what still feels good
09:17 Why shame shuts down sexual connection
11:02 Why men struggle to move beyond penetrative sex
12:35 Practical tips for unreliable erections
13:49 Sensitivity, softness, and new ways to think about pleasure
16:01 Vaginal dryness, pain, and vaginal atrophy
17:32 Lube, suppositories, and vaginal estrogen
20:25 Why women over 50 still feel shame about needing lube
21:09 The biggest mistake couples make with mismatched desire
23:30 Why relational connection matters more than mechanics
26:08 How curiosity helps long-term couples rediscover intimacy
27:59 The power of asking questions and listening
31:52 Dr. Jenn Kennedy’s Pleasure Project course

Show Notes
Is it okay to say things aren't working in the bedroom? That's the question, according to my guest, that couples are silently asking as they walk into her office. Erections that have become unreliable. Sex that hurts. Desire that seems to have packed up and left. Most people wait years before saying any of it out loud.
In this episode, I'm joined by Dr Jenn Kennedy, clinical sexologist, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of The Pleasure Project in Santa Barbara. Jenn works with couples and individuals in their 50s, 60s and beyond, and she's refreshingly frank about what she sees: bodies that change with age, partners drowning in shame about it, and simple fixes that nobody has bothered to tell them exist.
What I love about this conversation is how practical it gets. We talk about what to do in the actual moment an erection doesn't arrive. We talk about vaginal estrogen, the treatment that clears up painful sex in weeks, and why so many women have never heard of it. And we land on Jenn's most freeing insight: the partner who has "gone off sex" usually hasn't gone off sex at all. She's gone off sex where her pleasure comes last.
Whether you're partnered, dating or somewhere in between, this episode is full of things you can actually use. Including, for the men, the simplest question in the entire universe. Ask it daily. Then listen to the answer.
Listen, learn and enjoy.

Key Takeaways
- Dysfunction and dissatisfaction are the two main reasons couples over 50 seek sex therapy.
- Pivoting to what feels good keeps shame out of the room, and often brings things back.
- Sensitivity doesn't disappear with an erection.
- Painful sex after menopause is common, treatable and nothing to be ashamed of.
- Lube is not a failure.
- Vaginal estrogen can transform painful sex in weeks, yet many women are never told about it.
- Pressuring a low-desire partner creates obligation, not desire.
- The low-desire partner often enjoys sex.
- Desire lives in play, curiosity and banter, not in routine.

About the Guest
Dr. Jenn Kennedy is a clinical sexologist and LMFT specialising in sex and couples. In 2023, Dr. Jenn launched The Pleasure Project, which is dedicated to helping us all have a better sex life.  She hosts a podcast called Pleasure Project: Sex & Relationships and offers small group intensives for women and couples. She recently launched a self-guided intimacy course for women and owns a 9-person group therapy practice called Riviera Therapy. Dr Jenn has been quoted in Redbook, Reader’s Digest, Forbes Health, DailyOm, Shondaland, Parade, Allure, Yahoo!, and others. She is often tapped to discuss intimacy and sexuality for therapists and physicians.

About Suzanne
Suzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of the Sex Advice for Seniors podcast—one of the top-rated shows empowering people 50+ to embrace confident, joyful intimacy. Known for her candid, warm, and often humorous approach, Suzanne challenges age-related taboos, misinformation, and awkward conversations about sex after 50. She helps millions around the world navigate their sexual lives with pleasure, connection, and self-assurance. Because life is too short for bad sex... or silence about it.

Connect With Suzanne
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors
Substack: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com

Want More?
Visit the Website: https://sexadviceforseniors.com — includes FREE guides and resources for better sex at any age.
Free Downloadable Guide: 10 Most Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex PDF: https://subscribepage.io/suzannenoblefreebie
Sign Up for My FREE Newsletter: https://sexadviceforseniors.com
Overcome Erectile Dysfunction & Stay Firm: https://www.stayfirmprogram.com
Check Out My Storefront for Better Sex: https://zaap.bio/stayfirm
Interested in 1:1 Coaching or Custom Sex Advice for Seniors Sessions? https://tidycal.com/suzannenoble/30-minute-mentoring

Related Episodes
Why Long-Term Couples Drift Apart, and the Simple Habit That Brings Them Back: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-couples-lose-the-spark-and-how
The Simple Practice That Brought Intimacy Back After 20 Years: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-waiting-to-feel-in-the-mood-doesnt
Bonus Live: The Relationship Lesson That Ends So Much Conflict: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/bonus-live-the-relationship-lesson


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

What I Discussed With Aine Rock…
- Why having the "perfect" life on paper doesn't always mean you're living the life you truly want.
- The surprising difference between being happy, being comfortable and feeling genuinely alive.
- Why losing intimacy often starts long before couples stop having sex.
- How reconnecting with pleasure can become the first step towards rebuilding your entire life.
- Why women often don't know what they want in bed—and how to begin discovering it.
- What happened when Áine and her husband experimented with opening their marriage before deciding to separate.
- Why small daily pleasure practices can create profound shifts in confidence, creativity and relationships.
- How learning to say both "yes" and "no" transforms intimacy at every stage of life.
And much more...

Episode Chapters
00:00 Introduction
01:20 What Does It Mean to "Blow Your Life Up"?
04:00 Happy on the Outside, Lonely on the Inside
07:00 Opening a Marriage—or Ending It?
11:00 Rediscovering Yourself Through Dating
16:00 Why Women Struggle to Express Desire
20:00 What Is Erotic Alchemy?
24:00 Reclaiming Pleasure Without Leaving Your Life
28:00 Self-Pleasure, Rituals and Knowing Your Body
33:00 Final Thoughts on Living More Fully

Show Notes
Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "Is this really all there is?" Not because your life is falling apart, but because everything looks fine on the surface—and yet something inside you feels quietly disconnected.
It's a question many people never admit out loud, particularly women who have spent decades caring for partners, children and everyone else before themselves. When you've built the life you thought you were supposed to want, it can be deeply unsettling to realise you're still longing for something more.
In this episode, I'm joined by author and coach Áine Rock, whose new book Blow Your Life Up explores what happens when we stop living by other people's expectations and begin listening to our own desires. After leaving a long marriage, Áine embarked on a journey of rediscovering pleasure, intimacy and identity—not simply through dating, but by learning to understand herself in an entirely new way.
What I love about this conversation is that it isn't really about leaving a marriage. It's about asking better questions. What brings you joy? What makes you feel alive? What have you been putting off because you've convinced yourself it's too late—or because you've spent so long putting everyone else first?
Whether you're happily partnered, recently divorced or simply wondering what your next chapter might look like, this episode is a gentle reminder that pleasure isn't selfish. It can be the beginning of coming home to yourself.
Listen, learn and enjoy.

Key Takeaways
- Feeling unfulfilled isn't the same as being unhappy.
- Long-term relationships can lose emotional and sexual intimacy without obvious conflict.
- Reconnecting with your own desires often starts before reconnecting with a partner.
- Pleasure is about much more than sex—it includes creativity, rest and self-expression.
- Opening a relationship isn't always the answer if deeper intimacy is missing.
- Learning what you want requires curiosity and practice.
- Clear communication about pleasure creates better intimacy.
- Self-pleasure can help women better understand their own bodies.
- Small rituals can reconnect you with your sense of aliveness.
- It's never too late to redesign your life around what truly matters.

About the Guest
Áine Rock is an author, coach and facilitator who describes herself as the Modern Priestess of Pleasure. Through her writing, workshops and coaching, she helps women reconnect with desire, pleasure and authentic self-expression after years of living according to expectations rather than personal truth. Following the end of her 15-year marriage, Áine developed a body-centred approach to helping women rediscover intimacy, confidence and what she calls their "erotic aliveness". Her latest book, Blow Your Life Up: The Wild Art of Wanting More, explores how listening to desire can become a catalyst for profound personal transformation.

About Suzanne
Suzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of the Sex Advice for Seniors podcast—one of the top-rated shows empowering people 50+ to embrace confident, joyful intimacy. Known for her candid, warm, and often humorous approach, Suzanne challenges age-related taboos, misinformation, and awkward conversations about sex after 50. She helps millions around the world navigate their sexual lives with pleasure, connection, and self-assurance. Because life is too short for bad sex... or silence about it.

Connect With Suzanne
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors
Substack: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com

Want More?
Visit the Website: https://sexadviceforseniors.com — includes FREE guides and resources for better sex at any age.
Free Downloadable Guide: 10 Most Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex PDF: https://subscribepage.io/suzannenoblefreebie
Sign Up for My FREE Newsletter: https://sexadviceforseniors.com
Overcome Erectile Dysfunction & Stay Firm: https://www.stayfirmprogram.com
Check Out My Storefront for Better Sex: https://zaap.bio/stayfirm
Interested in 1:1 Coaching or Custom Sex Advice for Seniors Sessions? https://tidycal.com/suzannenoble/30-minute-mentoring

Related Episodes
Bonus Live: The Relationship Lesson That Ends So Much Conflict - https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/bonus-live-the-relationship-lesson
Why Long-Term Couples Drift Apart—and the Simple Habit That Brings Them Back - https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-couples-lose-the-spark-and-how
The Simple Practice That Brought Intimacy Back After 20 Years - https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/why-waiting-to-feel-in-the-mood-doesnt


This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

What I Discussed With Malia Lazu…
- Why so many women spend years putting everyone else's needs before their own—including in the bedroom.
- What the "pleasure gap" reveals about women's sexual satisfaction and why the issue goes far beyond orgasm.
- How shame, social conditioning and unrealistic expectations stop women from asking for what they truly want.
- Why learning what gives you pleasure is the first step towards better intimacy with a partner.
- How creating emotionally safe spaces allows women to explore sexuality without judgement.
- Why being single, child-free or choosing unconventional relationships can be deeply fulfilling later in life.
- How letting go of outdated ideas about ageing can open the door to greater confidence, curiosity and sexual freedom.
- Why stopping the habit of "faking it" could transform not only your sex life, but your relationship with yourself.
And much more...
 

Episode Chapters
00:00 Introduction
01:10 Why Malia Created Sunflower Spa
04:30 The Pleasure Gap and Why Women Fake Orgasms
08:00 Shame, Safety and Talking Honestly About Sex
12:30 Why Women Need Spaces to Learn from Each Other
15:30 Challenging Myths About Sexuality After 50
18:00 Being Child-Free, Single and Sexually Confident
22:00 Decentring Men and Redefining Relationships
27:00 Why Self-Pleasure Builds Better Relationships
32:00 Final Reflections: Grace, Purpose, Power and Pleasure

 
Show Notes
Who told us that getting older meant becoming quieter, less visible or less interested in pleasure?
For many women, the second half of life brings an unexpected opportunity—not simply to rethink relationships, but to rethink the stories we've been telling ourselves for decades. Stories about worthiness, desire, ageing and what we're supposedly allowed to want.
In this episode, I'm joined by entrepreneur and community organiser Malia Lazu, founder of Sunflower Spa, a women-centred space dedicated to healing sensuality, confidence and belonging. Rather than seeing pleasure as something frivolous or self-indulgent, Malia argues that it's deeply connected to how we value ourselves and the choices we make throughout our lives.
Together we explore why so many women continue to fake satisfaction, remain silent about their needs or feel guilty for putting themselves first. We also discuss what happens when women begin to challenge those assumptions—whether that means exploring self-pleasure, embracing life without children, questioning traditional relationship expectations or simply becoming more honest about what feels good.
What stayed with me most is the reminder that pleasure isn't really the destination. It's often the by-product of feeling safe, respected and fully present in your own body. And perhaps that's something we become better at as we age—not despite getting older, but because of it.
Because the greatest freedom may not be finding someone else to choose us. It may be finally choosing ourselves.
Listen, learn and enjoy.
 

Key Takeaways
- Pleasure begins with self-awareness, not with a partner.
- Many women fake satisfaction because they struggle to communicate their needs.
- Emotional safety is essential for fulfilling intimacy.
- Social conditioning continues to shape women's sexuality throughout life.
- Self-pleasure helps people understand what they genuinely enjoy.
- Relationships shouldn't leave you emotionally exhausted.
- Growing older creates opportunities to redefine intimacy and partnership.
- Being single or child-free can be deeply fulfilling.
- Honest communication benefits both partners.
- Self-worth and sexual confidence are closely connected.
 

About the Guest
Malia Lazu is an entrepreneur, community organiser and the founder of Sunflower Spa, a women-centred community focused on healing, sensuality and belonging. After years leading businesses and working with major organisations, Malia shifted her focus towards creating spaces where women can explore pleasure, identity and self-worth without shame or judgement. Through workshops, community events and educational resources, she encourages women to reconnect with themselves, embrace authentic relationships and redefine what fulfilment looks like at every stage of life.
 

About Suzanne
Suzanne Noble is a sex and relationship expert, author, and host of the Sex Advice for Seniors podcast—one of the top-rated shows empowering people 50+ to embrace confident, joyful intimacy. Known for her candid, warm, and often humorous approach, Suzanne challenges age-related taboos, misinformation, and awkward conversations about sex after 50. She helps millions around the world navigate their sexual lives with pleasure, connection, and self-assurance. Because life is too short for bad sex... or silence about it.
 

Connect With Suzanne
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sexadviceforseniors
Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/sexadviceforseniors
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexadviceforseniors
Substack: https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com
 

Want More?
Visit the Website: https://sexadviceforseniors.com — includes FREE guides and resources for better sex at any age.
Free Downloadable Guide: 10 Most Overlooked Secrets to Better Sex PDF: https://subscribepage.io/suzannenoblefreebie
Sign Up for My FREE Newsletter: https://sexadviceforseniors.com
Overcome Erectile Dysfunction & Stay Firm: https://www.stayfirmprogram.com
Check Out My Storefront for Better Sex: https://zaap.bio/stayfirm
Interested in 1:1 Coaching or Custom Sex Advice for Seniors Sessions? https://tidycal.com/suzannenoble/30-minute-mentoring
 

Related Episodes
Bonus Live: What Great Sex Looks Like After 50 - https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/live-with-suzanne-noble-sex-advice-738
Bonus Live: Does Pleasure Really Get Better With Age? - https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/live-with-suzanne-noble-and-avivah
Desire Doesn't Retire: The Secret Sex Lives of People Over 60 - https://www.sexadviceforseniors.com/p/getting-down-and-dirty-with-kathy


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