Stillbirth Happens - Let's Talk

• Finding Community – The Legacy of Wilder Jay

  In the final episode of Season 2, we meet Kimberly Lockhart, bereaved Mama to Wilder Jay, who was stillborn at full term. Kimberly shares Wilder Jay’s birth story and her deep need for connection and resources to support her grief journey, which led her and other bereaved parents to organize the inaugural Vancouver Butterfly Run in 2019. Today, the Butterfly Run supports the Butterfly Support Network, which helps families whose lives have been touched by infertility, pregnancy loss, and infant loss. As Wilder Jay’s legacy, the Butterfly Support Network aims to ensure that anyone who experiences loss on their journey to parenthood finds community and doesn’t walk alone.Key Insights[3:44] “...we were able to have access to a Cuddle Cot.”CuddleCots provide continuous regulated cooling, enabling families extended time to create memories, welcome family, receive support and plan.[5:19] “...the first question was like: do I have to go through the delivery process?And of course, the answer was yes, right?”Unless there is a medical reason for recommending a cesarean section (c-section), most people whose baby has died before labour begins will be advised to have a vaginal birth. Your healthcare team should talk with you about options and support as you make the decision best for you.[13:33] “...there was another Tiny Footprints Walk that was in Alberta.”The Tiny Footprints Society was created in Calgary in 2016 and holds their annual walk in October.[13:38] “There was another Memorial Walk and Run Butterfly Run Ottawa...”The Butterfly Run Ottawa raises awareness and support for pregnancy loss, infant loss and infertility. All proceeds from the Run go to Roger Neilson Children’s Hospice, a pediatric palliative care hospice.[15:51] “You made a decision to donate Wilder's milk...”The BC Women’s Provincial Milk Bank collects donated milk and gives it to sick or very tiny babies in over 23 hospitals. Learn about Kim’s decision to donate milk.[21:25] “So for 2025 we have a walk and run in October in Vancouver, Kelowna,Nanaimo and Whistler...”The first Butterfly Run Vancouver, in 2019, surpassed attendance and fundraising goals. In 2025 the Butterfly Run expanded to Vancouver, Kelowna, Nanaimo and Whistler.ResourcesBritish ColumbiaButterfly Support NetworkMiscarriage & Treatment OptionsRecurrent Pregnancy LossAfter the Loss of Your BabySupporting the Stillbirth Journey at BC Women’s Hospital + Health CentreAlbertaPregnancy & Infant Loss Support CentrePregnancy & Infant Loss – Grief SupportAfter Your MiscarriageAfter Your StillbirthAfter the Loss of Your NewbornVideo: A Parent’s View of Pregnancy and Infant LossHeal Grief: Providing Community, Support & ConnectionsSaskatchewanPregnancy & Infant LossPregnancy and Infant Loss Support CentreEmpty Arms Perinatal Loss Support ServicesManitobaDragonfly Support ProgramOntarioPregnancy & Infant Loss (PAIL) Network – Sunnybrook HospitalMarkham Fertility Centre: Recurrent Pregnancy LossOttawa Fertility Centre: Pregnancy LossQuébecCentre for Reproductive Loss/Centre Des Pertes ReproductivesGrieving Reproductive Loss: The Healing ProcessParents Orphelins: The Quebec Association of Parents Experiencing Perinatal BereavementRéseau des Centres de Ressources Périnatales du QuébecJewish General Hospital: Early Pregnancy LossThe Family Care Collective: the Perinatal Loss ProjectWomen on the RiseAtlantic ProvincesIWK Health Centre, Nova ScotiaROSE Clinic, Nova ScotiaGovernment of Prince Edward Island: Pregnancy LossPEI: Sexual Health, Options & Reproductive ServicesNL: Health Services: Loss During PregnancyNL: Perinatal BereavementNL: Bereavement ServicesNL: Bridge the gappNL: Perinatal Mental Health and FertilityFertility Matters Canada, support group for the Atlantic ProvincesTerritoriesUUmmati Perinatal Support ProgramiRare Centres

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• Lifelong Heartache: A Journey of Reproductive Loss for Liza and Jaye

  In this episode, Liza Walter shares her journey of reproductive loss which includes a long fertility journey, miscarriage and surrogacy. She also describes the beautiful, yet heart wrenching, birth of her son, Levi, who was stillborn at 34 weeks. As we come to understand the lengths Liza and her partner Jaye went to to become parents, we learn that not every reproductive journey ends with parenting a living child. We also hear from Courtney Handja, a registered clinical counsellor, who specializes in supporting 2SLGBTQIA+ individuals through reproduction and loss. Courtney shares what meaningful, inclusive care looks like, and why it’s so urgently needed.Key Insights[4:16] “I was diagnosed with PCOS...”Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) is a common hormonal condition which causes an imbalance of hormones (often insulin and testosterone). This affects the functioning of the ovaries, metabolic health, and sometimes mood.[4:25] “But eventually, after multiple failed IUIs, I got pregnant.”In Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), a doctor takes specially prepared sperm and places it directly into the uterus around the time the ovary releases an egg, to increase the chances of fertilization.[9:45] “The obstetrician came and told us that he was diagnosed with Trisomy 13...”Trisomy 13 is a rare and serious genetic disorder in which individuals have three copies of chromosome 13 instead of two, often due to a random error during the formation of reproductive cells. Trisomy 13 is usually fatal at or soon after birth.[23:20] “the number of folks who have babies in the queer community is less than it is among cishet folks.”“Cishet” is an informal term for people who are both cisgender and heterosexual. “Cisgender” describes people whose gender aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth. “Heterosexual” describes those who are attracted to people of the opposite sex.[26:32] “...each of those embryos resulted in either a chemical pregnancy or a negative pregnancy test.”A chemical pregnancy is an early pregnancy loss that can be detected by a blood or urine test, but it is too early for an ultrasound to show a developing embryo.[29:52] “I did that through my work with advocating for the Bill 141...”Bill 141 - Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness, Research and Care Act, 2015, was enacted to address the emotional, medical, and social aspects of pregnancy loss and infant death.[30:05] “I became an educator for PAIL in 2015”The Pregnancy and Infant Loss (PAIL) Network is a program in Ontario, Canada, dedicated to supporting families who have experienced pregnancy loss or the death of an infant.ResourcesGeneralReturn to Zero HOPE: Resources for LGBTQ+ FamiliesCompanion Website: LGBTQ+ Reproductive LossWords of Advice: LGBTQ+ Reproductive LossMagazines and storiesPregnancy After Loss SupportUSA Based: Resources on pregnancy loss, stillbirth and infant loss for LGBTQ+ parentsUSA Based: Empty Arms Bereavement/LGBTQ ResourcesSue Ryder: Supporting the LGBTQ+ community through grief and bereavementDigital collages for parents and support peopleBooksReproductive Losses: Challenges to LGBTQ Family-MakingPodcastsRiver’s Story, Lesbian Parenting and Travelling with Grief with Jaimie-Lee RoyAcademic articlesStories of Grief and Hope: Queer Experiences of Reproductive Loss Breaking the Silence: Infertility, Motherhood, and Queer CultureLGBTQ+ individuals and pregnancy outcomes: A commentaryVideosLoss in the LGBTQ+ Community Trans and Gender Diverse Family Building for Providers

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• Grieving Differently: The Experience of Stillbirth For A Non-Gestational Parent

  In this episode, we learn from Leah Riske, the non-gestational parent to Maddux, who was born still in 2023, about her unique experiences of family planning with her wife, Sara, and teaching their older son, Nolan, about his younger brother. We also hear from Cora Beitel, midwife and owner of the Strathcona Midwifery Collective, about how important it is for providers to not make assumptions about the needs of families. Meeting the needs of each unique family means listening to and learning from clients and patients and taking time to self-reflect.Key Insights[3:42] “Nolan was a two-round IVF baby...” In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a complex series of procedures that can lead to a pregnancy. During IVF, mature eggs are collected from ovaries and fertilized by sperm in a lab. Then a procedure is done to place one or more of the fertilized eggs, called embryos, in a uterus, which is where a pregnancy develops. One cycle of IVF usually involves one month to assess the uterus, another month to suppress ovarian function, and then 2 weeks of ovarian stimulation that may lead to egg retrieval. The eggs retrieved may undergo a procedure to be frozen, may be fertilized in the lab, or transferred to a uterus. For many, a single cycle of IVF, involving the preparatory month, is a 2–3-month process.One full cycle of IVF takes about 2 to 3 weeks. A 2 or 3 round IVF cycle means that eggs are collected from 2 or 3 consecutive cycles and fertilized; the best quality embryos are then transferred in a final procedure and any additional embryos can be frozen and stored for later use. [5:25] “...my wife decided at that point to be induced and then just have a natural birth with medics.” “Natural birth with medics” refers to delivering Maddux vaginally with the support of medication. [31:20] “...it was a cord accident for Maddux.” The term “cord accident” is often used when a baby dies before birth and the umbilical cord appears to be involved, but it’s important to understand that this is a non-specific and informal term, not a clear medical diagnosis. The phrase “cord accident” refers broadly to situations in which the cord’s function may have been compromised enough to affect the baby’s oxygen supply, possibly leading to stillbirth. Umbilical cord abnormalities, such as a tight cord around the neck (nuchal cord), true knots, or cord prolapse, can sometimes interfere with oxygen flow. However, many of these findings—especially nuchal cords—are common and usually harmless. A nuchal cord is found in about one-third of births and, in most cases, does not cause any harm to the baby. When the cord is unusually compressed, twisted, or positioned in a way that repeatedly cuts off oxygen, it may contribute to a rare but tragic outcome. It’s important to recognize that while the cord can sometimes play a role in stillbirth, most cord findings are not dangerous, and using the term “cord accident” can sometimes oversimplify complex causes of fetal loss that are not yet well understood in the medical community.Resources Return to Zero HOPE: Partners’ Grief: A Unique Experience Blog Return to Zero HOPE: Resources for LGBTQ+ Families Companion Website: LGBTQ+ Reproductive Loss Words of Advice: LGBTQ+ Reproductive Loss Magazines/stories USA Based: Resources on pregnancy loss, stillbirth and infant loss for LGBTQ+ parents USA Based: Empty Arms Bereavement/LGBTQ Resources Sue Ryder: Supporting the LGBTQ+ community through grief and bereavementBooks Reproductive Losses: Challenges to LGBTQ Family-Making Podcasts River’s Story, Lesbian Parenting and Travelling with Grief with Jaimie-Lee Roy Academic articles Stories of Grief and Hope: Queer Experiences of Reproductive Loss Pregnancy Loss In Lesbian And Bisexual Women: An Online Survey Of Experiences Breaking the Silence: Infertility, Motherhood, and Queer Culture Videos Loss in the LGPTQ+ Community Trans and Gender Diverse Family Building for Providers

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• Supporting Work and Family Through Grief: A Father’s Experience

  In this episode we hear from Andrew Lockhart, a father of six whose third child–his son Wilder– was stillborn in 2017. Andrew talks about how he supported his family while juggling work as he grieved. We also hear from Brandon Drouillard, a pregnancy and infant loss educator who talks about how a father’s grief can be overlooked during stillbirth. Together, Andrew and Brandon give voice to the experiences dads have grieving their stillborn babies and supporting their families. Key Insights[10:33] “We were really lucky. We got, we had access to a CuddleCot TM. We were able to spend some time with Wilder and really process the loss of him.” CuddleCotsTM provide continuous regulated cooling enabling families extended time to take photos, create memories, welcome extended family, receive support and make arrangements without feeling rushed. [20:38] “My name is Brandon Drouillard and I work for the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Network as Education Coordinator and a pregnancy and infant loss educator”. The Pregnancy and Infant Loss Network (PAIL) is an Ontario, Canada-based provincial program that provides free, peer-led support to families who have experienced pregnancy loss at any stage or the death of a baby up to 12 months of age. Operating under Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre DAN Women and Babies Program, PAIL Network offers various support services, including community-based and online peer support groups, to help grieving families connect and heal. Read more about Brandon Drouillard, PAIL Network Education Coordinator.[27:49] “There's not a lot of support out there, you know, for people who experience the loss of a child like this, like I can't even remember if Kim was able to get her maternity benefits through EI at that point”. Employment Insurance (EI) Maternity Benefits in Canada provide financial support for up to 15 weeks to eligible birth parents, including surrogates, who cannot work due to pregnancy and childbirth.ResourcesPregnancy and Infant Loss Network Resource Library Article: A grief ignored: narratives of pregnancy loss from a male perspective Article: Men’s grief following pregnancy loss and neonatal loss: a systematic review and emerging theoretical model Book: The Way Men Heal Book: Grieving Beyond Gender: Understanding Diverse Grieving Styles Book: Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back Book: Loving Your Baby Magazine: Still standing: A father’s grief Website: Fatherly.com (search: “pregnancy loss”)

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• Puddle Jumping: Understanding Siblings' Experiences of Stillbirth

  In this unique episode we hear from Jaime and Erin’s children and learn about their experiences of stillbirth as siblings. Marissa (19 years old), Gracie (17 years old) and Quinn (13 years old) speak their own truth about what it is like to grow up as living children in a household touched by stillbirth. We also hear from Andrea Warnick, registered psychotherapist, about how to support children as they process death and how to keep a stillborn baby present in family life.Show notes and resources[5:33] “And I was like, that was like, that doesn't look like a Playland wristband, that looks like a hospital wristband”Playland is Vancouver's oldest and most famous amusement park, located at the Pacific National Exhibition (PNE) fairgrounds. It offers a wide variety of rides, attractions, midway games, and food options.[7:17] “Yeah. When you guys all got home, your mom has also shared that there was some play therapy that she had you in. Do you remember going to play therapy?”Play therapy is an approach to therapy, primarily used with children, that uses the power of play to help process emotions, address social, emotional or behavioural difficulties and achieve optimal growth and development. It is particularly effective for younger children who may lack the verbal skills to express themselves directly, as play serves as their means of communication.[8:07] “The play therapy did teach me a thing called heartstrings, and when I felt like sad or just, I missed my mom, or I felt like I didn't have any control over my life, I would pull my heart strings, and my mom would pull her heart strings, and then we would be connected.”“Heartstrings” is a form of play therapy based on the popular book, The Invisible String. In the story, a mother tells her two children that everyone is connected by an invisible string made of love. "Even though you can't see it with your eyes, you can feel it deep in your heart". It is used as a tool for coping with all kinds of separation anxiety, as well as loss and grief, to help children understand they are always connected to the ones they love.[33:28] “There's this great quote that for kids, it's sort of like puddle jumping, you know, and they're in it, and it's huge, and then they jump out and they play and have fun.”Puddle jumping is a term created by Carla Mitchel to describe how children grieve. Children hop in and out of grieving just like they hop in and out of puddles. It can look like they do not grieve. They grieve a bit and then go on playing. Children do not have the capacity to hold that much pain all at once. Their nervous systems cannot handle the intensity of grief, so they go in and out of it.[33:37] “And then for adults, it's like they're in this leg just wading through this ocean of grief. I believe it's Julie Stokes from Winston's Wish, who said it that way, and I think she's right on.”Julie Stokes Winston's Wish Adults grieving can be described like canoeing in a river. They tend to stay in their emotions for longer periods. Their nervous systems can handle it. While adults can sit in grief for longer, they always come out of it too.[34:03] “I sometimes refer to our 2-3-4-year-olds as our most disenfranchised grievers that get quite quickly pushed to the sidelines, because sometimes people feel like, well, they're too young, so we don't even have the conversations with them.”Disenfranchised grief refers to grief which arises, but the loss is not socially recognized or supported. This can lead to feelings of isolation and unrecognized pain. Examples include grief following the death of a former spouse or grief for victims of a mass tragedy in which you did not know anyone personally but are deeply affected.

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