The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

This is a re-record of a foundation episode, episode 7
The brain has two modes- connection or protection.

Protective behaviors include opposition, defiance, aggression- basically, any behavior that doesn't invite connection.

If we want to help shift our children's oppositional behaviors, we must first help their brain shift out of protection and into protection!

You can read more on my blog: robyngobbel.com/connectionorprotection/

Resources mentioned on the podcast:
Match the Energy Not the Dysregulation ep 155
Felt Safety Series- starts at ep 161
Boundaries Series starts at ep 111
Oppositional Behavior Series starts at 156
All Behavior Makes Sense ep 198
Focus on the Nervous System webinar
We have a few spots remaining in the professional, retreat style workshop Presence in Practice in Durango, CO March 5-7, 2026. Head to RobynGobbel.com/Durango for details and registration
Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026.
Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Content note: This episode discusses trauma, parenting stress, nervous system activation, and self-compassion. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening.
Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system can stretch your capacity in profound ways, especially when you have a history of trauma yourself. In this episode, we explore what it really means to nurture your window of tolerance, not through force or self-discipline, but through safety, connection, and compassion. This episode is about strengthening your own stress response system, not by pushing harder, but by offering your nervous system the conditions it needs to feel safe.

In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why widening your window of tolerance after trauma has to be gentle, relational, and slow
How self-compassion functions as a powerful intervention to support your own nervous system
Practical, realistic ways to nurture your window of tolerance through connection, repair, honoring limits, and micro-cues of safety

Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Free Resources Hub!

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/ParentWindowOfTolerance

We have a few spots remaining in the professional, retreat style workshop Presence in Practice in Durango, CO March 5-7, 2026. Head to RobynGobbel.com/Durango for details and registration
Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026.
Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

On February 3, I taught a live webinar online- Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior.
This is the audio-only version of that webinar!
To watch the full video webinar and to download the accompanying resources, head to RobynGobbel.com/webinar
In this webinar, you'll learn
the three core tenets that underlie behavior change
what behavior really is
how regulation, connection, and felt safety are related to behavior
how the nervous system responds to stress
why baffling behaviors are due to a sensitized stress response system
how attachment or developmental trauma leads to baffling behaviors
We have a few spots remaining in the professional, retreat style workshop Presence in Practice in Durango, CO March 5-7, 2026. Head to RobynGobbel.com/Durango for details and registration
Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026.
Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub
:::
The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Content note: This episode discusses trauma, parenting stress, and nervous system activation. There are no graphic details, but please take care while listening.
If you’ve spent years learning about the nervous system to better support your child, and now you’re ready to offer the same curiosity and compassion to yourself, then this episode is for you. 
In this episode, you’ll learn:
How core nervous system concepts like connection vs. protection, regulation, and felt safety apply to your trauma-shaped nervous system
Why reactions rooted in watchdog and possum states make sense for you, too 
How sensitized stress responses, state-dependent functioning, and a narrowed window of tolerance explain why insight alone isn’t enough
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
When Parenting Triggers Your Own Trauma Part 1 of 6 {EP 250}
Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior {EP 84}
Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior webinar & eBook
Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/TraumaShapedNervousSystem

We have a few spots remaining in the professional, retreat style workshop Presence in Practice in Durango, CO March 5-7, 2026. Head to RobynGobbel.com/Durango for details and registration
Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026.
Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

This episode originally aired in 2020. It's a very popular episode that deserved being updated because so many folks are still listening!
***
Lying is probably the behavior parents seek support with the most.  It's confusing.  It's triggering.  It's exhausting.

We can use our x-ray vision goggles to get underneath the lying so we can respond in ways that actually sets the boundary and increases the possibility of helping our children developing more socially and relationally appropriate behaviors.

Would you rather about Lying as a Trauma Driven Behavior? Check out my blog! https://robyngobbel.com/lying/
Additional Resources:
Lying as a Trauma Driven Behavior Infographic 
Free Resource Hub: RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub
Ep 222: Lying, Stealing, Regression and Baby Talk
We have a few spots remaining in the professional, retreat style workshop Presence in Practice in Durango, CO March 5-7, 2026. Head to RobynGobbel.com/Durango for details and registration
Check out RobynGobbel.com/Trainings for the professional trainings scheduled around the US in 2026.
Get access to over 25+ free resources in our brand, new Free Resource Hub! RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHub
:::
Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book
Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub
Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion
Follow Me On:
Facebook
Instagram
Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)