The Autism Mums Podcast

In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're talking about EBSA: emotionally based school avoidance, sometimes called school distress or school anxiety. It's a term most parents only come across once things are already really difficult, when mornings have become impossible, your child is melting down before school, or they're holding it together in the classroom and falling apart the moment they get home.

We share our own experiences of watching our children struggle to go in, the things we tried that didn't work (including being told, more than once, that maybe we were the problem), and what we've learned about supporting a child through it without forcing them over the threshold. We talk about why "school refusal" is the wrong way to think about it, what's really going on underneath, how to spot the signs before things reach crisis point, and what to do when mainstream school just isn't the right fit anymore.

If you're in the middle of that fog right now, wondering whether this is normal, whether you should be pushing them to go in, or whether you're somehow making it worse, this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways

EBSA stands for emotionally based school avoidance, also known as school distress or school anxiety
It's "can't", not "won't": a child avoiding school is communicating that something feels unsafe, not being defiant
Warning signs include meltdowns, shutdowns, physical complaints like headaches or stomach aches, and gradually increasing absences
Many autistic children mask at school and hold it together, then collapse once they're home, so "they seem fine once they're through the door" doesn't tell the full story
School can overwhelm autistic children through sensory overload, unpredictable transitions, and constant social demands
Physically pushing a reluctant child through the school gates can get them through the door, but it can damage trust without solving what's actually going on
Keeping a detailed log of patterns, symptoms and school communication helps build the evidence families need for meetings and referrals
Working with the school on genuine adjustments, and asking what's making school hard rather than how to get attendance up, changes the whole conversation
When mainstream school isn't right, alternatives like specialist provision, home education, online provision or EOTAS can be legitimate paths forward

Mentioned in This Episode
National Autistic Society
IPSEA (Independent Provider of Special Education Advice)
Not Fine in School
PDA Society
Neuroinclusive Education Network (formerly the Autism Education Trust)
YoungMinds
Cerebra
Your local SENDIASS service and local parent carer forum (search "SENDIASS" or "parent carer forum" plus your council area to find yours)

Another school year, another round of settling in, and if the excitement wore off around day two, you are not alone.
In this episode we get honest about what settling in to school really looks like for autistic children and their parents. Not the picture-book version, where everyone skips happily through the gates, but the version most of us actually live: the good days, the wobbly days, and the moments when the school says everything's fine and then your child falls apart the second they're back in the car.
We talk about masking, restraint collapse, and why settling in isn't a straight line, a supply teacher or a change to the timetable can undo weeks of progress. We also share the practical things that have helped in our own homes, from visual timetables and countdown timers to low-demand afternoons and communication books with school, plus how to know when it's time to ask for more support.
Key Takeaways
Settling in rarely looks like the picture-book version, and that's normal, not a sign you're doing something wrong
Settling can go backwards, a supply teacher, a change to the timetable, or a break like Christmas can undo weeks of progress
A school saying "they're fine" doesn't cancel out what you see at home, restraint collapse is real and often shows up with the people your child feels safest with
Visual supports, like timetables and countdown timers, remove uncertainty and can calm anxiety even for children who read and talk well
Low-demand afternoons matter more than a big welcome-home activity, most children just need space to decompress after school
Keeping a written record of what you're seeing, however small it feels at the time, builds the evidence you may need later for referrals or support
If home behaviours aren't shifting despite the visual supports and low-demand time, it's worth raising it properly with the teacher and the SENCo together
Don't forget your own wellbeing in all of this, you can't pour from an empty cup, and it's okay to lean on other parents going through the same thing

Mentioned in This Episode
Pete Wharmby's book, Different Minds: How we can help our autistic school children thrive
Countdown/colour-change timers used for transitions
Visual timetables and Velcro picture schedules
Weighted blankets
Nesti compression pod

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In this week’s episode of The Autism Mums Podcast we welcome Alex Richardson, ambassador for the National Autistic Society.
Biography
Alex Richardson is an ambassador for the National Autistic Society, a role he has held since 2018. Diagnosed with autism at five, Alex has become a passionate voice for autism awareness, sharing his life online.
Key Takeaways
Alex's parents trusted he would get there 'in his own way and his own time', and he credits this approach for his confidence today
When Alex first started going to watch the football his dad took him two hours early, to a quiet stand, to let the noise build up slowly around him, and now, years later, he no longer arrives early and doesn't sit in a quiet stand.
College was a really positive experience for Alex because he was accepted as 'just Alex.'
The shop Alex was too anxious to walk to as a child became his first part-time job
Alex has experienced festivals and venues becoming more accessible. Sensory tents and quiet camping are increasingly available, and Alex's own feedback helped bring quiet camping to a major festival

Mentioned in This Episode
The National Autistic Society - https://www.autism.org.uk
Alex's film, My Autism Journey - https://youtu.be/7QMi9lEySEk
The sunflower lanyard scheme (Hidden Disabilities Sunflower) - https://hdsunflower.com
Connect with Alex
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexrichardsonautism
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@alexrautism
YouTube: https://youtube.com/@alexrichardsonautism
Threads: https://www.threads.com/@alexrichardsonautism
Connect with The Autism Mums
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Substack - https://theautismmums.substack.com/
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In this episode of The Autism Mums Podcast, we're talking about the new school year and everything that comes with it — for our children and for us.
We share where we both are right now: one of us with a youngest starting mainstream school for the very first time, the other with one child going back to specialist school for what could be a final year and another moving into an EOTAS package that nobody can yet describe. We talk honestly about the anxiety that starts building in mid-August, the dread of going back to the phone calls and the meetings, and the guilt that can come with feeling relieved that term is finally starting again.
We also get practical. We cover uniform and sensory sensitivities, easing sleep and routine back into place, social stories and settling-in visits, what decompression can look like after school, and how to prepare for those first conversations with school.
Whatever this time of year brings up for you, we hope this one helps you feel a little less alone.
Key Takeaways
Back to school can bring anxiety, dread, relief and guilt all at once, and every one of those feelings is valid
Feeling relieved that term is starting again doesn't make you a bad parent — it means you're human
The lack of routine and support over the holidays can be as hard on families as term time is
For some children, losing routine affects their eating and sleeping, and getting back to school is exactly what they need
Going back is rarely just going back — new classrooms, new teachers and new timetables all add to the load
Sending timetables or changes home at the end of term can backfire if there's nobody available to talk them through
Uniform can be a significant sensory barrier, and seamless socks, softer fabrics and cutting out labels can all help
Wearing new uniform and shoes at home before term starts spreads the change out instead of landing it all on day one
You can ask for reasonable adjustments to uniform if it's a genuine barrier to your child's education
Shifting bedtimes gradually in the weeks before term makes the first morning less of a shock
Social stories, settling-in visits and using the school site over the holidays can make a new school feel familiar
Decompression after school matters, and it looks different for every child — movement and noise for some, quiet and solitude for others
“How was your day?” can be too big a question, and smaller, specific ones asked at the right moment often work better
Emailing school just before term starts can get meetings and support in place early, while staff are less stretched
Preparing for school meetings with notes, logs and specific examples makes it much easier to be heard
Leaving a meeting with clear next steps — who is doing what, by when, and when it will be reviewed — stops things drifting
You are doing your best under very difficult circumstances

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We're re-releasing another episode from the archives this week where we talk about the practical ways we can help our autistic children with daily life.
We’re sharing some of the things that have helped us make daily life a bit easier with our autistic children. From using timers and visual timetables to experimenting with tooth brushes and finding softer clothing.
These are ideas that have worked for us, they might help you too, or simply offer reassurance that you’re not alone on this journey.
Key Takeaways
Timers and visual supports can help ease transitions by giving your child a sense of control and predictability.
Choosing soft, seamless clothing may make a difference for children who find layers uncomfortable.
Toothbrushing challenges might be eased by trying different tools like U-shaped or triple-angled toothbrushes.
Flexibility is key - what works one day might not work the next, and that’s okay.
Planning days out in advance with visual itineraries can reduce anxiety about what's coming next.
Noise sensitivity might be supported by using ear defenders, earbuds, or listening to favourite music.
Strong smells can sometimes be managed with things like balaclavas or carrying scents like orange oil to mask overwhelming smells.
Having a sensory kit (with familiar snacks, toys, and calming tools) may offer comfort when you're out and about.
Mentioned in This Episode
Here are some of the tools and resources discussed in this episode:
Visual timers
Laminated visual timetables
Seamless/sensory-friendly clothing
U-shaped toothbrush and triple-angled toothbrush
Ear defenders
Bach's Rescue Remedy
Orange Essential Oil
Tiger balm
The Early Birds course by the National Autistic Society
Stretchy resistance bands for calming sensory feedback

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