Pillow Talks

• E221: How to Explore Your Kinks Without Shame (Cuckolding, Pegging, Breeding, and more)

  Ever wondered why you have a certain kink? Or if it’s OK to fantasize about someone else during sex? Or maybe you’ve been curious about cuckolding, breeding kinks, or pegging… but didn’t know who to ask. Well some of you asked us! And today, we’re answering your questions about kinks and fantasies. From the psychology of desire to navigating mismatches with your partner, we’re tackling the wild, the vulnerable, and the deeply human side of sexual exploration (as always, with zero shame and plenty of insight). Whether you’re curious, cautious, or kinky AF, this episode is packed with permission, perspective, and practical advice. Let’s get into it. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: - Why we have kinks (and why you don’t need a “reason” to justify them) - The most common sexual fantasies and what they really mean - The difference between a fantasy and a desire (and how to safely explore both) - Can you fantasize about someone else during sex with your partner? - What to do when your fantasy doesn’t match your partner’s - How to explore pegging, role reversal, and butt stuff (without shame) - The sex club fantasy (that’s not about group sex) - Navigating gender play, lingerie, and makeup with confidence 🔗 Links & Resources - Episode 53: How To Spice It Up In The Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/episode53 - Justin Lehmiller’s Tell Me What You Want (Science of Sexual Fantasies) 👉🏻 https://sexualhealthalliance.com/justin-lehmiller-science-of-fantasy - Episode 213: What Do Men REALLY Think About…? Part 3 (Doggy Style, Aging, Leg Hair & More!) 👉🏻https://vmtherapy.com/episode213 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach). 🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper ✅ Stay Connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander** 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Timestamps 00:00 – Why we have kinks 08:27 – 7 most common fantasies 11:25 – Difference between kinks and fantasy 19:03 – Cuckolding 25:30 – Fantasizing about other people during secs 30:15 – Breeding kink 32:32 – Sex club with spouse 39:15 – MMF threesome vs. MFF 43:46 – Male anal play & pegging Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• E220: A Partner’s Guide To The Female Orgasm

  The female orgasm: we’ve talked about it a lot over the years, but it never stops being one of the most requested, most misunderstood, and most fascinating topics we cover. In this episode, we’re flipping the script and looking at orgasm through a partner’s eyes. What does it mean to be supportive? How can you tell if she’s actually orgasming? And why is it so inconsistent? We’re answering your most Googled questions, plus the ones you’ve been too embarrassed to type into a search bar. Here’s what we’re getting into: Why women fake orgasms (and what to do about it) What to say if your partner has never had one before How to know if she’s really having an orgasm The truth about female performance anxiety Which positions are best for helping her O How to help her experience multiple orgasms G-spot orgasms and squirting: can you make them happen? What to do while she’s orgasming (hint: don’t freeze!) How to make it last longer + aftercare 🎓 Check out Finishing School™ 💦 And if you haven’t heard, we’re also celebrating the 10-year anniversary of Finishing School! It’s our proven, step-by-step course that helps women finally experience reliable, pleasurable orgasms. Whether you’ve never had one or you want to deepen your pleasure even more, this course will meet you exactly where you are. Here’s what’s inside: A full, technique-driven curriculum to teach you how to have as many orgasms as you want, whenever you want The Pleasure Bundle: Ultimate Foreplay Guides + Ultimate Sex Guide 3 months unlimited access to Vanessa AI 2 LIVE Support Track Coaching Calls with us! Lifetime access to go at your own pace And a 30-day, pleasure-guaranteed, money-back promise 💛 It’s personal for me (Vanessa). I struggled with orgasm for years (even as a sex therapist) and this course is everything I wish I’d had. 👉🏻 Go to https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm to discover just how good it can get. 👉🏻 Access The Truth About Female Orgasm Replay https://free.vmtherapy.com/truth 🎧 Stay connected 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ **https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander** 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ⏰ Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro 04:00 – Why do women fake it? 12:50 – How to be a supportive partner 25:38 – Can I tell if she's orgasming? 26:25 – Do some women not need to finish? 31:45 – Can women have performance anxiety about orgasms? 33:06 – Best positions for female pleasure 38:27 – Why are female orgasms inconsistent? 42:56 – How do I get my wife to have more than one 0? 46:42 – G-spot orgasms and squirting 47:58 – What am I supposed to do while she’s coming? 49:33 – How to make your partner’s 0 last longer Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• E219: The Truth About Female Orgasm: Your Q’s Answered!

  You’ve probably heard people say, “Oh, you’ll just know.” But what if… you don’t know? 👀 This week, we’re diving deep into one of Vanessa’s all-time favorite topics (and the one she first became known for as a sex therapist!): the female orgasm. Whether you’re wondering if you’ve ever actually had one, struggling to feel much of anything, or just desperate to experience the kind of toe-curling, body-melting release you’ve seen in movies — this episode is for you. 💦 We’re answering your most personal, vulnerable, and downright relatable questions like: “How do I know if it was an orgasm ?” “It felt good… but it was short — does that count?” “Everyone says I’ll ‘just know’ but I’m still not sure. HELP.” “I’ve only ever had ‘mini’ orgasms — is there something wrong with me?” “What leg positions help or hurt the chance of orgasming?” “Does a full bladder make orgasms feel stronger?” “What does a vaginal orgasm even feel like and how do I know if I’ve had one?” Vanessa also opens up about her own experience struggling with orgasm (yes, even as a sex therapist), what finally changed things, and the biggest myths that keep women stuck. And if you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, broken, or like you missed the memo on pleasure… this episode will remind you that you’re not alone — and there is a path forward. ✨ PLUS: If you’re a woman who’s struggled with orgasm (or never had one), check out our course Finishing School — the step-by-step system that’s helped thousands of women finally get there. Visit vmtherapy.com/orgasm to learn more. 💛 What You'll Hear: The most common signs of orgasm (and why they can look different for every body) Real questions from listeners who aren’t sure if they’ve had one yet Why some orgasms feel big and some feel… meh The orgasm “standard” we’ve all been sold by Hollywood Practical tips for recognizing and expanding your pleasure How Vanessa’s own orgasm journey inspired her to create Finishing School 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• E218 Got the Ick? Why It Happens in Relationships + What to Do About It pt. 2

  You thought last week’s icks were bad? Buckle up, friend. Because in Part 2, we’re getting into the next-level icks — the ones that make you question everything. Like… oral sex immediately after intercourse. Or the dreaded dick flop. Or your partner’s casual approach to burping, farting, and forgetting what deodorant is. These icks go way beyond open-mouth chewing. We’re talking postpartum rage, peeing with the door open (or worse… the sound), and the surprisingly common hygiene habits that leave you wondering if love really can survive it all. 💛 Here’s what we’re serving up for you: The hygiene ick that made one woman reconsider everything Why flopping a penis around is not a valid form of initiation (seriously, stop) Oral after sex: hot or gross? Postpartum icks that no one warns you about Peeing, poor aim, and other bathroom-related turn-offs The financial icks that hit harder than expected 🎧 Basically, if you’ve ever looked at your partner and thought “ew”… this one’s for you. ‘Cause you know what? Sometimes laughing really is the best medicine. 🔗 Links & Resources EPISODE 46: The Hygiene Episode ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode46 EPISODE 198: Stop Doing THIS If You Want More Sex ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode198 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Let’s be honest, everyone has an ick or two. But if you’re feeling more disconnected, more irritable, or less turned on than you’d like… it might be time to reconnect in a more intentional way. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you explore what really turns you on —mentally, emotionally, and physically. You’ll get access to our member library of courses and guides , plus live calls, date night ideas, and support from a like-minded community. Because when you’re truly connected… the little things don’t ick you out as much. 👉 Join Deeper today. Because intimacy is the whole point. https://vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ================================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================== 👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remiand save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW 👏 Thanks Cure. Get 20% off your first order. Stay hydrated and feel your best! ➡︎ https://curehydration.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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• E217: Got the Ick? Why It Happens in Relationships + What to Do About It

  You love your person… but lately… the sound of them chewing is making you cringe. You’ve got the ICK. So what do you do? And what does it actually mean?! This week, we’re breaking it all down for you plus what to do when your partner’s quirky habits suddenly feel like a total turnoff. 🤮 We’re also sharing your ick stories — from when baby talk stops being not cute to when dirty texts majorly backfire. Whether you’re currently dry heaving on the inside… or worrying that you’re the one giving them the ick… this episode is full of perspective, permission, and practical advice. 💛 Here’s what we’re covering: The real definition of an ick (and how it’s different from a red flag) What to do when your partner’s behavior starts killing your attraction The most common icks (bad breath, loud chewing, weird toenail habits…) Your funniest icks from Instagram (you did NOT hold back) 🎧 And don’t worry—we’ve got even more ick stories and questions coming next week in Part 2. 🔗 Links & Resources: EPISODE 46: The Hygiene Episode ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode46 EPISODE 198: Stop Doing THIS If You Want More Sex ➡️ https://vmtherapy.com/episode198 ❤️ Ready to go deeper? Let’s be honest, everyone has an ick or two. But if you’re feeling more disconnected, more irritable, or less turned on than you’d like… it might be time to reconnect in a more intentional way. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you explore what really turns you on —mentally, emotionally, and physically. You’ll get access to our member library of courses and guides , plus live calls, date night ideas, and support from a like-minded community. Because when you’re truly connected… the little things don’t ick you out as much. 👉 Join Deeper today. Because intimacy is the whole point. https://vmtherapy.com/deeper 🎧 Stay connected: 📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander 💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns. Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe 🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods! ================================= Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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