That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

• #185 Engaging with our stuff: why we keep things but don’t use them, with Dr Jan Eppingstall

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  In this episode, I’m with Dr Jan Eppingstall, a Melbourne-based counsellor and hoarding expert extraordinaire. We unpack the concept of engaging with our belongings - actually seeing, touching, and using the things we tend to accumulate, rather than letting them fade into the background. Jan shares insights from her work, explains why we often feel safer just owning stuff instead of interacting with it, and offers practical ways to build a healthier, more intentional relationship with what we own. There are some genuinely enlightening moments, and plenty of ideas for anyone looking to break free from an excess of stuff. Defining "Engaging with Our Stuff" What it means to actually engage with possessions (seeing, touching, using) Comparison to possessions fading into the background The idea of using versus just possessing objects Patterns of Engagement Among People Who Hoard Sense of safety from being surrounded by possessions without interaction Only the "top layer" of possessions typically being used Loss of intention behind keeping sentimental or useful items The psychological comfort of having versus using objects Emotional and Psychological Aspects of Compulsive Hoarding Emotional connection to the potential of objects rather than actual objects Avoidance of decision-making by not engaging/touching items Security and reassurance derived from the mere presence of items Defeatism and pointlessness associated with searching for or using objects Barriers to Engaging with Possessions Overwhelm from the sheer volume of stuff Active resistance and avoidance behaviours Feelings of incompetence and adaptation through purchasing duplicates Guilt associated with over-accumulation Benefits of Actively Engaging with Possessions Rediscovering useful or wanted items when sorting Increased awareness of what is owned and where it is Neurological and psychological benefits of tactile interaction Insights gained from using and trying on items (e.g., clothing) Decision-making as a muscle that strengthens with practice Realisations about unnecessary duplicates (e.g., multiple ladles in the kitchen) Emotional and practical hurdles in finding homes for items Perfectionism and rigidity around item placement and organisation Moving, Arranging, and Re-organising Possessions Resistance to moving items from "their place" due to tradition, attachment, or perfectionism Fear of forgetting where things are if organisational changes are made Multi-step decision fatigue when organising The importance of flexible, evolving systems for item placement Confronting Avoidance and Overwhelm The value of small steps, e.g., simply looking into an avoided bag or space The myth of a “good reason” for keeping certain items, often dispelled when items are revisited Developing Healthier, More Intentional Relationships with Stuff Introducing intention and ritual to everyday interactions with possessions “Rotation stations” and seasonal evaluation/rituals Benefits of conscious handling, organisation, and maintenance Cultural Perspectives and Practices Japanese concepts: Te Ate: hand-care, tactile connection as a ritual Mushiboshi: seasonal airing and assessment of items Ma: meaningful emptiness/space as a source of tranquillity Contrasts between Western consumerism and other cultural approaches to possessions Challenges and Solutions in Organising and Letting Go The impact of spatial processing or organisational difficulties Accepting that resistance to change is sometimes due to overwhelm Personalisation and Flexibility in Managing Possessions Tailoring organisation and engagement to one’s own needs, routines, and neurodiversity Maximalism and the need for varying levels of stimulus—distinguishing between maximalism and chaos Allowing spaces to be intentionally clear, embracing the benefits of emptiness The ongoing journey of developing intentionality with possessions The importance of kindness and patience with oneself in making these changes Links Podcast ep 146: Where Dragons Live and what we leave behind Podcast ep 172: Harriet Impey on clearing out her parents’ very full home, through family belongings and personal growth, in the film Where Dragons Live How to watch Where Dragons Live Podcast ep 53: The Endowment Effect and hoarding – How this cognitive bias makes you feel the need to keep everything Podcast ep 124: How the little-known Hummingbird Method can help you to dehoard the areas you’ve been avoiding Podcast ep 74: Couples and hoarding: An interview with Laura Silverstein, Certified Gottman Couples Therapist Podcast ep 140: How to cope with – or help – a partner who hoards, with Laura Silverstein, Certified Gottman Couples Therapist Podcast ep 183: ADHD, executive dysfunction and creating hacks and systems to reduce clutter chaos, with Carrie Lagerstedt Elis James and John Robins podcast Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Dr Jan Eppingstall at Stuffology https://www.facebook.com/stuffologyconsulting/ https://twitter.com/stuff_ology https://www.instagram.com/stuff_ology/ Dr Jan Eppingstall on Pinterest Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast  

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• #184 What if we actually felt the feelings? An honest conversation about trauma, hoarding, and allowing yourself to feel

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  This week, I talk about what happens when I actually let myself feel the tough emotions instead of shutting them down - a pattern that's shaped my life and my struggles with hoarding, self-harm, and eating disorders. After a thought-provoking conversation with Anna Sale on Death, Sex & Money last year, I started questioning whether avoiding feelings has helped or hurt me in the long run and have been trying to process that ever since! I share what it’s like to sit with big emotions, experiment with messy ways to cope, and why feeling the feelings might just be a way forward. Avoiding Feelings Realisation that I tend to do anything rather than feel difficult emotions. Recent personal reflection and processing feelings over the past few months. Impact of mental health and a PTSD flare-up on my ability to manage feelings. Connecting Coping Mechanisms to Avoidance Experience with PTSD, self-harm, anorexia, and bulimia as different forms of not feeling or avoiding emotions. Insights from an interview with Anna Sale on Death, Sex & Money that linked these coping together as forms of avoidance. Acknowledgment that these strategies were more than just avoidance - also punitive, protective, and multifaceted. The Cost and Pattern of Emotional Avoidance Compartmentalising as a lifelong coping skill and its negative long-term consequences. Difficulty breaking the habit of not feeling and the impact on my sense of identity. Recognition that suppressing feelings can be as damaging as (or more damaging than) the feelings themselves. Actively Facing and Processing Feelings Engaging in therapy, journaling (both resentful and creative/collage style), and reading poetry to access emotions. Talking more openly with friends as a supportive measure. Forcing myself to do enjoyable activities (like getting outside), which helps counteract avoidance. Community, Connection, and Support Impact of Trauma and Suppression on Daily Life How PTSD and unprocessed sadness began affecting sleep, revealing that suppressing feelings is no longer effective. Discusses the challenge of letting oneself feel emotions, both by choice and when overcome involuntarily. The risks of being overwhelmed and the delicate balance between feeling and avoidance. Learning and Conversations About Emotional Acceptance Revisiting lessons from previous podcast guests about the counterproductivity of suppressing or over-intellectualising feelings. The concept that suppressed emotions may “come out sideways” through other behaviours, like self-harm or hoarding. Nuanced view of coping mechanisms - not labeling them as purely negative since they served protective purposes. Vulnerability, Shame, and Deepening Relationships Gradual willingness to share deeper, more distressing moments with friends. Examining the reasons behind the instinct to hide intense distress. How vulnerability leads to stronger, more meaningful connections. Positive Effects of Feeling the Hard Stuff Discovering that feeling hard emotions increases the capacity to feel positive emotions more deeply. Finding deeper love, joy, and beauty in everyday experiences. Recognising the importance of support systems when exploring difficult emotions. Reflection and Encouragement for Listeners Encourages listeners to be curious about their own patterns of avoidance and coping. Cautions that intentionally feeling emotions is difficult and requires support. The hopeful observation that allowing feelings can be cathartic, gratifying, and healing—even if it’s uncomfortable. Links My interview on Death, Sex & Money Podcast ep 182: What are “towards and away moves” and what on earth do they have to do with hoarding recovery? With Dr Jan Eppingstall Podcast ep 169: Compassion-focused therapy for grief and hoarding with Dr Chia-Ying Chou Podcast ep 172: Harriet Impey on clearing out her parents’ very full home, through family belongings and personal growth, in the film Where Dragons Live Declutter Hub podcast Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast  

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• REMIX: How to declutter when you're really busy: dehoarding in tiny time slots and other tips

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ 

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  40:44
• REMIX: The little-known Hummingbird Method for tackling avoidance in dehoarding

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/   

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• #183 ADHD, executive dysfunction and creating hacks and systems to reduce clutter chaos, with Carrie Lagerstedt

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  In this episode, I chat with Carrie Lagerstedt, a professional home organiser specialising in working with neurodivergent people in New Zealand. Carrie, diagnosed with ADHD herself, shares insights on managing clutter and executive dysfunction by creating home systems that work for us. We challenge the very idea of laziness and explore the potential of “may as well”. Buy your copy at cambridge.org/EverythingHoarding, and get 20% off with the discount code HOARDING20. #ad Carrie's background and transition from teaching to organising Neurodivergence and Clutter Common issues linking neurodivergence with clutter Out of sight, out of mind Sensory overwhelm and its effect on executive functioning Challenges faced by those with executive dysfunction Carrie's Experience with ADHD Benefits of having ADHD when working with clients with similar challenges Building trust through lived experiences and understanding Moral neutrality and Organising KC Davis' influence on Carrie's philosophy Moral neutrality and functionality in organising Debunking the concept of laziness Challenges of living up to capitalist expectations Systems for Neurodivergent Individuals Making the home work for individuals Difference between aspirational thinking and functional changes Importance of practical systems over willpower Executive Functioning and Organisational Strategies Tools used to aid working memory and organisation (e.g., Post-its) Cognitive flexibility and overcoming 'all or nothing' thinking Understanding blocks and identifying actionable solutions Personal Experiences and Adjustments Personal stories and realisations regarding household tasks Impact of habituation and changing perspectives on tasks Tools and Hacks for Developing Systems Categorising as key to organisation Using visual reminders and structured systems

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