That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

• #194 Transformation and comfort do not live in the same house: rethinking comfort zones, familiarity, and change

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  Transformation and comfort rarely go hand in hand, especially when it comes to overcoming compulsive hoarding. In this episode, I talk honestly about why making real change means facing discomfort, based on a quote from Healing Justice London that “transformation and comfort do not live in the same house”. I challenge us to identify the difference between familiarity and comfort, and share practical ways to push through those tough moments - because growth comes from getting a bit uncomfortable. If you’re tired of mistaking chaos for comfort, this one’s for you. “Transformation and comfort do not live in the same house” (Healing Justice London) The universal truth behind the idea The necessity of discomfort for real transformation Discomfort Versus Comfort in the Hoarding Context Familiarity as a source of “comfort” for those who hoard Risks of equating familiarity with true comfort The need for change and its inherent discomfort Examples of positive outcomes after embracing discomfort The Reality of Discomfort in Dehoarding Emotional and physical challenges of dehoarding Potential for overwhelming feelings and anxiety Catastrophising and perfectionism surrounding decision-making Emotional toll of letting go and possible identity implications Acknowledgement that discomfort does not mean failure Familiarity Versus Authentic Comfort Distinction between feeling comfortable and something being familiar The false sense of control and security provided by clutter The actual consequences of living in a hoarded home: Physical hazards (tripping, blocked access, risk in emergencies) Social isolation and shame Lack of practical comfort (e.g., not sleeping in one’s own bed) The hidden, ongoing “slow burn” of stress and discomfort Motivation and Community Importance of recognising the true discomfort of living with hoarding Community connections via the podcast and accountability Zoom sessions Methods to share resources and reduce isolation Reframing Discomfort as Growth Viewing discomfort as a sign of progress rather than a warning The parallel discomforts of both dehoarding and continuing to hoard Making conscious choices between competing difficulties Strategies for Managing Discomfort Taking small, manageable steps to build resilience Being gentle and compassionate with oneself during the process Reaching out for support (friends, family, therapist, peer groups) The use and benefit of accountability sessions The Broader Benefits of Transformation Improved physical space and wellbeing Increased self-confidence and pride Better relationships and decreased shame Regaining practical functionality and freedom at home Enhanced overall quality of life Practical Suggestions and Further Resources Trying a small, uncomfortable but positive task today References to previous episodes for deeper exploration: Sitting with discomfort and distress tolerance (Episode 49) Building resilience (Episode 70 with Dr. Jan Eppingstall) Links Podcast ep 190: What if we forgive ourselves, but now we know better, we do better? Choosing compassion over shame in hoarding disorder Podcast ep 49: Sitting with discomfort: distress tolerance and hoarding – How unconscious distress avoidance might be worsening your problems Podcast ep 70: Resilience and hoarding with Dr Jan Eppingstall of Stuffology Enough, the Podcast Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast Subscribe to the podcast Subscribe to the podcast here Buy your copy of Everything You Need to Know About Hoarding by Dr Lynne Drummond at cambridge.org/EverythingHoarding, and get 20% off with the discount code HOARDING20. #ad

  --------  

  26:07

  --------

  26:07
• #193 Laziness is a myth. Here's what's actually going on

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  In this episode, I unpack the myth of laziness and why it’s such a damaging label for people with hoarding disorder. I’ll break down how blaming ourselves or others for being “lazy” ignores the real barriers - like overwhelm, poor mental health, executive dysfunction and more - and just piles on more shame. Let’s get honest about what’s actually holding us back and why reframing this idea matters. The Myth of Laziness in Relation to Hoarding Revisiting a previous episode’s question: Are hoarders lazy? Arguments against the idea (hoarded homes require more energy to live in, etc.) The aversion to external intervention reveals deeper issues than laziness Societal attitudes towards rest and productivity Internalised and external accusations of laziness The damaging effects: shame, isolation, distress Understanding Hoarding as a Mental Health Issue Hoarding as a coping method for difficult emotions Judgments of laziness overlook the disorder’s complexity and nuance Such labels add barriers to seeking help and reinforce stigma Consequences of Labelling People who Hoard (or Ourselves) as Lazy Shame and self-criticism deepen the problem Laziness as a simplistic explanation that ignores underlying issues Possible root causes: executive dysfunction, decision-making difficulties, emotional attachment to items, avoidance, depression, physical disability, etc. The Harmful Cultural Narrative Around Laziness Societal pressures to be constantly productive Inaccuracies of the “we all have the same 24 hours” myth Differences in time and capability due to systemic inequalities Examples: physical ability, mental health, neurodivergence, responsibilities, discrimination Moral and Social Implications of the “Lazy” Label Care tasks are morally neutral (reference to KC Davis, episode 82) The negative cycle: shame leads to paralysis, makes it harder to seek help and make progress Laziness label used as a justification for lack of societal support Political and social consequences for marginalised groups Importance of community, support, and helping each other The Danger of Linking Self-Worth to Productivity The toxic culture of non-stop productivity and hustling Problems with feeling guilty for resting The spiral of self-worth being tied to continuous output The Limiting Nature of the Laziness Concept It shuts down further exploration of underlying problems Missed opportunities for self-compassion, empathy, and effective assistance Underlying Reasons for Struggles That Are Mistaken for Laziness Lack of motivation: exhaustion, depression, overwhelm Overwhelm due to the scale of the task Executive dysfunction (planning, initiating, processing tasks) Fear (of the process, of making wrong decisions, of consequences) Fatigue, burnout, and mental health struggles Being practically or emotionally stuck, lacking skills or knowledge Societal Structures and Individual Blame Blame placed on individuals ignores wider systemic and commercial influences Industries profit from reinforcing personal inadequacy (beauty industry analogy, storage solutions) The cycle of self-blame, shame, and attempts to “fix” via consumerism Breaking the Cycle and Moving Forward Recognising the myth of laziness enables real progress Compassion, curiosity, and support as healthier responses Encouragement for self-acceptance and seeking genuine solutions Buy your copy of Everything You Need to Know About Hoarding by Dr Lynne Drummond at cambridge.org/EverythingHoarding, and get 20% off with the discount code HOARDING20. #ad Links Podcast ep 57: Are hoarders lazy? I think you’d be surprised… Podcast ep 82: Dehoarding when you’re drowning with KC Davis of Struggle Care Podcast ep 112: Executive function, executive dysfunction and hoarding with Dr Jan Eppingstall Podcast ep 186: 10 executive dysfunction tips and tricks to help people who hoard, whether we have ADHD or are neurodivergent or not – Hoarding Awareness Week 2025 Podcast ep 183: ADHD, executive dysfunction and creating hacks and systems to reduce clutter chaos, with Carrie Lagerstedt Podcast ep 162: From Fibble to Focus: Defibble your executive dysfunction with Jo Cavalot Podcast ep 188: 12 ways to make decision-making easier (and why people who hoard find it so hard to make decisions in the first place!) Podcast ep 139: Chronic disorganisation with Jo Cooke of Hoarding Disorders UK Podcast ep 107: Things that look like hoarding but aren’t: ADHD, depression, autism, OCD, OCPD and more Enough, the Podcast Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast Subscribe to the podcast Subscribe to the podcast here

  --------  

  41:13

  --------

  41:13
• #192 What if we make mistakes on purpose? The unlikely freedom of doing things badly and letting yourself run out

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  Today I’m talking about why letting yourself make mistakes - like running out of everyday items or doing things imperfectly - can actually help if you’re struggling with hoarding. From challenging perfectionism to rethinking the fear of scarcity, I’ll share how embracing messiness can move us forward. Plus, I’ll offer practical ideas for easing those fears and making progress, one small, imperfect step at a time. Announcement of new dates for Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Sessions. Aimed at connecting people who hoard for conversation and simultaneous decluttering. Details on how to get tickets and availability through several upcoming months. The Value of Making Mistakes Challenging the idea of perfection and fear of making mistakes. Proposing the benefits of allowing oneself to: Make more mistakes. Run out of things occasionally. Do things imperfectly or “half-arsed.” Identifying how fear of mistakes and perfectionism can keep people stuck in hoarding behaviours. Perfectionism and Fear of Scarcity Perfectionism: Fear of making the “wrong” decision leads to inaction or keeping everything. Uncertainty about the future and anxiety about discarding items. All-or-nothing thinking: If it can't be done perfectly, it’s not worth starting. Personal reflection on the struggle with perfectionist tendencies. Fear of Scarcity: “Keep it just in case” mentality. Stemming from past experiences of poverty or deprivation. How personal history and upbringing foster scarcity-based behaviours. Recognition that such fears can be irrational and still hold significant power. How this fear leads to over-acquisition and reluctance to discard. Addressing Perfectionism and Scarcity (Mindset Shifts) Techniques to gently challenge perfectionism and scarcity fears. Reframing mistakes as learning opportunities rather than failures. Allowing for experimentation as a method of progress. Embracing Mistakes as a Path Forward Learning from mistakes as a source of growth and behaviour change. Normalising occasional regrets over discarding or not acquiring something. Comparing the cost of keeping everything versus the occasional “mistake.” Observing emotional responses to mistakes as a way to learn and build decision-making confidence. Encouragement to start with low-risk decisions and build up “dehoarding muscle” gradually. Allowing Things to be Done Imperfectly Encouragement to “do things badly” rather than waiting for perfect execution. “Done is better than perfect” as a motivating principle. The danger of all-or-nothing thinking leading to perpetual inaction. Practical examples of doing small tasks imperfectly: Tackling a small part of a larger problem (e.g., half a shelf). Donating a partial bag of items. Taking any step forward, even imperfect ones, counts as progress. Allowing Yourself to Run Out of Things Creative and resourceful solutions arise when supplies run low. Examples from daily life (cooking, art journalling) where scarcity breeds creativity. Differentiates between essential items and those where running out is an acceptable risk. Suggestions for consciously assessing what’s truly necessary to keep in stock. Experimental Mindset: Treating Dehoarding as Data Collection Each decision - successful or not - provides valuable data for future choices. Building confidence and capability for bigger, more challenging decluttering decisions over time. Summary and Reinforcement of Key Points Allow for imperfection, mistakes, and occasional scarcity. Importance of starting with manageable steps and celebrating imperfect progress. “Done is better than perfect”—taking action, however small, is crucial. Buy your copy of Everything You Need to Know About Hoarding by Dr Lynne Drummond at cambridge.org/EverythingHoarding, and get 20% off with the discount code HOARDING20. #ad Links Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast Subscribe to the podcast Subscribe to the podcast here

  --------  

  35:45

  --------

  35:45
• #191 How to dehoard when you feel defeated

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  Feeling defeated by dehoarding? I’ve been there, and I’m trying to get out of it, so in this episode I unpack what’s really behind that sense of hopelessness, breaking it down into manageable pieces, and sharing practical steps for moving forward - even when it all feels impossible. If you’re stuck, overwhelmed, or just too tired to start, you’re not alone. So let’s talk about some concrete things you can try. Buy your copy of Everything You Need to Know About Hoarding by Dr Lynne Drummond at cambridge.org/EverythingHoarding, and get 20% off with the discount code HOARDING20. #ad Feeling Defeated by Dehoarding Host’s recent struggle with feeling defeated and hopeless Common reasons for feeling defeated: The enormity of the task Personal life challenges and lack of time Breaking down what “defeated” means for individuals Self-Reflection and Identifying Obstacles Using self-questioning techniques inspired by CBT Listing and mapping out the causes of defeat on paper Examples of personal obstacles: Fatigue and physical health Difficulty concentrating Emotional overwhelm and stress Shame and self-blame Sense of impossibility Breaking Down Barriers and Theme Identification Categorising specific reasons for defeat Writing actionable notes beside each challenge Strategies for managing each obstacle: Sleep hygiene and physical health maintenance Working on self-compassion and challenging self-blame Supporting concentration and mental health through self-care Trial and error with productivity and to-do lists Coping with Overwhelm Recognising overwhelm as a rational but paralysing response Techniques for reducing overwhelm: Breaking tasks into tiny, actionable steps Focusing on achievable mini-goals Reframing "impossible" goals into manageable actions Addressing Stress How personal and environmental stress feeds into defeat Practical strategies: Tackling smaller, actionable tasks to relieve work/personal stress Honest communication with peers, family, and colleagues about overwhelm Accepting that some sources of stress require long-term coping rather than immediate solutions Tackling the Sense of Impossibility Recognising the vagueness of the feeling Returning to self-analysis to clarify what specifically feels impossible Using accumulated small improvements to chip away at the larger sense of defeat Dealing with Overwhelm and Taking Breaks Granting oneself intentional breaks to refresh perspective without guilt Comparing dehoarding effort to the need for breaks in work life Re-evaluating Plans and Expectations Assessing the effectiveness of current strategies and goals Adapting goals to current capacity and circumstances Seeking external feedback and community support The Importance of Support Systems Nurturing and expanding support from peers, professionals, and loved ones Recognising where additional support is needed Celebrating Small Wins The importance of acknowledging tiny victories Suggestions for gentle self-recognition and reward Recording achievements for self-motivation Links Podcast ep 190: What if we forgive ourselves, but now we know better, we do better? Choosing compassion over shame in hoarding disorder Podcast episode 174: How to feel grounded when we’re overwhelmed or dysregulated using ventral vagal spaces and touchstones, with Dr Jan Eppingstall Podcast ep 160: Dehoarding with the seasons: get inspired by nature when everything is overwhelming Podcast ep 16: Dealing with overwhelm Podcast ep 127: Overcoming overspending with Paige Pritchard, Money Coach Financial Confessions podcast Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast Subscribe to the podcast Subscribe to the podcast here

  --------  

  36:35

  --------

  36:35
• #190 What if we forgive ourselves, but now we know better, we do better? Choosing compassion over shame in hoarding disorder

  Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/  Today I’m looking at what happens if we forgive ourselves for past hoarding behaviours, why we maybe should, and how we can actually use that insight to make better choices and move forward. I talk honestly about the shame and guilt that keeps so many of us stuck. There’s some reflection on the roots of hoarding, the importance of self-compassion, and why hating ourselves into action just doesn’t work -  plus a few practical suggestions for anyone trying to make a change, no matter where you’re starting from. Buy your copy of Everything You Need to Know About Hoarding by Dr Lynne Drummond at cambridge.org/EverythingHoarding, and get 20% off with the discount code HOARDING20. #ad Forgiving Ourselves but Doing Better Exploration of guilt and shame related to hoarding and feeling overwhelmed. Reflection on self-blame, regret, and paralysis it can cause. Catholic upbringing: Confession, forgiveness, and the importance of genuine intent to change. Recognition that hoarding often stems from trauma, loss, fear, anxiety, or neurodivergence. Discussion of cause and effect - influences behind hoarding behavior. Emphasis that hoarders are not lazy or bad people, but in a complex situation. The cycle of self-judgement and the importance of self-compassion as an antidote to shame. Practical advice: Treat oneself with the compassion you’d offer others, challenging negative self-talk. How self-criticism can demotivate and hinder progress. Comparison: Encouraging someone else is more effective than berating oneself. Understanding mistakes, taking responsibility, and making amends when possible. The importance of learning from past experiences and committing to doing better. Practical Strategies for Moving Forward Suggestions for emotional and action-oriented progress: Journalling or talking to someone about feelings. Looking back with compassion to identify patterns and triggers. Start dehoarding by breaking tasks into small steps. Avoiding perfectionism; celebrating any progress. Reference to "towards and away moves" from episode 182 with Dr. Jan Eppingstall. Identifying values and making choices that align with them. Finding support from therapists, friends, family, support groups, or accountability sessions. Acknowledgement that forgiving oneself is challenging but necessary for progress. Emphasising persistence, compassion, and learning from mistakes. Encouragement and Validation Recognition of listeners at various stages of their journey - starting, struggling, making progress, or just listening for now. Assurance that small steps count and everyone is doing their best. Emphasis that listeners are not alone. Links Podcast ep 181: Past influences and future possibilities: cause and effect and hoarding disorder (plus Podcasthon) Podcast ep 95: Shame and hoarding with Professor Luna Dolezal Podcast ep 182: What are “towards and away moves” and what on earth do they have to do with hoarding recovery? With Dr Jan Eppingstall The Gray Area podcast Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom session: Accountability Booking Form Website: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding Become a Dehoarding Darling Submit a topic for the podcast to cover Questions to ask when dehoarding: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podquestions Instagram: @thathoarderpodcast Twitter: @ThatHoarder Mastodon: @[email protected] TikTok: @thathoarderpodcast Facebook: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Pinterest: That Hoarder YouTube: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder Reddit: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder subreddit Help out: Support this project Sponsor the podcast Subscribe to the podcast Subscribe to the podcast here

  --------  

  37:49

  --------

  37:49

More Health & Wellness podcasts

Trending Health & Wellness podcasts

About That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding