Autistic and ADHD Kids Parenting Strategies: Every Brain is Different

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Samantha and Lauren discuss why many neurodivergent people may interpret language literally and communicate more directly, which neurotypical people can misread as rude.

They define literal thinking as interpreting exact words rather than implied meaning, sarcasm, or social context, and share examples such as misunderstandings around figurative phrases (“break a leg”), social pleasantries (“we should hang out sometime”), sarcasm (“nice job”), vague directions (“do the dishes” vs. “clean the kitchen”), and hidden social rules (“make yourself at home”).

They explain contributing factors, including a preference for clarity and precision, pragmatic language differences, cognitive load, and predictive processing theories, then outline the benefits of direct language (less confusion, faster problem-solving, clearer boundaries, less social exhaustion).

 

00:00 Why Literal Thinking

00:47 Rude or Direct

01:42 Defining Literal Thinking

03:30 Everyday Examples

05:08 Vague Directions

07:34 Hidden Social Rules

09:45 Why It Happens

12:53 Direct Communication Strength

17:04 Misread as Argumentative

19:36 Parenting Communication Tips

22:15 Wrap Up and Resources

 

Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

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Episode 18 with Dr. Tosha Strickland: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/18-dr-tosha-strickland-and-central-auditory/id1697406719?i=1000636604839

 

Samantha and Lauren discuss how ADHD and Central Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) can look similar, distractibility, not following directions, zoning out, school struggles, but involve different underlying challenges: ADHD affects attention regulation and executive functioning, while APD involves difficulty processing spoken information despite normal hearing.

They share examples and comparisons (e.g., difficulty in noisy classrooms, frequently saying “what,” slow verbal response time, mishearing similar words, and doing better with written/visual instructions), note that ineffective ADHD medication may indicate APD, and describe how APD can be supported with classroom microphones, hearing aids that modulate timing rather than amplify sound, reduced background noise, extra processing time, and checking understanding.

They encourage parents to advocate for evaluations through pediatricians and appropriate specialists, use practical supports like one-step directions and routines, and provide positive feedback since neurodivergent kids receive disproportionate negative feedback.

 

00:00 Welcome and Topic

00:23 Why They Get Confused

01:14 Medication Clue and CAPD

04:04 What ADHD Really Is

06:45 What Auditory Processing Is

08:29 Misdiagnosis and Mindset

10:46 Side by Side Examples

13:18 Conversation and Response Time

16:48 Getting Evaluated and Advocating

21:17 Practical Supports at Home

23:22 Grace and Positive Feedback

25:21 Wrap Up and Resources

 

Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

Join the Neurodivergent Parenting Community: https://www.everybrainisdifferent.com/membership

 

Samantha and Lauren discuss sensory processing disorder (SPD) versus autism spectrum disorder, explaining what SPD is, where it overlaps with autism, and why sensory challenges alone do not mean autism; they note ADHD can also include sensory differences.

They define SPD as difficulty detecting, modulating, or interpreting sensory input and emphasize it is used clinically but is not in the DSM-5, which can limit insurance resources, comparing this to PDA and sharing an example of a bipolar misdiagnosis used to access care.

They define autism by social communication differences and restrictive/repetitive behaviors, with sensory reactivity included in criteria, and describe sensory patterns (hyperreactivity, hyporeactivity, and sensory seeking) with everyday examples.

They recommend supports such as reducing sensory load, previewing transitions, offering choices (clothing, ear protection, movement breaks), tracking triggers, pursuing occupational therapy evaluations, and prioritizing function over label.

 

00:00 Introduction

01:37 What SPD Means

01:49 Diagnosis Codes and Resources

03:55 SPD vs Autism Criteria

06:29 Sensory Patterns Explained

09:13 Mixed Sensory Profiles

10:48 Smell and Food Sensitivities

13:34 Overlap and Why It Matters

16:01 Practical Supports at Home

19:40 Function Over Label

21:23 Wrap Up and Resources

 

Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

Get the Book: https://a.co/d/0fOrLF7d

Connect with Dr. Gilly Kahn: https://www.drgillykahn.com/

 

Samantha welcomes back psychologist, mom, and writer Dr. Gilly Khan to discuss her book Allow Me to Interrupt, which focuses on emotional dysregulation and rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) in females with ADHD.

Dr. Kahn explains how she approaches families seeking or newly receiving an ADHD diagnosis, including considering psychological testing, consulting a psychiatrist, and discussing family preferences around medication and stigma. She describes how emotional dysregulation is strongly tied to ADHD but not included in DSM-5-TR criteria, cites Russell Barkley’s advocacy, and outlines what is known and less researched about RSD as popularized by William Dodson.

Dr. Khan also discusses balancing ADHD strengths and challenges through accommodations, highlights the role of estrogen and dopamine across the female lifespan, and notes comorbidities such as migraines and their links to hormones and dopamine.

 

00:00 Welcome and Guest Intro

00:40 About Dr Gilly Khan and Her Book

02:18 Next Steps After Diagnosis

05:33 On the Fence About Labels

09:25 ADHD in Girls Emotional Clues

14:17 Too Much Masking and Strengths

15:24 Creativity and Accommodations

19:44 Comorbidities Hormones and Migraine

27:08 Where to Find the Book

 

Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent

Join the Neurodivergent Parenting Community: https://www.everybrainisdifferent.com/membership

 

Samantha and Lauren explain key differences between 504 accommodation plans and IEPs to help parents know what to request when a child struggles at school. They describe how unsupported neurodivergent kids may be mislabeled as misbehaving, defiant, lazy, or unmotivated, and emphasize that children need an environment that works with their brain, not to “try harder.”

A 504 plan is generally easier to obtain, doesn’t require a diagnosis, and provides accommodations (e.g., extra test time, movement breaks, preferential seating, reduced homework, sensory supports) within general education without specialized instruction. An IEP adds individualized goals, specialized instruction, related services (speech, OT, PT, music therapy), possible pullout support, progress tracking, and stricter eligibility based on assessment and educational impact.

They advise requesting evaluations in writing, asking questions in meetings, pushing back when needed, and being a persistent advocate in an under-resourced system.

 

00:00 Welcome and Overview

00:45 Why Advocacy Matters

03:46 When Support Is Missing

06:19 What a 504 Plan Does

06:44 504 Examples and Eligibility

10:03 IEP Basics and Services

13:03 IEP Eligibility and Impact

16:30 504 vs IEP Quick Compare

18:49 Requesting an Evaluation

20:34 Meetings and Pushing Back

21:59 System Gaps and Real Talk

24:37 After Qualification and Reviews

25:58 Common Mistakes and Next Steps

27:02 Wrap Up and Resources

 

Connect with Samantha Foote!
Website: https://everybrainisdifferent.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/everybrainisdifferent
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@everybrainisdifferent